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House of the Dead

House of the Dead

List Price: $18.00
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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: ALMOST AS GOOD AS THE NEW DAWN!
Review: I love this movie! I know it ain't gonna win an award for anything, except maybe the goriest movie to get an R in the past 10 years. I thought that Freddy Vs. Jason was the goriest film in a long time, but this just put it to shame. It's a horror movie people. Horror movies are about the body count. If you want something scary go see a thriller like Gothika. If you're a wimp, go see the Ring. This movie is based upon a game and that's why I give it 5 stars. It had some cool action, with some great gore. I hoped it would be bloody and I wasn't disappointed. For anyone that says that the gore looks fake, that's 'cuz it is. They can't exactly run around with real bullets killing extras left and right. That's murder, like the reviews I've been reading. This film is a popcorn movie that you should watch and cheer on, not boo. If you think you can make something better, then submit a script to a movie company and see if it gets made. Until you can do that, leave it to the professionals, k? I wanna see a sequel or even a series.

4/1/04

I just watched this DVD, 'cuz I just bought it! I love this film. What is wrong with it? It even says in the little book in the case that they knew they weren't making Citizen Kane. They just wanted to bring the GAME to life. That's what this is based on. A game. A video game that has no story, no good voice acting, but excellent violence and gore. For those saying that this movie sucks, probably weren't fans of the game or tried to take this movie seriously. It's just a fun movie with very little plot, due to the lack of things they had to work with in the first place, and with what the game had that makes it so great, graphic, bloody violence. It also has something that the game don't have. TA-TA's!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: The Trick To Watching This Movie Is...
Review: Remember this movie isn't just based on a video game, but really is in a video game. The movie continually adds footage from the video game, and there is even a "game over" type shot for those characters that die. This adds to the video game feel of the movie. You have to realize you're not in the real/movie world. You're in a video game. Once you can lose yourself in this the movie isn't nearly as difficult or horrid.
The movie is slow to get to the action. But the first real battle with the zombie army is very long and very interesting. You have to realize again during this scene that you're watching a video game and not a normal movie.
The acting is bad, but can you really expect much more? Its a zombie movie. They aren't known for oscar worthy acting. The soundtrack is mind-numbing metal that just adds a background noise like a bad videogame. The plot is something out of a video game.
Are you catching a theme in this review.
This can be an enjoyable, mindless, zombie killing movie, if you can get to the point where you just accept you're just watching a video game.
Oh, and the special features and deleted scenes on the DVD aren't that great. But there is one featurette on making a zombie movie. They interview Savini and Romero, and anyone who loves the zombie genre will enjoy these interviews, especially Romero talking about "Twilight of the Dead."
So this is a fun movie to rent, but I wouldn't buy.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: House of the Dead: Why?
Review: The cover of this blaspehmously awful movie gives a shockingly misleading conception about the content of the DVD..

In a word, I can sum this movie up as horrible. Personally, I did not want to see this movie. I went with my father to see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (last showing of the evening!) and it was filled up. I saw some other people choose to see House of the Dead instead after they saw it was filled up, including one elderly couple. Half of us left the movie theater the first thirty minutes, no joke, and from a fourth of the way filled movie theater, that's just pathetic.

The acting was horrible, the script was laughable, the nude scenes were a sad attempt to get dirty old men and frat boys into the theater, the zombie makeup was pure comedy, the horror was nowhere, the obsessively played rap music where some kind of screeching sound or foreshadowing tune should have been played was revoluting. In video game to movie transfers, we will look at House of the Dead and say...why?

BOTTOM LINE : What can I say? Houes of the Dead- Why?
GRADE : F (being generous tonight, are we Alex?)

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: COME ON, THE ACTION ALONE GETS AT LEAST THREE STARS
Review: ok first off this not a classic film, or even a scary movie, but it never tried to be. am i the only one who will farliy rate this film, if you watch the special features you will see that they never wanted to make a classic, they wanted to make a film that was based after the game. i think they did an ok job on that level, and thats the level you should rate it on. if the film was meant to be a film about the acting or how scary it should be it would not be based after the game it would be just another zombie movie. but for anyone who has played the game knows it's about the guns, action, and look that makes it, the film has all of that. the action scenes are all amazing, the look of the zombies are another amazing touch to the film, and the cinamatography of the film is just outstanding. all of that sticks true to the game so for that it gets four stars. but sense it is a film i have to base some of my rateing towards that, so because the acting is not all that great it looses a star.
so there come on people be some real critics and base your reviews on what the film is, and not what you think it should be, lets see you make one.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Worst movie ever! No, really!
Review: This hunk of junk makes Batman and Robin look like an Oscar worthy epic. I was expecting a fun zombie flick that I could enjoy. Instead, I got horrible acting, horrible plot, horrible visuals - even the nude scenes were bad. The video game clips were dumb, too. It was unbelievable. Never in my life have I seen a worse movie. Don't buy it, don't steal it, don't rent it, don't even recommend it to your enemies, because they'll kill you. The only reason I gave it one star is because there isn't a zero star option.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: House of the Dumb
Review: (...)

