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Women's Fiction
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love

List Price: $12.95
Your Price: $12.95
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Yet another glowing review from a Men's Movement zealot
Review: The Liberated Man, by the way, sucked in every possible way - almost like a parody of the `80s feminist SNAG.

The books since Why Men Are the Way they Are have shown that the author grew up and started to understand and articulate real respect between people, regardless of their sex.

Like any other author, Farrell is potentially fallible. People looking for debate fodder in his books should go to primary sources whenever possible. What maybe makes this book in particular is the stuff he includes at the end along those lines.

I did a Men's Issues radio show for years, and I agree with what Farrell says about how to talk about such things. I would also recommend people listen to Art Bell - not because his topics are germane, but because he is a good example of a communicator. He doesn't always agree with his callers, to say the least, but he is good at drawing them out and actually listening to them.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Right on Warren, keep it coming
Review: There are many points about Warrens book that are excellently taylord to describe the current issues men face and the binds that the feminists movement have helped create. Particularly helpful and enlightning was his descriptions and remedies for criticism, the lists and details of references that shed new light on the relationship struggles, and Warrens overall compassion for our World Society. He sticks to the truth that all change for the betterment of society must begin with the person who who is now reading this. Good Luck!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Excellent points, well-researched book
Review: This book changed the way I think about gender relations in this country. Farrell has taken a lot of things that many of us, especially men, vaguely recognize are happening, and clarified and organized them into a cogent argument.

For years I was aware that there was a strong anti-male bias in the media and academia...this, I attributed to political correctness and angry women "feeling their oats," so to speak. Farrell explained the depth of this bias, reaching to the very roots of the studies on housework, domestic violence, and income that academics and feminists use to batter men every day.

A few of the main points: 1. Some feminist studies on housework rely upon ancient data; data that pre-exist the cultural revolution that made women first-class citizens. They refuse to recognize data that show men and women have changed in this country. Most feminist studies also commit a rather nasty error of omission: they ignore the types of work around the home that men do, such as cleaning the roof and gutters, mowing the lawn, fixing the cars, etc.--more-dangerous jobs that men do out of obligation, which are equally worthy of consideration, yet typically omitted by militant feminists attempting to portray men as lazy bums.

2. Femimist studies on domestic violence typically omit the fact that women are more likely to initiate violence. This violence is typically ignored due to mens' stoicism, shame, and the idea that women are too small to hurt men. The studies also typically ignore the ways that women murder their husbands, because, unlike men who murder wives openly and violently, women tend to murder in a less-obvious fashion (e.g., hiring a third party to murder the spouse, etc.).

3. Feminist-sponsored studies on income typically ignore the real causes of wage differences: men work longer hours, drive further, do more dangerous jobs, etc.; essentially, they contribute more to the business, and are paid accordingly. Feminist studies always portray wage differences as sexist, however. This is not to say that "good ol' boy" clubs do not still exist; everyone knows they do; but this raises another point: do they keep women out due purely to sexism (the only view ever offered in the media), or is it possible that they expect women to *earn* entrance and success, rather than be *given* it?

4. These feminist-driven studies also suffer from a communicative bias (more my point than Farrell's): the media unquestioningly accepts the feminist line on the studies, and, even worse, tends to generalize the results, so that any points the feminsts concede about males are lost in the process. (So, a tiny study that finds, through a biased methodology, that 51% of the men in New Hampshire don't do the dishes in their homes becomes "most men don't do any work around the home, and women are fed up with it!")

These biased studies--and their biased communication through the media, poison women against men, and divide us as a people. Women are taught to despise men, and consider them a necessary evil (or worse, unnecessary), and men are stoic; they refuse to speak in their own defense, lacking the communication-of-emotion skills women have acquired, and fearful of rejection and humiliation. As Farrell puts it, a woman who shows her feelings or weakness is protected by women and men; a man who shows his feelings or weakness elicits contempt and disgust by women and men. Where's the incentive for men to become more open?

Farrell includes, in the early portion of the text, a discussion of how women and men can communicate better--mostly by recognizing what men are trying to say, but can't. Since what he offers as evidence is pretty much exactly what I have felt, and what I see around me every day, I think his argument is right on the money.

