The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Rating:
Summary: Chainsaw remake
Review: The remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" begins as five friends are on their way home from Mexico, and then how they run into the family of cannibles in backwooded Texas. The biggest popular star in the film is Jessica Biel, fresh from the hit TV show "7th Heaven". In this film she manages to shread off that wholesome image (as well as a lot of her cloths) and go to the down and gritty of playing a scared, but still able to function heroin. I guess she did ok, not a lot to her role though. The other only name star is R. Lee Emery; you know, the insane drill instructor from "Full Metal Jacket". Here he once again basicly plays Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, except this time he's a sherrif instead of a Marine, and he's part of the 'family'. Director Marcus Nispel (but mostly producer Michael Bay) really changed a lot of what was really great in the original "Chainsaw" movie, directed by now horror icon Tobe Hooper. They made it flashier and faster, for one thing. They edited it to where there is a cut every two to five seconds or so. It is like a music video version of the original. I gave it five stars because I feel it accomplished what it was trying to do, scare people out of their seats. I liked the original too, but it was different, more methodical and intense; nearly documentery style with few cuts in the film. The 2003 version is certainly a product of it's time.

Rating:
Summary: Finally, The TRUTH About Texas
Review: I heartily recommend that everyone who even remotely considers relocating to Texas view this documentary before doing so, to be aware of the sorts of folks and situations with which you will routinely have to deal (in addition to all the pollution and absence of a state income tax) -- it will make you completely rethink your plans. If you don't want your life plagued by dull-witted screaming teens, country hick redneck crackers and, of course, chainsaw-weilding homicidal maniacs, then you will want to avoid the Lone Star State completely, and prevent yourself and your family from falling victim to the mayhem here. Oh sure, parts of this documentary were amusing, but the sheer horror overwhelms all of that, every day here. Do yourself a favor and stay away from Texas -- stay alive, stay undismembered, stay sane and, above all, stay safe. You definitely do not want to move here.