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Jingle All the Way

Jingle All the Way

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Hilarious Christmas Comedy.
Review: Jingle All The Way is a family christmas comedy from 1996, starring Arnold Schwartzennger. A plot that turns you off, automatically grows on you very quickly, and ends up being one of the most enjoyable Christmas holiday film features of all time.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: The true meaning of Christmas
Review: It is Christmas Eve today, so I think it's most fitting to write this review on this day.
To the people who were offended by this movie and call it 'mean-spirited', you are probably one of the many zombies scurrying about the shopping malls today, knocking over items and people trying to get this year's big selling toy(s) for your little brats, who are themselves enslaved by the advertisers.
I'm glad that this movie was made, because it shows commercialism at its worst, and it needs to be seen, especially by children, who maybe won't grow up to be just like their greedy, materialistic parents.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Cheerless, Humorless, Heartless Humbug
Review: At last we have a movie that celebrates the TRUE meaning of Christmas, capturing the spirit and the essence of all that is dear to so many. What a wonderful gift, a holiday treat that can't be beat, and you can buy it at your local mall. Actually, all sarcasm aside, "Jingle All the Way," directed by Brian Levant and starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, is one better left on the shelf of the video store or in the bargain bin of your local Walmart. Because a more sickening paean to commercialism has never been committed to film. The plot (excuse me?) concerns young Jamie Langston's (Jake Lloyd) wish for the Toy of the Season, "Turboman." Mom Liz (Rita Wilson) leaves it up to all-too-busy-businessman dad, Howard (Schwarzenegger) to make the purchase. But Howard procrastinates (lying to Liz that he has-- don't worry!-- the toy already in his possession), and by the time he gets to the mall on Christmas Eve, guess what? Turboman is sold out! And so begins the real adventure of the story, as Howard bazookas his way through mall after mall, toy store after toy store, in his desperate attempt to lay his hands on a Turboman. And, like Tennessee Ernie Ford once sang, "If you see me comin' better step aside--" Because no one-- man, woman, child, dog or reindeer-- had better get in Howard's way, because he's comin' through! At any cost, Turboman will be his!

Unfortunately, that cost is pretty high, but not necessarily for Howard, but in the price the audience must pay to sit through these uninspired and unimaginative ramblings. Working from a screenplay (I imagine there had to be one, but by whom I have no idea, nor do I want to know), director Levant delivers, if not a mean-spirited, then at least a "spiritless" movie that is nothing less than the antithesis of the Christmas spirit. Even after peeling away the superficial layers to get to the heart of the story, you're left with nothing but empty peelings in your hands, because deep down, there's nothing there but a black hole (which is where this whole thing belongs, except that it would cause such a tremor in the Force that the entire solar system would probably be upset). "Ernest Saves Christmas" had much more to offer even than this. At least "Ernest" had some heart. And how you can make a "Christmas" movie without any at all in beyond comprehension. Was this, perhaps, a feeble '90s attempt at being so "politically correct" that in some convoluted way greed and violence were deemed an appropriate substitute for the more traditional expressions of the season, so that those who do not keep Christmas would not be offended? Is Howard supposed to represent a typical '90s father? I think (and fervently hope!) not.

One thing is certain, Schwarzenegger's career has nowhere to go from here but up. As if it matters. The Terminator himself will always "Be back!" It's just a shame that someone who is no doubt a caring father in real life would allow a travesty like this to become part of his legacy. It would've taken an actor with some real depth to put anything like a positive spin on the character of Howard, and Arnold just isn't that guy; he just doesn't have the chops for it, try as he may. His portrayal is cheerless and uncharismatic. If there is anything about Howard with which anyone in the audience will be able to identify or relate, my guess is they will deny it vehemently. it's a sad commentary to have to note that "The Terminator" had more heart than Howard.

As Howard's rival in the quest to score a Turboman, Sinbad gives a sinfully bad performance as a postal worker father in the same boat as Howard, going postal in his bid for the toy. Suffice to say this is one that would be better removed from his resume. Alas, count Sinbad as another victim of this heartless effort.

The supporting cast includes Phil Hartman (Ted), Robert Conrad (Officer Hummell), Martin Mull (D.J.), James Belushi (Mall Santa), Harvey Korman (President) and Laraine Newman (First Lady). Humorless, cheerless and heartless, "Jingle All the Way" is a seasonal misfire proffered by some misguided minds apparently attempting to be all things to everyone. In retrospect, the guy who gave the green light for this one should be run out of town on a rail. Now, if not sooner. When Lincoln said you can fool some of the people all of the time, he wasn't referring to this movie. Because this one isn't fooling anyone, any of the time.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: See Extended Scenes In The TV Version!
Review: Jingle All The Way is the kind of Xmas film that seems sweet to some, but tart to others. You just have to get into the groove of what the film is about, which is the craziness of the hectic holiday shopping season. Every year there's some big toy out there that every kid must have (anyone remember Tickle Me Elmo?) and it's always up to the parents to find them. How many parents can put themselves in Arnold Schwarzenegger's shoes when they are overworking and forget to get their child his or her all time favorite toy for Xmas? Yes, the film is a bit cartoonish which allows it to have that fantasy element at the end which is a rehash of the opening scene of the Turbo Man TV show. The craziness of finding the doll is also enhanced from what would happen in real life, not to lose the "real" feel, but to just take it a step beyond which is what always happens when you tell your friends stories and each time you tell them, they become more farfetched and unbelievable (just like the film :-) Sinbad is just hilarious as Myron the mailman, who's a little too competitive for his own good to get a Turbo Man doll. This is definately more of a Xmas movie for the Guys, although I know a few women who like it too. And for those who don't like it the first time may enjoy it after a few more viewings.

