Rating: 
Summary: It's a spoof, right?
Review: "The Greenskeeper" either represents the absolute nadir of the slasher film or it is one of the cleverest spoofs of the genre to appear on the scene. I'm not sure yet, even weeks after watching the movie. If this picture had come out before "Scream," I think I would land on the side of "absolute nadir." But ever since Wes Craven poked a bit of fun at the very genre he helped construct, one must look at a film like "The Greenskeeper" in a different way. Maybe, just maybe, the filmmakers decided to shoot for cult status by intentionally making a bad film. The lure of the "so bad it's good" label draws more attention than we think amongst low budget filmmakers. And why not? There are films from twenty or thirty years ago that should have faded away five minutes after opening in a theater, but they didn't because they captured that certain something which allowed them to remain firmly planted in the minds of lovers of bad cinema. There are actors, too, that make millions because they appeared in some much beloved piece of junk. Is this the fate of "The Greenskeeper" and leading actor Allelon Ruggiero? I don't know. Only time will tell.
In the meantime, allow me to waste a few minutes of your life telling you about the film. "The Greenskeeper" is your typical slasher film set on a golf course. Years before, the Greenskeeper (John Rocker) perished in an unfortunate accident involving an exploding golf cart and a terrible fire. Burned over most of his body, the Greenskeeper didn't survive for very long, or at least that's the official story. Flash forward to the present, where we see Allen (Allelon Ruggiero) attempt to deal with his pathetic existence. He's got a volatile girlfriend, Mary Katherine (Allison Kulp), who wants to leave him because he can't seem to advance beyond his job of assistant greenskeeper at the club. Allen also has a bunch of deadbeat friends who do nothing except sit around in front of the television set all day wacked out of their minds. And his parents--oh baby! You see, Allen is the son of the original, long lamented greenskeeper, but his mother (who owns the golf course) sort of went to pieces after the accident and now drinks herself into a stupor. She also married a smarmy jerk, Mr. Anderson (Bruce Taylor), who runs the golf course as the new greenskeeper. It is this chap who gave Allen a lowly job, and it is this guy who torments him on a regular basis. Allen's only friends are Otis (Thomas Merdis), an elderly African-American who can't seem to fix a lawnmower, and the pretty clubhouse server Elena (Melissa Ponzio), with whom Allen wouldn't mind striking up a relationship.
Most of the above information is all surface detail, as most of the seedier behavior goes on behind the scenes. Mary Katherine, for instance, is a hardcore drug abuser who repeatedly stabs Allen in the back every chance she gets. While she plays the part of faithful companion to Allen in front of his wealthy parents, Mary Katherine hangs out with the club's bimbos and meatheads. This group of incorrigible airheads convinces Allen to let them into the club at night for an evening of heavy partying. Immediately prior to the party, Allen discovers startling evidence that his mother planned on letting him run the course until Anderson married her. None of this matters initially because someone, we immediately presume the deceased greenskeeper, has returned to the club in order to wreak bloody havoc on anyone within easy reach. The partygoers soon find out that sneaking into the clubhouse was an extremely poor idea. The killer dispatches the young people in inventive ways. One of Mary Katherine's friends expires when the maniac runs a part of him through the golf ball washer. Did you know you could use one of those tools for digging new putting green holes to punch through someone's back? You can!
I won't spoil the ending for you except to say we finally see Allen come into his own and learn about a plot twist that we saw coming from miles away. What I can say is this: "The Greenskeeper" is a mess in terms of the acting, the script, the editing, and the pacing. Sure, John Rocker appears in the movie (a gimmick if there ever was one), but he utters only a few words and gets little screen time. Allelon Ruggiero, known primarily for his performance in "The Dead Poets Society" a few years back, looks like he thought the whole movie was a goof--I swear he almost burst out laughing in at least one scene. Allison Kulp practically descends into camp playing the naughty Mary Katherine, and her friends aren't much better. The dialogue is leaden and laughable, about as leaden as the pacing of the movie. As for the editing, well, I've seen broken piñatas that hang together better than the scenes in this film. Note to film editor: next time use a machine to cut the film instead of a chainsaw. But, and this is a big exception to these flaws, the gore effects aren't half bad. Lots of blood flows in "The Greenskeeper," which, even though it's often played for laughs, does help move the film along.
Extras include filmographies, the revelation that Kip Winger composed the score (!), and a bunch of trailers for "The Greenskeeper," "Firefight," "Mary Christmas," and "Fire Over Afghanistan." As many problems as I had with this film, I would probably watch it again if given the chance. I'm even thinking about subjecting my girlfriend to the movie, just to see her reaction. Will "The Greenskeeper" eventually achieve cult status? Who knows, but it's somewhat fun if you're in the right mood for it.