"House of the Dead" has to be one of the worst movies of 2003. Though I'd heard nothing but bad things about it, I had a free rental coupon from my local video store and opted to take a chance.

Plus the movie is executive produced by Mark Altman, whose columns I've enjoyed in Cinescape Magazine. Altman also wrote and directed "Free Enterprise," a sort of "Swingers" for the "Star Trek" set that was at times howlingly funny. Given Altman's obvious knowledge of and love for genre films, I figured the movie couldn't be that bad.

Big mistake! It's not just that bad. It's worse! My advice is to avoid this movie even when it hits cable as watching it will only make you feel like you deserve hazard pay for the hour and 45 minutes you'll spend suffering through it.

This is the sort of movie where characters actually utter such banal cliches as "It's too quiet," the type of film where people who've never fired guns before are suddenly able to mow down zombies like seasoned soldiers of fortune after only five minutes of weapons training.

It's also the type of flick made by a director and producer who apparently haven't figured out that after rip-offs in everything from "Mission Impossible 2" to "Scary Movie," "Matrix"-style bullet-time fight scenes are about as fresh and hip as pet rocks and hula hoops.

The film features a nonsensical plot, characters who serve no purpose other than to be killed by numbers, and zombie makeup that the average high school kid with a vivid imagination and too much time on his hands can surpass. And while the film tries to overcompensate with T and A, there's not even enough of that to make the film watchable on a horny frat boy level.

The DVD's sole redeeming quality is a documentary which features interviews with George Romero, the director of the original Dead Trilogy and Tom Savini, who did the makeup effects for both the original "Dawn of the Dead" and "Day of the Dead."

It's great to see that the team behind "House" thought enough of the originators of the zombie genre to pay tribute to them. However, this only highlights what a vastly inferior film this is when compared to the original Dead Trilogy.

Of course there are those who'd say, "It's a movie based on a video game so what do you expect?" (...)

Of couse, with a "Dawn of the Dead" remake on the horizon and "Resident Evil 2" not far behind, it would seem the zombie movie genre is about to enjoy a full-fledged comeback.

But even if those movies end up being major disappointments, they will likely not be even half as bad as "House of the Dead."

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Leave this piece of trashy horror in the bargain bin!!
Review: I did a bad thing, a very bad thing. At my workplace during the 3rd shift, when I worked I picked this up from the bargain bin looking for a cheap flick to add my collection of DVDs. It is cheap both in price & in quality. The acting sucks royally, the heroes are not even worth rooting for, they just appear out of the air almost. The villain looks creepy at first, but is so lame & predictable he becomes laughable at the end.
The special effects are crappy also. The scene of the house at first only looks spooky because of the time. The fog is not even thick looking, the house itself on the inside is a cheezy haunted house amusement park reject. It looks too much like an average house in a horror flick with some cobwebs & a creeepy look overall to the place.
The heroes stumble onto the house by sheer accident & decide to go in not having anything better to do then. They all slowly but gradually meet the master zombie, the villain of the flick. He does some cool stuff at times, but overall just acts really dumb & like he was the imbecible who gets drunk at a party & does some very dumb crap.
This flick does not even deserve to be called b horror to me, it just plain awful & quite revolting at times.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: If you buy this, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
Review: DANGER, DANGER! I think it would physically pain me to know that anyone willingly bought this DVD, so hopfully, if you were even subconsciously considering buying this, you will read this and there will be no doubt that there exists no worse way to spend money than buying this DVD. The money I spent seeing this was money I would have done better to put into a paper shredder. Actually, I could have recycled money put into the shredder so that could have at least helped the environment. This, on the other hand, actually probably killed some of my brain cells, and that's even with me walking out after a half hour. I can't even begin to describe how awful this was, so I won't even go into things like acting or plot. I'll just sum it up and say one word: HORRENDOUS. Watch at your own risk...hey they're your brain cells...

