Valentine

Rating:
Summary: Not the Best, Not the Worst
Review: It's true that Valentine is cliched, most of the stuff in the movie has been done before, and the killer is reminiscent of Michael Myers from Halloween, but that really doesn't mean you need to down the movie. You can tell that Jamie Blanks (Who also directed Urban Legend) mostly paid homage to all of his favorite slasher and horror movies. He even admits to it himself in the commentary given on the DVD. And Blanks also sounds like he has fun doing what he does.

Valentine has also been classified as a teen slasher, when in fact, it isn't. Sure it has some of today's hottest "Teen" stars -- who are actually in their early thirties and late twenties - but the characters themselves are adults over the age of 25. And I do admit, some of the acting was quiet bad, but that only added to the fun of the movie. Marley Shelton did well as our heroine. She acted best when she was running or was terrified, but did well when she wasn't. David Boreanaz is her recovering alcoholic boyfriend. He was really underused in this film. Katherine Heigl, Jessica Caulfiell, Jessica Capeshaw, and Denise Richards round out the main cast.

There are some very interesting chase scenes in this movie. The first is suspenseful, while the second wasn't much of one. The second could have really been good if they'd played it out longer. The true highlight of the movie is Denise Richards. Not because she acted well or flaunted her cleavage the most. It's because . . . well, if I said, I'd give away some of the movie. Let's just say, when she meets up with the killer -- whether she dies or not - what takes place is the best thing in the movie.

Valentine was a fun watch. Although the ending is quiet confusing.

Rating:
Summary: Feminist Backlash Continues
Review: "Valentine" is a bad movie that could have been good.

Blessed with the most attractive (female) cast in recent memory, this movie could have been a smart whodunit; rather than the pointless, slasher "Carrie" knock-off that it is. And, while "Valentine" seems to have had more screenwriters than Time Magazine has correspondents, most of the blame must go to Director Jamie (Urban Legends) Blanks.

Like the recently-released "Whipped" and "Saving Silverman" "Valentine" has an anti-female under-current that is surprising several decades after the Women's Movement caught fire in the 1960s. What this movie says, more than anything is: "I'm mad at the pretty girls who rejected me, so I'm going to KILL them!"

Plotwise, we have a rejected grade-school boy, who grows up to become a serial killer, taking his revenge on a group of (twenty-something) girls, who, while not Model Citizens, are not deserving of the death sentence. Philosophically, "Valentine" is a case of cinematic road rage!

What's most troubling is the fact that ... the audience is encouraged to identify/sympathize with him as he takes his revenge. Hitchcock always had a strong sense of morality in his thrillers; but, today, directors don't seem to "think" anymore--just load up the screen with enticing image after image. The idea of a "moral compass" is completely foreign to the advertising and music-video trained directors. Thus, "Valentine" is in the tradition of the recent "Charlie's Angels" and "Tomb Raider"--brain dead!

As stated before, however, the female scenery in "Valentine" is very, very impressive. Denise Richards seems to get better looking with each movie, though she has yet to live up to the acting promise of her "Wild Things" performance. In "Valentine" she, again, plays the bad girl, and gives the most interesting performance of this young cast. It is also interesting that in today's Hollywood, classic beauty, like Richards', is usually equated to evil; whereas, "edgy" beauty, like Angelina Jolie, is viewed as okay.

Marley Shelton, Jessica Capshaw (Steven Spielberg's step-daughter), and Jessica Caulfield also brighten up the picture. Finally, Katerine Heigl, the best reason to watch TV's "Rosewell", does a cameo in this picture, and has grown into a breath-takingly beautiful young woman.

David Boreanaz and Daniel Cosgrove are the two male leads; and, while they will never be mistaken for, say, Jude Law or Jared Leto in the looks department, are still a visual relief when you consider that Pam Anderson is dating Kid Rock.

All things considered, however, most viewers will come away from "Valentine" with a bad taste...of having seen fresh, young talent wasted in an ill-conceived story that may have worked in the hands of a more talented director, say, Brian DePalma.

Rating:
Summary: Valentines Day Never Looked So Bad. 3/10
Review: I am a huge horror fan and was expecting a really good horror but instead I got a boring thriller. The death scenes are so boring,there is no action the killer just kills his victims and there is no chase. I mean the story was okay but it did drag a little and you could tell who the killer was right away.I think Denise Richards did pretty well but her death scene was too cheasy. I feel her character was a pretty strong woman but her death was weak, they could've used a little more action on her part. Also there is a character named Lily who I enjoyed and then she died it was so stupid because the killer shot her with arrows and she just stood there. The ending was so stupid and way too dark believe me this is one valentine you will wanna skip.

Rating:
Summary: Not THAT bad
Review: Make this short, sweet, and hopefully helpful.

