Rating: 
Summary: A fascinating movie
Review: Part drama, part horror, part satire, and part fable.... NO SUCH THING is a movie that is hard to describe but that is engaging to watch. The Monster (played by Robert John Burke) is a tragically moving and thought provoking character and is well balanced by the naively innocent Beatrice (Sarah Polley). The movie has a moral undertone that is subtle and ironic and is spiced with occasional sparks of humor and philosophy. There are a few rough edges in this far-from-perfect film, but the final product is one that is very entertaining and well worth viewing. This is NOT your typical Hollywood celluloid garbage.
Rating: 
Summary: Not Grimm Enough
Review: The cover of this DVD led me to believe that this would be a contemporary fairy tale--and yes, I thought it was entirely possible when the film first began. As the opening credits roll, we see the Monster dictating a bitter, cynical, morose message to the world. Afterward, we watch as a pretty, sweet young thing named Beatrice receives the taped monologue. Sarah Polley playing the blond-braided, dewy-eyed ingenue seems like Central Casting's idea of the perfect innocent heroine. I had high hopes for her in her ill-fitting dress and oversize coat bordering on being a cloak. I know Hal Hartley's other movies, and though I would never term them as family-friendly or fairy-tale-like, he does have a penchant for language, symbolism, and allegorical elements. Suitable style for a fairy tale, yes? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding no.The film tries to tackle the evils of a media-conscious society, the price people put on fame, the corruption of government research, and--cliched as it is--man's inhumanity toward man. Why this diatribe had to be set in Iceland revolving around a girl and a Monster/Beast is beyond me. It's not a modern, hip take on "Beauty and the Beast." Robert John Burke who plays the Monster under layers of makeup and special effects does elicit laughs. His take on this creature is to present him as a mad, articulate drunkard who is still verbal enough to goad a bartender into pouring him another drink, even though he's about to get behind the wheel of a Corvette. Imagine Campbell Scott's portrayal of Roger Dodger, but have him morphing physically into Frankenstein. Burke is moderately mencacing, but his Monster is really much more like a pro athlete past his prime who can't retire. The Monster realizes he's obsolete and he's hanging on to his existence. Sarah Polley's characterization begins well. She does seem pristine and brave, virginal and determined. However, with no narrative explanation, she begins to wear leather bondage-style dresses and totally loses connection with her original spirited young lady. Think Ariel the Little Mermaid meets Pamela Anderson Lee. It's a strange transition. For a modern, refreshing, ultimately satisfying fairy tale, rent the DVD of "Freeway," where Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland effortlessly and chillingly enact Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. The Brothers Grimm have given the world volumes of blueprints for good vs. evil. Hopefully, better movies than "No Such Thing" will do justice to these age-old tomes. Father Flanagan, founder of Boys Town, was oft quoted as saying, "There's no such thing as a bad boy." Well, too bad that axiom can't be applied to movies. "No Such Thing" is dismally bad.
Rating: 
Summary: Love him or hate him
Review: There really isn't any middle ground with Hartley. The best parts of Lynch and Mamet combined in one strange intelligent package. People either love him or hate him, both with good reason. No Such Thing closely follows the rythm and pacing of Hartley's Amateur, itself an almost perfect film in my opinion. You will not find traditional Hollywood motifs in this movie (or his others). The setups and payoffs are subtle. The emotions are often conveyed through a word or a glance, as opposed to a bullhorn directed at the audience. Subtlety over brute force is his preferred approach. No Such Thing contains many levels of myth, fable and parable. From the obvious references to such classics as The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast (NOT the Disney versions), to more esoteric nods, this film delivers in ways that most others simple could not. Watching Hellen Mirren's character transform before us in the blink of an eye in such a believeable way was breathtaking. There was no rousing score directing the viewer towards the appropriate emotional conclusion. There was no arrogant buildup of camera work, no amazingly contrived series of scenes leading the viewer like crumbs of bread. Some people enjoy being led along and enjoy being rewarded for picking up on the "subtle" clues left in typical movies. They will starve here. Although I am a huge fan of Hartley's work, I'll be the first to admit that he's not for everyone. It's no surprise at all to me that the critics didn't love the movie, it's very difficult to compartmentalize it in a neat and orderly fashion when you have to sit through five movies a day and regurgitate one-line reviews. And it's no surprise that a lot of viewers didn't like it. Where's the special effects? Where's the machine-gun chattering dialogue? Where's the over-the-top violence and cmaera work of today's Hollywood blockbusters? All are absent, and if that's what you like you'll be sorely disappointed with this. There are a mind-numbingly huge number of movies out there that follow the mould, people shouldn't have trouble finding something they like, but there are prescious few films out there like Hartley's. Maybe that's a good thing, they are all the more appreciated by those who enjoy them. If you found Twin Peaks to be unfathomably boring and The Spanish Prisoner to be rudely unintelligible, stay away from Hartley. If you're looking for a movie that will set you free from the conventional restraints of Hollywood dreck, look no further.
