Rating: 
Summary: The Zombie Rocks!
Review: This film is what I have been waiting for. This is Something weird and far more different than all the other crap. Rob Zombie knows what he wants and what he needs to do to get a major fan base. Plus it has a great cast. With Sid Haig as Captain Spailsing and Bill Mosley as Otis you are sure to laugh at least once. If you are looking for a good horror movie watch this one. Rated R- for sadistic violence and gore, language,and nudity.
Rating: 
Summary: Does not qualify as horror
Review: When I purchased this movie, I had every hope that it would be a great horror film. After all, you would expect Rob Zombie to have great ideas in that area. Unfortunately, his idea of horror is strictly limited to gore. Any good movie, reguardless of genre, should attempt to draw the viewer inside and, idealy, put themselves in the place of one or more of the characters. This is his greatest mistake. The victims are so flawed there is no way to empathise with any of them. The demented family members are more comical than frightening. And, the monsters are just repulsive. The gore was so explicit that it wasn't even that effective. There are far more gruesome moments in other films where you never even get to see blood. The suggestions are made and your mind fills in the blanks. What you imagine is always worse than anything they can create with special effects. I will not reveal the suprise ending. However, I could see it comming from the first scene. I was left wishing they would kill me and end my misery.If you are a Rob Zombie fan, you will love it. If you are a fan of horror films, you will not.
Rating:
Summary: absolutely funny violence
Review: if you like violence and you like sick twisted humor this is your movie. funny, disturbing (unless you're twisted), and downright strange! yipeee this is some funny f u cking sh it so go out and buy it. god wants you to do it as does nike. also if you don't i heard you're fat and ugly. haha buy it, it's ungodly and awesome. i will say no more.
Rating:
Summary: A Modest Review Of: House Of A 1000 Corpses
Review: Rob Zombie never had much talent as a musician,...and his film directing career is no exception. This movie is so horrible and meaningless its disgusting, and not only that its neither scary nor original. I rented this DVD along with "28 Days Later" which is a brillant film. However "House Of A 1000 Corpses", is predictably not. Its about as intellectually stimulating as a paramecium. The Characters featured in the film are inexpensive knockoffs from other classic horror films. Including that stupid clown and the infamous Dr. Satan who seems to be alittle bit more interested in Malpractice and Unnecissary Surgery then your Average American. The Plot is incoherent and senseless. A group of inquisitive helpless teens are teriffied, tortured, and sodimized by a house full of Zoloft deprived psychos or Cannibal Corpse fans I don't know which one. Then the progressing storyline randomly and suspenselessly drifts from scene to scene. Like a piece of wood in a stream for 2 hours, then finally ends. The script was most likely written by a bunch of Howler Monkeys in their free time. The only good thing about this movie are the girls in it who are pretty hot, but they cannot salvage the cinematical catastrophic disaster which could not be measured by astronomical units, that is "House Of A 1000 Corpses". This movie is simply "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" regurgitated and combined with a vertigo sensation and a mindless stagnated void creation, portrayed in the music videos and film of the talentless Rob Zombie. The only thing worse than this movie would be a much feared sequel. Which is unfortunatly all ready in the making. My warning creed to you, avoid this movie like the plauge.
Rating:
Summary: Pretty Danged Stupid
Review: Now, I'm a true lover of a good gore film - practically raised on the likes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. When I bumped into this one, I had some pretty high hopes - Rob Zombie and all. Got home, popped it into the player, and was immediately headed straight for disappointment. Maybe the director was looking to create a campy horror film, but even if this was the goal, it's just too gory for that. And if he was looking to create a horror film, it's just too silly. A weird balance that just doesn't work. I was never scared at any point of the film, never jumped out of my seat, nothing. I felt like I was watching an unnecessary surgical procedure - so much blood, but for what reason? All show, no substance. The plot itself is so tired - we've all seen it before, and we're bored with it. And the crazy, time-filler segments of pseudo-psychadelic imagery didn't make any sense at all. I was reminded of Ed Wood's usage of stripper footage in Glen or Glenda, which he added to make the film long enough for Feature Film release status. Are we onto your secret here? The only thing that even remotely redeems the time taken to watch this film comes from the DVD - the silly extra features, such as several of the cast members dancing against a green digital background, and that crazy clown going on and on about your "visit" to his museum. Overall, though, this film is a real waste.
Rating: 
Summary: Zombie's Homage To The Classics Falls Miserably Short...
Review: I really wanted to like this movie. I REALLY DID! But...unfortunately I was very disappointed. Rob Zombie attempts to pay homage to the REAL greats of the slasher/horror genre like Tobe Hooper, John Carpenter, and Wes Craven but fallls miserably short and also steals much from other older, better movies of this type. A rip-off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House On The Left, The Hills have Eyes, and MANY, MANY other cult classics. More disgusting and trashy doesn't mean better, Rob. BUT... If I had to say something positive about the DVD...The disc features are so banal and trailer-trashy, that they are almost WORTH RENTING (not BUYING) this DVD. Really, the ONLY reason I gave 2 stars instead of 1... Buyer Beware!
Rating: 
Summary: Not as good as I hoped
Review: I love Rob Zombie's music. So when I first heard about this movie and how he was having problems getting it to theaters, I figured this must be one gruesome and disturbing movie. I really did enjoy it. My girlfriend thought it was morbid and disturbing. But, I thought it was a little tamed to what I had expected. Infact I don't understand why it was so hard for him to get it to the thearter. But, I did enjoy it. And for those of you who enjoy a good ole bloody movie should give it a watch.
