Tough Guys of Kung Fu - 10 Movies

Rating:
Summary: Cheesy dialogue, bad acting, fun action
Review: If you remember fondly KUNG FU THEATER on USA Network on Sundays, this is the collection for you. The film quality is bad, the "acting" is barely deserving of the name, the dubbing is frequently unintentionally funny, and the kung fu is great fun to watch. This is definitely worth the money you are paying for it. The films range from about 1975 to 1986. Very good bang for the buck. The CRIPPLED MASTERS is worth half the price of the DVD set--how much more silly and fun can you get than two master of kung fu, one of whom has his arms cut off in the opening scene, the other who has no legs, fighting it out! Sick, silly, wacky fun.

Rating:
Summary: Cheesy dialogue, bad acting, fun action
Review: If you remember fondly KUNG FU THEATER on USA Network on Sundays, this is the collection for you. The film quality is bad, the "acting" is barely deserving of the name, the dubbing is frequently unintentionally funny, and the kung fu is great fun to watch. This is definitely worth the money you are paying for it. The films range from about 1975 to 1986. Very good bang for the buck. The CRIPPLED MASTERS is worth half the price of the DVD set--how much more silly and fun can you get than two master of kung fu, one of whom has his arms cut off in the opening scene, the other who has no legs, fighting it out! Sick, silly, wacky fun.

Rating:
Summary: HI-YAAAAHHH!!! Prepare for a cheesy attack!
Review: OK another Brentwood 10-movie, 5-disc set. You know what to expect: no frills versions of movies, not great quality but it's cheap, right? At least with Tough Guys of Kung Fu, most of these movies are straight from the martial arts ghetto, so you're not really losing anything here in terms of quality. From worst to best (I guess?!?):

(10) Rage of the Dragon. I can find very little to recommend this movie, with the exception of the brightly colored costumes. Oh yeah, when the main guy fights, instead of the usual cheesy dubbed in sound effects, there are very cheesy bleeping electronic effects. Enjoy.

(9) Militant Eagle. The beggar kids that followed the hero around were pretty funny. Other than that, this one was extremely boring until it got to the last couple of scenes. There were some really weird-looking opponents at the end, namely a big ogre-looking dude with a spiked club and a strange hermaphrodite (???) or eunuch person. I liked the last 15 minutes quite a bit, the rest of the movie, eh!

(8) Golden Dragon Silver Snake. Pretty standard Kung Fu Theater type material, the saving grace on this one is the humor. Lots of corny dialogue and the highlights include some egg fighting and some acoustic guitar-fu. Ridiculous.

(7) Fists of Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee had nothing at all to do with this, unless you count the resemblance of the lead actor to Bruce Lee for exploitation purposes. Lots of "borrowed" music: any movie that uses a crappy cover of Average White Band's "Pick Up the Pieces" as the theme song is OK by me. Undercover cop antics means fighting lots of people with weird hair.

(6) Dragon on Fire. More of the expected nuttiness, this time with a white-faced guy in a wheelchair as the main villain. It really gets going at the end when the wheelchair guy starts fighting. Hey the "Crippled Masters" would have killed 'im! HAHAHA!!!!

(5) Ninja Turf. Really bad 1980's Golan/Globus style martial arts nonsense. I would describe the idea as a cross between the 80's Ninja movies and "Tuff Turf." There are no ninjas in it, by the way, but there is one scene with breakdancing. Threadbare plot concerning a security agency that ends up fighting every gang in the L.A. area, apparently. Corny and terrible action scenes, at least there were a lot of them. I liked it because it was the only film in the set that was made in the U.S., so it stood out from the others. And it was bad enough to be really entertaining.

(4) Tattoo Collection. It's actually "Tattoo Connection" according to the movie itself, but I kind of like the misprinted title. It stars Jim Kelly, famous for "Black Belt Jones" and his supporting role in "Enter the Dragon." He brings a 70's blaxploitation sensibility to the table, which results in great lines like, "I've been known to be called the black six million dollar man!" Also, it is my well-researched opinion that "bast**d" is the most commonly used word in kung fu movies. Tattoo Connection uses this word more than any other movie I have seen, someone even calls a girl a bast**d! Check it out.

(3) Deadly Kick. I don't know anything about the people who did this movie, but it sure was entertaining. 2 kung fu experts trained by the same master go up against a syndicate bent on mass destruction. Some real weird scenes at times, especially the guy fighting with the blind girl. Tarantino should plagiarize this scene for his next Kill Bill sequel.

(2) Killing Machine. Hey it's Sonny Chiba, the best actor in martial arts, ever. He would be tough if he never lifted a finger. He lifts many fingers here as a Japanese WW2 vet who fights against Chinese oppression after the war. Bloody as hell. This made me want to get the 10-movie Sonny Chiba pack, AAGGHH the addiction continues.... So why is Sonny Chiba so cool? I think it's those eyebrows. I wish I had tough lookin eyebrows like that.

