Laserblast

Rating:
Summary: Wildly Bad
Review: Okay, get this: Billy, a teenager (who's in his mid thirties) gets picked on by all the other (mid-thirties) teenagers. That is until he finds a BIG LASER GUN in the middle of the desert! Every time he wants to fire it, he puts on his magic necklace and does so. The only problem is, every time he puts on his necklace, he starts looking MORE AND MORE LIKE AN ALIEN! His girlfriend gets scared! A crazy Keenan Wynne gets scared! The cops get scared! With his new Alien look, Billy goes out to shoot everybody he hates (along with the occasional "Star Wars" billboard) with his Laser Gun. (Think of it as the sci-fi version of "Walking Tall.") And please, PLEASE don't reveal the incredible secret ending of "Laserblast."
This DVD (a collector's edition, mind you) looks pretty darn bad. It appears to be in a very slight widescreen (1.66:1 perhaps), and it's often very dark, very faded, and very scratchy. To bad it's not dark enough to hide Billy's shirtless chest most of the time. YUCK!
There are a couple of fairly worthless special features on this here collector's edition, such as merchandise listings for other films, trailers for other films (dig the nudity heavy trailer for "Beach Babes From Beyond"), some website info, and some filmographies.
If you like bad movies, "Laserblast" is for you. If you, however, are sane, I reccommend good films like "Citizen Kane" or "Casablanca" or even "Ernest Goest to School" (hey, it's better than "Laserblast").

Rating:
Summary: Occasionally Amusing Low Budget Disaster
Review: The 1978 film "Laserblast" constitutes one of the earliest efforts of writer/producer/director Charles Band. If you are the least bit familiar with this guy's work, you know he is the one chiefly responsible for Full Moon pictures. This production company churned out some of the worst pieces of cinematic garbage in the history of Hollywood. Band is the one to blame, either directly or indirectly, for the "Puppet Master" franchise, "Rawhead Rex," the "Subspecies" pictures, and maybe the explosion of the Hindenburg and the sinking of the Titanic. If a movie truly reeks, Band probably had a hand in its development somewhere along the line. Of course, bad movies are often fun in terms of their utter badness, and I think that's where "Laserblast" comes in. Here's a movie that tried to cash in on the success of "Star Wars" and instead scarred thousands, perhaps millions, of America's youth for the rest of their lives. You really need to see "Laserblast" to believe that a horror like this exists, but at the same time you will find a few things to enjoy during the trip.

This is one of the most incomprehensible films I have seen recently. The plot, as far as I can discern, involves some sort of ray gun and weird necklace that turns human beings into shambling, green faced alien killers with sharp teeth. As the movie opens, one of these mutated human beings stumbling through the desert dies after shooting it out with a couple of extraterrestrials in a space ship. These aliens are huge, clay animation dinosaurs who speak in a weird, squeaky language that the makers of the film never see fit to translate for the viewer. Before these creatures can retrieve the gun and necklace, a plane flies overhead and scares them off. This opening sequence is amazingly lame and sets the tone for the majority of the movie.

Enter Billy, a local loner with a heap of problems: his mother just left for Mexico, his girlfriend always wants him to do things like go to annoying pool parties, the local cops have it in for him, and two car loving nerds cannot stand him. Billy heads out to the desert to get away from it all and promptly discovers the discarded alien weaponry. After figuring out how to shoot the gun, Billy takes it home with him and starts to stand up to his enemies. He uses the laser cannon to blow up cars, buildings, and people, but he doesn't realize until it is too late that this technology changes him in fundamental ways. The first sign of trouble is the hard, shiny lump forming in his chest where the necklace touches his skin. Soon, Billy cannot defy his transformation and the whole town pays a heavy price for ignoring this young man. Subplots include the aliens flying back to earth to deal with Billy and a mysterious guy who makes cryptic comments about what is going on in town. "Laserblast" is an absolute mess of a film that raises far more questions than answers: who are these aliens and what are they saying? How did these weapons get to earth? Who is the man in the black car and why does everyone defer to him? How could an ending such as the one in "Laserblast" ever see the light of day? What in the world is Roddy McDowall doing in this film? Ultimately, no answers exist for any of these questions.

