Bad Santa

Rating:
Summary: Blood soaked wooden pickle steals the show
Review: After seeing The Matrix: The Sucking Return of Neo and his fake love affair with Trinity, I was on a quest to find something that didn't make me want to stick a pen in my eye. Unlike most of the crappola coming from the Hollywood Sewer these days, Bad Santa was worth $7. This is Oceans Eleven meets A Christmas Story meets Leaving Las Vegas meets The Wiz and is so ridiculously funny that your face may seize up from laughing so hard.

Leave your prudish Grandma at home with her doilies and knitting because she'll just complain about the cuss words, which is what makes the movie hillarious and will force you to say "Grandma, this isn't the Victorian era anymore. People cuss now. That's what's funny, not some stupid joke about chickens crossing the road."

Bad Santa has this incredible fat rich kid who wears 70s shorts and gets beat up by Mallrat skaters until he befriends Drunk Santa Billy Bob. The fat kid eats chocolates and invites Billy Santa to spend the night, Michael Jackson-style but without all the rubba rubba. Why? Because the fat kid is also pretty gullible and thinks that Drunk Billy is really Santa. The fat kid might have believed that because Billy is friends with this real life elf who he robs department stores with. This ragtag bunch of loveable misfits has some pretty madcapped adventures drenched in booze and deception. But the fat rich kid is trying to teach Drunk Billy Claus about the spirit of Christmas, which is kind of lame until the fat kid gives Billy a special present, a blood-soaked wooden pickle, which is so sweet it almost made me cry like a little girl baby with sticky fingers caked in melted chocolate and chewed up Dots and clad in a pink dress.

Rating:
Summary: (1 1/2) Juvenile But Not For Juveniles - A Good Cast Wasted
Review: My alternate title for this review was "How To Ruin A Potentially Good Idea". I would call this movie sophomoric but that would be an insult to sophomores. The basic concept works, Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) is a lecherous drunk and wastrel who runs an annual Christmas scam masterminded by his acquaintance Marcus (the dwarf Tony Cox). Each year they hit a different town and team up as Santa (Willie) and his elf sidekick (Marcus). They use this time to plan the robbery of the store where they work after everyone leaves on Christmas Eve. And guess what? Christmas is approaching once again and they put aside their differences and go into action. However, Willie is more dissolute than ever, and his actions draw the attention of the store manager (John Ritter), who eventually convinces his security chief (Bernie Mac) to investigate their past. Meanwhile, a really weird and friendless kid (played by Brett Kelly) is attracted to Willie and despite the evidence to the contrary is convinced Willie is the real deal. Finally, the kid lives in a large home with only his TV addicted grandmother (Cloris Leachman) for company, the perfect target for a con artist. Sounds promising right? Good cast - lots of potential for a dark Christmas comedy. Maybe it will have a sentimental ending, maybe it won't.

The problem is that the writers, director and producer decided that rather than put some work into making a really good movie, they'd go for the cheap laughs and shock value of constant profanity, sexual escapades and body humor, rather than do anything original and interesting. I don't believe that there is as much as a two minute segment of this movie without profanity, and it is just the same old stuff over and over. Maybe kneeing someone is funny once, but it soon gets stale, and Santa peeing in his pants because he's drunk is not my idea of cleverness. Several of the incidents were funny in isolation, but ten minutes of laughs out of ninety three minutes couldn't make up for the other truly dumb stuff. I added a half star because there were a few moments that I actually enjoyed and at times I thought that the film might head in an interesting direction, but those possibilities were always the path not taken. Thus, upon contemplation I rounded down my rating.

Too bad that this was John Ritter's last film, what a waste of his talent! If you are a Billy Bob Thornton fan, and want to see a really fun Christmas movie where the sex and foul language are used judiciously to add to the story rather than replace it, see LOVE ACTUALLY (4+ star review 11/12/03). While Billy Bob only has a bit part, it showcases his talents and the rest of the ensemble cast better than this film.

Tucker Andersen

Rating:
Summary: classic
Review: i loved this movie from the opeening frame to the closing credits. it isn't oscar material but i think it rocks and it's totally hilarious. raucous comedy.

Rating:
Summary: i loved it
Review: this is a dark comedy but the humor is so funny you won;t even notice and you do feel sorry for willie in the end.

Rating:
Summary: Disappointing!!
Review: Sometimes when I watch a movie I try to discover why the story is being told. I envision a pitch meeting, where a bunch of creative guys pitch a story to a bunch of suits. Watching BAD SANTA I envisioned Joel and Ethan Coen (who executive produced) saying to these guys "we wanna make the most offensive Christmas movie of all time." That's the only thing I could think while sitting through this film and then I could envision the suits going "Okay but we need to okay the script".