Rating: 
Summary: OFF THEIR ROCKER
Review: Admittedly, casting Atlanta Braves' bad boy John Rocker as a serial killer was an inspired piece of casting. However, big John is hardly in the film at all. Which means we're left with a cast of really bad actors running around in their bathing suits and what not, and even with some innovative methods of offing the victims, THE GREENSKEEPER breaks no new ground in the art of film-making. There are, however, some priceless lines: having three of the boytoys named Chad, Chet and Chuck (or something like that); when one of the bimbos has to cancel her vacation because the island is being taken over by guerillas, she innocently says "I didn't even know they had a zoo."
A lame, tired rip off of all the slasher movies you've ever seen.
Rating:
Summary: OFF THEIR ROCKER
Review: Admittedly, casting Atlanta Braves' bad boy John Rocker as a serial killer was an inspired piece of casting. However, big John is hardly in the film at all. Which means we're left with a cast of really bad actors running around in their bathing suits and what not, and even with some innovative methods of offing the victims, THE GREENSKEEPER breaks no new ground in the art of film-making. There are, however, some priceless lines: having three of the boytoys named Chad, Chet and Chuck (or something like that); when one of the bimbos has to cancel her vacation because the island is being taken over by guerillas, she innocently says "I didn't even know they had a zoo."
A lame, tired rip off of all the slasher movies you've ever seen.
Rating: 
Summary: The Greatest Film of All Time
Review: As a certified and notarized film critic, it is my professional opinion that The Greenskeeper is the greatest film in history of American cinema. This film is an example of story telling at its finest, and surpasses such classics as Citizen Kane and Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise. The cast performances are supberb, and if there was any justice in the world, John Rocker would have received several academy awards. I'd never heard of this young and comely actor before this film, but he certainly has a bright future ahead of him.
The cost of this DVD is well worth the price, and I would like to encourage all who read this review to purchase this film, and to purchase additional copies for Christmas, birthday, Easter, Valentine's, Kwanzaa, Summer Solstice, and getting-out-of-jail gifts for friends and relatives.
Rating: 
Summary: Please Boycott This Movie
Review: As a gay man, I am terribly offended that this movie is even being offered for sale. I would just like to remind everyone that John Rocker is a proven racist and homophobe, and by purchasing this movie, you are supporting his oppressive views. I have not seen this movie, and refuse to spend money on it. Although Rocker is a handsome man, I cannot hear his name or see his face without his racist comments about Asian drivers or having to ride the train next to "some queer with AIDS" resonating in my ear, and I hope it is the same for you.From what my boyfriend tells me, Rocker's baseball career is circling the drain. If we will all ignore this attempt by Rocker to remain in the public eye, maybe he will go away for good.
Rating: 
Summary: Pure genious, plain and simple!
Review: Boy, howdy, I'll tell you what! That there is a fine piece of film. I haven't been so tickled in all my life. I'm telling you, this is a must-see movie right here. It's got all the good stuff; comedy, superior acting, lots of plot twists, murder, lawncare... what's not to love. Buy this bad boy right now, you won't regret it. Great date movie, too... I showed this to some ladie friends of mine, and WHOO WHOOOOOOOO!!!! Y'all know what I'm sayin'. Buy this movie!
Rating:
Summary: very surprising!!!!
Review: I am a huge fan of B movies and it's this kind of movie that makes me one. This movie is new and refreshing. The death scenes are very unique. You can also add that there are three fine women that bare there tops in this soon to be classic. So if you and guys are looking for a great movie to pass the time away, get out the beers and sit back and relax as this ABOVE PAR movie slashes it's way on your screen.
Rating:
Summary: 2 Yee Haws for this one!
Review: I give this one 2 yee haws! I had to wait for the cattle to finally roam back into the pasture before I could watch this film, otherwise mama would have gotten a little upset with me. Shelby and Renee liked to never waddled their backsides back in time but they finally did. Those bovine broads are some of the slowest in history! Luckily it is survival of the fastest and not fatest or I'd never be rid of those fat beast's! Anyway, this flick is well worth the price of a free tub of popcorn!
Rating:
Summary: Call the Academy!!!!!!!!
Review: I have witnessed the utmost in theatric entertainment! An unparalleled coupling of stars, script and cinematography which excites the senses and boggles the imagination. John Rocker gives a landmark performance and the supporting cast melds together into a seamless tapestry of perfection! Never before have I had the pleasure of feeling as if I'm actually interacting with a movie, but this one made me feel as if I were a part of the never-ending unfolding action and drama. If you never see another film again, make sure this is at the top of that list!!! You won't be disappointed.
Rating:
Summary: So Bad it's Good!
Review: I really tried to like this movie, but the lack of acting skills, special effects and plot, made this movie hard to swallow. I gave it every opportunity to redeem itself, but this has to be the worst movie ever made. I am even ashamed to show it to my friends as a joke. Next time I want to waste my time, I'll sit down and watch old episodes of My Little Pony istead of watchin The Greenskeeper again.
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