House of 1000 Corpses

Rating:
Summary: Worst Movie of 2003
Review: The only people who rate this movie good are the ones who are trying to sell you a copy! This movie was aweful, bad story line and bad ending. There goes almost 2 hours of my life I will never get back.

Rating:
Summary: Movie Of 1000 Horrors
Review: Talk about a big overture, little show. That's pretty much what this sloppy, hodepodge of a film is. It was hailed by Rob Zombie himself no less as a return to horror and built up as a real treat. I knew right away that it wouldn't be, and wasn't surprised when I finally saw the final product. The movie is an hour in a half trip thru boresville. For a film that was supposed to be something great, it had a routine, by the numbers plot that has been done a million times before. The only thing that was creative or anywhere near inspired were all the little decorations that littered the movie, and some of the settings themselves. Otherwise, the movie was just a hollow exercise in tedious storytelling that couldn't live up to the pretty good looking atmosphere. The movie centers around a couple of kids who stop for gas at an odd road side attraction runned by Captain Spaulding(Sid Haig, the only person in this movie that showed that they seemed to actually care enough to give a real performance). His place/gas stop holds oddball memorabelia and a spooky tour. The pesky kids can't leave well enough alone, and are soon off on the hunt for local madman, Dr. Satan. That is when the fun, or what passes as fun, begins. This is where the film totally veers into "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" territory. It doesn't just pay homage to that film, it blatantly rips it off in a shameless way. Strange grandpa, skin suits, etc. They meet a backwoods family(how original), led by crazy mama Karen Black, and her kin. Daughter Baby(Zombie's real life squeeze), son Otis, Grandpa, and Tiny, who appears to be as tall as a small building. The rest of the film follows the kids' tries to get out of the house, but are soon swallowed up in a real house of horrors. But there is some good news. Zombie didn't exactly embarrass himself with his direction, but he didn't exactly do anything new either. It was fairly solid, but nothing that stands out. His use of old, grainy films and unmaterialized film certainly didn't add to the film. They were odd and took you out of the moment and disrupted the narrative. It wouldn't of fixed the movie, but it would of been better left without it. Some of the set designs of the house and underground tunnels were pretty cool. There were a few nice set pieces, but the film and story that they were in just didn't have anything to make them extra special. It's too bad they couldn't of been used in a better film that actually deserved them. The acting. I know this film is trying to be like those old 70's exploitation films, and those films didn't exactly have top rate acting, so I guess he wasn't trying to get any real acting here. He got what he wanted. What do you expect when you get Chris Hardwick from MTV's "Singled Out" to co-star?. They might of been trying to stray away from the good looking youths that take up a lot of horror films today, but they didn't escape the so-so blandness of the acting at all. Most of the acting was rather cheesy and unconvincing. They looked like actors trying to be crazy and it showed. With the exception of Sid Haig. It was unfortunate that he had such a small role compared to some of the others. He was the only one that was somewhat interesting to watch and had a sense of presence and watchability. The others didn't. The movie takes a long time to set up. It's basically one snoozefest before anything really interesting happens. When the ball finally does get rolling, it's too little, too late. There wasn't as much gore as I thought there would be, but it appears that Zombie had to cut stuff out. I can't imagine it would of made much of a difference. The movie is frantic and crazy and leaves you with little feeling of excitement, dread, or terror. It's just a flat film with nothing going on. I can't possibly imagine that this mess of a film is what is supposed to stand as horror. For a guy like Zombie who is a self professed horror fan and wanted to make these kinds of movies, you would of thought he could back those words up and make a film that was truly something, instead of a film that showed such a lack of regard for the genre. There was nothing intriguing or mildly entertaining. It all seemed to be a self called horror fan throwing in odd litt things that have no entertainment or scare value. It's sad to see a movie that had nothing going. What's even sadder are the people who praised and loved this film as being a horror classic. How tragic. There's nothing "horror" about it. Avoid this one.

Rating:
Summary: TERRIBLE HORROR FILM
Review: TWO YOUNG COUPLES TAKE A MISGUIDED TOUR ON THE BACKROADS IN SEARCH OF A LEGEND NAMED DR. SATAN. WHEN THEY ARE LOST, THEY TURN TO A FAMILY OF PSYCHOS FOR HELP. ABSOLUTELY THE WORST HORROR FILM TO HAVE BEEN RELEASED IN QUITE SOME TIME. THE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE OVERDONE AND THE PLOT SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT TOO SIMILAR TO ''THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE''. ROB ZOMBIE'S MUSIC MAY BE ENTERTAINING, BUT THIS MOVIE DEFINITELY IS NOT. I FEEL SORRY FOR ANYONE WHO MAY HAVE BOUGHT THIS PIECE OF SH-T. IT'S A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY.

Rating:
Summary: what can I say?? not much....
Review: Rob Zombie has tried making music....failed. Now he's gonna direct a movie??!! uhh no...please someone save me. I know people have different tastes in movies but this is just a really bad excuse for putting the most crap load of blood ever seen in a movie.... So much I have to wonder what the critics consider "rated R." I can't even say what the movie is about because there is no story at all, NONE. I don't care what people say because if you think any part in this movie was the least bit good there is something wrong with you. The acting was extremely bad and the directing..o ya i forgot rob zombie directed it.. You would think for a movie like this the characters would be a least bit believable, uhh nope. Unless you think a cheerleader cowgirl psycho mike meyers is really believable then go for it...I really don't care how many "famous horror film actors" are in it, the movie is still HORRIBLE.

