Hobgoblins

Rating:
Summary: Shown daily in hell
Review: Ah, who can forget? Hobgoblins, the exceedingly cheap and bizarre horror/comedy hybrid by Rick Sloane, is less a film than a series of images designed to drive the audience to ritual suicide. That's my theory anyway, because it's the only explanation I can come up with for why Sloane actually thought it was theater-worthy.

The plot, as such, involves three or more aliens (the title creatures) who can make a person's wildest fantasies come true before killing them. They are trapped inside a derelict bank vault by a security guard, who makes sure no one releases them for 30 years. It's a good thing that no one comes to this bank anymore, because in all those years the guard never bothered to lock anything. Of course, the new guard, a whiny airhead named Kevin, lets them out five minutes into his job and must destroy them before the sun comes up. Luckily, Kevin's search is narrowed by the fact that the hobgoblins head right to his house, where some kind of boring non-party is going on. Kevin's friends, including an army guy, his icy, non-supportive girlfriend (who earlier nearly dumped him because he didn't try to kill the army guy with a hoe), a slut, and a nerd, are attacked. The army guy tries to blow them up with a granade he happens to have, but Kevin decides his house is more important than the world and stops him. The hobgoblins run, and the rest of the night is spent trying to hunt them down. Along the way, we find that the army guy wants to dive on a grenade, the nerd just wants to have sex, Kevin's girlfriend wants to be a slut, and the slut apparantly doesn't want anything because she's already a slut. Oh, and Kevin himself wants to beat up a skinny guy with nunchucks (who was actually there before the hobgoblins got out, but apparently Sloane thought everyone would be braindead enough by this point not to notice. He was right.) At the end, without killing anybody, the hobgoblins return to the vault for no reason, where the old guard decides to blow them up. Why he didn't just do that when they were first locked in there is not addressed.

Rating:
Summary: This is the [explitive deleted]movie ever
Review: All I can bear to say is that this makes Pearl Harbor Look like The Godfather, ohw my god, I was once siting around watching a dvd of Lord of the rings when it ended i turned the t.v. back to t.v. mode episode of MST3000 this was playing. I complained about it so mutch online that someone on the internet named "Metroidfan1" jokingly saidthat he'ld send a copy tome. So I bought the DVD just to spite him. This is truly [not good] -1 out of 10

Rating:
Summary: If You Enjoy the Worst, Try This
Review: I was first introduced to this film on MST3K, and quickly concluded that it was one of the worst films ever made. Basically, what we have here are a few incredibly stupid looking puppets attacking people. There are a few cul-de-sac in the plot such as mind control of the people by the puppets, a haunted abandoned movie studio and the infamous 'Club Scum' scene where the band plays the 'Fish Picker' song. Truly, very, very bad.

After saying this please know that I actually enjoy this movie. It is absolutely horribly constructed, dismally acted, and ineptly edited. The music is awful, but at least it drowns out the dialogue (when you are lucky). If you want to enjoy watching a very bad movie in the 'Plan 9' genre, you will be quite pleased with yourself for finding this little known gem.

Rating:
Summary: A Hilarious Movie on Its Own; The Fontanelles Rule!!!!
Review: KISS KICKER! This movie is ripoff of "Critters" which was a ripoff of "Gremlins," but you know what? It ain't that bad. All the other reviews that heap loads of criticism on this movie's much-maligned producer/ writer/ director/ photographer/ editor (I'm not making this up) Rick Sloane are only getting his name from the MST3K lampooning of Hobgoblins, in which they repeat his name about 100 times. Not too original. But, in the spirit of this third generation rip-off of "Gremlins," I guess it just comes with the territory.

