Rating: 
Summary: Ridiculously Bad Movie Under MST3K Treatment!
Review: I thought this episode of MST3K was one of the best. Manos is such a terrible movie that it's funny. I found myself laughing even without Joel, Crow and Servo making their usual jokes. Eat pizza while watching this movie, trust me you'll laugh even harder. Torgo and the Master, well Torgo has hip issues and the Master is a control freak and there's alot of terrible acting in between.
Rating:
Summary: I'll always have Torgo.
Review: When I first saw this episode on television I was a lot younger, and did not have the patience to watch this episode because the movie was so slow and bad. But now that I am older I can appreciate the humor in Manos: the hands of fate. This is one of my top favorites. The movie is very confusing but here is what i got from it. A family on vacation accidently stumble on to some cult house in the desert where a big-kneed slave named Torgo lets them in. The Master is asleep with his many wives in nightgowns surrounding him and a horryfying hellbeast beside him (no, not Estelle Getty). Torgo wants his own wife and gets his hand burned off by the master. The dad takes his place, and the Mom and little girl(Boooo!) are the Masters new wives.BOOOOO! Hal P. Warren is the director of the WORST FILM EVER Shown on MST3K! Oh, well, at least he had his fertilizer corporation to fall back on. Enjoy this Movie. It may take a while for you to enjoy it like me, but trust me, it was worth it.
Rating:
Summary: 5 stars for the MiSTing....a negative ten for the movie....
Review: I'm reviewing the VHS version since I am without a DVD player. The short about hiring car salesmen was hilarious, not to mention the MSTing of this gosh-darn awful excuse for a film. Hal Warren should NOT quit his day job, whatever it might be.
Rating:
Summary: Hal P. Warren, The Hands of Fertilizer
Review: Well folks, it does not get any worse than this. Being a long time viewer of terrible/cheesy/campy films most of my life, I can safely say that this "movie", if you can call it that, is an exercise in how NOT to make a movie. Every aspect, whether on the technical side or the acting side makes most first year film student's efforts look like Gone With the Wind. Therefore, it is not suprising that this movie was written, directed, produced and starred one named Hal P. Warren. Who is Mr. Warren, you say? Well, he was a Texas Fertilzer salesman. The following review will show you why his movie and business were mirror images of each other and why it cannot really contain spoilers.First, the "plot". Do NOT hold your breath on this one. There is none. The movie starts out with a family consisting of Incomptent Dad (Hal P. Warren - who'd thunk?), Hysterical Mom, little girl (who must have been scarred for life for being in this movie) and pooch going on vacation, to a place called the Valley Lodge. This lodge is located about 50 meters to left side of the planet Pluto. Hence, the first 15 minutes of this movie is NOTHING but stock footage of the family driving past country fields. They drive and drive and drive and after awhile, you will get carsick. Finally, they get lost and come across a little ramshackle house. Waiting to greet them is one of the most memorable characters in movie history, Torgo. Torgo is supposed to be a half-man/half-goat, a satyr. The movie makes this look authentic by having Torgo wear watermelons in his pants. (REAL SCARY!) Torgo has many memorable lines such as, "I am Torgo, I take care of place the when the mAsTeR is away!" and "There is no way out of here, it will be dark soon, there is no way out of here." Torgo also speaks in a sort of drunken sign-song voice that sounds half stoned, half like he is straining on the toilet. Anyway, Incompetent Dad overcomes the protests of the others and convinces Torgo to let them stay the night, since "It will be dark soon." After about another 20 minutes of nothing, Incompetent Dad and Hysterical Mom see a painting of the Master, who looks like Frank Zappa after a rough night. After this, the pooch wanders off and is eaten by the Master's Hell Beast and the little girl stumbles across the Master and his "wives", clad in sheer nightgowns, all sleeping on stone slabs, in I assume, the backyard of the house. Well, the Master (who I think is supposed to be some sort of evil priest) wakes up, speaks into a cloud of smoke and intones the Will of Manos all the while throwing up his hands that show off his funky zippered black robe complete with funky red hands emblazoned on them. His wives then wake up, start arguing, then get into a wrestling match that only Jerry Springer could admire. While all of this is going on, Torgo makes a clumsy, drunken pass at Hysterical Mom, Incompetent Dad is hit over the with Torgo's walking stick and tied to a tree. After this, Torgo (did I mention he is killed THREE times in this movie?!), goes back to the house, has the Master "kill" him by having a staff waved in front of him, and is taken back to the wives who then massage him to death on one of the stone slabs. However, he is not really dead. So, the Master makes sure he will leave the house by burning his hand off. Torgo then runs out of the scene and the movie. Finally, after all of this, the Master and his wives start going after the family. Incompetent Dad wakes up, free himself, gets his gun, gathers his family and tells them to get back into the house because, he says, IT IS THE SAFEST PLACE. Mother of God!! Predictably, the Master captures them, Incompetent Dad becomes the new Torgo, and the wife and little girl become new wives for the Master. (Rather sick when you think about it) By the way, there is a couple who sit in a car and make out throught the entire movie, while constantly being pestered