Rating: 
Summary: "It's just like riding horses"
Review: Wow! What on God's Green Earth is going on here? Attempting to describe how awful this movie is is to extend it credit it certainly does not deserve. What does it say when half of the 5-star reviews are from the "It's so bad it's good" crowd? The eloquent derision this thing has elicited gives me hope for the country. What can I hope to add, beyond expressing my feeling of inner shame at having watched this all the way through?Battlefield Earth is so bad that making fun leaves one feeling unfulfilled; it's like hitting a school bus with a train. I'm pretty sure PATCH ADAMS is a more awful movie, but I'm not sure. However, it IS worse than THE AVENGERS. There's almost something sweet about the fact that in the cynical age of Quentin Tarantino, the Coen Brothers, and Jerry Bruckheimer, that a genuine abomination like this can be panned off as an achievment. Plus, I heard they did a bunch of reediting before they released it on video! This movie has the potential to become a cult classis on the scale of ROCKY HORROR. It's not camp, though, it's just flat-out awfulness in its full glory. It is so boring that even the grotesquely funny parts are underwhelming. Many spew the usual "the book is so much better," but if the aliens are called -in all seriousness- "Psychlos," you can count me out of reading that one. Scientology apologists claim this movie has nothing to do with Scientology, but so what? The cult will never recover from this hammed attempt to go mainstream. The apologies for this film are as abusive of common sense as is the movie itself. It's beyond bad...deal with it. The "They hate it because it's science fiction" ilk are also way off base. BATTLEFIELD EARTH is purely bad science-fiction. Any decent person who likes sci-fi ought to detest this movie. As one reviewer put it, "I thought John Travolta liked Hubbard;" is that not the ultimate testament to what this movie is? Good Lord! How are we supposed to be concerned with the fates of characters who are so absurdly stupid?!? The dumbest strategies are passed off as Machiavellan brilliance; it is inconceivable that this alien race of morons could have managed putting blocks on top of eachother, let alone pulled off interstellar travel. Why would you make humans, who are obviously looking for a fight, more powerful by teaching them what's going on? I hate to do it...it's like mocking a puppy for wanting a treat...but WHAT is the deal with John Travolta's "scary guy" routine? "Look at me, I'm a bad-guy, you man-animal you. Bwah-hah-hah-hah!" Half the movie is taken up with establishing that the bad guy is not a nice guy. Duh. Most of the rest of it seems to be about tall guys staggering around in slow motion, firing the stupidest guns you've ever seen. The blatant technical rip offs of STAR WARS, PREDATOR, BLADERUNNER, THE MATRIX, et al, left me speechless. Put simply, though, you only have to look at Darth Vader to be impressed; John Travolta acts a whole movie and can't establish the slightest 'gravitas.' You could drive a battleship through the holes in this plot. Suspending belief would require a frontal labotomy performed with a chainsaw. The plot has all the creativity of a Hannah Barbarra cartoon. First we have humans with their all their different method acting arguing about the intricacies of their cave paintings, then we have them debating the intricacies of 1000-year old nuclear devices. Second, the humans are illiterate -albeit grammatically correct illterates- yet when Barry is taught to speak "Psychlo" he all of a sudden can read (in English!) the Declaration of Independence (wipe the teardrops, folks)! Thus, he is able to discover Fort Knox, yet John Travolta doesn't know about it.They just wander in to Fort Knox, which looks well-kept, having been abandoned for 1000-yrs. Then he's discussing Euclid with everyone, after having learned from a Psychlo machine that knows nothing of human history. All of a sudden they stumble on a military base, but they don't tell us how. A fleet of Harriers are in perfect working order, and in a week a bunch of Neanderthals that hunt with sticks and rocks are ready to "rock-and-roll, baby." Humans are waging a rebellion, and they are all wandering around under the dome when a crucial part of their plan involves knocking the dome down. Duh. With the banality of cheeze (with apologies to Hannah Arendt), this movie is an oozing sore that leaves the viewer underwhelmed and downright uncomfortable. I felt sorry for Barry Pepper, the guy was acting his heart out, when the sad fact is, the idiocy in which he is mired makes a fool out of him. The peripheral characters are all terribly acted, the only point of the love interest is for her to blunder into capture, Barry's pals are all stupid, and the Psychlos....
Rating:
Summary: Said with all seriousness....
Review: This was said with all seriousness: "Surely, George Lucas is sweating buckets wondering how he will top this marvelous adventure with the two remaining Star Wars films. In fact, the screen version of Hubbard's classic novel makes Lucas' original trilogy look only mildly entertaining in comparison. Winning performances all around propel this gem forward as a full speed wonder. First rate sci-fi fun for the whole family! Bravo! Can't wait for the sequel...." PROTECT YOUR FAMILIES! THEY'RE OUT THERE!
Rating:
Summary: Seriously, though, folks . . .
Review: What does it say when they try and pawn this movie off by coupling it with the likes of CRUEL INTENTIONS 2?
Rating: 
Summary: Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!
Review: Over the years, John Travolta has been wasted in pithy films, among them Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty and Phenomenon, but now, thanks to the brilliant strategy of L. Ron Hubbard, he dons amazing makeup and a sinister turn in Battlefield Earth. Assisted by a team of phenomenal actors and blistering special effects, this reviewer knows where the Oscar is going this year...right into the hands of the finest actor of our age, Mr. Travolta. If you haven't seen this movie, don't bother renting it--buy it and put it on your mantle! Eight thumbs up!
