Rating:  Summary: A wonderful guide, worth reading and rereading Review: Many books about divorce get as far as "this is a trauma" and "don't hurt the kids," and maybe give you the standard "positive thinking" advice - but this book goes into emotional machinery, and how to really grow and not just cope.There is much more to this book than a quick blurb can suggest, but one main point is: There are four negative emotions which need to be recognized in dealing with a major loss. These are fear, anger, sadness, and sorrow (grieving for hopes that are now impossible). It is easy to get stuck in one or two of these four, but the one of these we are not aware of is likely to be the hidden hook which is holding us back. He also has a great many practical observations about ways rebounding men and women injure ourselves and others - the first one is that men tend to get involved too soon, and women too late. This is a pop-psychology/self-help book, but don't underrate it - it's got enough to say (at least for divorced people) that I've reread it three times in the last month. ---------------
Rating:  Summary: Excellent resource during trying times Review: Realizing that there is no single earthly authority on human behaviour, I found John's book to be a concrete source of advice. In moments like these, this is a wonderfully validating and positive cache of wisdom. It takes you through the pain and onto the your new life. The passages aren't so simple as to confine men and women to certain stereotypes, rather he presents the culturally defined "male/female" emotions as valid experiences and perspectives for every human being. The exercises to precipitate the thoughts underlying the spectrum of emotions were most helpful. As you read this book of advice and insight, keep in mind that John is not the one and only source for renewal; it will make your experience a better one.
Rating:  Summary: Very thought provoking Review: Recently divorced after 37 years, nearly two years have passed... this was the first "help" I found that really hit me personally... helped me to understand some of the "whys" "hurts" and guides to make "tomorrow" better. The thought process we all have needs motivating and guidance from time to time.. we all have the answers for our problems if we only understand how to start seeking and doing something about them. Dr. Gray accomplished this in the book. Couldn't lay it down, the book's content filled a "hunger" within me for turning my life toward a more positive tomorrow. Excellent "reference" manual.
Rating:  Summary: Highly recommended for couples who have recently broken up Review: Thanks to Dr Gray for writing such a supportive and practical book for people, like myself, who have recently broken up. It has really helped me through a difficult time, and shown me how to move on with a positive attitude.
Rating:  Summary: Here we go again. Review: The advice he gives men and women is ludicrious.There again
working off sterotypes.No one in this day and age should be
told it's ok to have random sex.Of course he aims this at the
male because it his warped mind only men go on a ramage after
a bad relationship.Women do too but it's left out of the book
because as we all know he believes women are love starved
junkies only craving romantic attention and romance.He also
believes,wrongly,that women are the most hurt,oh yes,that
self worth and waves coming again at the woman.He views women
as somehow half a person without a relationship while a man can
build up himself financially and socially,if not sexually after
a break up.Women are the downtrodden in his view,the victims.
Save the poor little women from themselves is what I hear coming
from him.When it comes to men,he is right there ready for an ego boost saying,you can do it.He comes across as an over
protective father with the women.He has some need to see women
as needy,pathetic love junkies.
Rating:  Summary: A silent best friend in hard times! Review: The book is wonderfully helpful in reaffirming the absolute normality of anger, depression, fear, and sorrow of a painful divorce, breakup, or loss. It's nice to know that it's OK to feel everything and nothing all at once. From the moment I began to read the pages I felt better. Now I that Dr. Gray has helped me discover the problems, I can tackle them and overcome them and learn how to love and be loved better.
Rating:  Summary: Men Hurt Too Review: The Mars/Venus guru reveals that it is normal for a male to express/show emotions or even "keep them inside." Although never married, break ups of long term romances leave me hurting. Like the books indicates, most friends act sympathic for a couple of weeks then want you to get on with your life. In fact, when my long term girl friend broke up with me, then we reconciled with an engagement committment, I made the mistake of telling her I placed a personal (it couldn't be cancelled). I told her I did not go out with anyone; half the time I didn't answer the phone. I was still in love with her. But I was lonely. My fiance was upset; she thought it said I really didn't love her. But, like Gray said, it was a knee jerk reaction to deflect some of the pain and try to survive. Since I have traditional morals, no intimacy was involved. I also empathized with Gray's going to where his dad was killed and acknowledging that his brother killed himself because he was too! "sensitive" for this world. I wish women would understand that men hurt too. Actually, when they do understand that the male isn't a jerk and hurts, she can't deal with it most of the time.... that makes her feel guilty. So how can either gender keep hurting each other? Gray always gives the ingredients to establishing and maintaining good relationships, but the culture of the 90s have so many fearful of another hurt. "Starting Over" is so strong, I could only read it in one or two chapter stages. After reading them, I would have dreams and old memories were awakened. I still haven't worked through the baggage from being dumped as too "nice." But at least I've placed a few new personal ads.
Rating:  Summary: Divorce is not the end but a new beginning. Review: The most painful and sad time of my life was when I was going through my divorce. Even though it was my decision to end the marriage, my heart literally ached and for months I cried everyday. I wondered, "why am I so sad and upset, this was my decision"...Mars and Venus Starting Over validated my feelings immediately. I learned that my sadness was part of the grieving I needed to go through. John Gray describes beautifully how your mind/head tells you one thing (I am doing the right thing by leaving), but your heart is still in another place. He explains how your head wants your heart to catch up to where your mind is...that's not possible. I learned how to allow myself to feel the pain, sadness, anger and then move on. John Grey also explains the loss of your love support...not only did I miss my husband, but I missed the "safety net" of the love I had every day when I came home. With that suddenly gone I was left with some very raw, painful emotions. I thought I hated my husband for lying, cheating and deceiving me. But through this book I realized I needed to feel those emotions in order to heal properly. I've emotionally forgiven my husband as a way to heal myself. I know I'm better off alone. I know I will find love again. Thank you John Gray!
Rating:  Summary: Great Review: This book has been tremendously helpful, I have read it multiple times and learn something new every time. I would recommend this book to anyone who has found themselves newly single. It's hard enough to be alone, this book definitely helps explain the feelings.
Rating:  Summary: Practical advice when you have lost all practicality Review: This book helped me understand what males go through during a breakup and that understanding and insight helped me understand my pain. It is easy to understand and everything I was going through I read in each paragraph. Dr. Gray's years of counseling are apparent and the book assisted me in finding some semblance of organization when I felt I was in the middle of a hurricane. Thank you for helping me stay out of the cess pool of self-pity!
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