Rating:
Summary: Very Nearly The Worst Horror Flick Ever!
Review: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am an absolute horror maven. I watch every horror movie that comes out; this means I watch a lot of bad movies, and the worst in a long while has been Rob Zombie's "HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES". I am a big fan of Zombie, the recording artist, and eagerly waited for this movie's release; however Zombie's inexperiance with writing and directing film is glaring. Utilizing film effects and camera tricks that a first year film school student would deem cliche, Zombie haphazardly hammers together a tired tale of lost teenagers and rural lunitics. Never do you care about the victims' plight, nor about the villains' rantings. In the end, the only interesting thing about this movie is wondering how a film so nonsensical and incoherant can still be completely predictable. Before it's release, this film was touted in horror magazines as being the savior of the genre; it was rumored to be so violent and dark, three studios passed on distributing it and it was shelved for almost three years. I'm afraid the truth is more mundane... this is just a terrible movie. True horror fans will find the "famed violence" of this movie somewhat tame and irrelevant. As I stated earlier, I am an absolute horror maven; but if given the choice of viewing "1000 Corpses" again or watching "I Know What You Did Last Summer" again, I'll take "I Know" every time, and I think "I Know" is an abomination and a disgrace to the genre. Yes, I'm saying "HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES" is WORSE that "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER". Some are saying that people that don't like this flick "don't get" it, and don't appreciate the cult actors in it or the horror homage it represents. I do get it; unfortunately, it's just a terrible movie, and the fact that some horror fans are embracing it is a testiment to the dreadful state of the genre. Watch the films that this movie "borrows" from; Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Evil Dead, The Hills Have Eyes. These are classic films of horror. "HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES" is not a horror classic, and will be forgotten (hopefully) within a year. If Amazon had a Zero Star rating option, it would still be to generous for this movie. God Save Horror.

Rating:
Summary: Welcome to Amateur Hour...
Review: Rob Zombie doesn't have it. He doesn't get it. The horror genre needs to be expanded not rehashed, recycled and satirized. House of 1000 Corpses is the bottom of the barrel. Zombie has simply taken all of his favorite scenes, aspects and cliches from classic horror films and strung them all together into an incoherent mess. This is not a tribute to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre this is a BAD homage. The story line basically parallels TCM is every way, a group of teenagers pick-up a hitchiker and are drawn into a house full of psychos. Only these characters aren't scary, there just plain stupid. The violence is almost presented in jest but the film isn't funny. Zombie tried real hard to come off as innovative, especially that 30 second hold before Otis shoots the police officer, but it all comes off like a student film. The final scenes are where Zombie should have kept the film for it's entire running time because this is where it finally gets (remotely) scary. Overall, this film is trash and Rob Zombie should be ashamed to call himself a "director"....stick to the music dude. Only recommended to hardcore horror fans who want to witness the further degradation of their beloved genre.

Rating:
Summary: Genre still dead
Review: You know better than to expect anything actually scary. What you want is disturbing gore. Hopeing for it, you tune out the insipid, painfully annoying dialog. Tune out the loud, heavy beat music that puts you in the safety of a music video. Tune out the high schooler hack direction. And you get... a couple ugly faces and No real violence. Sad little squibs? Yes. To say Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 is a hundred fold better movie, makes TCM2 sound better than it is.

Rating:
Summary: A perfect mixture of so many classic horror movies..
Review: ..but with a Rob Zombie twist. Take "Texas chainsaw massacre", "Night of the Living Dead", & "Natural Born Killers" put them in a blender and blend well. The movie is hypnotic and twisted, funny, spooky, psychotic, stylish, inventive, and over all insane. A group of nerdy teens (who appear to be near 30 in real life) stop off at a wacky gas station / haunted novelty store. Big mistake! After the psychotic clown who runs the place gives them a map, they pick up a strange female hitchhiker. They take her home and meet her estranged family. If their nightmare hasn't begun, it's about to. From here on out they are abused, tortured and much more. "HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES" is what you might expect from goth rocker Rob Zombie. I mean that in a good way, you get lots of humor in between the scares and thrills.

Rating:
Summary: Grim Humor Galore
Review: Fans of Rob Zombie's music will probably jump on this one - I know I did. He may not actually appear in the flick - but it is full of his flavor. The rumors you've probably heard are true - yes - the film is disturbingly graphic and full of realistic gore. But that doesn't mean it can't be fun! There is a dark, twisted humor throughout the movie that keeps you wondering "Why am I laughing at a horror film?". This one is unique, folks. I recommend the DVD if for no other reason than the interactive menu - it's hilarious!! I didn't see any faces in this one that I recognize, but all the same, the performances are great. The psychos in this movie are firmly believable - especially the eerie cowgirl. Her laugh may haunt your dreams. Watch this one with a friend, it's a lot of bloody fun.

Rating:
Summary: Just an excuse to be violent.
Review: I enjoy Rob Zombie's music a lot! But this film was horrible. The writing is terrible. The acting is not very much better. And yes, I do know about the supposedly great cult actors in the film. But come on, folks. There's a reason why not many people know about them. Because they're not that good. Explain more about the psychotic villains, too! That would have made the movie a lot better.
Style-wise, I thought it was up to par with any film out there today. And that's solely because Rob Zombie, successful musician that he is, can afford to finance a project like this and spare little to no expense.
I understand what he was trying to do (recreate an old fashioned-looking, 70's-style horror movie). But stick to music, man. And please; spare us from the inevitable sequel.