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Noah's Ark

Noah's Ark

List Price: $14.98
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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Let's Rewrite the Bible
Review: NBC created a two-part epic of the story of Noah's Ark. It was created by the team that did Merlin and Alice in Wonderland but will probably be remembered as being by the same people who did The Tempest. It was really bad.

Just how bad the show was can probably be summed up by saying that in one scene Noah greeted Lot. For those a little rusty on their Old Testament, Noah can be found in Genesis chapter 6 while Lot is Genesis chapter 19. This epic opened with the tale of Lot (minus Abraham) and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (also minus Abraham).

One thing that really puzzled me about this production was the way the locals kept treating Noah as if he were a fool. This puzzles me because the locals all knew that Noah had the only farm in the land where anything would grow. So would frustrated and hungry farmers merely laugh at Noah or would they hate him and raid his farm? I was also amused when some of the locals began quoting Shakespeare. At another point a Michael Palin look-alike runs up dressed in rags and with a long scraggly beard and says, "Its." A brief moment of humor for Monty Python fans but I don't know why it was in there.

But the writers of Noah's Ark did take from one good source, mainly the Broadway musical Two by Two starring Danny Kaye. Unfortunately the stolen scene was one of Noah's sons claiming the Ark was not finished because it did not have a rudder. Now if he were right and the Ark needed a rudder then God made a mistake. But it would also meant that Noah's son would have to be strong enough to operate a rudder on a boat three-hundred cubits in length. But the ark was built by God and not Noah. The writers also kept pushing the idea that an ark is a boat. No, but Noah's Ark took the form of a boat. An ark is simply a sacred container for the safe storage of something precious. Any fan of Indiana Jones knows that (or did he dig up a boat in Tannis?).

This production is available on video and DVD and my recommendation is that it should be avoided.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Horrible : The worst biblical film I have ever seen
Review: I should have known from the opening scene this movie was going to be a disaster; there was a message " WE HAVE TAKEN POETIC LICENSE IN THE CREATION OF THIS FILM". That was an understatement. The movie twisted all the facts, timeframes etc that were in the bible. For example, having Noah deal with Sodom & Gomorrah???? What bible were they reading to create this movie? This movie was not inspired and it shows. I threw this DVD in the garbage can. Do not buy this movie it is worthless.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: About time
Review: The living word of god is finally made manifest in this film for the ages. The movie was refreshingly devoid of the obsequiety with which the creator is portrayed in so many other works. It was about time Hollywood got away from the likes of "Braveheart" and tells the story as it really happened.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Ouch!
Review: Can a movie be this bad? It's too bad because there were terrific actors involved. But the story? Yuk!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Where did Hollywood get their info?
Review: I think I'll write a history of the Viet Naam War using the same principles they used in creating the movie Noah's Ark. First I think we'll start where George Washington and Abraham Lincoln crossed the Deleware riding bravely on the Mayflower while waiting for the Space Shuttle to deliver a pizza. I know this sounds ludicrus but look at this movie. They put events where they shouldn't be. For instance GOD telling Noah to flee Sodam and Gomorrah because HE was going to distroy it and Noah asked him if he could find 50 and then again 10. Noah wasn't told about S&G and it wasn't Noah who asked if he could find some rightous people. I don't think GOD needs anyone rewriting HIS word. HE did just fine thank you very much. Are there any true believers out there who has the ability to write and direct bible movies who fears GOD enough not to add or subtract from HIS word? I'm not talking mearly about conversations being added to kinda explain what's going on. I'm talking about events.
The movie was pretty good as far as special effects were concerned but I don't think they should have called it Noah's Ark or a biblical movie because it doesn't much resemble the Word.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A GREAT teaching tool!
Review: I use clips of this film to teach a class on Hollywood -vs- 'The Bible.' I couldn't have asked for a better example of just how BAD a Biblical film could be.

Even the slowest of students know that everyone on the planet dies (except those inside the ark) during the flood, so when the pirates show up - so do the questions.

Thank you Hallmark for one of the worst films of all time!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Shame on Hallmark
Review: I have seen this movie on Hallmark which is used to bring us fine quality historical and epic movies. It's really shame that they show us this garbage which pictures Noah as a fool under the claim of literary licence!

I'm a Muslim and not a Christian, and Noah for Muslims is also a great and respected prophet who has an entire chapter under his name in the Quran telling his great story.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Let's Rewrite the Bible
Review: NBC created a two-part epic of the story of Noah's Ark. It was created by the team that did Merlin and Alice in Wonderland but will probably be remembered as being by the same people who did The Tempest. It was really bad.

Just how bad the show was can probably be summed up by saying that in one scene Noah greeted Lot. For those a little rusty on their Old Testament, Noah can be found in Genesis chapter 6 while Lot is Genesis chapter 19. This epic opened with the tale of Lot (minus Abraham) and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah (also minus Abraham).

One thing that really puzzled me about this production was the way the locals kept treating Noah as if he were a fool. This puzzles me because the locals all knew that Noah had the only farm in the land where anything would grow. So would frustrated and hungry farmers merely laugh at Noah or would they hate him and raid his farm? I was also amused when some of the locals began quoting Shakespeare. At another point a Michael Palin look-alike runs up dressed in rags and with a long scraggly beard and says, "Its." A brief moment of humor for Monty Python fans but I don't know why it was in there.

But the writers of Noah's Ark did take from one good source, mainly the Broadway musical Two by Two starring Danny Kaye. Unfortunately the stolen scene was one of Noah's sons claiming the Ark was not finished because it did not have a rudder. Now if he were right and the Ark needed a rudder then God made a mistake. But it would also meant that Noah's son would have to be strong enough to operate a rudder on a boat three-hundred cubits in length. But the ark was built by God and not Noah. The writers also kept pushing the idea that an ark is a boat. No, but Noah's Ark took the form of a boat. An ark is simply a sacred container for the safe storage of something precious. Any fan of Indiana Jones knows that (or did he dig up a boat in Tannis?).

This production is available on video and DVD and my recommendation is that it should be avoided.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Horrible : The worst biblical film I have ever seen
Review: I should have known from the opening scene this movie was going to be a disaster; there was a message " WE HAVE TAKEN POETIC LICENSE IN THE CREATION OF THIS FILM". That was an understatement. The movie twisted all the facts, timeframes etc that were in the bible. For example, having Noah deal with Sodom & Gomorrah???? What bible were they reading to create this movie? This movie was not inspired and it shows. I threw this DVD in the garbage can. Do not buy this movie it is worthless.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A dissapointment for the whole family
Review: Although I'd like to recommend this movie, I cannot. Hallmark Hall of Fame produced this "new" version, which is totally out of whack with the biblical narrative.

Jon Voigt as Noah may be fine, but when suddenly the men of Sodom and Gommorrah arrive on the scene to have a battle with Noah, you know there's something wrong. Sodom and its companion city of the plain wasn't even in existence at the time. And there are other blatant errors as well.

I couldn't even recommend this for the entertainment, but if you want a couple of laughs, this may be it for you.


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