The DVD is nothing special...just a Theatrical Trailer as the only bonus feature and it is shown in Widescreen (1.85:1). I wish 20th Century Fox would release a "Special Edition" and include the extended scenes shown in the Television Version which include: 1) The Mall Santa (Jim Belushi), his midget cohort & Arnold exchange extra dialogue as they're driving to the Santa factory, 2) Jim Belushi breaks out into song at the Santa Factory singing about "The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot". 3) At the diner, Sinbad explains more about what the Johnny Seven O.M.A. Gun can do with Arnold: discussing all seven individual guns that it contains in greater detail. 4) As Arnold is driving back home in a tow truck (since his car was stripped) he gives the female driver different versions of how he should suck up to Liz, his wife (Rita Wilson), for screwing up so badly. There is also an extended ending after Arnold is carried off at the end, but this scene is also used in the theatrical version after the end credits have finished.

The scenes were added for TV to fill time because the film is only 85 minutes long and even with added commercials, some time needed to be filled. And FOX should even get Arnold & Sinbad together for a DVD audio commentary which would be a lot of fun to listen to.

So, to those who love the movie, more power to you! To those who don't, give it another chance. It'll grow on you.

"It's Turbo Time!"

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A Classic
Review: This is one of the best christmas movies ever. This movie is hilarious. Anyone who hates this movie must have a heart two sizes too small. Wow you gotta see this!!! This is the perfect movie for anyone.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: HORRID!
Review: UGH UGH UGH!!!! if i could, i woudn't give this ANY stars!!
THIS IS JUST A LAME EXCUSE FOR A SIT-COM RERUN!!!!! i've never seen a Christmas "movie(?)" as bad as this. WHAT KIND OF A PLOT LINE IS IT ANYWAYS???!!!! its totally embarrassing to watch! i can't believe this went beyond a T.V. special! it's just plain aweful! OK, HERE'S THE PLOT: a bumbling father is trying to get his SON a doll for Christmas! There ya have it--the worst Christmas . . .(dare I say film?) flick ever made.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Enjoyable comedy film.
Review: Schwarzenegger may not be at his best in this film, but his effort still makes this a very enjoyable film to watch, especially at Christmas. He plays as a father of a boy who wants a famous action toy for Christmas. Its Christmas Eve and Arnold has to work fast to find his son this action toy before its to late. Its funny watching him fight through shops and crowds to get the toy, but Phil Hartman is such a poor actor. Overall, I think this film is good and is worth renting.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A VERY GOOD CHRISTMAS MOVIE
Review: I really liked this movie. My wife and I did not expect much from this but we really liked the story. Arnold is very good. Also Phil Hartman is great also. Anytime Hollywood can make a family Christmas movie I am happy.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Alot of faults, but Arnold's in there plugging away!
Review: "Jingle All the Way" is a holiday film in the mode of a "Home Alone" that has alot of problems. Arnold tries so hard to make this movie work. In fact, he is trying so hard to come across as a funny, put-upon, average joe that it's almost painful to watch. I did laugh at parts of this film especially in the middle when the pursuit for the toy was at its peak.

However, the major problems with this movie are the: ending, Sinbad's characters transformation from funny to dangerous, and Jake Lloyd. The ending is so incongrous with the rest of the movie, with it's big budget special effects and fight sequences, that the only explanation for it can be is that the producers decided to throw Arnold's action fans a bone just for watching him in the slapstick, family film that is the rest of the movie. Sinbad's character starts off as goofy and likeable, but ends the film as seriously deranged and scary. Last, and most certainly least, is the awful, awful Jake Lloyd. (I must admit that I do have a prejudice against him in that I believe that little Jakey should not have been allowed within a thousand miles of the "Phantom Menace" set, let alone be given the most important role. "Jingle All the Way" was made before the "Phantom Menace," and it really makes one wonder what in heaven's name did George Lucas see in this kid's acting?) Jake Lloyd doesn't have the talent to act in a toothpaste commercial let alone a major motion picture. He makes young Macauley Caulkin look like a master thespian in comparison. My theory why Jake got these movie roles- his parents aren't a pain in the neck like most other parents of child actors. That is the only explaination I can think of.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Hilarious entertainment!!!
Review: This is one of the funniest Christmas movies I've ever seen! As you may know, Arnold Schwarzenegger's crybaby son is pestering him for a Turboman action figure. Since Arnold's long hours at his job have caused him to neglect his son, Arnold decides to make it up to him by getting the Turboman. You may recognize Arnold's son as the little brat from the Star Wars Phantom Menace.

Arnold spends an hour or so driving around and running through malls trying to find the Turboman. Along the way, he hooks up with Sinbad, who also wants the Turboman for his son. Some funny hijinks occur during their Turboman crusade.

Once of the funniest scenes in the movie occurs at a Turboman parade on Christmas Eve. Turboman's sidekick, a pink sabertooth tiger named Booster, gets knocked off a float by Sinbad. I almost lost it when all of the kids at the parade started kicking Booster. That was one of the funniest move scenes I've ever seen.

All in all, this is a great family film.


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