Rating: 
Summary: A+ (That's A-positive)Beer-and-Pretzels Flick!
Review: I picked up a copy of Modern Vampires tonight as a lark. It looked really cheesy, and vaguely amusing. Little was I to know what a gem I had just uncovered. It's a real shame this movie is so expensive, because I'm almost tempted to buy a copy.My guess is that the people involved in the filming of this movie are hardcore Vampire: The Masquerade players. Although none of the vampires seemed to have much in the way of supernatural powers, the setting is very tongue-in-cheek White Wolf. The movie is shamelessly cheesy, and even features the vampire flick legend Udo Kier as a short-lived vampire with a choice death scene. Could he have it any other way? The pairing of a Nazi Van Helsing with a rag-tag team of Crips is priceless. Similarly, the culture clash between trailer trash vamps, Ilsa-the-Wicked-Wardenesque vamps, jolly-old-chap British vamps, and German vampire artistes provide unabashedly hokey and hilarious dialogue. The movie also has lots of cute and gratuitous T&A, if you like that sorta thing. If you're looking for a beer-and-pretzels film, Modern Vampires ought to be on your list!
Rating: 
Summary: Do Vampires have this much fun?
Review: If you want a serious horror movie this is not for you. If you want to put your tongue in your cheek and watch a fun movie full of seriously bad seriously sexy vampires then buy it today! It's not "Blade" but it's entertaining.
Rating:
Summary: I am still lauging!
Review: This is a hard film to describe, and may not be for the meek of mind or heart. It is a satire of immense and completely insane dimensions. The cast is all great, especially Casper Van Dien and Rod Steiger as the famous vampire hunter, Dr. Van Helsing. I am still laughing when I think about the gang bangers getting romantic with the "she-monster." This film is an original.
Rating: 
Summary: Forget It!
Review: Appalling by any standards. Is Van Diehn on a career suicide mission because I can't decide if he's worse in this or his 'Tarzan and the Lost City' effort. Awful.
Rating: 
Summary: I don't know what everyone else watched...
Review: ...but it sounds like they're all reviewing a different movie. 'Modern Vampires' played out like a hybrid between the 'Beverly Hills 90210' TV genre and a low budget horror comedy. It was vapid, poorly acted and not very humorous at all. As much as I adore Natasha Gregson Wagner, she can't act her way out of a paper bag. This movie might appeal to teenage girls looking for that 90210 teen mentality, but serious horror fans should look elsewhere. The only reason I give it two stars, and not one, is for the humorous turn that Rod Steiger took with his modern day Van Helsing character, he seemed to be the only actor even trying to do a good job.
Rating:
Summary: Bad in every way.
Review: This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. Everything about it is sooo bad. -The acting, the script (there was a script ?), the not-very-special effects, the "humor", etc. -I was almost expecting Leslie Nielsen to pop up any second. But probably worst of all is what could very well be the sleaziest, most pathetic and non-informative DVD commentary track ever recorded. The director and his star come across as a pair of horny juveniles, constantly drooling over the "sexy" actresses in their awful movie. They talk preciously little about the effects, no doubt because they realize they're so bad, few and far between. -Like the movie itself, this commentary is one big boring snooze. There's clearly nothing sensible for them to talk about, so if you compare it to, say, the perfectly done Universal Monster Classics DVDs, I guess these two guys did a pretty thorough job afterall !. Why on Earth did Steiger and Cattrall take part in this sick film ?. And how come it's only full screen, when I've seen it letterboxed on German TV with more picture information on each side ?. Not that I care, of course. One good thing though; the music from the best fang flick ever, "The Fearless Vampire Killers", seem to have inspired composer Elfman (brother of the director). I won't even start mentioning any of the great Hammer movies, but the nutty "John Carpenter's Vampires" is like the "Citizen Kane" of vampire movies compared to this dull stinker !. Don't waste your time, this unfunny/unscary "film" is an insult to the genre.
Rating:
Summary: Not a serious minute!
Review: As the title says, this one is about modern vampires in modern LA. They are degenerated, drink blood spiced with drugs, go to bars where naked or leatherclad humans are served as cattle or in nice glasses. They party, and most of all have fun! The acting is perfect. Not a serious minute from any of the actors, only from the vampirehunting Van Helsing, played by a fat and bald Rod Steiger, and he is so serious and fanatic that its even funnier! Natasha Wagner plays a young vampireversion of Nikita or even Betty Blue, she's beautiful. Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers) also is good. Only the count seems a bit boring sometimes. The best thing is that noone of the vampires seems to take anything seriously, they drink blood from some humans, order a pickup for the corpse as others would order a pizza, and then just enjoys themselves. For those who enjoy the old Hammer movies, this might not be your stuff, but otherwise I would recommend noone to miss this.
Rating:
Summary: Wicked fun!
Review: Modern Vampires is a wickedly funny vampire movie. The cast is great, especially Rod Stieger as Van Helsing and Casper Van Dien as a hip young bloodsucker (Brad Pit and Tom Cruise move over). Richard Elfman has to be the most creative director in Hollywood and he pulls no punches in terms of humor. The music rocks, the vampires are all sexy, and if you can take something REALLY outrageous, this film is a must see!
Rating:
Summary: Not Bad
Review: This is an entertaining film, but not spectacular. There is no doubt about it that Modern Vampires is worth seeing. It's got an origional story, as well as a fresh take on Vampire stories. I've never seen anything quite like this. My only real complaint was that the acting wasn't very good, but the only "bad" actor was the one who played Count Dracula.
Rating:
Summary: Hit and miss horror/comedy (but mainly hit)
Review: Very entertaining low budget film about, you guessed it, modern vampires. Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers) stars and is supported by a weird and wonderful cast overacting for all they're worth. Rod Steiger is particularly guilty of hamming it up as an amazingly manic Dr Van Helsing. Although the plot does get a little lost and the big bad guy is never much of a threat, this film is not only saved by the talents of the lovely Kim Cattrall (Porkys, Star Trek 6) and the insane Craig Ferguson, but it's transformed into what could easily be a cult classic. More silly than scary, but very enjoyable...
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