Rating: 
Summary: SVEN-OLE THORSON AND JESSE VENTURA: BEST DUO OF ALL TIME?
Review: "Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe" is the best thing ever filmed in northern Ontario. A "thrilling" chase opens this unintentional comedic masterwork, which features many "all-time" moments, such as:MOST PATHETIC CAMEO OF ALL TIME: I don't know how they got Jim Belushi to drive out to Thornbury to be in Abraxas, but he appears in the worst scene in the film. Somebody must have done him one hell of a favour, because there's no way he did this for money - since the producers clearly had none. MOST INAPPROPRIATE SCORE OF ALL TIME: Lame saxophone and soft jazz should never be combined with fights and chases - let alone the sketchy scene with a half-naked Ventura and a young boy where Abraxas' "tale of two men" bit comes off as disturbing, and thus funny. LEAST PLOT EXPLANATION OF ALL TIME: If you can tell me what "the colmater" is (beyond the fact that it's the kid) I'd really like to know. Also, the exact nature of the "anti-life equation" (and the equally sinister "anti-life universe")is open to debate. All of these diverse elements combine to form some serious low-budget hilarity. Ventura and Thorson discussing the anti-life equation is right up there with Monty Python's Dead Parrot bit as far as I'm concerned. If you don't laugh at this movie you are either soulless or retarded. "Bring me the colmater!"
Rating:
Summary: SVEN-OLE THORSON AND JESSE VENTURA: BEST DUO OF ALL TIME?
Review: "Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe" is the best thing ever filmed in northern Ontario. A "thrilling" chase opens this unintentional comedic masterwork, which features many "all-time" moments, such as: MOST PATHETIC CAMEO OF ALL TIME: I don't know how they got Jim Belushi to drive out to Thornbury to be in Abraxas, but he appears in the worst scene in the film. Somebody must have done him one hell of a favour, because there's no way he did this for money - since the producers clearly had none. MOST INAPPROPRIATE SCORE OF ALL TIME: Lame saxophone and soft jazz should never be combined with fights and chases - let alone the sketchy scene with a half-naked Ventura and a young boy where Abraxas' "tale of two men" bit comes off as disturbing, and thus funny. LEAST PLOT EXPLANATION OF ALL TIME: If you can tell me what "the colmater" is (beyond the fact that it's the kid) I'd really like to know. Also, the exact nature of the "anti-life equation" (and the equally sinister "anti-life universe")is open to debate. All of these diverse elements combine to form some serious low-budget hilarity. Ventura and Thorson discussing the anti-life equation is right up there with Monty Python's Dead Parrot bit as far as I'm concerned. If you don't laugh at this movie you are either soulless or retarded. "Bring me the colmater!"
Rating: 
Summary: Jesse "The Space Cop" Ventura
Review: As a Minnesotan, I take a strange pride that my state elected Jesse Ventura, former pro wrestler, and grade Z movie actor as Governor. Of, course, Jesse has been in several films, most notably "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger (possible future governor of California...hmmm...is there a trend here?) In Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, Jesse is an intergalactic space cop of some variety who tries to track down the evil Secundus, played by Sven-Ole Thorsen who has had a space child with knowledge of an important equation that can destroy the universe. This movie is cheesy and never too dark (even though the director was trying to make it dark) yet it still manages to be entertaining in a MST3K sort of manner. Many great scenes abound, including watching Secundus eat breakfast (he orders the entire menu), watching Jesse's wrist radio thing interrupt romance, and my personal favorite: watching school principal Jim Belushi attempt to look serious in an embarrassingly badly written counseling session. This is a great little cheap movie to watch when you just want to relax and have some fun with friends. Sure! You betcha!
Rating:
Summary: Jesse "The Space Cop" Ventura
Review: As a Minnesotan, I take a strange pride that my state elected Jesse Ventura, former pro wrestler, and grade Z movie actor as Governor. Of, course, Jesse has been in several films, most notably "Predator" with Arnold Schwarzenegger (possible future governor of California...hmmm...is there a trend here?) In Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, Jesse is an intergalactic space cop of some variety who tries to track down the evil Secundus, played by Sven-Ole Thorsen who has had a space child with knowledge of an important equation that can destroy the universe. This movie is cheesy and never too dark (even though the director was trying to make it dark) yet it still manages to be entertaining in a MST3K sort of manner. Many great scenes abound, including watching Secundus eat breakfast (he orders the entire menu), watching Jesse's wrist radio thing interrupt romance, and my personal favorite: watching school principal Jim Belushi attempt to look serious in an embarrassingly badly written counseling session. This is a great little cheap movie to watch when you just want to relax and have some fun with friends. Sure! You betcha!
Rating:
Summary: Jesse Ventura goodness
Review: as many reviewers around the world have said, "Abraxas? no never heard of it".. the height of bad movies, you'll find yourself laughing at good ol' governor of minesottas bad acting, nakedness and so on, the Jazzy soundtrack played to death also helps make this movie a hilarious good time, during one of the biggest fights in the film, all you can hear is soft jazz playing in the backround, the story loosely revolves around Abraxas, a guy sent out to kill his ex partner who's trying to become the supreme being, they brawl, break stuff, Abraxas falls in love.. etc.. and on and on.. go rent it right away, invite some friends over, but I don't suggest buying it.
