Rating: 
Summary: Generally good advice
Review: This book addresses a problem that is common in troubled relationships and offers some very good advice on how to deal with it. The only drawback that I really see is that the book addresses only that one problem in relative isolation, and troubled relationships often suffer from other problems as well. But, so long as you keep its somewhat narrow focus in perspective, and don't fall into the easy trap of believing that solving this one problem will make everything all right, it is a marvelous tool for improving communications in relationships.
Rating:
Summary: Generally good advice
Review: This book addresses a problem that is common in troubled relationships and offers some very good advice on how to deal with it. The only drawback that I really see is that the book addresses only that one problem in relative isolation, and troubled relationships often suffer from other problems as well. But, so long as you keep its somewhat narrow focus in perspective, and don't fall into the easy trap of believing that solving this one problem will make everything all right, it is a marvelous tool for improving communications in relationships.
Rating: 
Summary: The focus of this book is right where it should be!
Review: This book does indeed have a narrow focus, but the subject of that focus--interpersonal communication--has far reaching implications in any type of human relationship. As was correctly stated by a previous reviewer, relationships often suffer from a variety of different problems, ranging from differences in personal habits, to differences in values, to differences in religious views, but that is more or less a given in any relationship, especially one in which people share a domicile. However, it is how those relationship partners choose to "deal" with their inevitable differences "communicatively" that will determine the ultimate success or failure of their relationship. Do they choose to disagree or argue endlessly? Do they insult each other, or call each other names? Do they try to talk over each other,or become violent? Or do they approach each other in cooperative manner, open to each other's different ideas and viewpoints, with a willingness to learn from each other?What Tannen does in this book is show how some of the common communication differences between men and women in relationships have their basis in fundamental differences in the way men and women perceive each other, and relationships in general. And furthermore, that these fundamental differences, often hidden below the surface, can have profound, and often negative, effects on all kinds of relationships throughout a person's life, unless they are brought into the light of day. In effect, what Tannen is trying to do is to get people to be more aware of how they "habitually" communicate, the possible reasons why they communicate in those ways, and how the things they say and do may affect others. In effect, her goal is to empower people to begin--perhaps for the first time in their lives--to really "choose" how they communicate in relationships--rather than being a slave to destructive habits relied on since childhood. I strongly recommend this book for both men and women in ongoing close relationships. Once you have read it, you will never see communication in your relationships in quite the same way.
Rating:
Summary: The focus of this book is right where it should be!
Review: This book does indeed have a narrow focus, but the subject of that focus--interpersonal communication--has far reaching implications in any type of human relationship. As was correctly stated by a previous reviewer, relationships often suffer from a variety of different problems, ranging from differences in personal habits, to differences in values, to differences in religious views, but that is more or less a given in any relationship, especially one in which people share a domicile. However, it is how those relationship partners choose to "deal" with their inevitable differences "communicatively" that will determine the ultimate success or failure of their relationship. Do they choose to disagree or argue endlessly? Do they insult each other, or call each other names? Do they try to talk over each other,or become violent? Or do they approach each other in cooperative manner, open to each other's different ideas and viewpoints, with a willingness to learn from each other? What Tannen does in this book is show how some of the common communication differences between men and women in relationships have their basis in fundamental differences in the way men and women perceive each other, and relationships in general. And furthermore, that these fundamental differences, often hidden below the surface, can have profound, and often negative, effects on all kinds of relationships throughout a person's life, unless they are brought into the light of day. In effect, what Tannen is trying to do is to get people to be more aware of how they "habitually" communicate, the possible reasons why they communicate in those ways, and how the things they say and do may affect others. In effect, her goal is to empower people to begin--perhaps for the first time in their lives--to really "choose" how they communicate in relationships--rather than being a slave to destructive habits relied on since childhood. I strongly recommend this book for both men and women in ongoing close relationships. Once you have read it, you will never see communication in your relationships in quite the same way.
Rating:
Summary: How to listen
Review: This is my favorite of Tannen's books. It makes some simple but important points about why people have trouble communicating. They talk differently.
My favorite comment was about people having different tolerances for pauses after the other person stops talking. For some people it is 10 seconds. For others it was nano-seconds. I wanted to encourage a quiet friend to talk. I found that by counting silently to ten after I finished talking before starting again, made him realize there was a gap to be filled there. An easy trick but I learned a lot from him and Tannen.
This is the book to give to friends and relatives, rather than her others that beat the differences between men and women into the ground. Simple but with a sweet and useful message.
Rating:
Summary: How to listen
Review: This is my favorite of Tannen's books. It makes some simple but important points about why people have trouble communicating. They talk differently.
My favorite comment was about people having different tolerances for pauses after the other person stops talking. For some people it is 10 seconds. For others it was nano-seconds. I wanted to encourage a quiet friend to talk. I found that by counting silently to ten after I finished talking before starting again, made him realize there was a gap to be filled there. An easy trick but I learned a lot from him and Tannen.
This is the book to give to friends and relatives, rather than her others that beat the differences between men and women into the ground. Simple but with a sweet and useful message.
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