Rating: 
Summary: Travolta stepped in it this time!
Review: John Travolta's character: Klingon after too many rounds of drinks. Am I right?Did anyone else have an old Buick with a dragging muffler that sounded like those space ships? And of course, the miracle of savages learning to pilot fighter planes like Chuck Yeager! From spears to joystick. Amazing! And God bless the director. Apparently allowing John and the boys to go get hammered in the morning and do the acting stuff in the afternoon. I think it must have been ghost directed by Kevin Cosner. John and Forrest: we fans forgive you! After Pulp Fiction and The Crying Game you guys have earned at least a couple of stinkers each. Besides, we Mystery Science Theater 3000 Fans are used to much worse. Er, make that equally worse. When L. Ron is done spinning in his grave you can continue making movies!
Rating: 
Summary: Battlefield Earth vs Episode I
Review: I viewed this movie thinking it would be so bad it might be amusing. I was surprised when it was not bad at all. It is a good old fashioned good guy vs. bad guy film. Compared to the most over-hyped piece of garbage ever, Star Wars-Episode I, Battlefield Earth is a great movie. It did not have any charicters as annoying as Jar Jar Binks. I enjoyed both Travolta and Forest Whitaker as the bad guys. I think this movie got a bad rap because of it's connection to Travolta's religion. It's a shame we are not above such a thing.
Rating: 
Summary: An absolutely wild ride....but....
Review: Director Roger Christian has a problem: He suffers from a lack of confidence in his own filmmaking so much that he takes a wonderful movie and completely vaporizes it's mood by using the, dare I say it..."curtain close" between scenes, turning a believable sci-fi thriller into a "Batperson meets Penguin" episode. And these are professionals??? Had a college student managed to turn out this film with "curtain" transitions between scenes, the professor would have died on the spot. Enough about the idiodic director. In short, put the kids to bed, clear your head of all things real, put on your stereo headphones, turn the volume up and ENJOY this wonderful and fun thriller. This is one that must make your permanent collection. Knowledge is power. Have fun! I did!
Rating: 
Summary: Argh...
Review: Battlefield Earth tells the story of Rob Zombie, played by John Travolta, a rocker whose dull family and job prompt him to give up heavy metal and escape his boring life on the dance floors of discos. I'm sorry, I can't take a movie seriously when it casts John Travolta, the guy best known for doing the hustle, as an evil alien. Especially when he is a Psychlo. That's the name of the race of aliens. To me, it sounds like a good name for a pokemon. Can't you see that little anime kid on the TV show saying "Psychlo, I choose you!" I'm getting off topic again, but it's for a good cause - to show you how stupid this movie is. And now, I present the actual plot summary. Battlefield Earth stars Some Guy as Caveman #1. We know literally nothing about him, except that he is slightly more curious than the other cavemen, and as a result of this he rides off into unexplored territory, only to be kidnapped and enslaved by the Psychlos, evil aliens who have taken over the earth. Super-Evil-John-Travolta-Alien needs something to use as leverage over the humans, so he tries to find out their favorite food by letting Cavemen #1 - 3 escape and monitoring them to see what they eat. Cavemen #1 - 3 are trapped in the mountains, starving to death, so they have to eat whatever they can find, which turns out to be rats. Caveman #1 and #2 then vote Caveman #3 off Battlefield Earth Island for being uncooperative, and after that, since I haven't seen Survivor, my compairison of a bad movie to a bad TV show sort of falls apart. Anyway, the cavemen eventually escape, find some other cavemen, get some thousand year old fighter-bombers, and eventually go back to take on the aliens. This is the part I have a problem with, or at least this is the part I have more of a problem with than all of the other idiotic stuff the movie expects me to believe. When the Psychlos invaded the earth, the combined efforts of all of the modern human militaries could only hold up for nine minutes before being defeated by the Psychlos. However, these same Psychlos were all killed by fifteen cavemen with sticks, thousand year old weapons which have not been maintained at all, and most importantly, a complete lack of any military training. It also bothered me that in the final battle, almost all of the cavemen nobly sacrifice their lives for the good of the others. Now, I formed no emotional attachment to the cavemen for the obvious reason that they are all completely interchangeable. When the first one sacrifices himself, it's vaguely sad, like when a goldfish dies. When the second one sacrifices himeself, I'm bored. After the fifteenth noble sacrifice I want to throw a brick through the TV screen. In conclusion, you should watch this movie when it is shown on TV, with a lot of friends around, to make fun of it. It's quite entertaining. Don't pay money for it though.
Rating: 
Summary: Worst move ever?