In short BAD SANTA tells the story of two con men. The first guy is Willie (Billy Bob Thornton, Sling Blade); he smokes too much, drinks too much, and enjoys making whoopee with heavy-set ladies. Did I forget to mention he's also a mall Santa and an expert safe cracker? The other guy is a little person named Marcus (Tony Cox, Me, Myself, and Irene), he's the mastermind and kind of Willie's Jimminy Cricket. They make a great team; they've robbed a dozen malls all over the country and have never been caught.

Everything is hunky-dory until Willie meets a little boy (Brett Kelly, Cheats), his crazy granny (Cloris Leachman, Young Frankenstein), a small minded Mall Owner who trying his hardest not to offend anybody (John Ritter, Skin Deep), a gung-ho Chief of security (Bernie Mac, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle), and a beautiful women who has a Santa fetish (Lauren Graham, Night Watch). As the film unfolds each one of these people will test the will of the main characters, and maybe even allow our hero's to find the true meaning of Christmas.

BAD SANTA is a mess. There are two many characters, too little plot, far too much story, and not enough laughs to go around. Watching it felt like THE BIG LEBOWSKI without any laughs. Sure there are moments that are funny, I especially liked the boxing scene. But there was nothing cohesive stringing the movie together. Plus it lacked strong characters and satire that falls flat more often than it amuses. The film felt like a massive sea of people walking in and off screen and a Santa who liked to use the f-word a lot.

When you strive to push the envelope, to do something, say something, or just gross the audience out, you have to make the payoff big. A fart in and of itself is just disgusting. But only when you're in church is it truly funny. BAD SANTA is the equivalent of a homeless man screaming and yelling at you, you can laugh, scream back or simply walk away not changed by the experience. BAD SANTA made me want to walk away. It felt like the creator's of the film were amused by the F-word and didn't take the time to inject the film with real wit.

It's a shame too. Bad Santa had all the makings of an interesting character piece. I love the Kid. He's oblivious to real feelings, almost retarded or maybe a bit autistic. I loved how he saw the world, I loved when he showed Willie his report card with such awe and excitement, and yet the movie drops the ball on us. Putting him in stupid situations all so we can laugh at his underwear up to his chin. The first rule of groundbreaking offensive comedy aim low, shoot high.

Director Terry Zwigoff (Crumb) visual style is also off the mark. There are so many continuity errors I thought to myself. This guy can make independent films like a pro. But his life in commercial filmmaking will be really short if he makes a movie like this again.

I recommend that if you go into BAD SANTA, think of the potential it could have had. Try to envision a much more unrestrained picture. I try to envision the Coen Brothers making it as one of their own. I'll bet a far better movie will begin to unfold. A truly dirty Christmas movie, that's about zany character's, and impossible situations. In a film like this character and jokes are king anyway. Plot be dammed. I'd skip BAD SANTA.

Rating:
Summary: Bad Santa - Funniest Christmas Film Ever
Review: If you're easily offended by swearing/bad language then this film's not for you. If you don't mind a bit of swearing and you want to escape reality for an hour or so, then this film's a must for adults.

It's the funniest film I've seen this year and certainly the most funny christmas film, however I wouldn't recommend children see it.

Rating:
Summary: Foul Mouthed, Crude and Offensive....I loved it!
Review: Billy Bob Thornton stars as a scummy mall Santa who just does the job to stake malls that he wants to rob. He hates kids and he pretty much hates everyone else around him. He had a bad child-hood so he takes it out on everyone. When he's not Santa at the mall he's out drinking and looking for women to sack up with. Hell sometimes he even does the Santa job drunk, he doesn't care. It's interesting that script puts him with this clueless fat kid who stalks him. Their scense together can be surprisingly sweet at times even if Thornton's foul language doesn't give you enough time to think "aww". This movie is no way for everyone but if you like dark humor and lots of cursing then Bad Santa is for you. It's an anti-Christmas movie that is better than most actual Christmas movies. If Billy Bob is anything like this in real life then no wonder Angelina left him lol.

Rating:
Summary: so wrong but so right
Review: anyone who says this movie was bad really needs to get a sense of humor. now ill admit this isnt the BEST movie ive seen, but it is incredibly funny and incredibly offensive, but in a good way. totally worth watching, especially with the holidays upon us.

Rating:
Summary: OFFENSIVE
Review: I LOVED THIS MOVIE. BUT YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE KIDS ( LIKE ME) AT HOME!

Rating:
Summary: The Worst Movie I have EVER Seen
Review: Please do NOT go to see this movie. Normally a little dark humor is very appealing to me and foul language can be pretty funny, but this movie had absolutely no humor and no plot. I was very surprised to see decent actors like John Ritter (RIP) and Bernie Mac in this movie, it should be a total embarassment to them and their families! I know this movie was horrible because I kept thinking the whole time that I would rather be watching Charlie's Angels Full Throttle, now that's bad folks. Spare yourself the agony or just cancel Christmas and kick a reindeer before you go to see this one.