Rating: 
Summary: Shoot me!
Review: I thought TWISTER was the worst movie that was also a huge hit I'd ever seen. But, unbelievably, I found a hit movie that was even worse: ARMAGEDDON. Literally, I think it would be hard to make a worse movie even if you TRIED. And I mean that!!
Rating: 
Summary: Criterion Collection DVD Not So Extras
Review: Plenty of things have been said of the movie itself so no need to say again here. But while checking out what people thought of the Criterion DVD, I didn't find a lot of information about the extras. I wish I HAD known before spending the money on it.The commentary can be a fascinating part of the extras to find out what went on, stories, how they felt about each other which is generally good. So it's great to hear first hand what they think/felt about the experience. Some of the participant's are interesting. I thought the commentary would be interesting but it's laced with Micheal Bay's ego and vulgarities. Everything is "I, I, I, I, I.." One would be surprised to find out that OTEHR people ACTUALLY worked on the film too! He is a self-proclaimed Superman. I knew nothing about him before watching it but did not like him at all after. For the first time I actually appreciated Ben Affleck who took time to talk about the people he worked with. He had many nice things to say about them whereas Bay is not as complimentary. His (Affleck's)little accents are odd but he is far more animated in his descriptions and honest about the experience. He's not technical, which is on another feature so no need here, which is a welcome. The oddest and saddest proof of Bay's lack of tenderness is in describing a scene in which Affleck was in a space suit, running out of air-suffocating. Bay meanwhile, found that interesting- "a guinea pig" for Bruce Willis to not have to go through. Nice. Bruce Willis has surprisingly little to say in this edited edition of a commentary. Each person's is added here & there. So not each person's leads into the next, rather the comments are just all over the place. Gag reel's alright, short, choppy. Trailers, oh so exciting. Ha ha.
Rating:
Summary: Typical Bruckheimer and Bay garbage
Review: Easily one of the worst movie I have ever seen. I swear, Michael Bay's answer to any action sequence is the desperate last-second escape, and this one-trick pony strings scenes using this tired device one right after the other over and over ad nauseum. How many numeric apocolyptic countdowns can you throw into one movie? To say the action sequences are insulting to one's intelligence is a huge understatement. In one space-drilling scene (and my personal favorite), Steve Buscemi's character unwittingly fires a gatling machine gun at his comrades, which causes all sorts of wacky mayhem. Even if the government was stupid enough to issue heavy, unnecessary bulky weaponry for a drilling mission in space which required exacting precision (maybe they were afraid the Martians might attack) why wouldn't they train their people on the use of such equipment? Or at least say something like 'This is a gun. Don't touch. Very bad.' Suspension of disbelief is one thing. This movie require you to suspend your entire brain. The love triangle is the basic Bruckheimer/Bay formula (Just check out Pearl Harbor if you have any questions. No, I haven't seen the movie ... I just know.) You know SOMEONE has to sacrifice himself during a B/B movie. We all feel bad. He died for us (sob.) It's an emotional rollercoaster! Please. Skip this one. If you don't, you might sleep through it anyway.
Rating:
Summary: Armageddon in a giant asteroid size nutshell
Review: I know at first most of you who belong to the Armageddon Haters Clan will jump at me for the rating of two stars I'm giving it. And by all means does it deserve a one-star rating. So, I ask my self, "self, why am I giving this horrible movie a two-star rating." ...I do believe that it is scenes like those that actually help you like the characters in this movie. I personally believe that even if they all are just going to the slaughter house, they might as well have some personality. Rockhound (played by the frightening Jerry Bruckheimer, I mean Steve Buscemi) is apparently the favorite amongst Armageddon fans (if they even exist anylonger)... The only real special effects of the movie, by the way, were the tiny white hairs they placed on Bruce Willis' head. The real shocking thing about movie is the physics. P.S. My final reason for giving the movie 2 stars is that I was down in Florida at Kennedy Space Center while they were filming it (but it was raining so we didn't see the crew or anything...would've liked to see that white hair, though).
Rating:
Summary: Should be arrested for violating physical laws
Review: Aside from the color-by-numbers script, non-existent acting, not-so-special defects, and overall shallowness, I found this movie particularly offensive because it pretends to be science-fiction. Sci-fi implies that there is something scientifically realistic about the film, and that is not true here. First violation - New York gets nuked by a bunch of little meteorites that broke off from the big one. Too many problems with this scene to detail here, so I'll just cover the major ones. One, any meteorite "the size of a Volkswagen" would leave an impact crater about one kilometer wide and kick up enough dirt to cover the rest of Manhattan. Two, how likely is it that twenty or so such objects would all hit roughly the same small target (downtown Manhattan)? If they broke off from the main asteriod, they should have hit random targets, not the same one. Three, how did they get ahead of the main asteroid? Four, how is it that these manage to hit the earth, and so will the large asteroid? The earth is moving in a circular orbit, and in two to three weeks time (about the period of the movie) the earth would have moved out of the asteroid's path. Gravity? Sorry, the sun would have been stronger at that distance and earth would have been saved by Newtonian mechanics. Second violation - The gravitational pull of the asteroid is inconsistent. When the drilling team is walking on the asteroid, each one walks as if walking in earth gravity. When a rover leaps from a cliff, it nearly orbits the asteroid because its gravity is so low. Guess those astronauts had their magnetic boots on that day. Third violation - The original suggestion, launching nuclear weapons at the large asteroid, would have worked just fine. You wouldn't have to blow it up (the testosterone solution to all such problems), just alter its trajectory enough to keep it from striking the earth. I should think the entire nuclear arsenal of the U.S. would have enough firepower to move an object the size of Texas. Fourth violation - This is more one of common sense than physical law. Why do we have to send oil drillers at all? Why not the Navy Seals, who perform underwater drilling operations regularly? Sure seems like it would have saved a lot of time and money, as they'd already be nearly ready to transition to drilling in low gravity. I can only imagine how greivously Bay and Bruckheimer have trashed Pearl Harbor.
