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The Stuff

The Stuff

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Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Flawed but occasionally amusing
Review: I have never enjoyed watching Michael Moriarty in either television programs or films. There is something about this guy, like fingernails on a chalkboard or a dripping faucet, which annoys me whenever his mug appears on my television screen. Regrettably, and for some completely unexplainable reason, I have seen him way too often recently. You cannot avoid running across him on television due to the saturation of a certain courtroom drama program, so I don't necessarily place the blame there because I simply refuse to watch that show. Still, even that split second glimpse before my finger slams down on the remote control is enough to send me into a dither. No, I need to police my movie viewing habits a little more carefully in the future if I wish to avoid sustained Moriarty encounters. The problem comes when I want to watch a Larry Cohen film. It seems like this director/producer/writer cast this actor in nearly every schlock film he made from the 1970s on. "The Stuff" is primary evidence in my effort to prove a Cohen/Moriarty conspiracy. And wouldn't you know it? Moriarty is at his most grating in this occasionally interesting social critique of rampant 1980s consumerism.

"The Stuff" is about, well, a new food sensation called "The Stuff." We learn at the beginning of the film that the stuff is actually something bubbling up from the ground and that it tastes deliciously sweet because some old duffer decides to sample the white paste after he touches it (note to self: never, NEVER decide to taste something bubbling out of the ground). Since it is the evil 1980s, a time when corporate greed finally came into its own, in no time at all some company decides to sell this gunk as a low fat, low calorie confection. You would think the FDA or some other government agency working tirelessly to protect consumers would throw up major roadblocks to such a shameless attempt to garner a buck. Not in Larry Cohen's universe, where corporations are distant relations to fallen angels and the rest of us are gullible sheep along for the ride. We find out that the FDA did perform a battery of rigorous tests on the stuff but something happened during the process that resulted in either strange disappearances or cowed testers who refuse to speak out about what they found in the laboratory. With those pesky government agencies out of the way, the people behind the stuff pull in money hand over fist. The competition, made up of companies making such boring products as ice cream and candy, decide enough is enough and hire an industrial spy so they can get the formula.

Enter Michael Moriarty as David 'Mo' Rutherford (the 'mo' means 'more money'), a greedy former government agent who now makes his living stealing corporate secrets for the highest bidder. Moriarty assumes a languorous southern drawl for his character, an accent so annoying I actually felt parts of my brain liquefy every time he opened his mouth. Rutherford begins his investigation immediately, quickly discovering that something isn't quite right about the stuff. People cannot seem to get enough of this new treat, leading our hero to surmise that the company producing this white sweet is putting an addictive substance in it. After teaming up with up a disgruntled marketing executive, a cookie maker known as Chocolate Chip Charlie (Garrett Morris), a precocious kid who escaped his addicted family, and a far right militia type named Colonel Malcolm Grommett Spears, Rutherford is ready to do battle with the forces of darkness (or whiteness). The team discovers that the stuff comes out of the ground and that it possesses properties decidedly harmful to the human race as a whole. The company selling the stuff as a food product could care less about the potential dangers to people as long as they make a profit. At least the concluding scenes of the film, where the stuff executives get their "just desserts," so to speak, is moderately entertaining. Regrettably, "The Stuff" as a film collapses under a host of problems.

It has been at least a week since I have seen such a poorly edited film. The beginning and middle parts of the movie aren't all that bad, but by the time we get to the end the whole thing looks like Cohen slapped it together in an effort to get the film ready for a distribution deadline. Even a Herschell Gordon Lewis film has better editing than "The Stuff," and that is saying a lot. I have already gone into the problems with Moriarty's performance here, a problem that could have been offset had the other characters in the movie proved even remotely interesting. The terrorized kid is annoying, Chocolate Chip Charlie is amusing but only appears briefly in the beginning and towards the end, and Colonel Spears (played over the top by Paul Sorvino) plays on every wacko stereotype imaginable. Moreover, the romance springing up between Rutherford and Nicole, the disillusioned advertising executive, is unrealistic.

