Shepherding a Child's Heart

Rating:
Summary: One-Stop Resource for Parenting
Review: As a pastor and a father, it's nearly impossible to think of a single book I can recommend wholeheartedly on any topic in Christian living, let alone the tough job of parenting. However, this one book (along with his brother's book for raising teenagers, Age of Opportunity, by Paul Tripp) is a rare exception. I can trust that when I recommend this book to parents, I will not have to return later and correct aspects which are not biblical. Ted Tripp's book is by far the most consistently biblical approach to parenting out there in a single volume. You cannot go wrong reading this book and applying it to your family's life. Many families in our church have been turned around because of this book. Years of pop psychology seeping into the Church are whisked away with a refreshing return to biblical norms for raising children. The price is right and the book is easy to read. You have all the world to gain! Soli Deo Gloria!

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Summary: Finally, a One-Stop Parenting Book--God's Way of Parenting
Review: At last, a simpler book on child rearing that is consistently Bible based. This book accomplishes what other authors required a series of books to say, and after writing a series of books never said what Ted Tripp says. It goes right to the heart of the matter and for the most part lays the principles out, leaving the applications to you, the parent, except where the Bible doesn't make that allowance. My son was 12 years old before I found this book, and now I'm sorry I didn't see it before my son was born. I know from this book that I need to forget all the techniques well-intentioned Christian family counselors have given and go right to God's technique--Sheperding grace. I would highly recommend this book to every parent, and also put along side it "Transforming Grace" by Jerry Bridges to explain in more detail the life of grace with which a parent should love, and bestow upon, their children. The book doesn't really say what one should do if they are 12 years behind in doing parenting God's way, but I have found that by trying to start with parental shepherding 12 years late, the shepherding grace approach changes the direction of the whole family, in spite of blowing it for 12 years prior. Parents, read this book and start over in your approach to biblical parenting. It's simpler and certainly more effective. Sorry, Mr. Dobson. Mr. Tripp has done a better job in this area.

Rating:
Summary: A landmark book
Review: Book Review: Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp, Shepherd Press, 1995 Review by Phyllis Wheeler

Train up a child in the way he should go, says the Bible. But exactly how do you do that? This book helps answer that question. It is a landmark book I wish I had read when my triplet boys were three or four years old. (Now they are nearly nine.) It's also a book I need to re-read every few years.

Now that our kids are not toddlers, I expect them to be developing beyond a small child's self-centered view of the world. I expect them to help others in big and small ways. But just asking for these behaviors doesn't produce them. Even offering rewards for these behaviors bears little fruit. Worst of all, one of the boys thinks I am being arbitrary. He doesn't see any need at all to move from self-centeredness.

In this book, Tedd Tripp says I first need to evaluate the nature of the struggle going on inside him. I need to listen to him talk about what he is feeling. Then I can help him to understand what God's standard is and teach him to measure his behavior against that standard. A parent's most important task, says Tripp, is teaching their children to assess themselves as sinners. Then they can see their need for grace and for the cross of Christ. Typically, we Christian parents are more interested in shaping a child's behavior, figuring the heart will fall in line somehow. Usually we mete out a punishment and then move on. But here's a thought: In doing this, we may actually be pointing them toward a set of keepable standards that leads to self-reliance. Oops!

Tripp encourages parents to actively shepherd the child's heart, pointing it toward God. If the parent doesn't pay specific care and attention to this task as outlined in the Bible, the child may well end up worshipping the creation instead of the Creator. "Either he grows to love and trust the living God, or he turns more fully to various forms of idolatry and self-reliance," says Tripp.

This book makes this very useful point: when disciplining a child, the parent isn't finished until the child repents. Godly discipline turns the child's heart toward God. If little Johnny is pouting in his chair in the corner, his heart is in danger. Now, that's something to think about. Does he have the heart of a fool or of a wise man, in the words of Proverbs? And Proverbs warns us that the fool is in grave danger.

So, how exactly does a parent address this?

Specifically, Tripp says we must tie our corrections to principles in the Word of God. We must ask questions and listen to answers until we know what is going on in his heart. We must remind the child that his sinful behavior offends God, quoting chapter and verse if necessary. Then he must remain under discipline until we are satisfied that his heart is turned toward God. (For the parent, getting angry isn't part of this. We should not allow unholy anger to cloud the situation, and when that happens we must ask the child to forgive us. Showing that we too can't keep the standards, and that we repent, is a vital part of shepherding.)

I can shepherd the heart not only during times of discipline, but through daily study. Tripp suggests reading together the Book of Proverbs. Biblical illiterate that I am, I was amazed to see that this is apparently what the Book of Proverbs was written for. It's full of all kinds of godly advice addressed to "my son." It lays out rules for living. It tells children to obey their parents in order to be safe. It offers us a choice between behaving like a moral fool and behaving with wisdom. It warns of terrible consequences.

Using a children's translation, Proverbs is easy for our children to understand. They can see that I am not arbitrarily pulling requirements out of my hat, but that it's from the Word of God. We can discuss instances when each of us, including me, did not measure up.

In short, this book has shown me how to use the tools I have. It also contains a lot that I haven't summarized. I should mention his emphasis on spanking as the way to teach small children to obey. Even if you disagree with this, you will still get a LOT out of this book.