Rating:
Summary: Armageddon - bad!
Review: Truly one of the worst films ever made! Michael Bay has no clue how to direct a motion picture. He should stick to 3 minute music videos. Why you would want this film is beyond me. Even the effects weren't that great. I think the only movie with more cliches is his upcoming "Pearl Harbor".
Rating:
Summary: This Movie Stunk
Review: This was without a doubt the worst big budget, big name star movie I've ever seen. I'm not going to say anything about people screaming in space or the apparent presence of an atmosphere on an asteriod. Inconsistancies like that don't bother me if a movie is at least entertaining. This one wasn't. It was two hours of people trying to pass off yelling at one another as acting. The only entertaining actor in the movie (I don't want to ruin anything so I won't say who) gets killed, and it's not Bruce Willis. Billy Bob Thornton played it so straight you wonder if he realized what a piece of... he was in. The dialog was corny but delivered without the irony it deserved. I felt like I was watching kids playing make believe. This movie is full of cliches and obvious plays for emotion. Does every Michael Bay movie have to have flags flapping in the wind or a group of heros striding across the tarmac? This movie just goes on and on. I was actually agitated by the end. My biggest regret (aside from paying money to see this trash) is that the hacks that did this movie are going to do the same thing to Pearl Harbor. The previews already look like Armageddon with Zero's instead of asteriods. Save yourself money, unless you want a good laugh (there are some unintentional funny moments) get Space Cowboys instead. That movie was unfairly compared to this one when it was released but it is far and away a better film.
Rating:
Summary: Piece Of Crap
Review: Not even worth Talking about it. One thing I can say is that Alfred Hitchcock's, Orson Welle's, and Stanley Kubrick's worst movie is better than this; as is the same for most directors. Not even worth the special effects. How much special effects do you think Hitchcock used in Psycho, or Welles in Citizen Kane. They are great movies because of scripts, acting, directing, and the lack of shots and scenes that don't mean squat(alot of them in Armegeddon). THis movie relies on the conjuring up of fake emotions. It's blooody funny to watch. The only movie in recent memory that's make me cry is 'Shadow Of a Doubt' By Hitchcock( Charlie cries on the porch while watchcing her family ignorantly play with eachother) If you don't understand what I'm talking about I suggest you whtch the movie. I had to watch it more than once.
Rating: 
Summary: Remember its a MOVIE--and movies are FUN!
Review: ... Let me just say that I was completely blown away. Yes, this movie is unbelievable. Yes, this movie does not have the best dialogue or acting. Yes, this movie is good, if not great! After seeing Armageddon on satellite, I am hooked for life. I liked the movie so much, I went out and bought the Criterion Collection version. It is worth every penny, especially for the extra footage of Billy Bob Thornton. It is hilarious. Don't get me wrong, Armageddon is not "2001:A Space Odyssey", but it is a lot more entertaining. When you watch, you are completely [eveloped] into the story and the characters. You know how it will end but you watch it over and over again anyways. Armageddon is pure fun and entertainment. It is the granddaddy of major studio, big budget, summer blockbusters. Not many films can boast that claim. Don't watch this film if you are looking for a critically acclaimed masterpiece. However, if you are looking for an exciting, adreniline pumping, fantasy, roller coaster ride, well then go out and buy Armageddon. And make sure you splurge for the Criterion Edition, you don't want to miss out on the extras. Remember, it is a MOVIE---so have FUN!
Rating:
Summary: Good entertainment. Nothing more, but certainly nothing less
Review: Michael Bay sure knows how to bring the people to him. It's no surprise that two asteroid movies came out in the same year (Armageddon & Deep Impact) and the one with Bruce Willis made the most money. Yet some people, who follow these formulatic action yarns, went to see "Armageddon" based on Michael Bay's latter movie, "The Rock." While "Armageddon" is hardly as fun and entertaining as "The Rock," it still packs a mean punch. Bay's motif is still there (American flag backdrops, rapid camera movement & a few spots of some really impressive lighting), but the bottom line is that "Armageddon" is just way too predictable and too long. And something must be awry when the scenes where the characters are off the asteroid are more entertaining and fun than when they're ON the asteroid. Granted, the casting in "Armageddon" could probably have not been better. The standout is obviously Steve Buscemi, who is starting to become a cliche in Jerry Bruckheimer films. He's great fun to watch and delivers a couple funny one-liners ("Well, it's about time. I haven't thrown up in about an hour"). But he's really starting to wear out his welcome. Willis and Tyler have good chemistry together as father and daughter; and I'll even admit a tear trickled down my cheek at the end of the movie. Peter Stormare is also funny as a Russian astronaut with... space cabin fever? The film is fun to watch, but it's just way too formulatic, overlong, too contrived and edited much too quickly. That's why I prefer "The Rock," where sometimes I couldn't imagine what would happen next. If you wish to enjoy "Armageddon" to it's fullest extent, make sure you watch it on a big screen TV with booming 5.1 channel speakers. If for nothing else, at least take a listen at Trevor Rabin's terrific musical score. I suppose I'd recommend "Armageddon" if it's your type of movie: mindless fun peppered with a few touching moments. As far as DVDs go, movie fanatics are baffled as to why Michael Bay films get such wonderful treatment. Who does he know at Criterion, anyway?
| 
