Corpses Are Forever

Rating:
Summary: DONT WASTE YOUR TIME or money
Review: CORPSES ARE FOREVER is one of the worst movies i've ever seen. so much is wrong with this awful movie that i don't know where to begin. for starters, the acting is terrible. this is the most ungifted group of actors that i've had the displeasure of watching. the main character's kung fu fight with the zombies is so lame that its not even funny. the punches and kicks are blatantly fake even with the camera's loss of depth perception. secondly the sound is nearly as bad as the actors. some sort of loud background noise overpowers the dialog in most scenes; which is almost a good thing when you consider the horrible plot. i was so angry that i stopped the movie half way through so that i could come vent my disdain for this movie.. i'm not even sure if i will turn it back on. and now, as i think, im begining to get angry with myself for even wasting my time berating this movie. however, if this review prevents even one person from watching this atrocity, then my efforts will not have been in vain.

Rating:
Summary: Corpses are forever-skelton crew baby 4 life
Review: Corpses Really Act Poorly (C.R.A.P.) - Okay, so before I rip into this movie I want to explain why I gave it one star when it probably deserved zero. One half of a star goes to Jose Prendes for having a good idea, and one half of a star because it's a zombie movie.

That's where my good will ends. The main thing that ruins this movie is our intrepid auteur Jose. His acting is only marginally worse than his martial arts skills. Watching the fight sequences felt like watching WWF. If a kick or punch landed within five feet of its intended target, it was a miracle.

Our lead actor/director spends a good portion of the movie wearing a big felt hat that's about ten sizes to big for his head, trying to channel Indiana Jones or Humphrey Bogart in a sad attempt at Cinema Noir.

Nice try, Jose, but you ended up being your own worst enemy. Get some actors next time, because your idea could have been interesting.


Rating:
Summary: A ZOMBIE MOVIE THAT RE-INVENTS THE GENRE!!
Review: I got to see CORPSES ARE FOREVER at a film festival and I thought it was awesome. It totally re-invents zombie movies. It's not your average teenagers vs. monsters stuff, but a smart, intrigue-filled action picture. A solid espionage thriller and a horror classic all in one...BUY IT, IT'S THAT GOOD!

Rating:
Summary: Corpses are Forever Lame
Review: It's been a long time since I've had a chance to sit down to a horror movie/zombie movie that I just grabbed off the shelf. So, of course I forgot to numb my senses with booze. I regret this oversight, thanks to this B-Movie crapathon.
Here's a synopsis: It starts as a black and white suprnatural mystery. Then, it's a "zombie" movie where there are a grand total of twelve zombies that are about as terrifying as a throw pillow. They don't even kill anybody. NOT ONE ZOMBIE CASUALTY. THEN it's a spy thriller with a Gay General who looks like he's dressed to be camouflage at a Jimmy Buffet concert. THEN it's an amnesia mystery with a nurse that stepped out of a porno (or a Florida strip club) and forgot to bring her nudity. THEN it's... well, this is taking to long. It's CRAP.
If you're going to make a movie on a limited budget and work so hard on something to create your art, WHY would you half-ass it so badly? The fight scenes are less convincing than a WWF match between two forty-year-old jobbers. The writing is so convoluted that I could jam a taco in my butt and come out with a more thought-out story. At one point, I believe that the writers ran out of ideas, so they had a woman with blood on her head start GRANTING WISHES.
It's not exciting and it's NOT scary. I've seen pillow fights with more terror and intensity. Even the guy who was IN THE MOVIE wrote a lousy review.
Here are some questions for the filmmakers:
Is this a zombie movie because they were filming one next door? Were these people on a lunchbreak from another zombie movie? Have these filmmakers ever heard of a retake? (If the actor can't hit the slide release on his pistol the first time, try saying: "CUT, do it again." ) When you kick a fat zombie woman in the teeth (assuming you get closer than two feet from her face...) why does she just STAND THERE? Where did you get that cheesy rubber mask? WHY did Debbie Rochon get involved with this travesty? And MOST importantly: IF THE WORLD IS INFESTED WITH ZOMBIES, WHY ARE YOU CRUISING AROUND IN A CONVERTIBLE CADDY? I mean, it's a nice car, but not real tactical for a CIA agent. Not so low-profile.
In short, I can't say this movie was a waste of my time or money. It taught me three valuable lessons:
1) If I can't write a one-paragraph synopsis of the plot that is accurate to the script, I need to rewrite the script.
2) If a movie doesn't scare my wife, it's not scary at all.
3) If zombies ever DO invade the earth, the place to be is Florida, because there will only be a few of them and they'll be too busy commuting between the three locations of this film to worry about doing anyone any harm.

