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Signs (Vista Series)

Signs (Vista Series)

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Signs of what? A thriller? No. A dog? Yes, but dead.
Review: This is not anything you may want to spend time watching. It's a dog, but a dead mutt and it stinks.

Mel Gibson gives as much as he possibly can with a [bad] script. It's not his fault. He is an expert professional actor and does his best. To his credit, he plays it seriously. Good for Mel!

The story could have been successful, except M. Night Shyamalan decided to keep things dark. He probably wanted to make a claustrophobic thriller. All the tricks of the trade, designed to shake audiences were left out, except the ringing of a phone, especially amplified to awake the viewers. Oh, and turning off the lights at the proper moment. (All toddlers go into panic at that point, but then they do it because they can't see the bowl of popcorn and are afraid they won't be able to eat it.)

"Signs" is really a shocker in reverse. Apparently there has been an alien invasion of earth. How do we know this? Well, they show us some lights on a TV screen, in a newscast from Mexico. What made "Independence Day" famous (special effects and moving action), doesn't exist here. "Signs" lacks everything.

It gets worse. They have this alien, an emaciated and anorexic fellow dressed in green. Aw, pleeeze! Gimme a break! My 6-year-old neighbor does it better for Halloween. No matter. They show a scene that "contains disturbing material" on that TV screen within the movie. This time from Brazil. A group of terrified children, running from one window to another, screaming in fear. (If they are so scared, why do they ask for more instead of going to Mom's lap? Are we supposed to be terrified by terrified children? Yes, we are. Sorry, it's true.) And then... yes, the skinny green fellow appears an disappears and the viewer says: "What was THAT?"

The scene by the way, is ludicrous to the extreme and the actor who's supposed to see it (he watches TV inside a closet, don't ask me why: I fell asleep before they show why he does such a silly thing), well, the actor is instructed to be horrified. By a skinny green alien? Yes, by a skinny green alien. Is he really, really horrified? Yes, he is, but we think nobody else on the whole wide planet would have been.

The skinny green alien was played by a skinny, anorexic-looking, emaciated actress walking against a blue back drop (one of the thrilling special effects that director Shyamalan explains in a documental included in this DVD). And, don't be surprised, everybody sucks up to Shyamalan in this documental. Call it job security.

Oh, why, why does an apparently talented director indulge in such a dog? And he WROTE the damned disgraceful thing.

Shall I say more? Is there room left?

Yes, there's room left. Let's go to the special futures. Director Shyamalan treats us to one minute of his first movie. He was young and inexperienced. Yes. He warns us that it's bad, really bad. Okay. Don't show it then, because your fans are gonna drop like flies. But no, he shows it. It's a "horror" scene so bad, that my 4-year-old neighbor could have done it better. And, yes, many fans actually drop like flies, including me.

All in all, did M. Night Shyamalan really direct this dog? Maybe he didn't. Maybe it was directed by the green, skinny, emaciated alien. Who knows? I will not watch any more of whatever Shyamalan does in the future. "The Sixth Sense" was outstanding. "Unbreakable" was hu-hum. "Sings" was... aw, quit it!

Does this dog have redeaming futures? Yeah. Do we care? Nope.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: I see dumb people
Review: "Signs" was a dull, silly mishmash of a movie. It tried to be a scary thriller with thematic content, but failed on both counts. It also ripped-off "Independence Day", "Panic Room", and "Night of the Living Dead".

"Signs" opens in aptly named Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Mel Gibson's character, Graham Hess ' an ex-preacher who lost his faith when his wife died ' has become a farmer. Since family farms are notoriously unprofitable, and Bucks County real-estate notoriously expensive, I can't imagine how Hess survives ' particularly since we never see him so much as turn over a shovelful of earth. Is it one of those farms where they're paid *not* to grow anything? Are there hemp plants hidden among the cornstalks?

One morning, Hess notices that his fields have acquired crop circles overnight. Are they the work of rowdy teens, or is Something Out There? We already know the answer from the scary, tingly music at the beginning; but we have to sit through much aimless meandering before the movie lets us in on the "secret".

Hess and his family cower in their house, passively waiting for the aliens to show up. Meanwhile, they pass the time with sappy stories ("When you were born'") ' instead of stockpiling food, water, firewood, weapons (they're rural guys with pickup trucks, so surely they must have gun collections) ' like anyone with half a brain would.

*Spoiler warning*.

Spaceships arrive, and everyone obsessively monitors their progress on TV. One alien is caught on videotape, crashing a backyard birthday party. The networks broadcast the tape, and the alien is finally shown ' walking like "Bigfoot", and looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon in the 1950s movies. After all that suspense ' the aliens are *little green men*? How does a movie this creatively bankrupt even get made?

