Vampires

Rating:
Summary: Think "Communists."
Review: Classic Woods humor as he and his merry band track down the Vampiristas, drag them out into the light of day - and drive a stake through their hearts.

One wonders if the Vampires are not a metaphor for Communists - as James Woods, in real life, takes every available opportunity to expose the leftist disease that has infected America.

Rating:
Summary: Worth the laughs
Review: Obviously a cheap vampire movie with an unoriginal plot, but it did keep me laughing. James Woods' and Danny Baldwin's one-liners kept the movie going, along with the senseless gore of vampires slaughtering hooker parties and monk outposts.

The highlight of the movie came when Baldwin thrusts an improvised pike through the chest of a female vampire and provokingly asks her, "How do you like your stake, (explitive)?"

Definately a movie designed for viewers who are relaxed enough to watch a senseless but entertaining horror/humor flick without writing an uptight review about just how senseless the movie was.

Rating:
Summary: One of Carpenter's Best Looking Films.
Review: Jack Crow (James Woods), the leader of a Relentless Group of Mercenary Vampire Slayers. Jack meet his match, a Master Vampire named Valek (Thomas Ian Griffith) decimates Jack's entire team, expect for Crow's Partner (Daniel Baldwin) and an unlucky Prostitute (Sheryl Lee) are set in Persuit, since the Prostitute has a Psychic Link to Valek. Now Jack, his partner, the prostitute & a young Priest (Tim Guinee) have to fight Valek before he has Omnipotent Power to Walk in the Daylight.

Directed by John Carpenter (Escape from New York, Ghosts of Mars, Memoirs of a Invisible Man) made a Strong Entertaining Horror Action/Thriller. Based on a Novel by John Steakley. This film is quite different from another Vampires Films. Woods gives a Terrific Performance. DVD's has an sharp anamorphic Widescreen (2.35:1) transfer (also in Pan & Scan) and an impressive Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound. DVD has an entertaining Commentary Track by the Director. One of the highlights of the film is Gary B. Kibbe (In the Mouth of Madness) excellent Cinematography. Screenplay by Don Jakoby (Lifeforce), who also Co-Produced the film. Music by the Director. Panavision. Grade:A-.

Rating:
Summary: Incompetent Pastiche Trash
Review: After several people I know recommended this movie to me, I decided to get a second-hand copy of the VHS and watch it. I wasn't expecting a masterpiece, but I did look forward to seeing Sheryl Lee again, as I admire her work as an actress and always find her acting top-notch.

Unfortunately her presence in this movie seems purely incidental, and she racks up hardly ten minutes of screen time if memory serves, playing second-fiddle to the totally repulsive main characters who recklessly waltz in to the homes of vampires and proceed to attempt to murder them using underhanded and frankly sickening tactics. In fact, every act of aggression by the vampires in the story appeared to be provoked by the actions of 'Jack Crow'...a tacky assumed name if I've ever heard one. The 'twist' at the end was totally predictable, although the reliance on deus ex machina was another unpleasant surprise, as one of the characters somehow survives a deep open neck wound that should've killed him from loss of blood, and a series of ridiculously unlikely coincidences enables the wholly unsatisfying ending.

Filled with needless profanity, offensive violence, and repulsive and poorly-acted main characters (aside from Sheryl, who did the best she could with the dross she was given), this is a movie to avoid if you love vampire movies, or even movies in general. John Carpenter should've known better before affixing his name to this one. Even the lackluster From Dusk To Dawn did it better, and that's saying something. Don't waste your time and money on this piece of trash.

Rating:
Summary: Such a disappointment!!!
Review: I had so looked forward to seeing this movie when it came out in the theaters. Having read John Steakley's fantastic book, "Vampires Inc" years ago, this movie adaptation was a big let down. Perhaps comparing the book to the movie is unfair, but if you read the book first, you would be feeling the same way. It was a gut-wrenching, edge of your seat, exciting hunt for the undead. It never let you down and kept you continually tense and nervous.

The film borrows a barely recognizable story line. Yes, there is a character named Jack Crow. Yes, he leads a band of vampire hunters. Yes, the Catholic church sanctions and finances each mission. And yes, there is a master vampire. But that's the only similarites between the book amd movie. It follows about 5 percent of the book, and that's being very generous.

The movie starts with a great opening sequence in a deserted house that the vampire hunters need to clean out. There's lots of blood, violence, gore, and non-stop cursing. Then the movie turns sideways and tries to make it's own path and ends up lost. If you do plan to read the book, I suggest to do it after watching the film. Had I done just that, I wouldn't be so critical.

I would have thought Hollywood had learnt it's mistakes after the way it slaughtered Peter Straub's masterpiece "Ghost Story" (Another must read!). I thought that had to be the worst film adaptation ever. Sorry, but this is a close second. I understand it's not always possible to get everything that's in the book down on film, but surely Hollywood can do better than this.