Happily, "The Stuff" does succeed on several levels. The special effects showing the stuff on a rampage and what it does to those who eat it on a regular basis looks good. The social critique works well, especially the slick advertising spots and the cheesy yet catchy jingles used to sell the product. Viewers well versed in 1980's pop culture should get a chuckle or two out of the cameo by Clara Peller, the lady who did the "Where's the beef?" ads for a widely recognizable hamburger chain back in the days of Reagan. Finally, the DVD release contains a Cohen commentary, trailers, and a widescreen picture transfer. "The Stuff" has plenty of flaws, but still manages to occasionally entertain.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: stuff-tacular!
Review: i love this movie! its one of my favorite 80's horror flicks; its so funny. any movie with the line
'we do have to keep the world safe for ice cream, i guess,'
has to be good.

but what's really moving about this film is a typical feature of 80's horror: a commentary on consumerism and capitalism as the 'real killer' of the film. 'the stuff' is really a clear warning to audiences: don't blindly trust our government. don't blindly trust capitalism. don't blindly trust the media.

'the stuff' tells us that we shouldn't buy everything we see on tv because the picture pefect surface we see is often covering something darker and more deadly; as could be said of the society that produces and markets these superficial ads/items.

thanks to the 80's we now have a wealth of silly/serious films teaching valuable lessons about the media.... don't get me wrong - the humor in 80's horror is worthy of our attention; we should stop talking trash about 80's horror and start listening to what they're trying to teach us....

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: enough is never enough
Review: i thought this movie was a spoof. but it's not. it's just bad.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Ummmm....
Review: I wanted to see this movie so very bad when my friend and I saw the preview of it. The preview made us laugh so hard and it looked like a good ol' B movie. Well, I hate to say it but this movie was a dissapointment in my book. Everything you see that is cool in the preview is the only thing worth watching in the movie. This movie had its funny parts but few and far between. If it is at your local video store and you have a free coupon this is a good movie to rent with a bunch of friends. This is a type of movie that is just so bad that your friends will have fun making fun of it. The movie would have been better if I didn't expect it to be an awesome B movie.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: TERRIBLE!
Review: I wouldn't make my worst enemy sit through this entire movie! I would say this is definately one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Why did I buy it? Reccomended by someone. I don't talk to them anymore!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I guess I'm not crazy after all.
Review: I've been gripped by a deathly fear of Cool Whip ever since childhood. A vague memory of a horror film I saw when I was younger gave me some insight as to where this phobia was coming from. Ahh, the relief I experienced to find that this movie was indeed made. I love it.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Silly, Gooey Fun!
Review: Larry Cohen did it again with THE STUFF (1985): he concocted another Horror/Social Comedy offering, this time using the theme of food as the point of entry! A biting satire of advertising and consumerism (the best since George A. Romero's 1978 classic DAWN OF THE DEAD), THE STUFF is entertaining, gross and flat-out fun. Starring Michael Moriarty in another of his patented quirky Tab Hunter-Gone-To-Hell performances, this film is not great, but it is quite likable. After his breakout starring role in the great baseball drama BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY (1973), the Method-trained, blond-haired, blue-eyed, 6'4" Moriarty has carved out a niche starring in "B" movies (usually for Larry Cohen), and he's always fun to watch!

Here he plays a Southern-drawlin' FBI agent named David 'Mo' Rutherford---"'cause no matter how much ah get, ah always want mo'" (great line!)---who is hired by the dairy industry to find out mo' about The Stuff. You see, The Stuff was discovered by an oil-well worker who witnessed a strange meteor crash and found a pool bubbling with thick, white goo, decides to taste it, discovers that it tastes sensational, and is quickly able to market it to the general public as---what else?--The Stuff! An instant hit, outselling ice cream by five-to-one, The Stuff unfortunately has some gruesome side-effects that gradually become known to the few who do not partake of it. Let's just say that it has a similar result as those nasty space-plants in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978). Mo and a ten-year-old boy named Jason (who is the only one in his family not to have eaten The Stuff) begin to get to the bottom of things, aided by a most unlikely pair: A black cookie entrepeneaur nicknamed Chocolate Chip Charlie (the hilarious "SNL" alum Garrett Morris) and a racist militia leader named Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears (an even-more hilarious Paul Sorvino). Add to the mix veteran actors Danny Aiello and Patrick O'Neal, and you have a recipe that calls for you to just sit back and have fun! THE STUFF may not be for everybody (certainly not for anyone under 13), and it's not to everyone's taste (or lack thereof), but if you like "B" films---especially those by schlock-meister Larry Cohen---then give THE STUFF a try. Don't say I didn't warn you!

