Rating: 
Summary: MST3K Classics: "The Hellcats" (or "The Return of Hagen")
Review: There is no excuse for "The Hellcats" to have ever been made. Not one. There is also no excuse for the casting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the direction, the sound editing, and I'm sure that there would be no excuses offered.But there is a reason it was made, and it had to do with drive-in theaters. "The Hellcats", I'm sure, was something of an ATM for the producers and the theater owners, the bottom-half of the double-bill (which would have been referred to at my old fave drive-in as "OUR 2ND BIG FEATURE") that would have been out-of-focus, ignored, or forgotten. But the booking fees alone would pay for the production, and by the time anybody noticed that this flick was chock-a-block with contempt for the prospective audience, the cars were pulling in to the stalls, John and Marsha were sipping soda pop and wondering who was going to make the first move, and all the right people would begin re-lining their wallets. And that's where MST3K comes in, resurrecting this garbage heap, and shining some light on one of the purest examples of how not to ever make a movie. Although the host sequences are flashbacks to previous episodes, they are still funny, and show the real creativity of the writers and performers. The movie (by itself) is unwatchable. Not only because of its sheer stupidity, and at times, even because of the incompetence in its making. An example. A rival gang meets up with our heroes (?) and their leaders challenge each other to a race. They take off, and for a good three or four minutes of screen time, we see various shots of the bored-looking gangs, and hear what sounds like low-horsepower engines revving and slowing, revving and slowing, revving and slowing. Then the gang leaders re-appear, race over. As Crow says, "What an exciting race." And when they decide to fight, it's Ross - playing a Vietnam vet - who cools 'em out, saying, "Peace, brothers! No more war!" (To which Joel says, "Hey, look! It's Ross Hagen, the Prince of Peace!") The gang on the satellite finds fodder everywhere, from the remarkably bad camera work ("FOCUS!" is heard at least four times), the psychedelic parties that look like the least-fun frat mixers ever (although Crow disagrees), to the fact that Ross Hagen is the star (famous from "Sidehackers", his refrain of, "Chili peppers burn my gut," can be heard more than once). My favorite scene? Towards the end, Ross is caught, beaten up and tied to a table. Well, more correctly, his knees are tied to a table. To which Crow says, "Those guys have a lot to learn about tying people to furniture." There is a feeling hanging over the non-MSTied movie that a whole lot of people got tricked into doing this over a long summer weekend, and when they realized what had happened, they still didn't care. This movie hates the audience, and it says so, over and over. The SOL says it right back.
Rating:
Summary: MST3K Classics: "The Hellcats" (or "The Return of Hagen")
Review: There is no excuse for "The Hellcats" to have ever been made. Not one. There is also no excuse for the casting, the screenplay, the cinematography, the direction, the sound editing, and I'm sure that there would be no excuses offered. But there is a reason it was made, and it had to do with drive-in theaters. "The Hellcats", I'm sure, was something of an ATM for the producers and the theater owners, the bottom-half of the double-bill (which would have been referred to at my old fave drive-in as "OUR 2ND BIG FEATURE") that would have been out-of-focus, ignored, or forgotten. But the booking fees alone would pay for the production, and by the time anybody noticed that this flick was chock-a-block with contempt for the prospective audience, the cars were pulling in to the stalls, John and Marsha were sipping soda pop and wondering who was going to make the first move, and all the right people would begin re-lining their wallets. And that's where MST3K comes in, resurrecting this garbage heap, and shining some light on one of the purest examples of how not to ever make a movie. Although the host sequences are flashbacks to previous episodes, they are still funny, and show the real creativity of the writers and performers. The movie (by itself) is unwatchable. Not only because of its sheer stupidity, and at times, even because of the incompetence in its making. An example. A rival gang meets up with our heroes (?) and their leaders challenge each other to a race. They take off, and for a good three or four minutes of screen time, we see various shots of the bored-looking gangs, and hear what sounds like low-horsepower engines revving and slowing, revving and slowing, revving and slowing. Then the gang leaders re-appear, race over. As Crow says, "What an exciting race." And when they decide to fight, it's Ross - playing a Vietnam vet - who cools 'em out, saying, "Peace, brothers! No more war!" (To which Joel says, "Hey, look! It's Ross Hagen, the Prince of Peace!") The gang on the satellite finds fodder everywhere, from the remarkably bad camera work ("FOCUS!" is heard at least four times), the psychedelic parties that look like the least-fun frat mixers ever (although Crow disagrees), to the fact that Ross Hagen is the star (famous from "Sidehackers", his refrain of, "Chili peppers burn my gut," can be heard more than once). My favorite scene? Towards the end, Ross is caught, beaten up and tied to a table. Well, more correctly, his knees are tied to a table. To which Crow says, "Those guys have a lot to learn about tying people to furniture." There is a feeling hanging over the non-MSTied movie that a whole lot of people got tricked into doing this over a long summer weekend, and when they realized what had happened, they still didn't care. This movie hates the audience, and it says so, over and over. The SOL says it right back.
