Teenage Caveman

Rating:
Summary: Such a dissapointment
Review: One of the worst things about a movie is when you see the potential it has and witness it falling flat on its face. The story is about a post apocolyptic world in which we are sent back to the days of cavemen, living in tribes, and killing our own food...that is when we can find it.

From the very first scene we are treated to half ass acting and plot holes. One of the leaders is murdered, blah blah, a different leader likes to rape girls, blah blah, and now a group of kids go out on their own.

Yeah, they're caught in a storm and when they wake up they are dressed in retro clothing and they are all laying on top of each other provocatively. Yeah...ummm....ok, so anyway, then two people at this house they are at inform them that they are the ones that saved their lives and ummm, yeah...then they all take a bath together. And have sex. Oh sorry, am I ruining the movie for you? Trust me, I'm not. If you're familiar with this director, you knew this is where everything was going.

Oh, and I guess when you have sex with someone you infect them with something and they die or something.

Hey, I'm just trying to write a review as half-ass as the movie.

So blah blah blah, stuff happens, and within the last 5 minutes we get to see the creature....and he barely does anything thanks to some confusing camera work.

So the idea seems alright but was executed piss poorly. This was a terrible waste of Stan Winston's talents as an effects artist.

Fortunately, the two other "Creature Features" I have seen were damn good films.

Earth Vs. The Spider was a psuedo superhero story with good directing and a good story.

She-Creature was more of the same albeit with a different story and more of a slower pace. Each great on their own merit.

Rating:
Summary: A Movie So Bad, You'd Think It's On Purpose, Almost
Review: Sometimes, when you have nothing to do, it's often fun to rent B movies just to see the bad plot, the bad acting, the bad everything. Don't let this be one of those movies. Don't ever rent it. And if you find yourself owning it.... I am so sorry. This movie advertises itself as SciFi, but it's really plain, tired, old soft-porn, showing nothing, about teenagers, doing nothing but random acts revolving around removing clothing, doing drugs. Any scene in between removing clothing (showing nothing) is basically filling time. The dialog all sounds made up on the spot. This is migraine stuff. Avoid it.

Rating:
Summary: Try Again Please!!!
Review: Teenage Caveman starts out sometime in the distant future. The world in in ruins most likely due to a war or some other catastrophe. We are introduced to a tribal community that has some disturbed philosophical ideas about population growth. The more people the angrier god will become. However, the priest that is spouting it off seems to be having sex with whatever he wants. Anyways some rebellious(sterotypical) kid kills his father, the preist, and ends up exiled. Well his ignorant(sterotypical) friends follow. At this point of watching the movie it didn't have much going for it. I thought maybe Clark was going to make it funny but the laughter never came or I thought maybe it will get scary it never did that either. This movie is really a downgrade to the entire movie industry not only is the storyline shot, but the acting is terrible as well. Some parts of the movie made me feel like I was watching a cheep, no very cheep, porno flick(and I am not over exaggerating).
If you are familiar with Larry Clark's other movies you will know he presents us things in a blunt manner it is just most of his other movies have some substance(and storyline) where this one has none. I would highly recommend renting this movie if you even want to give it that much credit.

Rating:
Summary: It's horror alright, but not as intended
Review: Thank God this was a rental. This "horror film" is neither "horror" nor a "film". 50% of the 90 min run time was drug scenes and sex crazed drinking. NO PLOT, NO DIALOGUE, NO......ANYTHING. Just put a half dozen teenagers in a room, give them booze and cocaine and watch them have sex. That is all that happened for 45 minutes. I am totally convinced that their was no script for this movie. Almost every line seemed to be improvised. Its almost as if the director told the kids to "just wing it". The ONLY scene in this film that even resembled horror was the finale. And it was so laughable done that it bordered on comedy.

One bright spot though was some of the acting. Forgive me for not knowing the names of these youngsters but the main bad guy/monster was an EXCELLENT actor. He had the look and delivery of someone that didnt belong in this film. His character was a bit annoying though. But this young man should be in better work than "Teenage Caveman".

Rating:
Summary: RENT IT!
Review: This film has no small amount of controversy surrounding it but if you strip that away all your left with is a pedestrian bland movie. Perhaps it is supposed to be shocking just like all uber-darling Larry Clarks movies but to be honest you could see worse in HBO shows like Oz or Six Feet Under and at least those are worth the effort. I could ramble on about the sub Mad Max 3 plot or the characters but hey lifes too short. Which was something I realised after wasting 2 hours of my life watching this. To make matters worse I actually bought it on DVD as it was the only way to catch it in the UK. Don't make the same mistake!

Rating:
Summary: absolutely awful
Review: This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. There really isn't more I have to say about this, because there is nothing in the movie worth talking about. The cast could have done much better however they just came off as talentless and I couldn't believe they were taking it so seriously. I gave it one star simply because I was not able to give it zero. My recommendation is, don't waste your time or your money. I'm glad I didn't, I happened to catch it on HBO.