RECOMMENDED
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR LARRY COHEN FANS

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Silly, Gooey Fun!
Review: Larry Cohen did it again with THE STUFF (1985): he concocted another Horror/Social Comedy offering, this time using the theme of food as the point of entry! A biting satire of advertising and consumerism (the best since George A. Romero's 1978 classic DAWN OF THE DEAD), THE STUFF is entertaining, gross and flat-out fun. Starring Michael Moriarty in another of his patented quirky Tab Hunter-Gone-To-Hell performances, this film is not great, but it is quite likable. After his breakout starring role in the great baseball drama BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY (1973), the Method-trained, blond-haired, blue-eyed, 6'4" Moriarty has carved out a niche starring in "B" movies (usually for Larry Cohen), and he's always fun to watch!

Here he plays a Southern-drawlin' FBI agent named David 'Mo' Rutherford---"'cause no matter how much ah get, ah always want mo'" (great line!)---who is hired by the dairy industry to find out mo' about The Stuff. You see, The Stuff was discovered by an oil-well worker who witnessed a strange meteor crash and found a pool bubbling with thick, white goo, decides to taste it, discovers that it tastes sensational, and is quickly able to market it to the general public as---what else?--The Stuff! An instant hit, outselling ice cream by five-to-one, The Stuff unfortunately has some gruesome side-effects that gradually become known to the few who do not partake of it. Let's just say that it has a similar result as those nasty space-plants in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978). Mo and a ten-year-old boy named Jason (who is the only one in his family not to have eaten The Stuff) begin to get to the bottom of things, aided by a most unlikely pair: A black cookie entrepeneaur nicknamed Chocolate Chip Charlie (the hilarious "SNL" alum Garrett Morris) and a racist militia leader named Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears (an even-more hilarious Paul Sorvino). Add to the mix veteran actors Danny Aiello and Patrick O'Neal, and you have a recipe that calls for you to just sit back and have fun! THE STUFF may not be for everybody (certainly not for anyone under 13), and it's not to everyone's taste (or lack thereof), but if you like "B" films---especially those by schlock-meister Larry Cohen---then give THE STUFF a try. Don't say I didn't warn you!

RECOMMENDED
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED FOR LARRY COHEN FANS

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: the worst movie i have ever seen
Review: Larry Cohen is so incredibly unsubtle in every gaudy, ridiculous move he makes, but "The Stuff" takes the cake. This movie is hilarious. I can remember few times in which I have watched my television and had so much fun. Every cut away shot, every leap in logic, every incontinuity of this movie is burned in my brain. I have seen a lot of movies, and this is the most poorly written, directed, and executed of them all. Every time the film tries to be subversive, it hits you in the face with a hammer, and every time it doesn't do this, you have no idea what's going on. This movie is nothing, absolutely nothing, short of terrible. In every respect.

That said, I love "The Stuff". See it, and consider yourself part of the club. I guarantee you won't regret it.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Not as goofy as I'd like it to be, but still pretty good.
Review: Now when you first hear about a movie that has a killer dessert in it you'd probably think this is gonna rock. Well, this movie is funny, but wears thin sometimes. First of all, there's a real cheeseball story, which if they stuck to it most of the time this would be better. The opening is funny, you see this dude in the artic just waltzin' around when all of a sudden he comes across this white stuff comin' out of the ground. He promptly dips his finger in it and eats some of it. (Yeah, the first thing you do when you see a random substance in the ground is you HAVE TO TASTE IT.) So these dudes start marketing the white junk now named "The Stuff". Then we see a boy looking for a midnight snack when he sees the stuff dancin' around. The boy freaks and tries to tell everyone, and obviously they don't believe him at first. Pretty soon, the stuff starts selling better than any other dessert so the candy companies hire some guy named Mo. ("They call me that cause whenever you give me money, I always want Mo.") On the trail of the secret behind the stuff Mo meets Choclate Chip Charlie, the best character in the movie who unfortunately we don't see enough of. Choclate Chip charlie has fists of death and can mutilate people by slapping and punching them (a la Story of Ricky style, which is an awsome movie that you should go buy now). Eventually the two heroes find that the stuff turns people into mindless zombies who only crave more of the stuff and are evil. So the two kick some zombie ... and decide to split up and investigate (and we don't see Charlie until the end). Then the movie gets kinda boring for a while. So at the end they get rid of the stuff epidemic by warning people about what it does and poor charlie gets killed by the stuff at the end. Some very funny scenes in the movie. You should at least see. Cohen's movie "It's Alive" was pure genius and you should buy that one if you have to choose.


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