Rating: 
Summary: Rent It, Don't Buy It
Review: "Mean Machine" was a predictable and less than appealing movie. The movie had bursts of humor here and there (e.g. commentators Bob and Bob during the final game, Jason Statham as "The Monk"), and the soundtrack, probably its only saving grace, was quite good...The DVD is NOT worth the price tag because of the lack of special features. Granted, the British slangs were a bit confusing and the alternate "U.S. Release" featured on the DVD was helpful. But, one could easily turn on the captions while watching the "Theatrical Release" and not miss a word. Rent the move if you want to watch it and save your money for the soundtrack.
Rating: 
Summary: Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen.
Review: Actually I've already seen The Longest Yard about 30 times so I'm pretty p***ed I dropped $25 on this piece of crap. Snatch Meets TLY Meets Natural Born Killers. There's nothing new or interesting or FUNNY in this thing. Just a blatant copy for idiot soccer fans with aspirations of the Big House. I would have thought Matthew Vaughn and Mr. Madonna could have come up with something a little more engaging than this. Pitiful. This thing SUCKS. You've been warned.
Rating: 
Summary: I just loved it
Review: I kinda held off on this after I rented and then decided to watch it just before it was due back at the video store. Now, I wish I had watched it sooner because I would have watched it again. Vinnie Jones has turned out to be an amazing actor and the rest of the cast on this movie did an excellent excellent job. It's funny, it's somewhat sad in a part or two, it's exciting and it's inspirational. I would recommend this movie to anyone...I'm waiting for a copy of it to come in so I can buy it.
Rating: 
Summary: 5 stars if you love soccer
Review: I love the Longest Yard, and the Mean Machine is a cute remake. The final game is well shot with great music. Very predictable, but exactly what you want in a film-Lots fun. The prison game announcers are a riot. I liked the nice touch with the winning goal.
Rating:
Summary: 5 stars if you love soccer
Review: I love the Longest Yard, and the Mean Machine is a cute remake. The final game is well shot with great music. Very predictable, but exactly what you want in a film-Lots fun. The prison game announcers are a riot. I liked the nice touch with the winning goal.
Rating:
Summary: Mean Machine
Review: I've seen this film, it was so excellent & exicitng, it was great to see Vinnie Jones hit his latest film about being away in a jail & he was so cool, daft & his football skills are superb! I believe it's the best prison film ever, the best!
Rating:
Summary: Next in line from LS2SB and Snatch
Review: Matthew Vaughn and Guy Ritchie team up again to produce another story from the underside of British culture, with Barry Skolnick as director. This time they take various members of the casts of previous movies Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch into the British prison system of screws (guards) and cons (prisoners). Jason Statham plays the insane "Monk" with a nice set of abs, Vas Blackwood (LS2SB's malicious Rory Breaker) gives us a softer side of himself as "Massive." Vinny Jones, himself the bad boy of British soccer, plays Danny Meehan, ex-England soccer captain who is imprisoned for drunken assault. Once inside, Danny comes face to face with disappointed fans and a crooked prison warden who puts the pressure on to make Danny coach the prison football team. Upon the advice of his fellow convict, "it's ironic" Massive, Meehan suggests a match between the guards and the convicts as a way to keep everyone off his back. The recruiting and training of his team take Danny Meehan, the Mean Machine, through some rough spots, but eventually he regains his respect for both the game and himself during the climactic match. Unlike LS2SB and Snatch, this movie doesn't come with a second DVD full of the interesting "other stuff" that consumers are starting to take for granted. I admit I was disappointed too. Instead, Mean Machine comes in two versions: the original UK version, for which you will need to know the lingo of "birds" and "nippers" and "taking a pony;" or the "domestic" US version, in which some of the more elusive British slang is dubbed, kung-fu b-movie style, with more easily understood words. Take your pick. Remakes are rarely as magnificent as the originals and I don't understand why film creators with proven talent and creativity decided to do this story as a British version of 1974's The Longest Mile. It could have stood on it's own two feet on the soccer pitch without being based on something else. Instead of comparing it to another movie about a different country and different sport, take Mean Machine for what it is - a rough and tough British comedy that will give you an excellent evening's worth of entertainment.
Rating: 
Summary: British remake of Burt Reynolds' THE LONGEST YARD
Review: MEAN MACHINE is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie THE LONGEST YARD, using the movie's UK release title. I haven't seen the original but this wasn't bad.
In a brilliant piece of casting ex-pro footballer turned tough guy actor Vinnie Jones plays Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, an ex pro-footballer who is jailed for three years on assault charges. But the prison warden (David Hemmings) happens to be a soccer nut, so he offers Meehan the opportunity to assemble a team of inmates and train them for a soccer game against the prison officers.
Executive produced by Guy Ritchie, MEAN MACHINE is a formulaic but entertaining movie. The meshing of the sports/prison movie genres may make you see these guys as being right 'ard geezers or limp-wristed nancy boys, depending on your opinion of soccer. Well, there's a Robbie Williams song near the end of the movie so I'll leave that open to viewers to make their own judgments. MEAN MACHINE's still a good movie. If you're a soccer fan it's probably a five star movie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel of sorts to be green-lighted featuring lesbian mud wrestling instead of soccer.
Rating:
Summary: No features at a premium price
Review: Mean Machine is an absolutely awesome movie. It's funny and entertaining in its own right, but for a soccer fan it's got so much added value, with both realistic and out-of-whack soccer moves galore.
So why do I give this DVD 1 star? It should be obvious: On the back cover: "Special features: English Dolby 5.1 Digital Sourround Audio, English Subtitles" SPECIAL FEATURES??? Who the (..) do they take us for?? Not even a trailer. And there could have been so many cool things, like out-takes and the actors practicing their soccer moves...
And how much do they want for this absolutely bare DVD?(....)! At a time when the feature-packed Terminator 2 Ultimate Edition DVD is available for a lower price, that's a bit much.
In short, this is an awesome movie, but don't encourage this kind of exploitation by buying it.
Rating:
Summary: A tough-nut British winner
Review: Mean Machine, the 2001 remake of 'The Longest Yard', is a rough-and-tumble story about a prison's struggles on the soccer field.
When disgraced England captain Danny Meehan (ex-soccer star Vinnie Jones) is sent to prison for assault cops while drunk, he becomes the target of everyone inside. Luckily, he cuts a deal with the warden and begins coaching a flashy and undisciplined group of cons for a game against the prison guards. The game is riddled with under-the-table bets and blackmailing, and has an interesting lead-up.
There is much heated violence in this film, but nothing too graphic. In fact, when Danny has the prison's resident pyscho show the boys how to play dirty on the pitch you will be laughing uncontrollably.
The finale is the big game makes for a gripping piece of viewing. Add to this, the flashy moves, brilliant camera angles, the hilarous play-by-play commentary of two cons each named Bob, and cheap tactics employed, and you have a very good ending to a very good film.
Mean Machine is a highly entertaining British film, and is certainly worth a look if you enjoy soccer or good action and jokes.
In the words of Danny Meehan, "Stick this one in your trophy cabinet".
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