Rating: 
Summary: I liked it.
Review: I found Damian Lee's movie 'Abraxas' best appreciated as a Digital Video Disc...not because of the clarity of the digitally reproduced picture and sound, but because it is just thin enough to wedge under the leg of my end table to keep it from wobbling. Which is a far better use for it than actually watching it as it tends to cause severe nausea which is why, I'm told, it will replace 'Ishtar' as the CIA's favorite method of torturing captured terrorists and 'Chitty-chitty-bang-bang' as the IRS's preferred incentive to induce tax cheats to pay up. Let's face it, had just an hour and a half more of this turkey wound up on the cutting room floor, we wouldn't be having this little discussion. 'Why?' you ask. Well, the 'acting' left only acting to be desired, there was a little problem with the plot...well, essentially there was no plot, which may explain the acting, the characters were thoroughly forgettable as they had none and the special effects were neither 'special' nor 'effective' consisting as they did of cheasy, fire cracker-grade explosions and blurred images...the latter of the two, in all fairness, could have been problems they had getting it developed at the Photomat. A sheer waste of time, film and the five dollars it looks to have been spent to make it, 'Abraxas' will go down in history as a film so thouroughly forgettable that...uh, what was I talking about?
Rating: 
Summary: If you think he's a lousy governor, he's an even worse actor
Review: I found Damian Lee's movie 'Abraxas' best appreciated as a Digital Video Disc...not because of the clarity of the digitally reproduced picture and sound, but because it is just thin enough to wedge under the leg of my end table to keep it from wobbling. Which is a far better use for it than actually watching it as it tends to cause severe nausea which is why, I'm told, it will replace 'Ishtar' as the CIA's favorite method of torturing captured terrorists and 'Chitty-chitty-bang-bang' as the IRS's preferred incentive to induce tax cheats to pay up. Let's face it, had just an hour and a half more of this turkey wound up on the cutting room floor, we wouldn't be having this little discussion. 'Why?' you ask. Well, the 'acting' left only acting to be desired, there was a little problem with the plot...well, essentially there was no plot, which may explain the acting, the characters were thoroughly forgettable as they had none and the special effects were neither 'special' nor 'effective' consisting as they did of cheasy, fire cracker-grade explosions and blurred images...the latter of the two, in all fairness, could have been problems they had getting it developed at the Photomat. A sheer waste of time, film and the five dollars it looks to have been spent to make it, 'Abraxas' will go down in history as a film so thouroughly forgettable that...uh, what was I talking about?
Rating:
Summary: Pile of sh**
Review: It is rare that a film of such poor quality gets published in any form. It appears that a bunch of bodybuilders were given poor scripts, poor special effects, and worse advice on acting. The film appears to have been coded with the MPG1 video standard and badly at that. The story is terrible, and seems to assume that you know what the hell is going on. AVOID THIS ONE LIKE THE PLAGUE. (I made the mistake of buying it.... SUCKER!!!!) I only give this ONE star because I can't give it NONE..........
Rating:
Summary: What's with all the whiners?
Review: Sure the movie is low budget, kind of forgettable and bad. That doesn't make it a shoe-in for a zero rating, though folks. We've got the immortal line in this flick: "My box has VD." And let's not forget the slow-motion fighting to Kenny G inspired music, with random nonsensical explosions happening in the background...or the woman who has a baby with all her clothes on! There's PLENTY of entertainment to be gleaned from this movie, you cinema snobs just don't know where to look for it. All in all, I recommend it to people who want to see unintentional humor, and who don't expect every movie to be made with a 100 million plus budget. Jeez...if you wanna see a true blue zero rating, rent Sextette, and leave this modest effort alone!
Rating:
Summary: A B R A X A S
Review: Well, the film is strange. First of all the name ABRAXAS itself is the name of the highest GOD for the Gnostics of the 2nd and 3rd century A.D. Abraxas is supposed to be the GOD that is above ALL and that governs and spreads JUSTICE in the UNIVERSE. Nothing is higher than ABRAXAS. (Carl Jung and Hermann Hesse have mentioned this GOD in their books).
ABRAXAS, who is a "policeman" in this film, represents the ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY, and ABSOLUTE JUSTICE and BRINGER OF ORDER in the Universe. ABRAXAS can not even mix sexually with other races, otherwise he would not be able to perform justice in the universe. The function of ABRAXAS is too high to become too low.
The film is quite simple, quasi-primitive, very funny, with not good color, but it has, in ITS ESSENCE, a universal truth.
This film is not for everybody. To understand this film, you'd rather have a good background on basic christian gnosticism. Then, the film becomes a very funny expresion of a very interesting religious conception of the universe and of subtle philosophical truths on ethical absolutism.
Try to rent the film. I bought it because I love that funny GOD of the ancient Gnostics. I am a fan of the GOD ABRAXAS. The movie is cool, but not as cool as the philosophical tractates on Abraxas from the beginning of the Christian Era.
Another source for ABRAXAS is that enigmatic writting of Basilides of Alexandria called SEPTEM SERMONES AD MORTUOS, 1916, transcribed by Carl Jung.
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