Thirteen Ghosts

Rating:
Summary: 13 ghosts
Review: This was a horrible horror film, so to ensure that I don't sound cliched with my review, I am going to write out thir13en ways that this film could have been improved.

1. Hacking somebody to bits sells a horror film, not huge boobs. While some may enjoy scenes like this, I find that it distracts from the bigger picture. One of the ghosts had "huge boobs" power, which was not very scary in my eyes. What was she going to do? Poke somebody's eye out with the enormous nipples? I don't think she would have sent anyone away in fear. I think most would just cozy in for a warm winter's nap ... because it wouldn't be the holidays if it wasn't much hooter ... hotter at the malls.

2. I don't want to sound racist, but the family seemed to be a bit mismatched. Were all the kids adopted? None of them resembled Tony Shalhoub at all. They didn't even look like their burnt mother. I was confused. They also were very disrespectful of a man that just lost his wife to fire. Everybody knows that a fire death takes anywhere from four to eight months recovery. You shouldn't rush him into normality if you can.

3. I did enjoy the cameo from the guy in the movie Se7en. It is always good when directors that randomly throw in numbers in their title to create a symbolic reference can use the same actors. Look for the guy from Se7en that ate himself to death, then look for the guy that ate himself to death in Thir13en Ghosts. I think you will be able to spot him well.

4. Matthew Lillard needs to stop working ... NOW.

5. I enjoyed this film better when the characters had names like Peter, Ray, Egon, and Winston and when they battled guys like Slimer and the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man. I mean, there was nothing in this film warning people not to cross their beams. That is a warning that should have been mention.

6. For some odd reason I never saw 13 ghosts. I was counting too. I think, at the most, I saw five. I think some people in the marketing department got the ax after this film.

7. Did anyone catch the phrase "Semper Ubi Sub Ubi" written on one of the walls. Not cool.

8. Apparently, in this film, the only way to get rid of ghosts is by throwing a flare at them. Now really people, you could tell that the production team had run out of a budget after developing the glasses and had to resort to flare throwing as a battle weapon. These ghosts needed to realize that they were already DEAD, flares wouldn't hurt them. See, never forget the rules. Train your ghost first, then let him terrorize.

9. Have your ghosts work for you. This was a very common problem in this film. The ghosts were not working for anyone. If you have 13 spirits that need employment, do not allow them to just sit around and sulk. Get working or get out. Kriticos must have been a softy in the workforce because these spirits did not listen to anything or follow any directions. Ghosts need discipline just like you and I.

10. Matthew Lillard needs to stop working ... NOW.

11. Can anybody explain to me what F. Murray Abraham was doing in this film? This man is an Oscar winner and he is forced to do work like this? I have no hope for Hollywood.

12. Glasshouses need consistency. This film did not, and the first reason why is because the bathroom was not made of glass (unlike the rest of the house). Consistency. Learn this and you may have mastered the ways of the horror genre.

13. (Nothing.... There were not 13 ghosts so why should I have to worry about 13 points? Riddle me that bucko!)

Overall, this was a horrible film that somehow needed to be watched just once than forgotten about for the remaining days of my existence. Skip it, and you will die a very happy person. Watch it ... and you may become one of the (DUM DAH DAH....) Thir13en Ghosts.

Grade: * out of *****

Rating:
Summary: Unlucky Ghosts
Review: In theory, Thirteen Ghosts should be an excellent movie of the macabre. You have the hideous ghosts, a supposedly suspensful plot, it should work out but its doesn't. Why? The charcters!

To make a long story short, I never seen such an aggravating, dysfunctional group of people in my life! The kids drive you nuts, the adults get on your nerves, if you are not careful you actualy start rooting for the ghosts (who, when you get right down to it, have a good reason for being upset!).

Where's Dark Shadows when you need it?

Rating:
Summary: WOW, I am scarred for life !!!
Review: The ghosts in this movie have officially scarred me for life !!! It has been years and I still have repeated nightmares of the Caged Jackel almost every night, and on the nights where the Jackel is not trying to scare me to death, Freddy Kruger (not in this film), tries to kill me !!!
No, and I repeat NO, amount of therapy or medication will able help me become normal again. If I had to spend 1 minute in that house of horrors, I would have died from sheer fright. The acting
was just mediocre, and I always found Tony Shaloub to be a total idiot, however F.Murray Abraham's character Cyrus was the creepiest, weirdest relative one could ever hope for. Talk about a dude who is messed up. Some people just get a big dog to keep people off of their property, but this guy went a little overboard. What kind of nut would venture into a house with all those horrors taking up residence in it ?? Oh yes, and some security system he had for keeping each freak confined. Matthew Lillard played some kind of fool who should have been thrown into a ring with all 13 ghosts. Now that's entertainment. I was sad with regard to the ghost of Shaloubs wife, with the burnt face and all. Now that was not necessary. The children should not have to see a ghost of their mother like that - that was just in poor taste. Other than that, because of this movie, I will never be the same. BRAVO !!!

