Rating: 
Summary: Torg come down from the ship
Review: ..., this is the funniest Pia Zadora film I've ever seen (truth be told it's the only Pia Zadora film I've ever seen). Everything is laughable from the fight scenes (karate chops that aren't quite impressive), to the obvious use of stock footage interspersed between some scenes, to the super poor acting, to Torg the robot who becomes a toy, right down to the super awesome sound track. This movie should become a christmas classic. It's so freaking brilliant. Oh man I'm going to go watch it again, if i can find it.
Rating: 
Summary: THE ULTIMATE GRADE Z MOVIE!
Review: A 1964 DISASTER W/ A YOUNG PIA ZADORA AS A YOUNG AND UGLY GREEN MARTIAN ON MARS. PLOT? SANTA AND 2 DORKY KIDS CAPTURED BY GOOFY MARTIANS AND TAKEN TO MARS TO BRING CHEER TO THE DEPRESSED KIDS THERE. OH SCREW IT! THIS WHOLE MOVIE STINKS FROM THE TINKERTOY SETS TO BRUTALLY BAD DIALOGUE. LOUSY SCORE BY MILTON DELUGG (?). 1 TUNE SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE THE OPENING THEM TO "JEOPARDY". LOVE THAT GUY DRESSED AS A POLAR BEAR!
Rating:
Summary: (really NO STARS) Voted All time worst Movie by cineclub
Review: A group of us voted this the all-time worst movie (yes, even worse than plan-9). I first saw this movie xmas eve in the mid 80's, when I was stuck in a relatives basement, freezing, cuz all the warm rooms were taken. It was adequate eye-candy to keep me conscious, moving and alive. But I couldn't imagine watching it again, even if my life depended on it. (Although I did watch it again for the cineclub vote) It may be considered fun by some to watch bad movies (they obviously LOVE this one), but I think I'd rather read and use a Time-Life Self-Root Canal video.
Rating:
Summary: Not near as bad as some say.
Review: All I can say is give this movie a try. My two kids and I love it
Rating:
Summary: This movie's weird plot and horrible costumes make it fun!
Review: From the bad special effects to the horrid makeup and costumes you would think this would be a bad movie. But all that make this movie worth watching again and again.
Rating:
Summary: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
Review: Hated the movie, loved the theme song (Hooray For Santy Claus)
Rating:
Summary: This movie sucks
Review: I do believe this might be THE worst Christmas film ever. It is about as funny as nails on a chalkboard. Not to mention the horrible casting and worst written script ever. I wonder how this even made it to theaters.
Rating:
Summary: Boring and nearly unwatchable.
Review: I had wanted to see this movie ever since I read the Medved brothers skewering of it in their book "The 50 Worst Films of All Time" over ten years ago. They made it sound like a riot of unintentional laughs.Finally on Christmas Day '99, I saw it for the first time. Whoa! It is beyond awful! My brother stopped watching after forty minutes saying he couldn't take it anymore. I endured to the bitter end and as a result had that horrible song ringing in my head for days afterword. ("Hooray for Santy Claus!") Like most really bad movies, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is dull. It is so slowly paced and badly done. Yes, there are unintentional laughs. Cheesy sets, a "polar bear" that is just a guy on all fours, Santa acts like he has been sipping too much cough syrup, and a truly bizarre plot do cause the occasional chuckle; but it is still torture to sit through it for its entirety. It is amazing how anyone could enjoy this film at any level other than bad movie fanatic. (You've got to be a fanatic to watch this more once!) Sure it's a kids movie; but only if that child is a spoiled brat and needs to be punished. Showing this movie to kids should be considered an act of child abuse.
Rating:
Summary: Boring and nearly unwatchable
Review: I had wanted to see this movie ever since I read the Medved brothers skewering of it in their book "The 50 Worst Films of All Time." They made it sound like a riot of unintentional laughs. Finally, on Christmas Day '99, my brother and I sat down to watch it for the first time. Whoa! It is beyond awful! My brother stopped watching after forty minutes saying he couldn't take it anymore. I endured to the bitter end and, as a result, had that horrible song ringing in my head for days afterword. ("Hooray for Santy Claus!") Like most really bad movies, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is dull. It is just so slowly paced and badly done. Yes, there are some unintentional laughs: the cheesy sets, a "polar bear" that is just a guy on all fours, Santa acts like he has been sipping too much cough syrup, and the truly bizarre plot do cause the occasional chuckle, but it is still torture to sit through it for its entirety. It is amazing how anyone could enjoy this film at any level other than bad movie fanatic. (You've got to be a fanatic to watch this more once!) Sure it's a kid's movie, but only if that child is a spoiled brat and needs to be punished. Showing this movie to kids should be considered an act of child abuse.
Rating: 
Summary: Buyer beware!
Review: I sincerely hope there is a deluxe edition of this film in the works. It must be in the public domain, if the look and feel of this release is any indication. Maybe Something Weird can look into a proper release of the holiday camp classic that put Pia Zadora on the map. It seems odd that such a poor release gets a full two stars, but I am taking into account the lack of availability of any other version, as well as the clunky extras. The bonus features on this release are varied: an alleged trailer for some old film (it's not a trailer at all, just a random clip), some holiday-themed cartoons (sources are scratchy, color-turned prints that were probably dug out of an attic trash bin of some old drive-in...), and some new ersatz segue sequences that are supposed to mirror the old bits that were popular in theatres before the age of the multiplex (shown in between trailers and cartoons). Here, they are worthless. By design, their only appeal is to film buffs, but film buffs will have no interest in modern reproductions. With all that thrashed film from the attic, surely the real thing was there, as well. Oh, and there's a B&W John Wayne spot for Christmas Seals from the 50's, which is a nice touch. The print for SCCTM is so [bad], it doesn't even contain the actual title from the opening credits. Catcom (the publisher of the DVD) must have sought long and hard to find a copy of this flick in such wretched shape. There's nothing retro about a print that looks like it (barely) survived an explosion. I'll keep my copy just as a memento of how [bad] a DVD release can actually be. The rest of you will probably want to wait for a version with the title screen...
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