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Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones (Widescreen Edition)

Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones (Widescreen Edition)

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A Great and Extremely Misunderstood Masterpiece
Review: I have a habit of writing really glowing reviews for movies that very few people like. I gave "Steven Spielberg's A.I." and "Alien Resurrection" five stars, even though half of the people who saw those movies thought they were terrible. I don't write good reviews for those movies because I'm easily impressed or a sucker for cool special efects, I do it because they're good movies that very few people can truly appreciate for what they really are. Attack of the Clones is one of those movies. It's a truly brilliant film, and possibly even (dare I say it?) the best Star Wars movie yet. No, I'm not crazy. I can explain everything.

First, there's the acting/script. A LOT of people bitched and moaned about how Anakin's pick-up lines sucked and were delivered without flair. Well, did you ever consider the possibility that maybe he was SUPPOSED to act like that? I mean, the guy is going to be spending the next SEVERAL days ALONE with the girl of his dreams, and he has NO idea how he's supposed to handle things. I mean, the guy probably never even watches TV! Do you expect him to start acting all suave and quoting Shakespeare? Heck no! He sounds like the worst pick-up artist in the galaxy, because HE'S SUPPOSED TO, and this part of the movie was done so convincingly that people actually thought that his acting sucked. If you'll notice, whenever he's NOT trying to get into Amidala's pants, his acting and lines are really damn good ("Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things..."). As for Amidala, well, she's a Senator being hit on by a Jedi about half her age. So of course she has to give the appearance of being as uninterested in him as possible... once she learns how he feels, of course. Before that, when she doesn't suspect him of anything, she is genuinely affectionate toward him ("You really have grown").

The lack of chemistry between Anakin and Amidala - What are you talking about? They had great chemistry! Remember that part where he floats the fruit off his plate and she takes a bite while it's in mid-air? That's so cute! Sure, there are some parts where they don't have chemistry because they don't want to. Well, DUH! She's a Senator, and he's a Jedi. That's kind of frowned upon by the public, and they know that they can't get too close, so they try not to. They TALKED ABOUT THAT! I mean, how obvious can it be? Again, during the parts where they do not perceive this to be a problem, they have really great chemistry together. I especially like the comments about "aggressive negotiations."

And, of course, there's the CGI. I won't deny that George seems to have a habit of blatantly abusing CGI, but sometimes it REALLY pays off. I mean, look at Yoda. He doesn't look like some cartoon (a la Episode 1), he looks as Jim Henson's puppet came to life! And on that one really rainy planet, the CGI is so good that I can't tell what's CGI and what's not. Yeah, sometimes the CGI is painfully obvious, but it's still better than the Muppet rejects from the original trilogy.

Names. Okay, Count Dooku sounds pretty stupid, and "Attack of the Clones" just screams b-movie. But I think that's part of what makes the movie fun. When other people grimace every time they hear "Dooku," I just grin and giggle. Okay, I'm easily amused. So sue me.

Now that I've shot down all the "reasons" why this movie is "bad," let me explain why it is so good. First, it is the most emotionally intense of the Star Wars movies. Look at Luke Skywalker's reaction to coming home in Episode 4 to find his relatives burt to a crisp. He looks around to make sure they're dead, stares into the sunset, then calmly tells Obi-Wan that he wants to be a Jedi and kick some Imperial butt. Now, compare that to Anakin's reaction upon finding his mother. He actually WATCHES HER DIE, IN HIS ARMS! As his blinding grief turns into blinding rage, he pulls out his lightsaber and starts decapitating Jawas left and right. He doesn't even bother using the door; he's in such a rush that he makes his own. Then, he has to bring home his mom in a body bag. He doesn't say a word to anyone when he arrives, there's just an understanding silence. And there's the sunset funeral, which is just plain beautiful. Do you see the huge difference here? How about the difference between this movie's love story and that of the original trilogy? I mean, Leiah seemed to hate pretty much everyone in the first movie, then she suddenly fell in love with both Han Solo (total selfish SOB) and Luke Skywalker (her brother) at the same time for no apparent reason. Oh, and let's not forget that some actual depth was added to Boba Fett's character this time around.

Second, Clones has the most deep, thoughtful, and intriguing plot of any of the Star Wars movies. It's not just "There's good guys and there's bad guys, the good guys blow up the bad guy's big metal ball of death, the end" like the first Star Wars. There's a very mysterious aura about the plot, which involves a secret Clone Army that had been created for a war that would not happen for another ten years. We know that Jango Fett and some other people are involved, that it is related to an assassination attempt on Amidala, and that it may be related to Palpatine's manipulation of events to increase his own power in the Republic. The pieces fall together at a steady pace, and at the end of it all, you learn enough to make sense of most of it without leaving too little for Episode 3 to mop up.