The story centers around five friends, one of whom is a rent-a-cop at a local warehouse. While on "duty" (heh-heh.."doodie") the rent-a-cop accidentally releases (heh-heh "releases"...ok, I'll stop) space aliens that are obviously poorly constructed muppet-type sock puppets. And by "poorly constructed" I mean FREAKIN' HILARIOUS! I love the scene where they steal the rent-a-cop's go cart....I digress. Anyway, these bad little aliens have the ability to make anyone's innermost desires come true, BUT in doing so they drain the life-force from the person, eventually killing them. Oh yeah, and they have sharp claws and kill people that way, too. With the hobgoblins on the loose, the five goofy friends, especially the dumb kid in the red shorts, are forced to save the ugly little corner of suburbia in which they dwell. Oh, and they are all horny and irritating, but in a good way.

This is actually an enjoyably stupid movie that really stands on its own and can give the viewer laugh after laugh, most of them unintentional. I love the scenes at CLUB SCUM with the hilarious Master of Ceremonies performed by the massively talented DALAN NORRIS. Whatever happened to him? Oh, yeah and the amazing music (and Live Performance!!!) provided by the above mentioned FONTANELLES (with lead singer Spit Spignolla) is soooo bad that's it's actually quite good. The song "Kiss Kicker" should have been a top 40 hit. So, move your kiss kicker over to the buy button and grab one of those new copies of this hidden gem before someone else does.

Rating:
Summary: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!
Review: This has got to be the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It had horrible dialogue, even worse acting and what in the world were those stupid looking gremlin puppet things, I mean you could tell there was some guy with his hand up the puppets butt. This movie had as much plot as a toilet. And what was up with that old guy, he had no importance to the film..oh wait...none of the charachters did. this movie was physically tasking to watch. I would of rather watched the one semi-hot, uptight chick sit in a chair in a dark room and eat a ham sandwich for an hour and a half. Oh yes, I musn't forget the end where "Nick" bursts into flames when he jumps onto a live grenade to sav who knows what and lives to go rock the boat with his girlfriend. But the funny thing was that he was on crutches and only has two arm braces on for his two burned arms....what the hell. The only possible way i would watch this ever again would be if i was watching it on mst3k.

Rating:
Summary: Rick Sloane is Satan incarnate....
Review: This.... this.... I can't even find the words for this piece of crap. The director, Rick Sloane must have a passionate hate for all mankind. In fact, he should have been killed by now. Anyway, Hobgoblins was one of the best and funniest MST3K episodes. The film itself is one of the worst films ever made, however.
The plot is virtually non-existent. The "hobgoblins" are just cheap puppet-dolls that apparently kill you by granting "your deepest desire." The characters inflicted by these creatures are just as stupid as the puppets. The main character is a little pussbag of a wimp, WHO CAN'T EVEN USE A RAKE CORRECTLY!! The other characters sicken me as well. We have a frigid girlfriend, an incredibly thin and ugly nympho, her boyfriend who is a sex-straved military man, and a nerd who is obsessed with phone sex. In short, I didn't care about any of them and I was hoping that they would all be killed. The whole film is entirely sleazy (especially "Club Scum") and will make you want to shower for a week straight.
In short, the lack of plot, horrid acting, writing, and the fact that Rick Sloabe is evil incarnate make this a great MST3K episode. But don't EVER watch the original version. UGH!

Rating:
Summary: Cheesy horror at it's best!
Review: Wow, what can I say. I am a major horror buff. So of course no matter how bad a horror movie is I'll love it. A cheesy, bad acted, and terribly scripted movie. I mean it's just what I was looking for. Here is the basic plot.

Four Hobgoblins crashed landed to earth 30 yrs prior. They have the ability to give anyone their wildest dreams. But of course in the end they kill you. They are trapped in a vault for 30 yrs. Then a new security guard unwittengly free's them of there prison. And is then giving the charge to destroy them by morning.

~~~SPECIAL FEATURES~~~

Trailer
Still Gallery
Drive in antics w/miss kim.

I suggest grabbing this dvd. Getting tanked and watching it with a bunch of friends just as tanked as you.

Zombie