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In the Woods

In the Woods

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Horrible ...just Horrible!
Review: ...and not in a good way either. What starts out as a promising title and idea for a film - a couple of guys go "in the woods" on a hunting trip and discover a grave of a horned creature - progresses rather badly. The acting is very subpar to begin with, and the production values are worse that what it tries to imitate - the Blair Witch project. Now, when a film tries to be cutting-edge with a documentary style approach like Blair Witch attempted, it can meet with some success. This film is a rather cheesy attempt to feed off some of the success of the Blair Witch. It's not scary, and not worthy of even a first viewing - I can't believe I've wasted my time watching it in it's entirety, but I had to see if it could redeem itself somehow. Alas, it could not. The characterizations, the creature makeup, and the plot are all some of the worst I have seen - almost laughable...but it tries to be a serious scary movie and fails badly. Now some "scary" movies are actually funny, and I like those, but this was just horribly made on so many levels. To give you an example, the two guys come upon the creature grave, decide to dig it up, then see the horned skull, get scared and begin to run away... but then (this is sooooo bad), smoke starts to pour out from the skull - bright BLUE smoke like some one had put a colored smoke bomb under it (hey, that's probably how they did the effect). That's when I began to know how "horrible" this flick would be. I can only give one star for the attempt to make a scary movie about what can happen "in the woods" as it was all a dismal disappointment. Heck, even I could have made this a scarier movie, based upon my real camping experiences. The movie's motto "Venegence is Eternal" is true if only the director is forced to watch this movie eternally.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Somewhere In the Woods...
Review: ...is a pretty decent horror movie, sadly writer/director Lynn Drzick can't untangle the mess of plotlines to find it.

Someone (or thing????) is tearing people apart in the woods outside of a small town. A hard drinking firefighter, his marriage on the rocks, and a buddy go hunting in the woods, for what is not made clear, and discover a strange shrine and/or grave. Thinking that it might be the grave of one of the areas countless missing children the two dig it up. What they find are the skeletal remains of some strange beast.

A nasty sounding roar rips out of the woods and the two not so great white hunters wisely beat feet out of there.

The hard drinking firefighter's marriage goes down the tubes and something begins leaving body parts in his yard.

What became clear was that this movie was shot in segments (i.e. whenever money was scraped together) and the scenes were written between shoots. Nothing in the latter half of the movie fits together very well, if at all. The twists and turns of the needlessly "complex" store are more the result of sloppy writing than anything else. The answers to just what is going on isn't really worth sitting through and the monster dog suit is pretty wretched. This movie is for only the most die hard bad movie fans out there. You have been warned.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: I Laughed Till It Hurt
Review: From the bad community theater acting, to the bad script, to the bad direction, to the bad not-so special effects...I found this movie to be the funniest movie I've seen in a really long time.

Is it scary? Only if you think that someone out there thought it was a horror movie and marketed it as such.

It it even good? Not even decent.

I recommend a Friday night viewing over pizza and a six pack. That's the only way to get any enjoyment out of this laughable piece of dung, especially if you spent more than a penny to view it.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: More of a comedy??
Review: I just rented this movie and watched it with some friends. What it says on the cover and the general idea make it sound like it just might be worth watching once. We laughed through this whole movie, which was supposed to be scary. Everything in it is just begging to be cracked on. From the VERY bad acting to the inappropriate scenes, to the really stupid looking monsters. The story has huge holes. Scenes that just don't fit in with the storyline at all. The only way I can recommend this is if you want to sit around with some friends and laugh at a REALLY BAD movie. It is entertaining in that respect but only that. Cannibal gerbils and devil dogs? LOL!!

I think the funniest thing about this movie is the price it goes for? Who would actually buy this?

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: More of a comedy??
Review: I just rented this movie and watched it with some friends. What it says on the cover and the general idea make it sound like it just might be worth watching once. We laughed through this whole movie, which was supposed to be scary. Everything in it is just begging to be cracked on. From the VERY bad acting to the inappropriate scenes, to the really stupid looking monsters. The story has huge holes. Scenes that just don't fit in with the storyline at all. The only way I can recommend this is if you want to sit around with some friends and laugh at a REALLY BAD movie. It is entertaining in that respect but only that. Cannibal gerbils and devil dogs? LOL!!

I think the funniest thing about this movie is the price it goes for? Who would actually buy this?

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: I wish there was a '0 stars' option....
Review: I rented this movie from Blockbuster while I was in Tennessee with my father. Be warned, the acting is the only thing actually scary about this movie! I thought it was bit funny watching the characters' mouths still moving once they had stopped talking! The monsters were awful, as well. I don't believe I've seen a movie before this one where a big black teddy-bear with a horn chews a woman's arm off without moving a single muscle in its jaws. If you're in the mood for a good laugh, I would suggest this movie, but make sure you can take it back or sell it afterward; I wouldn't even let my dog catch me actually owning this movie.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: wasn't too great
Review: it wasnt too great. it had a story line but terrible effects. i mean the monster wasnt scary it was funny. i cant believe it. i liked when it threw body parts, though. it was pretty darn funny!!!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: EL STINKO!
Review: No explanation needed beyond this really SUCKS on all levels. The worst ever. Poor everything. Beyond laughable. Don't let the deceptive and slick Blair Witch comparison fool you.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: The worst 'movie' I've ever seen!
Review: There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said by the other reviewers, but even in the worst of films there are usually one or two servicable performances...not in this piece of pathetic garbage. I've seen better acting in high school plays. Every, and I mean every 'actor' is bad beyond belief, and what's truly amazing is the uniformity of the badness...gosh, it must have been the director. Where did they get these people? They must have dug them up along with the monster, which, by the way, makes the "Basket Case" twin look like state-of-the-art FX. "Plan 9 From Outer Space" at least had Bela Lugosi. Avoid this turkey at all costs.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: ''In The Woods" should have been left there
Review: This is possibly one of the worst horror movies I have ever seen. Although entertaining in places due to its laughable script and even weaker acting, and I use that term very loosely, it is unfortunate that this film was not consigned to B movie hell for all eternity. What could have been a good idea has been ruined by an ultra low budget, poor sound and effects and actors who probably earned their wings in children's television, and poor children's television at that. With one scene reminiscent of "Pet Sematary" and two nicely designed monsters, this could have been a winner. Unfortunately, cliches abound and hamfisted direction causes the film to be overlong in places, e.g. the first thirty minutes do nothing to advance the plot and could be a mockumentary about a small town fire department. Much more could have been made of the monsters and their background but it was all passed over in a ten second flashback which had to be explained ten minutes later. If you want to see how to ruin a horror film, study this one very closely. In fact, it is so bad that people should buy it for that reason alone. Especially note how the final scene looks as if it was knocked up in about 5 minutes. Realism escapes this movie on every levels. The overall impression is that someone was given a below average script, wannabe actors, an average director and absolutely no budget whatsoever. With a formula like that, it just had to be doomed.


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