Rating: 
Summary: This is the paradigm of B movies
Review: I gave this a five because I laughed so hard I couldn't see.This is, however, a B movie in every sense. The voices are weird, and apparantly that is because the filmmakers had no way to record sound while recoding images, so everything is dubbed after the fact. The best one line summary of this movie is: This is a Canadian Kung Fu musical about technologically advanced lesbian vampires who battle with Jesus Christ and Santos the Mexican Wrestler for control of the world. Like any good B movie, it lacks things in almost every department. I can't say that it had good sets, props, actors, acting, plot, camera work, or sound quality. It does, however, make me laugh like no other movie ever has. I also like the soundtrack.
Rating: 
Summary: Grab your friends and beer!
Review: I had an idea going into this movie that it was going to be terrible but likeable. I was wrong, it was terrible....but extremely likeable and definately funny (Don't miss God as a bowl of cherries & ice cream!). This story of Jesus and his modern day adventures does have some pacing issues, it moves like the tides...slow at times, but able to pick up just when it starts to get tedious. To get to the meat & bones, THIS IS NOT a movie for those who cannot appreciate low budget cult films or those who do not take the teachings of the church lightly. THIS IS for those of us who enjoy more than a little camp in our films, or for those drunken obscurists who along with a group of like minded friends can sit back and enjoy this movie for what it is....another chance to sit back and hang out with your goofy friends. Cheers to Lee Demarbe for totally offending my father by creating a movie that no one else would dare to make!
Rating:
Summary: Grab your friends and beer!
Review: I had an idea going into this movie that it was going to be terrible but likeable. I was wrong, it was terrible....but extremely likeable and definately funny (Don't miss God as a bowl of cherries & ice cream!). This story of Jesus and his modern day adventures does have some pacing issues, it moves like the tides...slow at times, but able to pick up just when it starts to get tedious. To get to the meat & bones, THIS IS NOT a movie for those who cannot appreciate low budget cult films or those who do not take the teachings of the church lightly. THIS IS for those of us who enjoy more than a little camp in our films, or for those drunken obscurists who along with a group of like minded friends can sit back and enjoy this movie for what it is....another chance to sit back and hang out with your goofy friends. Cheers to Lee Demarbe for totally offending my father by creating a movie that no one else would dare to make!
Rating:
Summary: Dave Campos loves this movie!
Review: i really thought this movie is one of the best movies since filmmaking began. By far better than any of Spielberg's movies. Way better than Star Wars! I would recommend this movie to everybody who is a true movie aficionado!
Rating: 
Summary: Depends on what you want it for
Review: I really wish Amazon had a way to give two ratings to the same item. The one-star rating above is for the movie. It's a bad movie, and not "bad-in-a-good-way" bad, just bad. It's dull. Jesus loses his long hair and robes about twenty mintes into the film, and from then on it's like watching a bad Ben Stiller clone in some really bad fight scenes. Regardless of the movie's quality, this DVD gets Five Full Stars (*****) as a collectible. It's worth the money just to be able to grab this out of your DVD collection and show it to people, or hear their reactions when they see it on your shelf. Buy it for the title, buy it for the case, buy it for the cover art -- just don't buy it for the film.
Rating:
Summary: Depends on what you want it for
Review: I really wish Amazon had a way to give two ratings to the same item. The one-star rating above is for the movie. It's a bad movie, and not "bad-in-a-good-way" bad, just bad. It's dull. Jesus loses his long hair and robes about twenty mintes into the film, and from then on it's like watching a bad Ben Stiller clone in some really bad fight scenes. Regardless of the movie's quality, this DVD gets Five Full Stars (*****) as a collectible. It's worth the money just to be able to grab this out of your DVD collection and show it to people, or hear their reactions when they see it on your shelf. Buy it for the title, buy it for the case, buy it for the cover art -- just don't buy it for the film.
Rating:
Summary: Wow, this movie is so friggin awesome
Review: I saw the title and thought boy this movie is gunna suck. It does! That's why it's so freakin awesome! The theme song:
He came from heaven
2 stakes in his hands
To smoke the vampires
and free the land
come now and join him
all ye strong and bold
we'll fight together
like the days of old
it's all good
it's alright
everybody get laid tonight!