Rating:
Summary: Spooky Electric
Review: My boyfriend bought this movie a while back and I made fun of him for it. I was bored one day and had a compelling notion to watch it with him. I can actually say it was thoroughly entertaining, had a interesting story and great special effects. "Thirteen Ghosts" at times bordered on b-movie flim-flam fluff but it ends up packing all the right punches and delivers right on time. The acting was close to laughable, but maybe it needed to be that way. The story is what kept the movie going, making this movie overall totally entertaining.

Rating:
Summary: Entertaining but not great.
Review: When it comes to sets, the movie is amazing. As is mentioned in numerous reviews, the glass house is elaborate and breathtaking. It alone makes the movie worth checking out. The cast is somewhat all-star with Tony Shaloub, Shannon Elizabeth, and Matthew Lillard, all giving decent performances. Aside from that, the real reason I was compelled to write this review was due to the main topic of the movie, the thirteen ghosts, which are also the reason I gave the two-star rating.

The ghosts are all very different and original, and in their conceptual form (the drawings of them we see and can be seen in the extras), have a very high potential to be really creepy. Yet when they are brought to life in the movie, they just don't convey nearly the same feeling. When I saw them, I wasn't pulled into the scene. I wasn't seeing them as paranormal entities. All I saw was quite a bit of make-up on very real and physical actors. Look at the kid with the bat. He was a total joke of a ghost. I will give credit to the Jackal and the Witch though. They were the only 2 that began to creep me out. I just feel that more effects added to them in post production would have helped. I would recommend House on Haunted Hill (remake) for some good ghosts and creepiness. I say that not because I think H on HH is the best or scariest movie ever made, but it delivers where Thirteen Ghosts does not.


Rating:
Summary: I place the Angry Princess on my pedestal
Review: The Angry Princess has become my new obsession in life. Dana Newton's spirit is the most beautiful image ever caught on camera. I worship her as a goddess of beauty. If only Dana's tortured soul new their was a love waiting for her. I am he. I can teach her love and help her to realize that she is the most beautiful and wonderous creature that has ever graced this earth.

Her slash marks are a testimony to the pain of her tortured life. Though blind in one eye, she can still see her image in the mirror. It is this image that has stolen my heart and will forever haunt my dreams. Why did she feel that she had to make herself perfect for men that did not appreciate her? She had already achieved perfection and should have waited for her hero to emerge from the riff raff. Just one look from her dark eyes or a glance at her perfect body would be enough for me to swear an undying love that would last longer than this world.

Dana is my soul-mate. Though we are separated by the life/death barrier. I will find her and give her comfort. Maybe she is already expecting me, for my aura is stronger than most and my years of transcendence training under Master Yong-tet may have summoned her to my presence. If she is waiting for me, I hope first to gain her trust, then appease her anger, and finally show her the way to love.

But what of her message in the bathroom. "I'm Sorry" was written plain to see in her own blood. How could this be? She was in the bathtub and cut herself several times. How could she have stepped out of the tub, wrote the message, then return to the tub? True there was blood all over the bathroom, but around the message it was clear. No blood dripping from other cuts, or bloody footprints. I can only assume she wrote it first by cutting herself once, then entered the tub.

But who was she saying she was sorry to? I think perhaps she was delivering a message to me. She did not know me in life, but something told her about me. Perhaps she had her own insight that we were to meet. Maybe she got tired of waiting and the agony that was her life was too much. If only I had found and met her sooner she may still be alive today, happy with me. But alas, her lifeforce fled from her. With her last gasping breath I can only hope she thought of me and hoped I would come for her.

Yes, yes my Princess, my Queen. Let me help you melt away your anger and find joy. I am coming. I am almost there. By this time tonight, you and I will be together as one. Let it be known here and now that the Angry Princess is to be my bride and we will rule together as The Lovers in the celestial sky.

Farewell my Earthbound brood. For it is to a better place that I go.


Rating:
Summary: Er...
Review: I saw this last night on video. It's one of those movies, you watch, then forget basically. It has its moments, but basically it's a ridiculous movie with a ridiculous plot and contrivances. Matthew Lillard and Embeth Davidz are great, but the movie is nothing to write home about, despite some genuinely creepy (and rather distasteful) ghosts. Wonder what the original is like, must rent it...


Rating:
Summary: The Spookiest
Review: As an avid horror buff I can honestly say that not much scares me anymore, until I saw this movie. It was well acted with twists and turns that one would not expect. I would recommend this for anyone who is 18 or over.

Rating:
Summary: Black Zodiac
Review: This movie is not all that bad. Better than Castle's old boring one from the 60's.
There is some creepiness to the movie,and some twisted history as well! Each ghosts has a story that if you do some research is true! Like Jackel,in the 1800's in England was a crazed man named "Caged Jakel".
This movie also twists the whole astrology and 13 signs movement.
What I also didn't like was Rah Diggas sterotypical role of a nanny to a poor white family.
The gore is excellent with blood and guts gallore! And the house or should I save "living astrochart/glass maze",was just amazing.
The acting was standdard,and at times too characterized,and the ghosts needed more plot. Like another poster stated "the history of the ghosts is scary than the movie itself".
Since Holloween is near,why not spin this DVD at a party along with THE RING?
Ghoulish fun for all!