Third, you get to see Yoda in a lightsaber duel. This is probably not too special on a TV screen, but when you're in the theater watching this movie on opening day, and you see an approaching shadow that can only belong to Yoda, suddenly EVERYONE in the theater starts laughing and clapping and cheering, and the funniest moment in Star Wars history plays before your eyes. That was a moment that I will never forget, because it will only ever happen once in my lifetime, and not everyone got to experience it the same way I did.

So all told, I think the five stars that I gave this movie are very justly deserved.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: So it's trendy to hate it... maybe because it's AWFUL?!
Review: I am a huge Star Wars fan and I couldn't even sit through this movie. I had to walk out when R2-D2 sprouted jet packs and flew away.

The acting is stiff and downright BAD. Anakin and Amidala have no chemistry.

The storyline is convoluted and hard to follow.

The special effects are pretty but many of them are unnecessary. I liked the cantina creatures in the original movie just fine... why did they have to computer-generate so many of the new creatures? It's annoying.

Sorry George... I really wanted to like this movie but I can't. I'm just glad I'm not one of the freaks that waited in line for months to be the first to see it!!!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Clones missed the boat
Review: I think the largest problem with AOTC is that George favored action/CGI sequences over plot and character development. For example, the deleted scenes show lots of Padme and her family & childhood, which George cut as trivial "backstory" and instead included such plot-forwarding sequences as the Cloner riding a pteradactyl out of the water. The "stuffiness" of the script didn't bother me as much as it seems to bother other viewers; I consider it "the language of high drama". I just wish he had SHOWN more about the character conflicts and growth instead of TELLING us about it. ("I have grown, you said it yourself..." and "You are in my very soul..."). Still, I'll probably keep the DVD and get the next on when it comes out. Yeah, I'm weak...

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: At least Episode III will be the last one...
Review: This is a horrible movie. The acting is wooden, the dialogue is pathetic and contrived, and the plot is almost non-existant. Only the scenes with Anakin and the Sand People and the final Jedi battle come close to capturing the spirit of the original 3 films. The rest of it is garbage.

Apparently George Lucas thought that he could distract us all from the fact that he made an extended video game cut scene instead of a movie by filming the entire thing in front of a blue screen and filling the movie with CGI. Maybe he thought that we'd have to like it, just because it carried the Star Wars brand label. Maybe he just didn't care because he knew he'd be raking in about $1 billion. In any case, he continues to ruin the original three movies with these train wrecks. Well, he was right, and we're all gonna hate ourselves when we can't stop ourselves from seeing his final installation, titled "Star Wars: Episode III: Just Give Me Your Money".

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Problems abound but still better than Episode 1
Review: Yes, it is a visually stunning film and you see where some aspects are going to tie up nicely. However this simply is not the Star Wars that most of us writing these reviews grew up with. Part of the charm of the first trilogy was the chemistry between the three main characters, and the simplicity of the Star Wars universe. Now it's a special effects extravaganza trying to compete with films of the same genre that it helped create.

One thing that I was very impressed with was the score. John Williams clearly outdoes himself by blending the original theme scores of this movie, Episode I and the original trilogy. One cannot help but get goosebumps when you hear the Imperial March in the film.

The reason for the stale acting is quite clear in the featurettes on the second disk. It's already been established that McGregor, Portman, and yes even Christensen (see "My Life as a House if only for his performance)are fine actors. But when Lucas and McCallum start bragging that there is nothing but blue screen and Obi-Wan is the only real character on the set, you can't blame the performance. While it does make for great eye-candy and the digital to digital tranfer is unparalleled, it lacks tangibility. Due to the technical constraint of the film there was no maneuverability for the actors. And if Lucas diddn't like it, as the states on more than one occasion he just erased it.
Peter Jackson and his team were on the right track by using digital as well as other techniques in LOTR. I think Lucas could stand to learn from gthe filmmakers that he influenced.
Also, if the writer of "Batman and Robin" can write the oscar winning "A Beautiful Mind". There is no excuse why George can't brush up his dialouge.

All of this said though, I and I assume a great many of us will be standing in line for hours come the summer of 2005.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Good movie for rental
Review: Why don't I like this movie?
1. Monumental waste of acting talent
2. I did not care for a single character, let alone develop an emotional bond with one
3. Underachieving plot.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Stop the hype, it ain't that good
Review: Please, refrain from the "It's Star Wars, you have to like it!" baloney. No, I don't have to like it, and I don't.
Here are my reasons:
1. Average CGI for today
2. Really pathetic acting
3. No concern for the character development
4. Sub-par plot.

Sorry, I'm not the only one that feels this way!
Better luck next time!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Garbage, and an insult to Star Wars fans
Review: Let me start of by stating: I LIKED "The Phantom Menace" very much when it hit theaters in 1999. Having been a life-long "classic" Star Wars fan, it did take a couple viewings to adjust to the very different look and feel of Episode One. But ultimately I felt the pros out-weighed the cons and I was stoked for the rest of the series.