(1) The Crippled Masters. OK it was a great concept...dude gets his arms chopped off by an evil guy, then the same evil guy burns another guy's legs with acid and beats them until they look like last week's KFC. The twist here is that both actors are actually disfigured and they fight like there was no tomorrow. You have not lived until you see an armless man spinning a spear crazily around his head. This movie was unbelievable and I applaud both fighters who played the Crippled Masters. Brilliant stuff. Contains the great line, "If I am a ghost, would I be eating pig swill?"

So to sum it up, if you don't demand a large budget for your movies, and if you like kung fu, you are a prime candidate for this affordable 10-movie set. If you break down the price, you are paying less than the cost of a movie rental to actually own each movie. Killing Machine and The Crippled Masters alone make the set well worth it.

Rating:
Summary: HI-YAAAAHHH!!! Prepare for a cheesy attack!
Review: OK another Brentwood 10-movie, 5-disc set. You know what to expect: no frills versions of movies, not great quality but it's cheap, right? At least with Tough Guys of Kung Fu, most of these movies are straight from the martial arts ghetto, so you're not really losing anything here in terms of quality. From worst to best (I guess?!?):

(10) Rage of the Dragon. I can find very little to recommend this movie, with the exception of the brightly colored costumes. Oh yeah, when the main guy fights, instead of the usual cheesy dubbed in sound effects, there are very cheesy bleeping electronic effects. Enjoy.

(9) Militant Eagle. The beggar kids that followed the hero around were pretty funny. Other than that, this one was extremely boring until it got to the last couple of scenes. There were some really weird-looking opponents at the end, namely a big ogre-looking dude with a spiked club and a strange hermaphrodite (???) or eunuch person. I liked the last 15 minutes quite a bit, the rest of the movie, eh!

(8) Golden Dragon Silver Snake. Pretty standard Kung Fu Theater type material, the saving grace on this one is the humor. Lots of corny dialogue and the highlights include some egg fighting and some acoustic guitar-fu. Ridiculous.

(7) Fists of Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee had nothing at all to do with this, unless you count the resemblance of the lead actor to Bruce Lee for exploitation purposes. Lots of "borrowed" music: any movie that uses a crappy cover of Average White Band's "Pick Up the Pieces" as the theme song is OK by me. Undercover cop antics means fighting lots of people with weird hair.

(6) Dragon on Fire. More of the expected nuttiness, this time with a white-faced guy in a wheelchair as the main villain. It really gets going at the end when the wheelchair guy starts fighting. Hey the "Crippled Masters" would have killed 'im! HAHAHA!!!!

(5) Ninja Turf. Really bad 1980's Golan/Globus style martial arts nonsense. I would describe the idea as a cross between the 80's Ninja movies and "Tuff Turf." There are no ninjas in it, by the way, but there is one scene with breakdancing. Threadbare plot concerning a security agency that ends up fighting every gang in the L.A. area, apparently. Corny and terrible action scenes, at least there were a lot of them. I liked it because it was the only film in the set that was made in the U.S., so it stood out from the others. And it was bad enough to be really entertaining.

(4) Tattoo Collection. It's actually "Tattoo Connection" according to the movie itself, but I kind of like the misprinted title. It stars Jim Kelly, famous for "Black Belt Jones" and his supporting role in "Enter the Dragon." He brings a 70's blaxploitation sensibility to the table, which results in great lines like, "I've been known to be called the black six million dollar man!" Also, it is my well-researched opinion that "bast**d" is the most commonly used word in kung fu movies. Tattoo Connection uses this word more than any other movie I have seen, someone even calls a girl a bast**d! Check it out.

(3) Deadly Kick. I don't know anything about the people who did this movie, but it sure was entertaining. 2 kung fu experts trained by the same master go up against a syndicate bent on mass destruction. Some real weird scenes at times, especially the guy fighting with the blind girl. Tarantino should plagiarize this scene for his next Kill Bill sequel.

(2) Killing Machine. Hey it's Sonny Chiba, the best actor in martial arts, ever. He would be tough if he never lifted a finger. He lifts many fingers here as a Japanese WW2 vet who fights against Chinese oppression after the war. Bloody as hell. This made me want to get the 10-movie Sonny Chiba pack, AAGGHH the addiction continues.... So why is Sonny Chiba so cool? I think it's those eyebrows. I wish I had tough lookin eyebrows like that.

(1) The Crippled Masters. OK it was a great concept...dude gets his arms chopped off by an evil guy, then the same evil guy burns another guy's legs with acid and beats them until they look like last week's KFC. The twist here is that both actors are actually disfigured and they fight like there was no tomorrow. You have not lived until you see an armless man spinning a spear crazily around his head. This movie was unbelievable and I applaud both fighters who played the Crippled Masters. Brilliant stuff. Contains the great line, "If I am a ghost, would I be eating pig swill?"

So to sum it up, if you don't demand a large budget for your movies, and if you like kung fu, you are a prime candidate for this affordable 10-movie set. If you break down the price, you are paying less than the cost of a movie rental to actually own each movie. Killing Machine and The Crippled Masters alone make the set well worth it.