The Item

Rating:
Summary: Its a good corny movie
Review: "The Item" was pretty good for a hardcore independent movie. It had some really funny, original scenes. Its not going to win any awards, but it was fun to watch.

Rating:
Summary: This is today's version of cult movies
Review: (Minor Spoilers)

The Item is on the same shelf than movies like Evil Dead. It has many elements that could easily make it a cult favorite: some funny characters (especially Alex), a weak and basic storyline, killer drag queens, a speaking creature, an extremely exaggerated amount of blood, and some sexual content involving a human girl and the creature.

The Item leaves a first impression, right after the first viewing...the impression that I've watched something very weird, and it left me with a curious doubt about my appreciation of the film. After watching it, I didn't know either if it was a "brilliant" movie or just a stupid piece of entertaining, bloody trash. And I still doubt.

First, I'll summarize the storyline. It's about a bunch of felons (four of them, and they can be pretty funny) who rob an item to some kind of weird man that really looks like the bad guy in a cheap Sci-Fi movie featuring Frank Zagarino, if you know what I mean. This mysterious item will supposedly make them rich...and I still don't know how the heck it could! So, they go to one of Alex's friends' house, in which they find her Drag Queen friends...so, these "guys" being witnesses, the four felons have to kill them, and then starts a bloody gun fight. After that (you know who won the fight), they go back to the house, and they have supper...but the "item" is about to get more involved in the story. So, curiosity can be a human flaw, and Alex and his pals open the box, to see what is inside. I won't tell you what it is, even though I'm not the first to review this film on IMDb, and many other people gave away the "punch" (even though we know pretty early in the movie what is inside the box). Not that the "item" is dangerous itself, it's not a powerful creature with fangs sharper than knives...but it is dangerous in a completely different way: it somehow reads someone's mind and turns it against other people. So, as you've probably seen before in kidnaping movies (Suicide Kings comes to my mind), where the victim has discussions with its kidnapers and turns them against each other, this movie is exactly like this, but instead of a normal person being kidnaped, it's a creature.

But if the creature was the only original point in the movie, that wouldn't be enough. So they put some humoristic touches, in the dialogue and in the visuals. The dialogue is often funny, and some other comical parts are the creature itself (you have to see it to understand), the costumes (especially the Drag Queens'), and of course, the gore. Now, I'll explain what the gore is about. This film is not gory like Evil Dead is gory. The Item is, I'd say, bloody. Pretty bloody. There is one scene with a brain, and some organs, but besides that, the only "gore" you see is red liquid. There is a lot of it, the amounts are very exaggerated, and that's very funny at times (Major Spoiler: when Alex gets shot, there is an incredible amount of blood that sprays on the wall, and, after he got the bullet in his chest, he begins choking a little bit, and you see some more blood spurting on the wall as he chokes, it's put in a pretty funny way). There are some funny violent scenes, which is a necessary point for a film of this kind (see Bad Taste, Braindead, Evil Dead, Story of Ricky, and others).

Now, in a more serious tone, I can say that The Item's directing is pretty average, I'd even say that it is below average at times, with a couple of weak camera effects that just remind you how amateurish this is. But amateurish doesn't mean bad, not at all! I'd even say it more than often is a pleasure to watch independent and low-budget movies like this...I loved Bad Taste, but the directing was not good at all...Not that the directing in a movie is not important, I would never say that, but for movies like this one, it won't stop me from loving them.

The acting is extended on many levels. There are very good actors in this film as much as there are weak ones. Mr.Clark is the best (and he's the director too!) actor in this movie, I think. His character is attaching, funny, and in the same leagues than Ash (from Evil Dead), Derek (from Bad Taste) or Lionel (from Braindead)...he surely has his own style, though. He is smart, fast-thinking, he has a conscience, he can be violent, he has fun lines, he's a great character.

The scenario is very simple, but what else could we expect? If this had De Palma's Mission:Impossible's scenario, the film would really suck. The Item doesn't take itself too seriously, but I have to admit that in the end it becomes a little too serious. I still believe that the ending is cool, but the scene before is pretty stupid (when the Chinese girl has sex with the creature).