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: House of the CHEESE and CORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: I got this movie off I-Control on Digital Cable for 3.99, and let me tell you, I would not have even paid a cent to watch this movie had I known it was so utterly terrible. Those two words aren't fit to describe how awful the so called "movie" is. This "movie" doesn't even have a genre that it belongs to it's so lame and pathetic. Resident Evil looks like a masterpiece next to this poorly shot film. I can basically tell the whole unoriginal movie in a paragraph:

Five teenagers are so desperate to go to a stupid rave (who likes raves anyways) that one of them shells out 1,000 dollars to a boat captain to take them to the island that a rave is on. The captain's helper fears going to the island because it is haunted by evil demons (ooohhh nooo). A coast guard tries to stop the captain and lands on the other side same island in an attempt to ambush him. The few scenes from the rave that are in the movie just have nudity, needless to say that is probably the best part of the movie. Anyways, they land on the island and it's deserted but there is a house where the survivors of the zombie attack have sought refuge. The captain happens to have an arsenal of weapons on his boat that would make the Taliban and the Columbian guerillas smile. In a matter of seconds, the air-head teenage boys and half-silicon girls learn how to crack off rounds at zombies 10-30 yards away and never miss (Not to be sexist or anything but I have known girls who have practiced riflery and can't hit a trashcan that sits STILL right in front of them). Every hit on the zombies is also a head shot. Not to mention the fact that the ravers also become masters of tae kwon do and kung fu. Anyways as more of the people die, a secret passageway to the beach is discovered. They take the passage and then are tricked by the leader of the zombies who plans to eat them. Two of the teens escape and have a sword battle with the chief zombie (who was an evil Spanish pirate) and wield the swords as if they were Joan of Arc and William Wallace (Braveheart). The girl gets stabbed in the heart and the zombie gets his head cut off. The girl wakes up from being dead, stomps on the zombie head like a bug, and then dies again. The next scene a helicopter comes and rescues the one living teen and then he says some commentary like "it's only the beginning" which adds to the crappiness of the movie. This paragraph is more entertaining than the movie.

The plot has so many holes in it. The legend of the island is that some pirate who was prisoner aboard a Spanish ship seized control of the vessel and then conquered and enslaved the inhabitants of a nearby island. The island is near Seattle. Here is one of the many questions: What in the hell is a Spanish ship sailing by Seattle 300-400 years ago? For your information a Spanish ship would half to sail all the way down the Atlantic, go around the Cape Horn and then all the way back up north to Seattle. This is almost impossible for a wooden sip. Also, who would pay 1000 dollars to go to a rave? How would a boat captain happen to have an arsenal with tons of weapons and ammunition up near Washington? He said he was smuggling it, but from where?

The zombies were very fake looking and acted like superhuman frog beings. That brings me to another point. I was watching some home videos of my elementary school plays and the acting in those looked Oscar quality next to this "movie." The acting is like what you would see in say, a soap opera. Everything was cheesy and just stupid. And bullet time was over used. There was a giant scene which was a battle between the zombies and the stranded people. Every human character had some stupid slow-motion bullet time action clip shown of them. It makes you cringe, watching five minutes of cheesy action in slow motion. The movie also has a bunch of random thrown in clips of the House of the Dead video game. Seriously, this is the first movie I have ever seen in which video game clips are randomly thrown into the movie. It adds to the cheesy atmosphere.

If a person handed a video camera, some fireworks, and a few plastic toys to 5 of my friends and me, we would have a better movie made in 3 weeks. No exaggeration. If you read this whole review and still choose to pay money to watch the House of the Dead, you will regret it. In fact, 100 dollars would not get me to watch this again!

Note to Amazon: You should consider allowing people to give negative stars for special occasions like this movie.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: one star is being generous
Review: This movie is total trash. Some kids are so desperate to get to a party that they shell out 1,000 dollars to some stranger to take them to the island. A Cost Guard boat is trying to stop the stranger from leaving dock but the kids are still more than willing to let him take them to an island just to go to a rave. This is only the beginning of the stupidity. They get to the island and find out that all the kids have either been killed or turned to zombies. Without spoiling the rest they get a lot of firearms and become martial arts experts in a matter of seconds and the fight with the zombies ensues. The cuts to the video game scenes through out the movie was both stupid and annoying. While they were fighting the zombies I wasn't sure if they were trying to create a zombie movie or a rip off of the matrix. Horrible acting and holes in the plot doom this movie. This is by far one of the worst movies of all time. Avoid at all cost or suffer the consequences.


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