Rating:
Summary: The nadir of action films (one star for compliance only!)
Review: To assign any stars to this lunkhead of a movie would be a gross abuse of God-given intellect. It's a testament to Hollywood perversity that an otherwise talented actor like John Travolta could still have a career after starring in this nonsense, while a very capable actor like Barry Pepper can see his potential crash on the rocks. Sci-fi material is tricky in movie-making. Directors tend to rely on special effects and concentrate on the look of the film. For instance, I loved "Blade Runner" for its sheer atmosphere but still acknowledged its lack of emotional punch. "Battlefield Earth" has neither emotion nor unique visuals. The aliens are ridiculously borrowed Klingon scumbag-types while the humans are stereotype post-apocalypse stragglers. The very idea that these cave dwellers could rebel against their alien overlords and suddenly fly sophisticated aircraft is absurd, for starters. But to go on would be pointless. This movie went quickly downhill, veering between pomposity, satire, fuzzy action and hackneyed dialogue. I loathed this movie, and I was dragged to see it in the theater. Some people have given this malarkey good reviews... they're entitled to do so, of course, but the hard fact is, "Battlefield Earth" will stand as the bottom of a very slimy barrel, unfit even as cable TV filler on a rainy day.
Rating:
Summary: Funny!!
Review: Best Comedy Ever only Waterboy and Spaceballs were more intellectual. Lots of laughs. If Ronald knew how funny the movie would be he would have written for Sid Ceasars show of shows or gone into the comedy circut. A must see for those who want to know how bad a movie can be.
Rating:
Summary: Brilliant Family Entertainment
Review: As a movie, it was and is the most insightful human drama since
Waterworld and I am personally shocked that anyone would not see it as the classic it truely is. I Think Ronald wrote a good story
Rating:
Summary: Worst Sci-fi movie ever!
Review: Words can not describe how I felt when I walked out of the theater. The previews were promising, but what I saw was the 2nd worst movie ever ( Mortal Kombat Anhilation being 1st ) and the worst sci-fi movie in history. The only good thing about the movie was the special effects. Other than that it was boring, stupid, boring, laughable, confusing, and boring some more. I never understood all of the movie, but I don't care. I'm trying to forget I ever saw it. As I sat in the theater, I tried to enjoy it, I really did, but in the end it was to impossible.
Rating:
Summary: Brilliantly Awful
Review: I remember thinking while seeing this in the theatre, 'this must be love.' While most awful movies simply just bore you with its passive ridiculousness, this movie, nay film, went out its way to overtly assault my intelligence--and yet I could not look away. One might say at this point, 'well, then it must have been a good movie.' No, it was brilliantly awful. And while a brilliantly awful movie can be just as entertaining as a great movie, the distinction must be made. For example, a great film may have its scenes set up as if its actors were posing for a fine art photograph, but a brilliantly awful movie like Battlefield Earth makes a motiff out of slanting the camera for every single shot, similar to what one may see in the "Batman" series of the 1960's. Or a well thought out action movie, might have its characters perform within their logical means, while a Battlefield Earth has its illiterate tribesmen learn to fly fighter jets within a week. Having some knowledge of Scientology is useful for the fun as well. In particular is the idea of "leverage". Every character is tying to get leverage over another. We know this because every time one attempts to do this he announces it. I've never heard the word leverage used so much in a movie as much as I did in this one. Coincidence? This is a Scientology movie: a brilliantly awful one. Finally, please, please, please see this on DVD as you will encounter the bliss of hearing the commentary track as well as the 'making of' documentaries. They are priceless. I bought this film the first day it came out and will treasure it forever.
Rating:
Summary: SET YOUR LASERS FOR "SLOW-MOTION"
Review: Some people here say that "Oh, the critics bashed Battlefield Earth because they don't understand sci-fi." HOGWASH! I've read War of the Worlds, Dune, Ender's Game, many other SF books (see my reviews, if you don't believe me). Battlefield Earth is not bad because it is SF. It is bad because OF HOW IT WAS DONE. Since when was shooting nearly EVERY action scene in grueling Slow Motion considered a good technique? Slow motion is for the Kennedy assassination or the Matrix, but not for watching people getting sprayed with water hoses and jumping through glass windows. Another thing that really grated on my nerves was the hysterical bursts of laughter that polluted a lot of the movie. In Austin Powers, the outbursts of laughter were funny because they were using it for parody purposes. But Battlefield Earth is not a parody, it is struggling to be a serious SF flick. As for the storyline, hey, the book was probably really good--or they wouldn't have made a movie out of it. But who in their right mind would try and cram a 1000+ page SF novel into 2 hours??? Dune is only 500 pages, and they can't do that film justice in 6 HOURS! If there was one thing that might have made this movie more bearable, it would be the special effects. But the special effects are really dumb. Planets--made of bad movie scripts and papier mache--blowing up don't even look good. And why did the Psychlos make their buildings of glass? It's the Towering Inferno gone to hell. The spaceships look really dumb, and there is no way they would be able to fly in our atmostphere with those types of aerodynamics. Other complaints include: The cavewoman looks like she just stepped out of a beauty parlor. The Psychlos all shoot gangsta-style with those silly-looking staple guns. The Psychlos learned geometry from Euclid? If they were on a seperate planet, wouldn't they have their own geometry founding-father? All in all, this is just a stupid movie that deserves all the bad reviews it's been given. Several thousand people can't be wrong.
| 