Finally, much of the text surrounds other biases in the media and popular culture; from mysandry (hatred of men) in greeting cards, to statements from very influential people. He raises the question: why do we attack men who say something merely distasteful or questionable about women, but glorify women who use downright hateful, sexist language about men? Why is even the slightest display of violence against women in television or movies totally taboo (unless it is meant to show how disgusting men really are), but women severely beating or killing men is glorified?

For example, in one scene from "Ally Macbeal" in 2000, a woman severely beats a man for telling her that he doesn't really believe in the *sensitivity* classes he has been going to. Of course, he won't hit a female, so he is punched, kicked in the testicles, and beaten until nearly unconcious, and the show portrays this as humorous: an appropriate way for a woman to treat a man who has changed his mind about something she finds important. If the scene had showed a man beating the hell out of a woman in the same whimsical nature, do you think it would still be on the air? Why the double standard?

Overall, I found the book very imformative and insightful. Since I know several women who are married to reticent men, I have been giving this book as a gift to couples, in the hopes that *both* sides learn to understand the man, and *why* he is, the way he is. I look forward to future scholarly works on the subject, and hopefully, some form of dialogue between women and men on the concerns raised in the text. Currently, the only point of view offered on the matter is the feminist forces that dominate the government, academia, institutions, and media. Until there is true dialogue, relationships, and ultimately, love, will continue to degrade under the monotonous, fallacious onslaught of the establishment feminists.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I'm glad I read this book!
Review: This book is -and will be for a long time - the best ever written work on gender relation issues. This is true for three reasons: it is totally uninfluenced by any kind of ideology, it is a very solid work based on neutral and objective research and it comes from a author with an extremely deep and sharp knowledge of gender issues.

My personal experience reading this book has been so deep and transforming, I have completely changed most of my perspectives and analytical tools with regards to gender relations and gender issues.

With this book, Dr. Farrell answer questions every man has probably asked himself many time but was afraid to ask loud and explain to woman how they can improve their relationship with man, without victimism but listening and encouraging their man to speak and communicate.

Great book and greatly needed.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Revealing, deep and intense book about gender issues
Review: This book is -and will be for a long time - the best ever written work on gender relation issues. This is true for three reasons: it is totally uninfluenced by any kind of ideology, it is a very solid work based on neutral and objective research and it comes from a author with an extremely deep and sharp knowledge of gender issues.

My personal experience reading this book has been so deep and transforming, I have completely changed most of my perspectives and analytical tools with regards to gender relations and gender issues.

With this book, Dr. Farrell answer questions every man has probably asked himself many time but was afraid to ask loud and explain to woman how they can improve their relationship with man, without victimism but listening and encouraging their man to speak and communicate.

Great book and greatly needed.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Exposé of the Myths of Feminism
Review: This book takes off the kid gloves and exposes many of the half-truths, distortions, and lies of feminism. By villifying and denigrating men, feminists have victimized women by making it harder for them to connect with men and find love. Well-researched.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: balancing the gender roles
Review: This book:Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say, is a very informative read!

Warren will tell you why: · to many men, remaining silent seems superior to engaging in an argument that attempts to "get it right" with their wife. · his income, speaking fees, and a few professional friendships were all negatively effected when he started talking about men's issues. · his "cinematic" approach to handling criticism is a real interesting idea. · peeking into his domain of ideas and people, hearing of the publishing game from his point of view, telling of the PBS talk he was bumped from ("we're going to continue with the women...") makes for some disturbing reading. · when you were in school the girls weren't impressed with the sensitive guys.

Here's how this book worked for me:

I found Warren's writing style personal and clever. His world view, while sporting different focus points than mine, made for an interesting and educational read.

The book opens with a few methods to combat criticism that are an absolute challenge to put into action for almost any couple. Warren took one-on-one and group session conversations and added their dialog during this part of the book, making it easier to understand this challenging new set of ideas. I found that this initial relationship data is the most rewarding and constructive data in the book.

I felt a fair amount of anger while reading about the many levels of Feminist control, censorship, and restriction that Warren talks of in the media and publishing empires he has dealt with. The last time I have heard of such manipulation was reading "The Fountainhead" or possibly seeing the movie "Tucker". This gave me a real education in politics and a view into the "Sisterhood" and their "Lace Curtain" that veils and protects the feminist machine.

