The House of Seven Corpses

Rating:
Summary: WHAT "Seven" Corpses?
Review: This movie is only recommended to those looking for some bad movies to laugh at. It is no Ed Wood, but in comparison, Ed Wood is FAR better at creating coherent plots. No, I'm not upset that there weren't 7 zombies in this movie (there are only 2), and I do love old fashioned horror movies. But the scriptwriter's inability to count even to 7 is only one example of this film's incoherence.

The movie starts out by showing a series of five-second clips of 6 (NOT 7) people in period costumes dying in an old mansion in various ways (stabbed to death, falling off a second floor landing, etc.). Flashforward to the present. The mansion is now owned by John Carridine and is being rented by a movie crew making a film based on the history of the mansion and how 3 (not 6 or 7) of its residents met a violent end. Most of the movie is then taken up by scenes of the actors, director and film crew shooting scenes or squabbling amongst themselves. Meanwhile Carradine (who only makes a few cameo appearances) spends his time hanging around the graveyard out back, rereading the headstones over and over again and at one point climbs down into an empty grave, all in an effort to determine the identity of whoever's buried in the empty grave (don't ask me -- I'm also confused).

At one point, one of the actresses finds half the body of her pet cat (it is never explained who did it, how or why). Finally, in about the last ten minutes of the movie, they film a scene in which one character reads a spell to raise the dead. Unbeknownst to the crew, the spell is real and it revives one corpse buried in the cemetary out back (I believe it was the guy stabbed to death). The zombie kills Carradine then 3 of the film crew. The actress who owned the dead cat gets scared when she hears someone coming up the stairs. It is actually a fellow actor, but that doesn't stop her from accidentally shooting him 5 or 6 times! The zombie then pops out of hiding and kills her. Another actress falls down dead instantly just from looking at the zombie.

Meanwhile, one actor and the director are filming exterior night shots. They find Carradine lying next to the newly empty grave (now somehow neatly dug out). The actor goes nuts and attempts to push the director into the hole. The actor falls in instead and instantly becomes a decades old corpse (?!?!) and kills the director. The end.

The body count: 6 dead 75 years ago, 3 dead in the movie-within-a -movie, and (not counting the cat) 9 dead in the present. Oh yeah, two of the murders in the present superficially resemble 2 of the deaths 75 years ago, but none of the other 6 do. The scriptwriter, who also is responsible for Puff'n'Stuff, must have been blowing on his magic flute too often.

Rating:
Summary: WHAT "Seven" Corpses?
Review: This movie is only recommended to those looking for some bad movies to laugh at. It is no Ed Wood, but in comparison, Ed Wood is FAR better at creating coherent plots. No, I'm not upset that there weren't 7 zombies in this movie (there are only 2), and I do love old fashioned horror movies. But the scriptwriter's inability to count even to 7 is only one example of this film's incoherence.

The movie starts out by showing a series of five-second clips of 6 (NOT 7) people in period costumes dying in an old mansion in various ways (stabbed to death, falling off a second floor landing, etc.). Flashforward to the present. The mansion is now owned by John Carridine and is being rented by a movie crew making a film based on the history of the mansion and how 3 (not 6 or 7) of its residents met a violent end. Most of the movie is then taken up by scenes of the actors, director and film crew shooting scenes or squabbling amongst themselves. Meanwhile Carradine (who only makes a few cameo appearances) spends his time hanging around the graveyard out back, rereading the headstones over and over again and at one point climbs down into an empty grave, all in an effort to determine the identity of whoever's buried in the empty grave (don't ask me -- I'm also confused).

At one point, one of the actresses finds half the body of her pet cat (it is never explained who did it, how or why). Finally, in about the last ten minutes of the movie, they film a scene in which one character reads a spell to raise the dead. Unbeknownst to the crew, the spell is real and it revives one corpse buried in the cemetary out back (I believe it was the guy stabbed to death). The zombie kills Carradine then 3 of the film crew. The actress who owned the dead cat gets scared when she hears someone coming up the stairs. It is actually a fellow actor, but that doesn't stop her from accidentally shooting him 5 or 6 times! The zombie then pops out of hiding and kills her. Another actress falls down dead instantly just from looking at the zombie.

Meanwhile, one actor and the director are filming exterior night shots. They find Carradine lying next to the newly empty grave (now somehow neatly dug out). The actor goes nuts and attempts to push the director into the hole. The actor falls in instead and instantly becomes a decades old corpse (?!?!) and kills the director. The end.

The body count: 6 dead 75 years ago, 3 dead in the movie-within-a -movie, and (not counting the cat) 9 dead in the present. Oh yeah, two of the murders in the present superficially resemble 2 of the deaths 75 years ago, but none of the other 6 do. The scriptwriter, who also is responsible for Puff'n'Stuff, must have been blowing on his magic flute too often.

Rating:
Summary: VERY STUPID!!!!!
Review: This movie sucks. End of story. Avoid at all costs!!