Panic ensues in the outside world ' we assume. All we actually *see* is Hess' family barricaded in their basement (unnecessarily, since the aliens, despite their mastery of intergalactic travel, apparently can't work a simple door).

The next day, the radio announces that the aliens are gone, as abruptly and arbitrarily as they arrived. The only explanation offered for this is that some guys in the Middle East defeated a few of them by "primitive methods undisclosed at this time" (??), and the rest instantly fled.

Except for one left behind ' who, furthermore, bears a grudge against Hess. The lone remaining alien is quickly and effortlessly dispatched using water (no, he doesn't squeal, "Help me, I'm melting!", which at least would have been *intentionally* funny) and a baseball bat. Where/how did the guys who routed the other aliens find water and/or baseball bats in the middle of the desert?

Hess & Co. are saved. Hess decides that, since he won this round, there IS a divine plan after all. Hess and God kiss and make up; and the conclusion is that mysticism is not only morally superior to rationality, but also works better from a practical standpoint' or that since aliens are real, so are all other supernatural beings' or that if you believe in God/Allah/Vishnu, He/She/It will save your bacon when the going gets tough.

This simpleminded "God and baseball" theme is exacerbated by cardboard characterization. Mel Gibson plays the same sort of rah-rah reactionary doofus he's already played in half a dozen movies. To be absolutely sure that everybody "gets" his virtuousness, the movie makes him a preacher AND a farmer; the only way they could have made him more saintly is to give him a volunteer job working with handicapped puppies. Mel gets to use only one of his two facial expressions ' the furrowed brow of manly resolve ' the roguish twinkle is absent, probably because the only non-dead woman in the movie is a police officer.

Hess is established as a namby-pamby from the beginning ' he can't force himself to swear, not even to keep his house from being broken into. He was even a priss throughout the supposedly cathartic binge-eating scene ' Bruce Willis would have shoveled those mashed potatoes in with both hands.

Supporting cast members Cherry Jones and Rory Culkin were fine. As for Joaquin Phoenix ' why is he even *in* "Signs"? He had absolutely nothing to do except baby-sit ' and even that was unnecessary, since Mel was always home. What did they need Phoenix for? They could easily have made Mel a ballplayer ' or not, since you don't have to be Mark McGuire to brain somebody with a bat.

The daughter was one of the most gratingly cutesie-poo kiddie characters I've ever seen; her phobic neurosis made her even more repellent. After the second time she pushed away her water glass, I was itching to empty it over her, methodically soaking every inch of her face, hair, and clothing.

The religious content was simultaneously preachy and pointless. I couldn't care less whether a fictitious character believes in another, equally fictitious, character ' so restoring Hess' "faith" was no more commendable than restoring his belief in Santa Claus.

Shyamalan's depiction of religion as a wishing well was morally repugnant. Hess' beliefs fluctuate according to whether or not he's getting his way at a given moment: "My wife died! Boy, am I mad at God!'The aliens went away, so now I like God again (even though he was presumably the one who let them invade earth in the first place)'My shoelace broke; looks like that's it for God.", etc. Incidentally, a supernatural being so devoid of ethics and integrity that he resorts to endangering children to frighten his followers into submission is a bully at best, if not outright psychotic. Is this supposed to be God ' or the Boogeyman?