Overall, it's hard to know if this was good or bad, this was certainly not a masterpiece, but as a future cult favorite, even though it won't be the best, I give it a 6/10, because it has flaws and even with some of the jokes and everything, this will never be as fun to watch as Braindead, never.

6/10

Note: If you liked this, watch the films I've mentioned above.

Rating:
Summary: ...
Review: ... What a waste of film!!
The movie is a 100% dissapointment. You would think the creature would look like something attached to the alien like eye in the cover?...wrong it looks like a stiched up plastic rag doll. this movie isnt even funny. ...
please save your money.

Rating:
Summary: Wickedly Weird....Fabulously Fake
Review: Although this genre is typically not my thing, I thought this flick was fabulous....the production design, cinematography, and puppetry on this wacky indy make it well worth seeing.

Rating:
Summary: An art house monster movie.
Review: Don't be fooled by the cover box, which is nearly a duplicate of the one for the killer lizard flick Komodo. The movie (and monster) within in no way resemble it. The best way to describe The Item is what would happen if Frank Henenlotter (the Basket Case series, as well as Frankenhooker and Brain Damage) teamed up Quentin Tarantino to do a Resevoir Dogs variant, but with a mind messing monster instead of an undercover cop.

A quartet of foul mouthed criminals have landed what appears to be a great job. Pick up a box from a seller and just hold onto it for a little while until the buyers show up to collect it. Easy, right? Wrong. The leader has told everyone that it's a monkey in the box, but that is no monkey. It is a strange lifeform (alien?) that, when it wakes up, begins to effect the group of criminals in dangerous ways.

Writer/director Dan Clark gives the viewer an interesting, and very well developed, cast of characters, stylized violence, and a plot that, while remaining within the genre conventions, still kept me wondering just what the heck was going to happen next. On the down side, the director's cut I saw suffered from slow pacing, lingering on scenes with a loving detail that strained my patience. The movie was in need of a serious trimming (which is why I give it three stars instead of four). But fans of the outre movie will no doubt find something of interest here. Recommended, big time.

Rating:
Summary: abysmal
Review: don't even think about purchasing one of the worst horror movies of all time,PLEASE save your money.The movie got 1 star from me cause it would not allow a lower rating.

Rating:
Summary: Not What It Appears To Be
Review: Don't underestimate this film!

Plot-on-the-surface: Four partners, "good Goblins" they call themselves, have antied up front money to broker a big deal, buying a sealed large trunk from a scientist with something unknown, dormant, alive and possibly dangerous inside, a "monkey" to sell to some rich client. The scientist shows up in the dead of night, gives them the mysterious case in exchange for the front money. The case has codes tubes, rigs, looks like a bomb. The scientist shows them how to control the "monkey", put it back into stasis should it awaken. Then the scientist suddenly decides against the deal, too dangerous. But it's too late. The Goblins kill him, and his lady companion who attacks with a knife, and take back their money. The Goblins take the case to an artist friend's apartment to wait for the client to come buy it. But the client never comes. The thing inside the case awakes. It speaks to each one alone of his or her darkest thoughts and fears. In the end, they succumb and kill each other, themselves, and anyone else who may witness their activity or who comes into the apartment. Only one Goblin, a female, survives, leaving with the front money.

On the surface the plot seems bloody and senseless. It's supposed to be. It's an allegory. Art imitates life. The film speaks of many things. First, of religion: Science is the unsure new, greedy but fearful god, arriving in the dark desert night in a blaze of artificial light. His female companion, (who takes a little knife out of a crucifix to stab) is the Church, at the wheel, just going along for the ride with Science. The front money (the soul we later learn) is sold to either Science or the Church, but the Goblins ruthlessly hijack their soul and the "monkey", leaving science and religion bloody dead, though it took an awfully long time and a lot of energy to kill them. They also kill several transvestites, friends of the artist, on the way to the artist's apartment, thinking they see or know something about, to prevent them from knowing, as they take the thing to the artist's apartment, using the avante guard as a "hide out" or "command center" for the deal. They kill for nothing. The deal never consummates.