Valentine doesn't succeed in scaring anyone beyond it's opening sequence, (which at least was intense.) However it's not as predictable as one might think. The story is written so that you know the identity and motivation of the killer, but as it ends your not quite sure what the master plan was and how many characters where involved. A high point is that you do get the sense that the killer REALLY hates it's victims, the slayings are not elaborate as much as they are hateful.

I hate Denise Richards as an actress, but in this movie she is finally put in a role suited to her age and she succeeds in a degree of natural charm.

The two high points, Richards and Boreanz, are very under used as are just about everyone in this huge cast. One girl dies just because she decided to smoke in the wrong place.

The climax is actually kind of slapstick funny as the last blonde hits the "killer" with everything but the kitchen sink.

It'll be entertaining to those who like the slasher Genre.

Rating:
Summary: A screamer that relates to CARRIE, only with more laughs!
Review: Director Jamie Blanks of his clever slasher film, URBAN LEGEND has done it again with a new thriller with new hot stars and thrills and chills like LEGEND. At a middle school Valentine's Day dance, Jeremy Melton (a nerdy boy with glasses and buck teeth) asks the five most prettiest girls to dance with. Of course three of the girls say " Yew!" or "I rather be buried alive!" while two say "Maybe later!" and one says "Yes!". Then the relation of CARRIE hops over while the nerd and one of the girls start making out, three older boys spot them under the bleachers and start making fun, so the girl says "He was attacking me, get away!" So they believe her and humiliate the poor boy in front of all the teenagers. Thirteen years pass after the humilation of Jeremy Melton and his five sweethearts are put to death one by one in San Francisco. Shelley( Katherine Heigl, BRIDE OF CHUCKY) is a Med student who finds herself in danger and then is murdered in a morgue. So after Shelley is bumped off, her four other pals recieve threatening valentines and maggot-filled candy chocolates and drop like flies at a Valentine's Day party. So watch Adam (David Boreanaz, TV's Angel), Kate (Marley Shelton, SUGAR & SPICE), Paige (Denise Richards, WILD THINGS), Lily (Jessica Cauffiel, LEGALLY BLONDE) and Dorthy (Jessica Capshaw) as they scream or may one of them be the masked cherub killer! Read Tom Savage's detailed thrilling novel that is just as frightening as the movie! The outrageous and hilarious dialogue spices up the horror of VALENTINE! Also there are plenty of jumping parts where our characters are scared by their friends and reply "You scared me!" Why don't people in horror movies just yell their names, instead of grabbing their shoulders to see them flich? Plenty of gruesome and grotesque murder sequences like Hedy Berress's death scene where she is thrown into glass and her throat is.....I'll stop and let you figure it out! Or where the hot and sexy Denise Richards is plunged to her death in a hot watered grave! Your stomachs might get queasy, so just close your eyes! And remember love hurts! Don't take your lover to this unless your celebrating a divorce or split up!

VALENTINE is RATED R for STRONG HORROR VIOLENCE, SOME SEXUALITY, LANGUAGE.

Rating:
Summary: Love Hurts....the movie is a scream!
Review: It's Valentine's Day...and you're all alone...what a shame. Now you remember how it must have felt to be that nerdy boy you teased at the Valentine's dance in 6th grade. Remember his name? He remembers yours. A group of women have grown up together, and suddenly, they start dying off...but not before receiving evil valentines from a secret admirer known as "JM". Suddenly, all the evidence begins to point to that nerdy kid in 6th grade. Is he taking revenge? Or is he being framed by a witness? These girls must hurry; they are running out of time, and this admirer is not about fresh flowers and silk chocolates.

Rating:
Summary: Good for those who like this sort of thing
Review: Sure Valentine isn't the most original slasher flick to come along but it is enjoyable entertainment further elevated and redeemed by the presence of the incomparable Denise Richards.

The Valentine mask is suitably creepy and the identity of the murderer is not as clear as it may appear. Not the worst of this type, nor the best, still it stands miles above UL2 or I still know what you did last summer. A passable timewaster.

Rating:
Summary: Roses are red, and so is your blood, Mwuhahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: Valentine is a average slasher flick. It's not half as good as Scream, but it's a hell of a lot better than Urban Legends Final Cut. The acting is actually somewhat decent, and the film does get the viewer interested with the characters. The main problem with Valentine is that it is just another run of the mill slasher. There isn't anything that spectacular about it. There's some gore, but nowhere near as much as the gore found in Scream. Also, it's low on suspense. There is only one interesting suspenseful scene, and that is the begining murder scene in the mourge. Otherwise, it's just another rehash of people getting offed by a masked killer. Still, it's enough to keep the viewer entertained, and maybe not feel ripped off by paying the price to see the film.

Valentine opens with a scene at a 6th grade dance. Here, we see a nerdy kid named Jeremy asking a handful of girls to dance with him. After a few just blow him off completely, he asks the film's protagonist, Katie. She replies "Sorry, not right now, maybe later". He then asks a chubby girl named Dorothy who sitting on the bleachers. The next scene shows them kissing under the bleachers, when they are then found by the big bad older kids. Dorothy screams rape, and we are followed by a carrie rip off, and then to Jeremy being sent away.