Rating:
Summary: Vampires is the best.
Review: I liked this movie. I usually hate vampire movies but this one was very good. It was funny and tough and didn't have to resort to sub-From Dusk Til Dawn type mayhem that Blade did as it had a plot also. It's not too gory either. Sure KNB do some great make-up effects but it's not like the gore is the only entertainment of the movie. Blade and FDTD relied on the gore to entertain too often. Carpenter has made a Vampire movie that seems more realistic than that.

This movie is stangely light-hearted for a vampire/horror flick. Don't get me wrong though, it's best that way. There is a lot of cool dialogue too and Daniel Baldwin's performance is one of his best. I love desert set movies and this one gives us some great cinematography and gorgeous scenery. The music is also light-hearted in a way but can also be spooky at time. Carpenter always comes up with great tunes and his guitar riff and 'Roadhouse Blues' approach to the genre gives a whole new feel. Plus James Woods shines in the way that only he can do.

The DVD has a boring commentary (Carpenter has no one to talk to), a trailer and the cover claims it contains a photo gallery also but unless it's an easter egg it ain't there. The picture is in pretty good 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen and the sound is Dolby 5.1. It'd be cool if Columbia released a Superbit of this movie.

Rating:
Summary: Great plus features on the DVD
Review: This was the first movie that I listented to the director's voice over while I watched the movie...I loved it. Now I am hooked, but John Carpenter is still one of the best voice overs...It like having a friend sitting next to you while the two of you watch the movie and he explains what he did and why...he tells you the tricks...the lighting used...he sets you up with comments explaining "this is the classic "get you look here" but the the danger is actually coming from there..."

I really appreciated the movie a lot more after my "friend" explained it to me...

I am so glad this option was on the DVD, I wish more had it.

Rating:
Summary: It's a fangless task, but someone's godda do it!
Review: The Catholic Church has taken such a roasting in the press recently, that you'd think they'd welcome a plague of vampires just to distract from the grim headlines. By the end of this film will it also be taking the rap for the comman cold, shortsightedness and Jack Nicholson's loss of libido? Responsibility is not quite the same thing as accountability, however. Luckily, in the fantasy world of film you can solve any given issue by bringing in the walking thespian stick to sort out any spiritual difficulties. Lunch maybe for wimps, but Mr Woods appears to have dispensed with breakfast, dinner and hot cocoa and pretzels before bed. Bagels? Fuggedabout it! In fact, should the team run out of stakes, they can always pick up Mr Woods and charge right at the master vampire. Mr Woods is the apotheosis of hardboiled. Judging by his performance in this picture, I don't think he even bothers peeling the shell. He appears to wear dark glasses after sundown just to give himself an edge by not quite seeing the vampires coming. Mr Valek wears black, too, but Mr Woods likes it tough. His spray on jeans may make you cringe but just remember he has to speak the dialogue and roll around in them at the same time. Both Valek and Woods' profound disrespect to clergyman may have certain aggrieved parties cheering from their sofas while the 'twist' ending may cause them little more than weary resignation rather than surprise. Timely word that, resignation. The studied vulgarity of the whole enterprise proves wearisome but the electric (cable?) Mr Woods keeps the predictable and often lamentable proceedings firmly on the road. I've given 'Vampires' more stars than it deserves but hey, it's Christmas! Probably not before time, either, for a certain venerated religious institution.

Rating:
Summary: Has its moments, but......
Review: The opening of this movie was awesome! Hard core action, good plot, originality, some real scares, etc. After the first 10 minutes it looked like this flick was going to be one of my all-time favorite movies. Unfortunately things went downhill quickly from there. By the time the end of the movie rolled around I actually thought I was watching a comical spoof instead of a horror movie. Man, what a wasted opportunity. In the end I would say that it was a so-so movie, worth seeing once I suppose. I would definately recommend renting before buying.

The problems with the movie were numerous. A glaring defect was the musical "score" by John Carpenter himself. It sounds like a carbon copy of his soundtrack for "They Live" (one of my real all-time favorite movies). It just doesn't work twice. He should have used a professional composer. The plot was full of holes, and except for the opening sequence was not scary at all. Having the master slayer be an employee of the church and at the same time using the "f" word or some other 4-letter profanity every time he spoke and beating up all the women and priests in sight was over the top. As was the church's hiring of prostitites for the slayers' time off, etc. The ending was downright laughable, but I'll have to spare you the details to avoid a spoiler. We also got a real hoot out of the fact that at the beginning of the movie it took a whole team of slayers with enough armament to take over a small country to tackle a nest of "ordinary" vampires, but later in the flick two of them take on a whole town of "master" vampires with a crossbow and a pistol. Har! The plot was just full of stunts like that.

Definately not to be taken too seriously.

Rating:
Summary: Vampires is Great
Review: John Carpenter's Vampires is about the best movie I've seen lately. I can watch it over and over again. I find it incredibly scary and entertaining! Wonderful movie!