The "experimental monkey" (as in theory of evolution) is not a what it seems to be. It is bound with codes (genetic), a timer and scientific paraphernalia (like a time bomb, "Tell me this is not a bomb," says the artist the first time she sees it). The timer suddenly goes off, the thing awakens, thumps, frightens, can't be controlled. A female Goblin opens the case (as Eve's Apple, or Pandora's box). They gawk at it. The thing inside appears like a planaria, primal, fetal, sexual and blind as a Freudian Id. For a long time it is quiet and listens. Someone is always assigned to guard it, lest it get out of control.

Meanwhile, they discuss their life, eat, speak of family, old times. Sometimes they do this on a toilet, with broken Christmas tree balls overhanging their head, as if to say, there is no god, no grace, no gift, no love, no salvation, no childhood happiness, and to speak of such broken things is just taking a sh-t. They lie to and manipulate each other. They show no mercy. The only truth they speak hurts. They exist in a rich glut of destruction, chaos, decay and death. The artist tries to makes sense of it. No one else can. About the bloody killing, every motive is displayed: kill for kicks, for power, for money, nothing else to lose, because you're told to, to keep a secret, to get even, to cover one's inadequacy or just spur of the moment.

Each one assigned to guard the "Id" ends up listening to it. It speaks of deepest secrets and fears. Eventually, each one kills himself, or tries to kill the others. A wounded transvestite enters the apartment, and before he is shot, asks the Big Why, "Why do you want to kill me? What good is in that? What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to my body?" But no one has reasons, only death.

The artist, a female, is the only one left standing. She had worried her art was transparent and of no import. She was as a piece of driftwood, pierced by rusty nails. She has an orgasm with the "Id", opens its blind eyes and causes it to die. She swaddles it as a baby, goes out on the balcony and shoots herself.

The only exception was the female Goblin who originally opened the box, she was second to the last standing. She listened to the Id, who said her front money was her soul, that it was being spent and would dwindle to nothing if she stayed. Of them all, she is the calmest and the most honest. And, she gets out alive.

Rating:
Summary: Didn't hate it..but still didn't like it!!
Review: First of all, i've seen worse films.

That being said, the movie was still not that good...the acting wasn't great, the story was dull, the gore factor from one to ten was 3 (lots and lots of blood but nothing else) and the actual creature "the item" was pretty funny looking and in a way pretty cute too, and what i mean is teddy bear cute! (is this a horror film?)

The only reason i gave this movie two stars is because it actually made me keep on watching, like it put a spell on me and i couldn't press stop on the player...Weird!

When it was all done, i then tried to figure out, what was the point of this film? Was there a meaning to all this? What was in the director's head? Why would someone produce this film after reading the script? Who decided
that the creature would look like that? and finally, the big question "What's up with the ending"..i fast forwarded the credits to think maybe something would come up, but of course..nothing!!

**IF YOU WERE INVOLVED WITH THIS FILM AND YOU ARE READING THIS, CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S UP WITH THAT ENDING, AND THEN WHY THIS MOVIE WAS ACTUALLY MADE?**

Rating:
Summary: Absolutely The Worst
Review: Foul language, cheesy special effects, gratuitous violence, bloody murder scenes, and a creature as scary as a muppet. This movie was a disappointment in every way imagineable. It left me feeling sick and wondering whether I ever wanted to rent another movie again.

This movie represents the worst film-making I have ever seen. The budget must have been so low that it was shot on a camcorder. I have a weakness for creepy creature/horror flicks. But this was more along the lines of Natural Born Killers or some other movie dealing with human sewage. And the swearing....my ears hurt.

Normally I only post moives I enjoy. This is the first movie I have ever disliked so completely as to post a negative review. You have been warned.

This movie is Columbine fuel.

Rating:
Summary: Garbage
Review: I am a fan of trashy horror movies (a guilty pleasure), but found this one painful to sit through. I'm sure the intention of the film-makers was to convey some noble theme like "the only real monsters are the human kind", but this film was so poorly made that any message became moot in the process. Dreadful acting, an inane script, horrible production quality (parts of it appeared to be filmed on home video!), and a monster that looked like a sock-puppet with a cutesy cartoon character voice, combined to make this a strong contender for worst movie of all time. Don't waste your time or money!