The film then shifts to about decade later, one of the girls who blew off Jeremy at the dance is working late at a mourge. Guess what happens next? The girls at the dance are now being stalked by a cupid masked killer who offs them one by one.

The death scenes are interesting enough to keep the viewer entertained (pay attention ULFC!). In one of them, the killer actually uses a bow and arrow and offs a victim Robin Hood style. Others include a red hot iron, a severe back ache, a sharp pain in the face, and the grand daddy of them all, the drill in the jaccuzi.

As the movie progresses, it's fun to watch. We actually get a sense of each of the film's characters and what is going on in the movie. However, when the film's climax is reached, it's gets a bit silly. I'm not giving anything away, but just to let you know, THE ENDING DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENCE AT ALL!

In all, Valentine is fun, but it's main problem is that it just dosen't hold anything to any other movie in the slasher genre. Still, it can be fun, it just isn't as entertaining as some other slashers.

Rating:
Summary: So Terrible, It's Shocking
Review: After 'Valentine' concluded I was at a loss for words. It took four screenwriters to write this absolutely atrocious mess? Not only is the script highly unoriginal and ridden with embarrassing plot holes, but it also sports some of the worst acting in the horror genre.

Have you seen the excellent thriller "Halloween?" Which is coincidentally another horror movie with a ghost faced killer, that slowly stalks it's victims, was tortured during his youth, has parents that died under mysterious circumstances, was in an insane asylum and the happenings take place on a purely commercial holiday? Well than you've seen "Valentine" and you've seen it done much better. "Valentine" is the horror movie for the brain-dead TRL generation that has no patience for originality in any form.

I'm gonna summarize the four credited screenwriter script in 3 sentences. Ugly kid gets bugged when he was young by pretty people. Fast forward thirteen years and pretty people start dying. Pretty people wonder who's doing it while dealing with half realized sub-plots. The story not only rips pages shamelessly from "Halloween," but also many other horror movies. For instance similar to the ominous note giving in "I Know What You Did Last Summer" the main characters get Valentine cards saying such things as "Roses are red, violets are blue, they are going to need dental records to identify you." That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Let's talk about the acting in "Valentine" because the dialog honestly sounds like a first-time script read-through. Denise Richards is especially dreadful. You thought her acting couldn't get any worse than her outing as a possibly handicap nuclear scientist in the Bond flick "The World is Not Enough?" Well, unfortunately for her, it does! Her line delivery is honestly worse than the Olsen twins when they were 5 years old on Full House. The other actresses are nondescript blondes that look frighteningly similar to one another from a far. They are neither remarkable nor unremarkable actors; they are just there to eventually die in an unimaginative manor. One blonde gets a threatening Valentine and doesn't even seem to care. Another eats maggot filled chocolates and doesn't seem to overly mind either. On top of that, neither calls the cops. That is just stupid, plain and simple. Lastly, the killer is so painfully obvious even from the promos that there is no point in watching this movie at all. The predictability is tremendous.

Don't bother with "Valentine." It's a huge waste of time. I would go as far to say it is one of the worst movies I have seen in my life. That's saying a lot considering I used to work at a movie store and I'm a big horror movie fan.

Rating:
Summary: Will YOU dance with me?
Review: I saw the previews for this movie and didn't expect much from it. I just imagined another slasher movie with no plot like the Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer sequels. But I did like the idea of a Cupid killer on Valentine's day. I was further drawn to this movie by Jamie Blank's directing which was pretty good in Urban Legend despite the horrible script which doomed the film. So I gave it a try and found a very fun, smartly structured movie to watch. A mix of eye candy, slash & gash horror, a well written script, and good direction made this movie one of the better modern slasher flicks. The movie really goes on the idea that few things change after Junior High except age, and really focus on the mean spirited nature of the select few children who mercilessly outcast, torture, and ridicule a fellow classmate. The suspense may be the usual walk-around-slowly-while-you-know-the-killer-is-in-the-room, but I didn't mind it. What I also didn't mind was the horrible acting of all the actresses in the movie, because you just want these terrible human beings to get menaced and murdered... So your free to sit back and root for the justified killer with a large list of original deaths and sets. One that sticks out in particular was the art gallery maze of television screens and strange erotic art which gets increasingly more intense and violent as the victim wanders into the killer's trap where the cherub-masked killer awaits with a bow and arrow. Very nice metaphor on how some relationships go down a scary, violent path. I think despite the murders and sets the only good actor in the movie is David Boreanez who plays Kate's borderline boyfriend Adam. At one point his voice changes from deep and scary to happy and comforting in a seamless, schizophrenic style. It also has a nice surprise ending. So if you can relate to being ridiculed in school, or like slasher movies, this movie should not be missed.