Rating: 
Summary: acclaimed movie critics say...
Review: I don't have to say much, especially if you have seen this movie. It's funny cause it's supposed to be. It's genious in it's directing. and if you were expecting some seriouse vampire movie then you didn't read the box. Ever hear the phrase don't judge a movie by it's cover? Anyhow, I love it and I'd tell a friend.
Rating: 
Summary: SOOOOO bad
Review: This movie is a total waste of time (and money)! I watch a lot of vampire movies, and let's face it, they are not high-budget productions and unless they have something to do with Anne Rice, they don't draw in the best actors, either. Nevertheless, many vampire movies have SOME merit for the fans. Not this one. I cannot honestly find any redeeming qualities for this piece of flatulence.
Rating:
Summary: ONE OF THE WORSE FIVE FILMS I'VE EVER SEEN
Review: My biggest problem with this film? While I am white and grew up in small-town Iowa in a community that is mostly white, even I can see how RACIST this film is. The African-American characters are portrayed as dumbest, even more dumber, and mostest dumbest of all (yes, that bad grammar there is on purprose). Oh and they are also horny, willing to have sex with anything that moves (if you have the misfortunate of watching this film, you'll see). I am glad I caught it on cable and didn't have to pay. If you don't mind the hidden racism and love really bad movies (not so bad they're good movies like "Dude, Where's My Car?", just plain BAD movies), you might have a film for you here. An intriguing idea turned on its head by bad production values, and just bad values period.
Rating: 
Summary: Is it me?
Review: Not as fun as I thought it would be, I gave it to a friend right after. Humor seemed a bit forced, like some of the cast was embarrassed to be there, not that they didn't have reason...Or I might have just had a bad day, who knows.
Rating:
Summary: One of the best I've ever seen
Review: Modern Vampires ranks among the top 5 vampire films of all time! Casper Van Dein is electrifying along with an all-star cast including Udo Kier (Andy Worhol's Dracula, Blade). I am pleased to see a Vampire film which does not emphasize the "triumph of the human spirit" seen in so many potentially outstanding films of the genre. This film is on par with Dracula 2000, Blade and Razor Blade Smiles and outclasses the infamous Hammer Films Lee/ Cushing combo.
I give this film my highest rating, it is a must see for all fans of the genre.
Rating: 
Summary: ¿Summary: Awesome, funny but gory vampire ...
Review: "Well this movie is as good as they come, regarding that it's basically a "funny horror movie". There are a lot of laughs but also a few scares, some emotional moments and some pretty tough gore-scenes that will not let you forget that this is a horror movie after all. The acting is pretty good, including Casper van Dien (who is sexier than ever)and over the top but hilarious acting from Rod Steiger.It would be hard to compare this movie to others, but let me tell you this..... If you looked forward to "bordello of blood" and thought it didn 't deliver (which I did)... this has to be the movie for you.... it's kinkier, sexier, funnier, scarier and has more gore... one should hope that it won't be cut, regarding the sexy side for US-, and the violence for the european release... A must see for genre fans ....." Jorg von Duecker
Rating:
Summary: Pretty Bad..but funny
Review: The only reason why I'm rating this movie is because of Steiger's
performance. Anytime he was onscreen I was on the floor laughing.
I have no idea how he did his scenes with a straight face.
The black gang banger stereotypes pretty much put the "nail in the coffin" on how I feel about the movie as a whole, its crap.
Flex you are a talented comedic actor, but c'mon now..
Rating:
Summary: Dark comic masterpiece.
Review: Richard Elfman and Matthew Bright have come up a dark comic masterpiece. The humor is subtle and pervasive as the well turned story works it way to a bloody fun finale. Beware that some schlock promoters have mis-marketed this film as a "Blade" style movie. The cover art and promotional comments don't even come close to describing Modern Vampires. The budget may be low, but the ideas and performances are brilliant. Particularly Rod Stieger as straight-laced Van Helsing with a posse of hilarious gang bangers. Casper Van Dien also made a great hipster vampire riding around in his classic muscle car and smoking cigars that he pierces with his fangs! All the cast was quite good, as a matter of fact, and I was surprised to see so many stars making cameos. I really enjoyed this film.
Rating: 
Summary: Come on Casper?
Review: O.K. Obviously a low budget jobbie, with little thought to a plot. The movie is a tossed salad of actors and actresses making a mess of their lines. I bought it on a whim...Sorry I did.
Rating:
Summary: SOOOoooo Bad!
Review: I'm a big fan of B-movies, and vampire movies in particular, but this was really bad. Cheesy doesn't begin to describe this poorly presented film. It's more like an Ed Wood film than anything meant to be entertaining, nay anything truly watchable.
|