Warren has a quiver full of canned phrases such as "the disposability of men" in war, the "dangerous jobs only men will do", the "men die younger than women", "men only marry beautiful women", "women only marry heroes" etc. If for no other reason than these concepts (first introduced to me in "Why Men Are The Way They Are") this book is easily worth the price and your time. I understand that women have certain problems dating back to the beginning of time that we as men don't have: the issues surrounding rape, walking alone, endlessly being the target of serial murder,being the one with the 'problem' at pregnancy time, being "property" in certain parts of the world, walking behind the men, legally murderable in certain countries, killed as babies in certain cultures, and etc. and these are not covered in this book. The data that he does cover is vital and needs to be added to these women's issues, creating a body of knowledge that will help to balance the gender role inequities that separate men and women.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A wonderful guide for effective relationship communications
Review: This may be Dr. Farrell's best work yet, and that's saying a lot. Even during the first two chapters I was able to use his techniques and exercises to better communicate with my husband. Dr. Farrell's previous books have given me an invaluable perspective on men and relationships. Yet "Men Can't Hear What Women Don't Say" delves into areas I doubt many people ever consider, but should. After reading this book I can appreciate and understand my addorable husband even more than before. Everyone could improve their communications skills and understanding of others by reading this book. I think it should be "mandatory" reading for anyone planning on marriage or a long term relationship.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A must-read for all adult members of the human race!
Review: Those of us familiar with Farrell's work will agree--this was worth the wait! Those new to Farrell will wonder why they've never read him before! This book helps us clearly see how our gender opinions were formed and how inaccurate and contradictory they can be. Great suggestions for improved communication between the sexes in modern times. Dr. Farrell again uncovers little-known statistics that media and government don't necessarily want us to know which will proove surprising. He then offers us ways to interpret these statistics which have made me much more aware of how insensitive today's popular culture is toward men. Much of the 'male-bashing' humor in the mainstream would be completely unacceptable if directed at other minorities. This book (as all of Dr. Farrell's books) has given me an insight which, as a woman, I would never have been able to have otherwise. Reading it will make men feel better and women better partners. Men, if you read only one 'self help' book this year, make it this one. Then, share it with your signifcant other and watch your relationship improve. Bravo Dr. Farrell. You've done it again.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Finally, a voice of reason
Review: Unlike Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady," most books on men's issues seem to be asking, "Why can't a man to be more like a woman?" Well, instead of the usual male-bashing or female-bashing, Dr. Farrell forces us to examine the problems in a rational manner and tries to find workable solutions. Finally, there's a writer who actually does get it. We *are* different. "Fair" and "equal" doesn't have to mean "same" and "identical." We are biologically and physiologically different, so what makes us think we must act, think and behave the same way?

Culturally, it's a sign of strength for women to express their feelings, but a sign of weakness for men to do so. Men are not very likely to expose their feelings and insecurities if they feel it may damage their career or marriage prospects. Men feel misunderstood, and women complain that men don't express their feelings. Women can't hear what men don't say. The first half of the book is devoted to bridging that gender gap. Dr. Farrell gives us a few exercises to develop the better communication and relationship skills. He does it in a positive, constructive and nonjudgmental way. He gives us hope that we might actually be able to work out our differences with the opposite sex - one person at a time.

The last half of the book examines some of the myths surrounding male power, male violence, and female victimhood. In doing so, Dr. Farrell is *not* saying that women do not have legitimate concerns. Instead, he is trying to point out that some of their assumptions are based on faulty research and anecdotal evidence. While temporary affirmative action may be necessary to level the playing field, institutionalized favoritism hurts everyone. While women feel that not enough is done about breast cancer, we spend far more on breast cancer research than on prostate cancer research. In fact, more men than women will die prematurely from cancer, heart disease, or AIDS. More males than females will be victims of violent crimes. More boys than girls will suffer from learning disabilities. More divorce courts will favor mothers over fathers in child custody cases. More employers will allow "family leave" for women than for men. Although these may not seem like women's issues, they *are* the major reasons why women have a higher absenteeism at work than men, which, in turn, lessens their chances for career advancement.

I strongly recommend this book for everyone - male or female.


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