Boundaries in Dating

Rating:
Summary: Bringing God into your dating relationships
Review: "Boundaries in Dating" is a guide toward dating intentionally, intended for those who wish to have some spiritual guidance in their dating relationships. It helps to answer in part questions that should be a part of any dating relationship: where is God in all of this, and what role does God play in our dating relationship? How do I reflect God's values in my approach toward dating?

In Part 1, the authors recommend the approach of "taking God on a date" with you. They encourage requiring and embodying truth in dating relationships, guard against repeating the past, and remind that "dating won't cure a lonely heart," for that role belongs to God. (Additional spiritual reading, such as Henri J. M. Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love," support the theme of addressing needs and loneliness from a spiritual perspective as a foundation to addressing them from a relational perspective.) Part 2 examines character discernment of one's dating partner, and Part 3 examines self-reflection, particularly the issues of clinging to false hope (when a dating partner's actions don't support stated intentions) and the role of blame. Part 3 is particularly valuable in assigning responsibilities to roles in the dating relationship, sorting out what's your responsibility and what responsibility lies with your dating partner.

Chapter 17, "Set Appropriate Physical Limits," is the best discussion I've ever read on the long-term, destructive effect of premarital sex on our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being. Far more than being merely prohibitive, it examines deeply the importance of delaying self-gratification. It provides a refreshingly thought-provoking and countercultural reminder that God's ways are not the ways of the culture in which we live, and what a challenge it is to integrate these two ways of life, should one choose to do so.

"Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those she is in contact with," the authors write. "Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you." Countering the common assumption that dating is limited to "finding the right one," Cloud and Townsend take the spiritual approach that dating and relating is just as much about "learning about your own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them." That dating should bring us closer to God seems to be the authors' ultimate goal in writing this book.

Rating:
Summary: Good but not challenging enough
Review: A fairly strong book with some pretty insightful stuff regarding the boundaries that you have to set and maintain in a dating relationship. The point of the book is that the boundaries you set now will determine the relationship you grow into later.

Very true, but I didn't really feel challenged by this book and felt that most of it was common sense. The chapter on physical boundaries basically said to save yourself for marriage. I agree, but what about other, hazier areas? Not answered.

Nothing very revolutionary and I'm not sure how much I'll apply anything new that I learned.

I think this book might be best for Christians new in their faith and really trying to get an idea for how a dating relationship fits into their life.

Rating:
Summary: Christians tend to want black and white
Review: And life it not always about black and white. Life does not fit into our nice little boxes we have created for ourselves.
I liked this book, as I like most books, who do not depend on legalism for how to live life. Jesus didn't say THOUGH SHALT NOT DATE or THOUGH SHALL DATE. He just said to seek Him and all will be added. Does that include a marriage partner? For most people yes. God has created us with a drive, part of that is sexual, to be in relationship with other people. I liked this book a lot because after I read it, I did not feel guilty about being who I am and what I desired. I frankly felt very guilty for being female and having asked men out on dates back in the day after having read "I kissed dating goodbye."
In all of life we need boundaries, for our children, our marriages and all of our relationships. This includes in dating. You know where you stand, what you can handle. Proverbs says, Guard you heart. It does need to be guarded, but don't miss out on what could be a lot of fun because of fear bred into you. If you can't handle being on a date alone with someone because your sexual desires overwhelm you, then know that about yourself and watch it. That is what I liked this book. Not full of legalisms and full of advice to those that have been there.

Rating:
Summary: good and bad
Review: As I read this book I appreciated that he aknowledged that scripture never said not to date. However other parts seemed very empty to me. The chapter on sexual relationships encouraged us to not engage in premarital sex simply to protect our feelings he did not aknowledge that God commands us not to. This book very much is a reaction to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and I was excited to read it because I felt "I kissed Dating Goodbye" made some good points but still was a little hollow. This book went to the other extreme and encourages people to date many people at the same time. I do not feel that this is a good solution either. Chapter 4 "dating won't cure a lonely heart" is a timely message that many of us need to hear. The book for this chapter is worth reading. Just be aware that the whole book is not wonderful.

Rating:
Summary: Helpful Hints for Successful Dating
Review: Boundaries in dating is a very good book. It provides many examples of problems in relationships and how they are worked out. This book gives good evidence to support dating, but it also gives good reasons when dating should be put off. It helps people in relationships to get through conflicts, and it helps others avoid conflicts in future relationships. This book is a great guide for those who are looking to start better relationships with new people, and those who are looking to give their old relationship a new start. I really enjoyed this book and I thought it was very helpful. I learned a lot about dating, and how certain problems in a relationship might be my fault instead of my partners. I recommend this book to every male and female, single or not. It will answer many questions about conflicts and boundaries in dating today.

Rating:
Summary: Don't move those Boundaries!
Review: Boundaries in Dating is an excellent book for those who wish to enter the dating scene and form healthy relationships. It is for those who have never dated, and for those who are tired of failed relationships, and for those people who are happily dating, but want to continue towards excellence. When I began reading this book, I realized how many times I had compromised my personal boundaries, and how each time I did that I was plagued with guilt. It was a pattern that this book helped me to recognize. I have now taken ownership of my part in dating problems. I have also learned that the other person has problems that only he can fix. As a result of reading this book, prayer, and listening to the Holy Spirit, I am able to discern more quickly whether a particular person is whom I desire to spend time with. Christians will find this book especially helpful because of the spiritual approach, but I recommend it to others as well.

Rating:
Summary: God's "A" List
Review: Boundaries In Dating is on God's "A" list for giving advise on how to date safely and wisely.

Tamara Suell
Author of A Woman's Hand Is Taken
Release - November 2004

Rating:
Summary: Kiss "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" Goodbye
Review: Dating is a very difficult thing to do in our society, especially as Christians. This book provides an excellent outline for Christian singles. Dating isn't the problem, it's the people doing the dating that mess it up. If done correctly, dating can provide us with excellent social skills and friendships. This book is a must read for all singles who are looking to be healthy in their dating. Definitely 5 stars A great supplement to this book is Safe People. Cloud and Townsend are fabulous and have been given a great gift.

Rating:
Summary: Insightful and practical
Review: For those of you who have been skeptical of the courtship movement, this book not only analyzes the problems with some of ideas generated on Christian dating recently, but gives a practical, non-formulaic solution to dating and all manner of relationships. Written by two Christian counselors with doctorates and many years of experience counseling Christians on issues of dating and marriage, Boundries sets out a clear, biblical foundation for romantic relationships.

This book is aimed at singles, but Cloud and Townsend have written "Boundries in Marriage" as well. The workbook to "Boundries in Dating" is also especially helpful.

Rating:
Summary: Fresh Perspective on Christian Dating--a MUST READ!
Review: Full of wisdom and insight, this is one of the best books ever written about dating from a Christian perspective! This book has helped me identify unhealthy issues in my own dating patterns and areas in my life that I need to work on...and has given me courage and affirmation to date healthy, safe and balanced individuals. I'm sure that you will find it to be a source of education and encouragement as well. The topic of setting boundaries is a bit conceptual however, with a thorough understanding of its importance, you will be well equip to apply the truths outlined in the book to your own personal situations. A strength of the book lies in the practical examples the authors share to clarify each of the key principals and to help you apply them in your life. (I'd suggest reading the first book, "Boundaries" for a more indepth overview).