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The Odyssey

The Odyssey

List Price: $14.98
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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Lord, have mercy!
Review: If this movie were worse (and if it COULD be) there would undoubtedly be an unhealthy number of premature deaths .... First of all, there's Poseidon. This CG bill shut is an outrage to humanity. His rolling waveface accompanied by Assanti's pitiful attempt to weep provides an outstanding performance which may (being optimistic) top the emotion found in a dramatic episode of Mr. Rogers. I am certain that if poor old (really old) Homer were given a second life to live in this century, he would probably waste it by inflicting himself with chimera. With all due respect, though none is due, this film is pathetic. That's all I have to say. Just DON'T watch this movie before (or even after) you read the book, unless you wish to perish at an unnaturally early stage in life!!!!!!!!

GOODBYE!!!!!!!!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Oh boy... dont let this spoil your opinion of Homer
Review: The origional creater of The Odyssey, Homer, did a wonderful job producing an action-packed story where you cared about the characters and made you eager to know what would happen next. Thousands of years later, when TVs are in existence, we fail at telling the same story with his exuberance. The motion picture depiction of Homer's work is a lame collection of attempted action scenes that does nothing to keep the watcher entertained throughout this movie. The human characters along with those mythical creatures they encounter respond to events without using common sense that anyone with half a brain would use. Despite all that, assuming the plot and the logic of the characters entertained you enough to keep your eyes open during the movie, you'd realize how all the actors seem undecided on what accent to use or even how to pronounce the names of the others...

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Golly Gee Wonkers.
Review: Out of all the movies I have seen that were made from books, this was the most terrible one I have ever beheld. I noticed a few things, but i am not going to say ones already mentioned cuz that would just be too repetetive:
---According to Homer's "The Odyssey", most of the community was either incredibly buff, or wholly attractive. None of these were represented in the movie. All of the men were like little skinny rats. Crass, pusillanimous milliners. Some of the women were nauseating! Instead of fresh and striking, most of them looked dark, and many with wrinkles and other... features.
---
Another minus to the movie was the special effects. If the special effects had a scent, it would smell like: the putrid odor of water running down a rusty, tin overhanging onto a moldy cement below. Or maybe smell like a school cafeteria. ~~Now you have an idea how much the "special" (a.k.a. mentally challenged) effects are like.

To anybody who wants to procure this movie: read the book while being inculcated by Mr. moobetoN FIRST.

Bye.

P.S. Thesauruses are awe-inspiring.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: This movie is not all that
Review: originally i would give this horrible dipiction of The Odyssey 1 star, but because of one of the last scenes where ugly t(telemachus) threw two spears at once, i give it two stars. Everything was horrible to my opinion. The accents kept changing everything. If you read the book before you watched the movie, you would thinkt hat this was all a joke. So if anything just read the book by itself. So two stars for two stars thrown by ugly T

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: So bad it was funny....
Review: After reading the book, this movie seemed like a bad joke. Reading reviews about the movie giving the book justice is even funnier. Somebody obviously didn't read the book.
Think it's a good action movie? If you want gore, read chapter 22 (I think) in the book. Or the cyclop's scene.
Good special effects? I'd almost agree, other than the faces. Aiolos, Poseidon, and the Cyclops' faces all looked very similar. If you notice, while the cyclops is talking, his mouth does not form the words, it merely opens and closes.
And the aciting. AHHHHHH. The accents didn't even match up between Penelope and her son Telemachos. Odysseus, Penelope, and Telemachos all sounded completely different. Of course, Odysseus's accent changed every few scenes, so who can blame his family for not keeping up?
Oh yes, back to similarities with the book. When Telemachos visits Menelaos, the chapter is titled "The Red Haired King and His Lady" the Menelaos of the movie had black hair, not red. Oh yes, and his beard wasn't the same color as his freakishly-fake ringlets. Similarly, Athena was mentioned time and time again in the book as "the grey eyed goddess...". Athena of the movie had blue eyes.
I could keep going, but I won't. If you still think this was a good depiction of Homer's The Odyssey, get therapy. Serious therapy.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: What has the world come to?
Review: I have a vision of Hell.
There I am, sitting quietly. And before me is a huge TV screen. And I am condemned to watch this movie for the rest of my days.
It's not so much that this movie completely deviated from the plot of Homer's epic poem. It DID do that. It's not so much the fake, fake effects. They were fake. It's not so much the ridiculous, farcical acting. Which it was, much to my dismay (I admire Irene Papas very much but she was simply pulled under by the miserable script). It's not even so much the ridiculous costumes. And they were ridiculous. It is most definitely the script that it the final insult. The weak, weak script barely managed to hold together any semblance of a plot.
The casting? Absolutely ridiculous. Bernadette Peters as a seductress? The same woman who was the witch in Into the Woods?
And Telemachus? The worm with a unibrow? If that man is good-looking then I weep for the male gender.
Poseidon appearing in the waves? Like the Wizard of OZ? And Aiolos the wind god as a portly, obnoxious little voluptuary from Brooklyn? No matter how hard you hurl a spear, the people you hit with it WILL NOT FLY INTO THE AIR AND STICK TO THE WALL. The last movie that was as bad as this was Dragonheart. As the final scene ended, and the credits began to roll, I felt violated. I felt more violated still as I realized that Francis Ford Coppola was responsible for this miserable, painful, heart-wrenching movie. The same man who gave us the Godfather raped us with this piece of excrement??? True, he did make the Godfather III, but that pales in comparison to the extreme BADNESS of this movie.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: THIS WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!
Review: As a Detroit Red Wings fan, I must say that I loved this version of the Odyssey! This special effects were absolutly wonderful, and I must say I love the acting, some of the best i've ever seen in my life, almost better than sergey federov acting to get hit to draw a high sticking call! There was more action than Chelios misses checks! Oh, and there were more holes in this movie than Curtis Joseph leaves in his net. This movie was wodderful

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Crap, all crap
Review: ...you would have noticed how horrible the allusions are in this crap-that-calls-itself-a-movie. The characters were simply annoying; Telemakhos, the whiny school boy that cries whenever he doesn't get his way, creepy Athena, who's eyes are SUPPOSED to be gray, Penelope, who obviously has a more pleasureful time on the water on the beach than with her husband, and of course Odysseus, who would make me weep if he was my captain. The sets looked as if elementary school kids put them together, Scylla was a sock-puppet, and the shades were just sad. I have never in my life seen such crap and I hope you won't fall for these other 4-star reviews that make me want to PUKE!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: absolutely HORRIBLE
Review: I have never been so disgusted (or sickenly entertained) by a movie before. I am one of the few who have ACTUALLY read the ODYSSEY. I did like the poem. After reading it, I decided to watch the movie. There were almost NO accurate allusions at all to the poem. The characters' acting skills were that of an elementary school kids, and the scenes were obviously fake. I feel bad for Homer, he must be spinning in his grave. The fact that got 4 out of 5 stars is most appalling. I feel sorry for humanity as it is, believing such [nonsense] is the work of Homer.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Uhh..... Were they stoned?
Review: This was the biggest piece of drunken hoopla in the WORLD! I can't believe people would actually take time out of their daily schedule to watch this! If you actually read The Odyssey, the movie is NOTHING like the real thing. I STRONGLY suggest that you read the book first. Well, anyways, no one is going to read this review thus rendering this review useless and something to clutter the internet even more than it already is. I AM THE ANTICRHIST!


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