Rating:
Summary: Cats From Hell -- the horrible truth
Review: They don't call them Hellcats for nothing. Watch this movie and find out why. (Movie Lover's Note: This film is a sequel to David Lean's 1962 epic "Lawrence of Arabia." Look for Abe Vigoda's surprise cameo as Mary Todd Lincoln in Scene 23.)
Rating:
Summary: Worse than SIDEHACKERS- which means a really funny episode!
Review: This is an earlier episode of MST3K (Season Two), but it is very funny primarily because the movie THE HELLCATS is so bad. The plot is not decipherable, but it involves Ross Hagen (yes, he plays Rommel in THE SIDEHACKERS) trying to avenge his brother's death. He does this by joining a drunken sex orgy held by this group called the Hellcats. This is where the plot stops, and MST3K takes over. I especially liked the song "Mass Confusion," which Crow says "describes the plot." This latest Rhino release is top-notch; however, whoever was in charge of writing the synopsis on the back of the boxcover does not know the difference between Joel and Mike. Joel is the host in this episode but the summary says it is Mike about two or three times. Also, on the front cover, the folks at Rhino failed to edit the cast of The Hellcats, instead using the cast from BLOODLUST! Despite these minor mistakes, the final result is a high-quality tape of a classic television show, Mystery Science Theater 3000. Definitely recommended.
Rating:
Summary: Brought to you by Sgt. Exposition and Detective Plot Point.
Review: This is without a doubt one of the worst movies ever forced upon the inhabitants of the SOL. It concerns a guy getting revenge on the gangsters who killed his brother. He does this by joining a outlaw motorcycle gang, where drugs and alcohol are the staples of life. Joel and the 'bots rip this movie to shreds, among the oddities of this film are: an exciting off-camera motorcycle race, endless scenes of people riding motorcyles and an odd fight scene near the end. It is a perfect antidote for a bad day.
Rating: 
Summary: Well...pretty good
Review: This MST3K episode is OK... not GREAT but okay. I agree with the previous reviewer who said the major flaw is the movie itself and not the jokes. (However the host segments are reduced to merely flashbacks and not really new)
But still I enjoyed it, it now sits along with all the other MST3k rhino stuff. But for the love of GOD rhino... PUT SOME EXTRA FEATURES ON THE MOVIES! There really is no reason to buy any MST3k DVD except the Manos one which has the blooper reel POOPIE on it.
Rating:
Summary: At their best in season 2, Hellcats delivers non-stop laughs
Review: Until I discovered MST3K I'd never even seen a "B" movie "biker" picture, but the writers and cast of MST3K always seem to be at their best when making fun of these low-budget stories about sociopaths and societal drop-outs. I was overjoyed when I found out that Hellcats would be offered on DVD as this and the other season 2 gem, "Wild Rebels" are to me among the very best MST3K episodes ever. The stupidity of the characters and dialogue is funny all on its own, but the cast of MST3K raise the humor level many notches and never let up on the poor direction, acting or plot for a second. They even manage to make the music in this film fun and you'll be humming "the bike song" after the closing credits. One cinematic footnote regards a misidentification I believe of the film's director, Bob Slatzer, who is actually the stockier fellow of the two main "gangsters" and not the thinner one pointed out by Joel and the 'Bots during the picture. I discovered this when I saw Bob Slatzer interviewed in a documentary about Marilyn Monroe. But, this minor error does nothing to diminish the quality and quantity of the humor in this episode, which is so dense with jokes that you'll catch something new each time you watch it. Buy this now!
Rating:
Summary: Hellcats rule man!
Review: With this movie, the plot is over and done with before the credits are over . . . but thank God for the three wisacres in space.I mean really, this guy in the military learns that his brother was killed while having this . . . um . . . "picnic" with a girl, so in order to find out who killed him, he joins this motorcycle gang where they openly do drugs, drink booze in strange ways (at least we HOPE it's booze) and at the highlight of the movie have this weird stunt where they pull the guy at the arms and feet with these two tractors.After hours of boozing and this cool race (that we can't see, but I'm sure it was a good one) between these guys they get back to the plot for the last fifteen minutes of the movie and everybody follows this one girl in a ten minute long scene where we see every minute of a single file line of people following her one block behind the other to this hide-out where the killer is and there's this big fight on this boat . . ..Of course, this plotless twisted tale becomes great fodder for the guys who toss out one good crack after another.
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