Review: Alright, if you look beyond the outrageous caveman flying Harrier jets and the odd way man made objects like the guns and jets still work after 1,000 years, it's a pretty good movie. I have heard complaints about this movie as if it's hard to belive the human race could fall against alien invaders (Like how humanity beat all odds in Independance Day). I have seen it at the theaters and then read the book and trust me, after reading that, I think the movie could have been better. But given what the director and producer John Travolta had to work with, I'd applaud for their effort and putting togeather such a good action movie. I wish the movie had done better than it did. This only covers about half the book and could really use a sequel.
Rating:
Summary: Deja-vu.
Review: I have a feeling of deja-vu. The fate of the geosynchronous Ra in Stargate, for instance. Psychlos have a tendency to lose their tempers, start yelling in incomprehensible gutteral vowels and shoot at people. Luckily, they have landed in America. This is an endearingly preposterous film so I don't have the heart to give it just the one star.
Rating:
Summary: Bad, but watchable...
Review: Well, I saw BE today, it's a good laying around the house on a Saturday afternoon (with a Friday night hangover) kind of movie, campy, yes, bad script and effects, yes, but entertaining, none the less, oh...why weren't the "rat lovers" wearing oxygen masks while piloting the jet fighters? oh, well...
Rating:
Summary: A Big Budget B movie.
Review: This science fiction adventure centers on a final battle between good and evil for control of the world. In the year 3000, Earth is ruled by the Psyclos, a vicious alien race, led by the tyrant Terl played by John Travolta, that has laid waste to the planet, killed the majority of the population, and stripped Earth of its valuable resources. Pockets of resistance remain among the surviving humans; the hero, Jonnie Tyler, is one such rebel, living in hiding in the mountains. Eventually, Johnny begins organizing like-minded humans for a final stand against the Psyclos. The movie covers only the first half of Hubbard's book.
Rating:
Summary: Why... I ask you... why?
Review: Yes- I did watch it... all two hours of it and it was quite honestly two of the longest hours of my life. It is hands down the worst movie I have ever seen. The jokes aren't funny. The dialogue is annoying. The effects are of special ed quality. I beleive the "actors" could only work at night, because they were unable to get away from their day jobs at Denny's. Terrible.... terrible to the point that you can enjoy seeing it in its misery. Think about it.. we are a society that slows down for car accidents... but if this was an accident (and it is) by the side of the road - you would speed up to avoid seeing it! It is that bad!
Rating:
Summary: Not even pleasurable to watch for its utter badness...
Review: If Travolta & co. sought to pack a movie so full of plot contrivances, stupid dialogue, useless characters and pitifully bad special effects, that Ed Wood would be turning over in his grave, well then...I think I hear the sound of a coffin doing the watusi. In plunging headfirst to a completely new standard of big-budget badness, this movie fails utterly on so many levels that it robs the viewer of the simple pleasure of camp. Travolta plays the alien "Psychlo" known as Terl. Terl is essentially the same obnoxious Vinnie Bah-ba-rino character from "Welcome Back Kotter", albeit with more meticulous anunciation and perhaps slightly grander designs. He is so artificially smug that you want to smack him every time he apears on the screen. (Unfortunately that happens to be a lot.) Forrest Whitaker and Barry Pepper, who at least in principle appear to be reputable actors, do their best to attempt to provide subtlety and some charisma to their characters but can't do much with the godawful script. It says something when the mind-numbing repetition of "rat brain" passes for wit. There are countless other nameless actors who show up and quite often die in seemingly heroic ways; I found myself often comparing their friends various methods of overreacting hilariously to their comrades' deaths. They were probably terribly agonized that it wasn't their character who got to die. The director, Roger Christian, who may or may not have been handing out flowers in an airport lobby before floating this us this turd, seems to have picked up several quirky camera tricks from other directors - and then chosen to overuse them hideously. Truthfully people, i've seen porn that is more competently directed and edited than this. I have to wonder if another hour of this hackneyed drudgery lies forlorn and neglected in some back studio room. (If so, let us pray it never be found). Why use the same patented George Lucas screen wipe every single time? Why the need to do every other scene in excruciating slo-motion? And why film every other scene not in slo-motion with a tilted camera? Remember the Taco Bell commercial where Shaq's neck permanently becomes crooked from eating tacos? You get the idea... The production design varies from decent to cheap and kludgey, starting with the Psychlos, who look like a combination between a Klingon and a street pimp. Extend that to the unconvincing mattes of decaying cities and various other soundstages, which make the film look convincingly like it was filmed on the backlots of a real studio when no one else was looking. At least the ship effects look decent, although they are only marginally better than your standard FMV intro to a Playstation game. Watching it a second time, I didn't react with nearly the amount of rising bile that the first viewing inspired. I wondered briefly if the movie wasn't really all THAT bad, but instead I came to realize more that actually that it was the effect of mounting apathy - that and my life slowly draining from my body; losing forever yet another two hours that could have been far, far better spent.
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