by two local redneck cops. This has NOTHING to do with the movie, but it is there anyway. Another testimony to the lunacy of this film. Second, the techincal lapses. The film quality is poor because all they had was a hand cranked DMV-type camera that could only record 30 seconds of film at a time. In one scene during the driving sequence the camera dissolves into the exact same scene. And the color prints are as faded as a red shirt going through 50 washings in Clorox 2. The camera also could not record sound, therefore, all voices were dubbed in later by Warren and his wife and this is VERY evident. Also, the acting is on par with a kindergarten play and is as wooden as Louisville Slugger baseball bat. And one more interesting fact. "Manos" in Spanish means "hands". So, the real title of this movie is "Hands, the Hands of Fate". Seeing that this is usually rated as the worst movie ever made on the Internet Movie Database, I must concur. However, I give this one a 1, only because of Torgo and the fact that Mystery Science Theatre 3000 made this a classic episode. For how bad it is, this movie is a must see. Score: 1/10
Rating:
Summary: The best of the worst
Review: This movie is truly a bad film to watch, up there (or rather down there) with Plan 9 From Outer Space there with, but the movie as we see it through the eyes of Jel Robinson (played by Joel Hodgson) and those two lovable robots is one hilarious romp.Some of my favorite riffs (which is what makes this movie so enjoyable) are taken from this movie: "Nice hotel, convenient to the mouth of HELL!" is one of them.The movie itself was one of the few movies that the crew did in its entirety. From time to time they would edit out scenes which were inapropriate for younger viewers, or the movie would be just too long for the alotted time, or something. Anyway, dispite a few "questionable scenes" they ran the movie in its entirety, and at the appropriate times, Joel would conveniently stretch or stand up and say something like "Moms, I think it's time for you to have a talk with your kids." Anyhoo, they made this rather unbearable movie quite bearable because of it.There are a few movies in MST3K history that want you to take a long soapy shower afterwards, and this is one of them. Don't get me wrong, Manos is worth watching, just for the riffs, and uh, one scene when all of these women start to wrestle in their nities, causing Crow to say "I see Paris, I see France I see EVERYBODY'S underpants!"As par for the course, the guys from MST3K tend to lift characters from the movie, allowing them to poke even more fun at the movie. The scene at the end with Torgo (the hoof legged guy from the movie) as a pizza guy is quite funny in and of itself.
Rating: 
Summary: Manos on DVD at last...but why no director commentary??
Review: Just kidding. Hal Warren is no longer with us, unfortunately. But the melody lingers on in this DVD. It's fantastic finally having this classic episode of MST3K available on DVD. The bloopers reel that is included on the DVD is a nice extra...but why did Rhino have to stop including an un-MST'd version of the film with this movie and with "Mitchell?" I really would have liked pure, unadulterated "Manos." Don't laugh! I understand that the soporific effect is greater than the tranquilizer darts used to take down elephants, and that could be a very useful weapon to have one day. So anyhoo, a fun DVD, but it loses one star for not having un-MST'd "Manos."
Rating:
Summary: MOAN!
Review: This is, along with "Meet the Feebles", "Forbidden Zone" and "Dr. Caligari" (the bizarre '80's art film, not the silent film classic "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari"), among the worst films EVER made! Even our dear crew on the Satellite of Love is agog and aghast at this cinematic horror. The jokes and jibes are hilarious as usual, but it's just as fun watching Joel, Crow and Tom recoil in horror from this Z-grade film. Only for the stout of heart and strong of stomach.
Rating:
Summary: Manos: Hands of Hate
Review: This is possibly the worst movie that MST3K ever did (and that's saying something). Even the mads said they were sorry of sending the movie to Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo. Included in this video is the sequel to "Hired!"
Manos begins as a family of three head towards the Valley Loogie (watch it and you'll understand). The family meets up with Targo, the most annoying "monster" in a movie. "That's not how you wear your depends" says Joel as we see that Targo has large knees. Whenever Targo is on-screen, the haunting targo theme comes on and sounds like a record that's stuck.
Pretty soon, The Master comes alive and is forced to watch his wives fight ("The reason why this movie was made" snaps Crow)
Even the skits the three put on during Manos aren't that good. The funniest skit is "how can you call Targo a monster?"
The family is soon running for their lives, but to no avail. The little daughter is not even spared as we see her tied to a stake at the end of the movie. Bad Movie, so-so skits is all that i can say.
Rating:
Summary: Its Torgoriffic!
Review: This is one of my favorite MST's. An absoulute stinker of a movie that is wonderfully lampooned by Mike and the 'bots. I wouldn't recommend it if you have never seen MST before, but if you are a fan, make sure you have it!
Rating:
Summary: The Best.
Review: No doubt the best of the MST3K series, Manos is as much an endurance test as entertainment. From the never-ending opening shots of fields, to the climactic women-in-underwear fight scene, Joel and the 'bots will be there with you to feel the pain. Crow T. Robot was never the same after seeing "Hands: Hands of Fate", and neither will you.
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