I mean come on! With a theme song like that you gotta like it. Jesus Christ vs Lesbian Harvesting Vampires! El Santos is amazing too. I could go on for hours on how awesome thiS movie is. I've never had so much fun wasting time. Just remember THE POWER OF CHRIST IMPALES YOU!!!
Rating:
Summary: Harry Knuckles is Jesus the skateboarding buttkicker
Review: I won't pull any punches here. This film is pure genious. I have never seen a movie with such power as this. I can only hope Mel Gibson's movie will have this big of an impact. The truth is though that these guys did it without a 25 million dollar budget. What fool would ask Jesus if He had enough lemonade? I mean c'mon how could lemonade be harder than loaves and fishes. Well the doubter gets killed pretty early in the movie. It's too bad, I think they should have expanded on a priest with a mohawk. The custom helmet they had for him was supercool. Mary Magna is bad to the bone folks. She gets sucked into a vampire's world, but the Lord not only gets her back, he gives her the main vampire after he cures her too. You see the whole point of this film is the church must protect lesbians from vampires. Yeah I know, I know. Hey this flick's from Canada. The scene that left me screaming 'Amen' and 'Allelujia' was the fight scene with the athiests. I mean dude, Jesus beats up like 60 athiests without a break. They just keep coming out of this one car. Jesus finally defeats the vampires when He himself is stabbed through the heart in the climatic junkyard battle. But with Him being punctured, Heaven's light shines through him and the vampires are vanquished. Outstanding special effects on this one. A flashlight and flash powder really did the trick. Also look for the fine performance by Blind Leper. He's a blues man who gives it up for the Lord in the House of Blues. I give this film 5 halos.
Rating:
Summary: It's just... wow....
Review: It's... wow. And then... wow. It's just... wow.... I'm really not sure how to describe this movie. It was really funny. The basic premise is that in Ottawa, vampires are hunting lesbians for a nefarious scheme. The Church doesn't know what to do, so they go to Jesus, who has been living in seclusion, saving souls and baptizing people. With his trusty cohorts Mary Magnum and the retired Mexican Wrestling Federation champion El Santos, Jesus does battle with the forces of darkness. The movie is not meant to be taken too seriously. It attempts to be a camp classic, and I must admit, it succeeds beautifully. My friends and I kept laughing throughout the movie. It was so much more fun that any of us expected. The acting was campy, the "special effects" budget was a ... bottle of glitter, and the fight scenes were, well, really, really horrible. However, throughout all of this, the movie still remained very positive. The ending scene with the "Sermon on the Mount" ("Sermon from the Gazebo"?) had some very good points. The music was also pretty good. If your religious sensibilities are easily offended, you will probably not like this movie. If you have a sense of humor, you will. While the movie pushed some boundaries, I didn't see anything offensive about it.
Rating:
Summary: Worst movie I've seen in a while--that's saying something.
Review: Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter (Lee Dermabre, 2001) Dermabre, creator of the straight-to-video Harry Knuckles series of action-comedy shorts, comes up with a bang-up idea: Jesus (Phil Caracas, who also plays Harry Knuckles) returns to earth only to find himself called upon by the Church to stop a growing army of vampires who only feed on lesbians. The result? Well, take any Chuck Norris movie containing lots of kung-fu fighting. Substitute Jesus for Chuck, and vampires for Viet Cong troops. You've got the idea. How can you possibly go wrong? In every way possible. I come across books pretty regularly that are too bad to finish; rare is the movie I just can't take all the way through. Rarer still when they're less than an hour and a half long. I made it through just over forty-five minutes of Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. It's got all the acting ability, tension, drama, and quality of a Joe Christ movie. But Joe Christ knows better than to allow any of his films to go over half an hour; unlike Dermabre (or the cast of Saturday Night Live for the last quarter century), Joe Christ knows when to stop kicking a gag so it doesn't get boring. This one goes well beyond boring and into the realm of tortuous. (zero)
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