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Summary: Also available in Spanish
Review: CÓMO PASTOREAR EL CORAZÓN DE SU HIJO es acerca de cómo hablarle al corazón de su hijo. Las cosas que su hijo dice y hace fluyen del corazón. Lucas 6:45 lo pone así: "... de la abundancia del corazón habla la boca". Escrito para padres con hijos
de cualquier edad, este libro iluminador provee perspectivas y procedimientos para pastorear el corazón de su hijo por las etapas de la vida.

Rating:
Summary: A one size fits all approach
Review: Didn't really care for the book, although I agreed with some of what was said. I like the emphasis of getting to the child's heart rather than just modifying behavior. I also like the comments that parents need to be authority figures in their child's lives, not just their "buddy's". But all of this was said in a very harsh way and put down EVERY child rearing and behavior modification currently out there. It teaches that kids should not many ANY decisions of their own, and cannot be trusted in anything.

Some of the alternatives ways of communicating heart issues to your child seemed unrealistic. The author gives you a choice of either spanking or appealing to your child's conscience, that's it. When you spank, you need to make sure that the child knows that you are doing it on God's authority, and when you appeal to their conscience you also invoke God's name and instruction. I don't disagree that more discussion of God's commandments would be good in our child rearing, but saying "God doesn't want you doing that" or "God says stop" or "that would not make God happy" every five minutes would really turn a child off to God.

Judge for yourself, but I prefer Love and Logic.

Rating:
Summary: Shepherding a Child's Heart
Review: Excellent resource for parents who want more than temporary bandaids to externally control a child's behavior. Parents and children encouraged to look within their heart to explore what motivates their behavior. This book really does attempt to get to the heart of the matter of raising up our kids! All too soon they will need to internally regulate their own behavior...hopefully through our parenting they have learned the value of submitting to parental authority and ultimately God's!

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Summary: Biblical Balance; Relationship, Discipleship & Discipline
Review: FIRST I'd like to correct the reviewer that claims the author advocates spanking your child until they are "black and blue", they quote Chapter 11. I never remembered reading that when I studied the book in a 12+ week class... and sure enough when I went back and checked, it was no where to be found. Anyone who actually spent time in the book or watched the author's video series would know, that the idea of physically abusing children could never enter the heart of this author, any more than it could our heavenly father's heart.

In fact, this book lays a paradoxical foundation so contray to man's ways... so aganst the grain of modern day culture, that it is evidence of it's being rooting in timeless wisdom and a devine source. There are no simple answers to parenting, but rather as presented in this book, life giving parenting, must balance loving relationship, with loving biblical instruction, and loving discipline. All three elements are equally essential legs to the stool upon which biblical parenting is based.

This book also does an AWESOME job outlining how each of the 3 elements change as the child moves through predictable stages from a toddler toward maturity and independence.

As the title suggests, the ideal model of parenting is that of our heavenly father. He has taken the intiative to build an intimate and loving relationship. He equips us with wisdom through years of loving coucil in the midst of the rough and tumble of day to day living. He also chastens us firmly because He loves us.

Rating:
Summary: Biblical Balance; Relationship, Discipleship & Discipline
Review: FIRST I'd like to correct the reviewer that claims the author advocates spanking your child until they are "black and blue", they quote Chapter 11. I never remembered reading that when I studied the book in a 12+ week class... and sure enough when I went back and checked, it was no where to be found. Anyone who actually spent time in the book or watched the author's video series would know, that the idea of physically abusing children could never enter the heart of this author, any more than it could our heavenly father's heart.

In fact, this book lays a paradoxical foundation so contray to man's ways... so aganst the grain of modern day culture, that it is evidence of it's being rooting in timeless wisdom and a devine source. There are no simple answers to parenting, but rather as presented in this book, life giving parenting, must balance loving relationship, with loving biblical instruction, and loving discipline. All three elements are equally essential legs to the stool upon which biblical parenting is based.

This book also does an AWESOME job outlining how each of the 3 elements change as the child moves through predictable stages from a toddler toward maturity and independence.

As the title suggests, the ideal model of parenting is that of our heavenly father. He has taken the intiative to build an intimate and loving relationship. He equips us with wisdom through years of loving coucil in the midst of the rough and tumble of day to day living. He also chastens us firmly because He loves us.

Rating:
Summary: Phenomenal Teaching!!!
Review: Having heard Ted Tripp's two day seminar, which focused primarily on this book, my wife and I had the "interactive" version of this teaching. He has been a pastor for many years, loves children, and his own children are shining examples of the teaching he garners from the Bible.

This is not easy reading. This is "straight to the heart," and if you want your child to become conformed to the image of Christ, be prepared to look in the mirror yourself to see where you stand.

It is challenging and edifying as well as encouraging, and I highly recommend it!! Not for those who are weak in heart.

Rating:
Summary: Nothing groundbreaking
Review: How to raise a disciplined child from a Christian perspective. The author emphasizes the need for parents need to address a child's "heart", making him aware and respectful of his personal relationship with God, and the role of his parents in that relationship. While I agree with many of the points laid out by the author (which should be nothing groundbreaking among Christian circles), I find somewhat disturbing his strong advocacy of corporal punishment as a first-line of defense against disciplinary problems, rather than as a last resort. I guess I lean more towards selective moderation.