Rating:
Summary: IT COULD HAVE BEEN MUCH BETTER
Review: one year ago I ordered a movie called MONSTER MAN thinking it was that cool flick with F... FACE and his big truck. Instead I received the first movie of the guy who directed CORPSES ARE FOREVER and, despite its obviously good intentions and cameos, it basically sucked.

Now that guy named JOSE is down whith ASYLUM and gives us that CORPSES ARE FOREVER movie that is much much better than his previous effort. First, It is shot pretty well especially for such a low budget,then you got great actors ( Richard lynch and his messed up face and also scream queens like debbie rochon or brinke stevens ).

But still the plot is a mess, the zombies are ridiculous at best ( especially the fat one ) and you don't see much of them anyway. On top of that there is no real gore or nudity wich is definitly a huge let down for B.movies lovers like me.

I'd hate to sound like I'm dissing this director and his crew because they are talented. I think they just need to remember that when you lack money and time to make your HORROR movie, you need to make sure that the GOREHOUNDS are going to get what they want in the first place.


Rating:
Summary: The Worst zombie movie next to House Of the Dead,0 stars
Review: Only two times in my life have I ever stopped a movie halfway through. This movie is one of them. I felt embarrassed for having my friends watch this with me and had to stop the movie short. Maybe the second half of the movie was better than the first half, but I didn't want to gamble another hour of my life in order to find out.

Rating:
Summary: Poor Movie and no gore in it. Rated wrong bad everything
Review: This I rented because I was hoping to have a good zombie gore flick. Well it starts out bad and ends bad. First the movie really makes no sense. And second they hope to come out with a second movie. How in the world is there a second movie when the first is a complete failure and disaster? The reviewers said it right on this one and they pretty much sum it up.

The plot is a muddled plot in which 2 plots come about where I have no clue how in the world you can put these two plots together but it doesnt work at all. The first plot is about a guy who gets his son kidnapped and (rather calm about it) really doesnt have a sense of urgency to find his son. The main actor is able to somehow see the killer kill his victims who are usually women of ages 18-22. So for whatever reason the killer kidnaps the main character's (the name I dont remember because it was a movie to forget)son to "get even with him". Whatever that means and also the film never exlplains. The film never explains why the killer has an association with the main character or why if the killer is threatened by him. Why not just kill him and why bother taking his son? I mean he's killed like over a dozen women. Then somehow the devil is all mixed in this where he tries to strike a deal with main character to return his son to him and this deal allows hell to open up. Ya right. I have no idea how hell is opened up by striking a deal with the devil.

The film badly misquotes other films often naming stuff from George Romero's films and John Carpenter's They Live. Only they half do it in a way they do serious disjustice to the good films.

On with the second part of the bad plot. The other plot is about a general who is trying to close hell by dosing the secret agent which brings flashbacks of the original plot. The general finds out later on it was a contract signed by the main character to release his son and in return the devil gets to close hell. Well the main character steals the contract out of his hand. Another ya right. And runs off.

I think you get the picture. It is simply stupid. Among other things they distort the bible and its meanings by adding distorted versions of the Revelations section of the bible. Quotes such as "The dead shall walk the earth when the end of days begin" something rather. Ummm the bible does not talk about dead walking the other but vaguely talks about the end of days and how it happens and not by the dead walking the earth. You get the idea the writers were simply mixing a bunch of dumb ideas together to make a very subpar garbage of a film and cut and pasting things so that the plot doesn't look like it has too many holes in it. Then among other things they do so much patching of the story they forget to serve the gore hounds with any gore in it and the zombies look like crap.