Rating: 
Summary: Parts Of It Were Funny
Review: There were a couple of really funny scenes between the monster and Beatrice, and some parts of the "monster in us" motif that hit close to home, but No Such Thing just lacks the kind of energy to make me say "hmmmm, not a bad film" at the end. Some really nice cinematography and social satire, but ultimately it's not the kind of movie I'd recommend. Hartley tries -- he really does -- maybe that's the most redeeming value to be taken from No Such Thing. Stacey
Rating:
Summary: An inventive, but ultimately lackluster allegory
Review: This film reminds me of a quote by Oscar Wilde - "Religions die when they are proved to be true. Science is the record of dead religions." This movie seems to want to make this point, but it does so in such an obvious and annoying way that I can't help but see dead horses and big sticks.
Sarah Polley and Robert John Burke deliver quality performances. However, the charactes they play are so contrived and two-dimensional that it's hard to take them seriously. Add this to the costume designer being held responsible for the changes they go through in New York (she in a Gaultieresque nightmare that would end any stylist's career, and he somehow fitting into an Armani suit and Prada shoes) with no apparent character work to back it up, and we're left with a train wreck of contradictory images that are impossible to justify.
I know this is supposed to be a modern fairy tale, but, as with most fairy tales, the reality of the characters' conflict has to be real. It is that connection to real life that sustains a fairy tale, and it just isn't there in this film.
There are some nice moments in the movie and some amazingly witty lines. It's just a shame that the last act ruins what was a compelling story.
Rating:
Summary: An inventive, but ultimately lackluster allegory
Review: This film reminds me of a quote by Oscar Wilde - "Religions die when they are proved to be true. Science is the record of dead religions." This movie seems to want to make this point, but it does so in such an obvious and annoying way that I can't help but see dead horses and big sticks.
Sarah Polley and Robert John Burke deliver quality performances. However, the charactes they play are so contrived and two-dimensional that it's hard to take them seriously. Add this to the costume designer being held responsible for the changes they go through in New York (she in a Gaultieresque nightmare that would end any stylist's career, and he somehow fitting into an Armani suit and Prada shoes) with no apparent character work to back it up, and we're left with a train wreck of contradictory images that are impossible to justify.
I know this is supposed to be a modern fairy tale, but, as with most fairy tales, the reality of the characters' conflict has to be real. It is that connection to real life that sustains a fairy tale, and it just isn't there in this film.
There are some nice moments in the movie and some amazingly witty lines. It's just a shame that the last act ruins what was a compelling story.
Rating: 
Summary: drunk, depressed monster
Review: This movie is very much over the top. A part of me says it is stupid and another part enjoys it because that. The monster was a very loveable character in my opinion because: 1.) he is amazingly more cynical than I am and 2.) he drinks more than my ex-roomate 3.) he wants to kill himself and 4.) he lives in seclusion..we have a lot in common. I thought to myuself, 'damn, I wish this monster was real so I could date him.' The girl in this movie was dumb, but I liked her determination...her journey could have been a bit more strenous but I suppose there was no point in dragging this movie out. The news woman boss and the monster did the best acting, and the girl was so-so (her strong moments seemed faked). The Dr. was cool because he was spaced out and touching people.
