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Jingle All the Way

Jingle All the Way

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Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Fun but not a classic
Review: This is a fun but uneven holiday flick. I guess Arnold holds his own, but the pre-packaged script leaves little room for anything but going through the motions. Sinbad comes off awfully whiny and obnoxious. As a vehicle to contemplate the over-commercialization of Christmas, it might be a conversation starter, but do you want to waste 90 minutes of your life again? The true meaning of Christmas? Perhaps Jamie will look to real people in his life rather than fantasy figures -- not a bad message in the end.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Pointlessly mean, even for what it tried to be
Review: "Jingle All the Way" could have been an okay "black" comedy. It probably meant to be a cross between movies like "A Christmas Story" and "A Fish Called Wanda" in tone. Even giving it credit for attempting that much would be generous, though, because this movie is just incredibly, incredibly mean, especially for a Christmas story. And it's stupid. Or at least, all its characters are mean and stupid.

About ten minutes into the plot of "Jingle," my two nine-year-olds and I developed a new game that enabled us to at least watch the rest of the thing. I'd call this game "find the sympathetic character." Nobody won. We couldn't find anyone being sympathetic or decent to anyone else in the whole movie. Seriously. This is the kind of movie where the characters laugh at each other's expense, and you're supposed to, too. Everyone, and I mean basically every character, is a grasping, self-involved jerk.

Simple example: A little girl at the mall sees Arnold S. chasing after a yellow superball. She catches it herself. She doesn't seem to know what the ball's for, but whatever -- the girl starts running away from him. (There's an elaborate chase scene through the Mall of America.) Why does the little girl run? She sure doesn't seem scared -- though you'd think she might be, given that it's a glowering Ahnold in pursuit. No, the camera lingers on her smirking face just long enough to make it clear that she likes making the muscleman suffer. Because it's fun, that's why.

The whole movie is full of stuff like that. Arnold asks employees at a store -- do they have this year's hot toy? The employees burst into laughter at his expense. (Nobody else must have asked that question before?) Better still: The Power Rangers knockoff Arnold's looking for has a tiger sidekick. The running joke is that everyone wants a "Turbo Man" doll but nobody wants the stupid old tiger. During the final fight sequence a guy in a tiger costume falls off a float in a parade. A bunch of kids jump out and start beating the guy up -- for no reason. Ha ha. THIS MOVIE IS POINTLESSLY, UNENDINGLY MEAN. I'm serious: the kids and I sat through the whole movie trying to spot one character who was anything but cruel to anyone else, and the closest we got was Arnold's wife, who is just gallingly stupid.

Stupid, you say? Yes, the woman is strikingly dumb. How dumb, you ask? Well, at one point Arnold is "disguised" in a Turbo Man suit, wearing a transparent yellow visor over his eyes. He's standing in front of his wife and kid, and talking to them -- his voice is booming over a P.A. system at a parade. The wife and kid don't recognize him. Wow. Had they not noticed the accent? How about the massive physique? The chinline? Ah well, we're not supposed to think about that; the movie is sure we're just as stupid as its characters.

Did I compare this to "A Fish Called Wanda"? Otto, the idiot assassin in "Wanda," was a genius next to any character in this movie.

So, what do you have? You have a Christmas movie where the warmest moment is when the main character has broken into his neighbor's house to steal a present from under the tree, but he has a change of heart and decides not to -- just before he's attacked by a reindeer. (Don't worry, Arnold hasn't really changed -- he gets right back to being aggressive toward everything and everyone afterward.) You have a movie with a dull fight sequence involving lots of black marketeers dressed as Santa. You have a movie that actually seems to have made Sinbad -- remember Sinbad? -- embarrassed by how unfunny everything is. (How does Sinbad compensate? By SHOUTING ALL HIS LINES. HE JUST SEEMS ENRAGED, but that's in character anyway.) You have a movie where, at a parade, two kids, best friends, can't decide who's being singled out to receive the big prize -- and they turn toward one another sullenly as if they're about to fight over it, completely ignoring the prize and the 10,000 people watching them. And finally, you have a movie that wastes, totally wastes, Phil Hartman.