Rating:
Summary: Rob, I want my money back.
Review: Yeah, I liked this better when it was Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and not some modernized, "psycho" version. Sadly, I was one of the people who thought this was going to be a good movie when it first came out, and saw it in theaters. My god was I disappointed. I was tempted to walk out at so many times, but stayed expecting that SOMETHING good had to happen at some point. Nope, this is really just the single worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Yes, it's even worse than Double Dragon. In fact, most people I know will only call this "the 'h' movie" because we're ashamed to even speak the movie's full name. In 2000, House of 1000 Corpses got tons of problems being made. Things about it being "too violent to play in theaters" and such. So it took 3 years for it to actually come out, and this is what we got. Thanks a lot Rob, I guess you live up to your name eh? The only even remotely cool thing about it was "Choptop" Bill Mosley from TCM 2. But even he couldn't save this horrible franchise (yes, there are going to be more made). There are no scenese of "excessive gore" or "graphic deaths". In fact, even the first Halloween was more graphic than this...thing. Heck, only about 12 people die in the movie. I expected people to be getting torn in half, ripped up, skinned, eye balls to be getting bit by zombies up close, veins to be torn out, etc. There was none of that. Any violent scenes weren't shown up close. I'm going to be nice, and "ruin" a part of the movie for you- In one scene, a cop surrenders to a member of the killer family. He has his hands on his head and he's on his knees when the killer is holding a gun to his head at point blank. There is about 30 seconds of silence as the camera backs away very far, and then suddenly he shoots him, and you hear what sounds like some small firework go off, and a piece of his skull goes flying UP for some reason. There's no blood that comes from it at all. It was a cool looking scene because of the silence and neither guy was moving but I wanted GORE from this sucker, like I was promised. It was said to be "too grusome" but there wasn't anything good. Actually, there was one scary part during the movie- about 10 minutes into it, a dollar fell from my pocket and I couldn't find it. Luckily, the lights came on at the end, and I got it back. That was too close. Rob also decided to go gung-ho with the filters to give it an "older" tone. Had he used the filter through the whole movie, I would've liked it. But it changes from normal to filtered so many times that it just gets annoying. The music mostly his, how original. Way to stretch the diversity there Rob. On a scale of one to ten, I give the move a 'w'. It's so bad that it goes into the alphabet and has no chance of seeing a number. The dvd extras (don't worry, I didn't buy the movie, but a friend showed me what it had) are decent, better than the movie itself even. They're all under 5 minutes though, mostly just making-of features, interviews and some trailers. The photo gallery has 100+ pictures, though I'm not sure why you'd want to remember watching the movie. So if you just broke up with your boy/girlfriend, send them this to really get the best of the break up. But I don't know...by buying this, you'd be putting money in Rob's pocket to help him make more. And we don't want that to happen.
Rating:
Summary: Lame Poser of a B movie
Review: Rob Zombie imitates gory B level, drive-in horror movies, but doesn't bring anything new to "Corpses". This movie is a big disappointment about 15 minutes in, which is oddly when the killers show up. If you are looking for a good gory horror movie, skip this one and go to what Rob Zombie is trying to copy: "Motel Hell", "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", or even a "Blood Sucking Freaks". Don't settle for a fake.
Rating:
Summary: A Really Bad Horror Film
Review: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II IS THE BEST HORROR FILM IF YOU WANNA SEE PEOPLE EATING PEOPLE LITERALLY. HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES WAS NOT EVEN SCARY EXCEPT FOR THE ENDING WHEN THE GIRL THOUGHT SHE WAS GETTING RESCUED BY THE CLOWNMAN FROM THE GENERAL STORE AT THE END OF THE FILM, WHEN SHE SAYS " TAKE ME TO THE DOCTOR". CORNY. AFTER WAITING AND WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO GET HACKED AND SEEING THIS FILM, I'M GONNA NEED A DOCTOR. YOU SHOULD TURN OFF ALL THE LIGHTS WHEN WATCHING TCM II. WHEN THEY ARE CHASING THEIR DINNER. COOL. THEY EVEN LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN DARK MEAT OR WHITE MEAT FOR DINNER WITH LIVER AND ONIONS. THE SATANIC PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES WERE NOT EVEN SCARY IN THE UNDER GROUND TUNNEL WHILE THEY WERE LOWERED TO MEET DR. SATAN. THE DUDE LOOKED LIKE A ROBOT. THERE WAS NOT EVEN ANY COOKING OF ANY HUMANS IN THIS FILM. THEY TALKED AND TALKED ABOUT CANNIBALISM, BUT THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH HACKING OR SKINNING OF PEOPLE IN THE FILM. I THOUGHT THE FILM WAS GONNA GIVE THE GENERAL PUBLIC A COOKING LESSON HERE. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT TWO DOLLARS IN THE GAS TANK AND RUN OFF WITH A BLONDE WHO INVITES YA OVER FOR DINNER WITH THE FAMILY, ONLY YOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS ON THE MENU. YUMMY. PUT SOME CAJUN HOT SAUCE AND YOU ARE GOOD TO GO. DOWN HOME ON THE FARM.
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