Rating:
Summary: An amazing film on a modern day fable.
Review: When a true living monster (Robert John Burke) living the Icelnad Country. When a T.V. Crew from the United States are killed by this Monster, by looking for a unique story. A beautiful bright young woman (Sarah Polley) decides to go Iceland to meet the monster. Unexpectedly, they start a friendship-while she brings him to New York City for fame. She starts to take a liking to him and he feels the same way, despite his immortality. Written and Directed by Hal Hartley (Amateur, Flirt, Trust) made a unique, one of a kind film. That's a homage to Beauty and the Beast at a modern day world-which makes this film a Winner. This very underrated film has terrific performances by Polley and Burke's Best Performance since Stephen King's Thinner. This was little seen in theaters, this is actually a Instant Cult Classic. DVD's has an anamorphic widescreen (1.66:1) transfer and an fine Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound. DVD only extra is Tralier. This is a film worth seeing and worth buying. Executive Produced by Francis Ford Coppola. Grade:A.
Rating:
Summary: Smart Folk
Review: When I heard Hal Hartley came out with a new film, I couldn't get there fast enough. Unfortunately, it is playing at fewer places than Blade II but it's playing.
What's remarkable about Hartley's films is tracking his allusions. He doesn't seem ashamed to say what he knows nor does he seem to mind integrating every great story ever written into his new film, No Such Thing. Unlike Hollywood which enjoys choosing one story-for instance "Okay Cinderella but with a hooker," Hartley tells like twelve stories and lets the actors choose which one they want to be in.For instance, Sarah Polley, who plays the monster's better half, has more than one opportunity to become famous in the film. Her first opportunity arises in a car accident when she is miraculously saved by modern medicine. When offered fame for this survival, she declines.
Yet when she is offered another chance for fame, she takes it(wait and see.) And she's such a sweetheart, she only takes her allotted fifteen minutes. God bless'er. So inside Hartley's film, the actors remain conscious of the story they want to be in and it's fascinating.
Hartley's clearly well read and if you're anything like me and only partly well-read you won't get all his references. I was pleased to discover he used Dante's lovely Beatrice(Polley) from Vita Nuova as the heroine. She travels to Iceland with a little help from a friend and strangers, to find out about her murdered boyfriend.
We've got beauty and the Beast, King Kong, Dante-and I know I'm missing some, one about person traveling to find out something(Iliad? Odyssey?)-but it's early and yotta yotta.
Hartley brings an almost handsome Jim Morrison Rock Star monster into the world with no memory of his birth because he began with us.We need monsters, we are monsters. Of course the villagers, who only live there "because they have to" act as monsters while the monster just wants to be left alone and wants to die. The villagers get our lovely Sarah Polley, Beatrice, drunk so they can offer "some unsuspecting piece of ..." to the monster,hoping to save their own ... another day or two. Stupid people.
The monster is tired of humanity and humanity is so bored with itself that the media continues to search for monsters so it can
remain entertained.
Go see it. Bring a pen.See what you find.
Rating:
Summary: A really cool movie
Review: While it gets kind of off-track in places and the performances of some of the cast are B-grade; this is still one of the best movies I've seen in a few years. Burke gives an outstanding performance as a monster as old as time who is board to the point of madness. He's an alcoholic and an insomniac - but who wouldn't be. He has seen everything and there's no end in sight for him. The monster ends up in New York with the fiancé of a reporter that he had recently ripped to pieces; and the media feeding frenzy begins. This is where the acting gets a bit cheesy (but tolerable) and the story takes some unnecessary turns. In New York, the monster finds the one human being who can grant the monster's only desire, but they have to get back to Iceland before the military gets its hands on them. We figure out at the end that the monster isn't what he thinks he is and his one wish is granted in a way other than what he anticipated....[Note the meaning of the magnifying lenses]. It's not a wholly original story, but it is told in an original way. You will probably not like this movie if you are not familiar with and enjoy the screen-play style of foreign films.
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