The production design is decent, though the Twin Cities as a location is completely wasted... I'm looking for something to say that would pull this above one star, and there isn't anything. This is horrible.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Never wait until the last minute
Review: Never wait until the last minute to do your christmas shopping. Because thier may be a gift on a wish list that may be a hot ideam, and hard to find. And even if you are doing your shopping on Christmas Eve. The sooner you start your christmas shopping the sooner you will finish your christmas shopping. As the movie opens, Howard Lanston (Aronald Schwarzenegger) misses his son's class. And Howard has a hard time keeping his promises. So when asks his song Jaime Lanston (Jake Lloyd) for any christmas present he wants, he will get it for him. And Jaime badly watns TurboMan doll. Howard tells his wife that he has the doll. And the next morning he heads out to find it. And now he has to get to the doll first before his rivals including a mail man named Myron Larabee (Sinbad) who like Howard, also has to get his hands on TurboMan at the last minute. While he is away trying to get a TurboMan for his son, thier next door neighbor (Phil Hartman) is in his house keeping a eye on Howard's son, and eating his wife's (Rita Wilson) christmas cookies.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Sorry, I loved it
Review: Well, well, well. I just saw this on TV, there being nothing better to watch. I was all set to snub my nose at this movie. But what's this?! I've given a 5 star rating to an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie! Have I snapped? Is this a sign of the End Times? Hear me out! I read some of the negative reviews of the professional critics. It appears I have an ability they don't: I can tell how seriously movies are meant to be taken. They can't. Truly, this movie is the ultimate parody of Christmas commercialism. The writing of Kornfield and the directing of Levant have combined to create a slapstick farce with incredible comedic timing. It would be a dark comedy if it didn't have so much energy. "A Christmas Story" meets "The Last Action Hero." Arnold is playing a role meant for Jim Carey. Part of what made Arnold so funny is that he was so very ill-suited for the role. Kornfield topped himself over and over again in his jabs at people's shallowness and greed. Flawless character actor performances from all the co-stars, especially Hartman and Belushi. They understood the script only too well. Without even trying, Rita Wilson comes across as a slightly more sensuous version of Jamie Lee Curtis. Levant keeps the comedic timing perfect throughout. The very predictableness of the wild ending was absolutely essential to make the whole thing work. Like it or not, a new Christmas classic has now taken its place among the others in TV land. And look at this: as I write this review, this movie is "currently out of stock." How perfect!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Enjoyable and underrated Christmas movie
Review: I always had the impression that this was a run-of-the-mill Christmas movie. Then, one night I was flipping through the channels and this movie was on. Arnold played a good part - it wasn't his best comedy role (probably Kindergarten Cop in my book), but he was good. Sinbad, on the other hand, was great. Sinbad played a postal worker that wasn't all there (about 42 cards in his deck) and made the movie. There are several parts that made me laugh out loud (and still do).

In the end, the movie attempts to be a feel-good movie and comes close. The ride getting there is worth watching the movie though. Overall, not the best Christmas movie, but definitely underrated and worth watching.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: My Favorite Christmas movie!
Review: A busy working man ( Arnold Schwartzenger) didn't made it to his son's karate class but he promises to get his son a Turbo Man for Christmas, but he's unaware that it is the hottest selling action figure for the Christmas season. He goes on a race to find it before a Mailman ( Sinbad) finds it first.

Totally fun movie, i'm one of Arnold's fans and this is a good christmas movie to share with the family.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A Ho-Ho here and there
Review: Arnie and Sinbad aren't doing Miracle on 34th street, but then again, it's not meant as such, but they do each learn a valuable lesson about shopping at the last minute for a toy which has been cleverly marketed at a lower level of availability, making the quest for it believable. Quite a few laughs, and I'd recommend it.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: oh the humanity
Review: I left the theater after this movie grieving for my (money). It was horrible horrible horrible.

Schwarzenegger plays a workaholic dad who, on Christmas Eve, realizes he still hasn't bought his son the coveted action figure that his wife asked him to pick up weeks ago.

Gee, maybe the lessons from Charlie Brown's Christmas special didn't take in this household despite being on TV umpteen times! Because the whole flick is then devoted to Schwarzenegger getting into zany 'adventures' (one particularly horrific one involving Santas of all shapes and sizes getting into a rumble with him) as he pursues this trendy item at all costs. Hey, how about actually going home and spending time with the kid instead?

YUCK. It was terrible and doesn't even deserve one star.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: As usual CRITICS WRONG, FANS RIGHT
Review: Another case that a bloated, single dimensional, over-educated, over-analytical "professional" reviewer totally missed the point of this film.

This is a funny and action packed film. Arnold again does a great job of making this a fun film to watch.

See it...

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Meant to poke fun at the mad dash at Christmas....
Review: I thought that this film was funny... It is a stab at the last minute shopping rush when the father forgets to buy his kid a Turbo Man for Christmas. It was so nice to see Arnold Schwartzenegger playing something besides killer Robots or Conan..

I think that the critics were too hard on this little movie... I urge you to see this movie and to have a laugh... After all, it was meant to be funny...


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