I hated Episode Two. Upon viewing it, I realized that Mr. Lucas has no story to tell. The prequels have turned out to be unnecessary pieces of non-sensical tripe. Attack of the Clones is SO bad, in fact, that forced me to re-evaluate my feelings for Phantom Menace. That's not to say that I now hate Ep. 1, but I can't watch it with any enthusiasm having seen the disaster that followed it.

Many have pointed out the weak script, the lifeless acting, the over-reliance on CG effects. All true. There is a bunch of very superficial razz-a-matazz in Attack of the Clones, and I believe it has tricked many people into thinking they've been entertained. But given the foregone conclusion of this Prequel Trilogy, all I can ask is: "Who cares?" Who cares about Boba Fett's dad?? Who cares about Yoda's little Jedi-in-training? Who gives a rat's you-know-what about Count Dooku? None of this stuff adds anything to the saga. It's a bunch of unimaginative ideas stitched into a VERY poorly told story.

The "Clone wars"? I would've rather kept imagining the legendary Clone Wars, mentioned to Luke by Obi-wan in Episode IV. I would've rather kept imagining the formative years of Anakin Skywalker, and his descent into the Dark Side. Why? Because my IMAGINATION is better than what Mr. Lucas has offered us with these new movies.

Mr. Lucas, you are nothing more than a hack. I wish you had never returned to the Star Wars universe.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Cant recommend this one...
Review: I won't mention the acting, or the laughable love scenes. What I have a problem with in this film, and many others like lord of the rings, is the overuse of cgi's. I really think the older special effects from films like aliens, the original star wars, and others are so much more convincing than a cartoonish jumble of computer effects. For me, it destroys the illusion of the film because seeing the cgi instantly alerts me to the false nature of the picture I'm looking at. Now, in a movie like aliens, you really believe the alien is going to kicksomeone and that they are engaged in a real battle, because they are both on the screen and the actors are not just guessing at where the cgi is going to be standing in the film. Imagine how bad aliens would be if they replaced the aliens, and the mother alien, with cgi characters! Hope that makes sense.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Special Effects do not substitute for story and character
Review: I'll admit that I'm judging this movie as an adult, but my opinions of the original were formed as a child. I'll be interested to see how my own children think how the prequels stack up to the original movies when they are old enough to appreciate them. That being said, I think that Attack of the Clones is at best a mediocre movie with a handful of interesting scenes, and at worst just a bad one that I would have completely disregarded had it not had the name Star Wars attached to it. I think the biggest weakness is Lucas' obsession with his special effects (wonder if he ever hears the irony in the line "Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed" from Episode IV). First of all, they don't carry a film- they're nothing more than eye candy and should only be used to further the overall story. Lucas seems to take the opposite approach- he hangs a slim, poorly written plot on the insubstantial fraamework of his special effects. He envisions an effect and then writes a story to go along with it. That might work for a video game, but not for a major movie. Second, the effects just aren't that good to begin with. To me, they look shimmery, lacking in depth, and quite often very cartoonish. The technology isn't as advanced as Lucas likes to believe, and the effects don't measure up when all the attention is put on them. Look at a movie like Spiderman- subpar effects at times, but an interesting story and likable characters hold your interest and help you suspend your disbelief with the effects. Lucas' effects would be more than adequate if he had an interesting movie in which to display them. Give it up, George- we know you have the technology, but most of us just don't really care about it enough to build a whole movie around it. You can't tell the Star Wars stories without spfx, but you also can't have spfx without a story

That leads to the movie itself. Much has been said about the poor acting, and I don't disagree. However, I place the blame on the director/writer rather than the performers. I've seen most of them in other movies and they are all good actors, and some even have the potential for greatness. But they have nothing with which to work here: wooden dialogue, flimsy story, uninteresting characterizations. Much has also been said that the original trilogy's stars weren't that great of performers either. That may be true, but they had chemistry, and they played interesting characters with corny but memorable dialogue. They had energy and emotions. Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Yoda, Han Solo, Luke, Leia, even Lando and the ewoks- all a huge part of American popular culture. My 4 year old daughter knows many of them without ever having seen the movie. She can tell you how Darth Vader breathes funny and how Chewie looks like a monkey and how R2 talks in beeps. Will Count Dooku and Jar Jar and Amidala and the Genoisians be the same for future generations? I don't think so...

Don't even get me started on the inconsistencies between these movies and the original trilogy. Yeah, maybe they'll be addressed in Ep. Three. Right. Whatever. Sure. We'll see.

This movie just has very little substance. It might offer some visual marvels which hold up over time, and it might be a lesser part in a stronger whole. But overall Lucas has sadly lost what he once had. I'll hold out for episode three, but my confidence in it is greatly reduced. And frankly, I just don't care that much anymore (Well, obviously I do or I wouldn't have spent the time to write a review. Hell, I loved these movies as a kid and even today at age 33. What a disappointment! I can't believe how bad this movie turned out to be. What a letdown, George. To paraphrase Bruce Springsteen, an artist who HASN'T let me down over the years, you had it once but you ain't got it anymore.)


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