"Signs" is neither a well-thought-out parable about religion, nor entertaining trash. It's a two-hour-long "Like a Rock" truck commercial with aliens and proselytizing. Asinine screenplay, plodding pace, holey (not holy) logic, self-indulgent direction (that *subtle* cameo?!) ' this full-of-itself mess wouldn't have made a good "X-Files" episode, let alone movie. Caution. Stop. Do Not Enter.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Good ideas, poor realization
Review: M. Night Shyamalan has great ideas and an interesting mind for stories that push the edge as he so well demonstrated in 'The Sixth Sense'. Unfortunately in this very very slow movie his story gets overshadowed with the very usual and trite "creatures from outer space" look. One keeps wondering why these fears of extraterrestrial invasion are treated like all the other Hollywood horror movies with very similar storylines - that though these visitors are of superior intelligence they seem totally incapable of overcoming even the most absurd attempts at keeping them away from their 'goals'. One expects more from Shyamalan - more respect for imagination and working on fears that come from within instead of morphed, tired spacemen invaders. Could have been so much better had the director/writer left Hollywood (including a cameo using himself as an actor) out of it.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: M. Night Shyamalan-o-mania?
Review: It may just be my personal taste, but M. Night Shyamalan seems to be aspiring to be the Liberace of Sci Fi movies. Yes, "Signs" is entertaining. However, a good contrast would be an outside of hollywood, low budget, gutsy "Wendigo." The Special Features about how the film was made indicates this was a small and close knit group of friends that were playing in the snow of New England and telling a story with real heart. While M. Night Shyamalan seems entranced with himself and the technique of twisting plots of the story this way or that way for effect, I am left at the end of the experience of feeling "Signs" simply lacks the "guts" or "heart" of real story telling. My only problem with Wendigo is my viewing the "Jack-a-lope" home videos of the 1980's, a taxidermists practical joke on the public. The monster in Wendigo looks like Jack-a-lope-zilla.I am also left feeling wary of another Clive Barker cult or a new type of Trekkie conventions in the future around the personal following of M. Night Shyamalan. No thanks.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: When Scary Movies Were Actually Scary . . .
Review: I've read some pretty scathing reviews regarding this film and they all miss the mark by a few light years. This is not "Independence Day" -- thank God! This is not a film for people who like to see big buildings get blown to hell real good. This is not a film for people with teeny-weeny attention spans and small imaginations. "Signs" IS for people who remember a time when special effects weren't needed to send a chill down our spines, when characters and story were priority one. And, given the stupendous box office this movie achieved, there are A LOT of people who remember that time and have embraced the best chiller in ages! Keep 'em comin', Shyamalan!!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Peopls on drugs
Review: Yes, I liked this movie a lot. I liked it even more after the movie was over and I could think back about how all the different plot points pull together at the end into something some much greater.
My real purpose for this review is to refute all you people who hold up Close Encounters as the Bible of alien movies. I too grew up in the 80s and while that movie was a pioneer for alien movies in the sense of the general topic, it is rendered total garbage by everything both before it and after it. After watching Taken, I am completely convinced that Spielberg cannot for the life of him write a decent story about aliens. Take about cliched! ALL his alien movies are cliched (yes that includes ET as well). Steven, if by some chance you read this, I WANT the 20 hours of my life back that I spent watching that flaming pile of feces that you called a mini-series, hoping that there'd be some meaningful ending!!!!!!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Great Movie!
Review: I was not sure if I was going to purchase this video until I saw a reviewer from Washington telling everybody not to buy it and that the people who did would hate it....Well-I bought it and loved it. I personally jumped at least 3 times in the movie and with the message of faith and not having to have any gore, I found the movie quite suspensful.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Signs Review
Review: Signs is one of the best alien movies out there. I especially like the wonderful message it portrays.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: NOT an alien movie!
Review: I had enjoyed M. Night Shyamalan's other movies and read a story about him in Wired that was intriguing. So, despite the promotion of this movie as a science-fiction "alien" movie, and despite the fact that I don't generally like Mel Gibson movies, I decided to give it a try. I couldn't get my husband to go...he was really turned off by the crop circle mumbo-jumbo. Several other people I know felt the same.

So it was a pleasant surprise when it turned out that the alien/crop circle stuff is really just a plot device that helps tell a great story about a man who loses his faith (or at least professes that he has) when his wife dies. His loss of faith is put to the test under the extreme stress of an alien invasion. I won't spoil the story by revealing more, but must add that Signs is not in any sense a formulaic sci-fi movie and if you go expecting that you will be very disappointed.

Signs is so intense, so thought-provoking and so uplifting that I have been touting it to all my friends and family for months. I will be buying it so that I can enjoy it again (and get my husband to watch it with me so that I can say "I told you so" when he enjoys it despite his misgivings).

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: The alien invasion from another perspective
Review: To begin, "Signs" is not strictly an alien invasion movie. Anyone who saw previews and looked forward to Mel Gibson mowing down scores of invaders with a machine gun will be disappointed. This film isn't even centered on aliens - it's centered on Gibson's faith, as well as his family.

The background of the plot revolves around the death of his wife. Gibson plays a priest, and his wife's death causes him to question his faith. His brother moved in with him afterwards to help raise his two children, and that's when the trouble begins.

One of the things I love about this film is that the family (thanks to Gibson's ideals) is kept entirely in the dark for the first half of the movie from exactly what is occuring - they know nothing of the massive-scale invasion until it's too late and the aliens are upon them. Also, I love how the viewer doesn't see many aliens, and when they do, it's usually just a glimpse - a shadow on a rooftop, a leg in a cornfield, and eventually one alien is seen in the final scene. There is no archetypical mass of aliens invading, no flying saucers, and no (thank God) ray guns.

To say that this is an alien movie is only partially correct...


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