The movie is not a total loss, however. I will go out on a limb here and mention a few things I think make "Laserblast" a must see film. Fans of 1980's cinema will appreciate the fact that this film marks the screen debut of Eddie Deezen, seen here in the role of Froggy. This actor quickly locked up all of the "geek" roles in a number of subsequent films, such as "Midnight Madness" and "War Games," just to name a few. His performance here closely resembles what he did in all of his other roles: play an annoying nerd who frays the nerves of those around him. Deezen always played his characters so over the top that it was a joy to watch him, and he does it here for the first time. Watch Deezen's reaction to his friend's car blowing up and tell me it isn't hilarious. I laughed so hard I cried over this scene alone.

Another significant element of "Laserblast" worth mentioning is the explosions. I call what I saw here the Star Chamber effect, named after the 1983 film starring Michael Douglas and Hal Holbrook. In that movie, the director used three or four cameras to capture an explosion at a drug lab and then spliced the footage together in order to show the effect from different angles in rapid succession. You have seen this effect in films before, but the people behind "Laserblast" elevate the technique to unheard of levels. And what explosions! Cars and buildings blow up with the force of atomic bombs, and they often explode multiple times in close up slow motion as well. You could say that this movie consists of nothing more than numerous fiery explosions stitched together between scenes of hammy acting, lousy dialogue, glacial pacing, and cheap set pieces.

The DVD does a good job of providing plenty of extras. Cast bios, Full Moon merchandise, and lots of trailers adorn this disc. The trailers especially provide several minutes of laughs because they are from movies like "Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity," "The Creepozoids," and "Assault of the Killer Bimbos." Yep, "Laserblast" is low budget junk, but it, and the DVD it comes on, do provide several reasons to watch the film.

Rating:
Summary: So Bad It's Beautiful!
Review: The funny thing about B-Movies is that they become campy classics only when they were made with somewhat serious intentions. We crack up over "Plan 9 From Outer Space," but when they crank out contrived spoofs like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes," we grow bored.

Laserblast is one of those classics in the spirit of Ed Wood Jr. Released in 1978, it stars the late Kim Milford (best known for popularizing the role of Rocky Horror in the Roxy version of "The Rocky Horror Show") as Billy, a handsome but shy and dysfunctional young man who comes across this groovy space gun that blows people & things to smithereens. There is a catch to this magical zapping-machine: with each blast, poor Billy gradually turns from the sweet & shy guy to a physically grotesque and murderous creature who begins taking out his enemies (not to mention a few innocent bystanders). Being that the film takes place the year after "Star Wars" was released, Billy even takes his aggression out on a small billboard advertising the film!

All this time these Claymation Space Creatures are cruising about in a spaceship, monitoring the earthly activity of their potent zapping machine, speaking in a way-out tongue that is never revealed.

As one who enjoys spotting familiar celeb faces in B-Movies, I had a field day with this film as the cast includes Roddy Mc Dowell (it always interested me how he appeared in as many campy films as he did quality films), Keenan Wynn, Gianni Russo (best known as Carlo in "The Godfather"), Eddie Deezen (character actor known for his ultra-nerd roles in movies like "Wargames," and most recently in "Polar Express"), and the late Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith, who appeared in scores of B-Movies throughout the 1970s. The movie was directed by Michael Rae, who went on to direct.....uh, nothing else ever again.

On a "bad movie scale" of 1 through 10 (1 being SO bad that it doesn't even pass as a fun B-Movie experience, 10 being a wonderful viewing experience because it's so bad!) I give Laserblast a 10+!!! You can pick up this DVD for a very reasonable price, so check out these Clay Creatures and their Monster-Making Laser Gun!


Rating:
Summary: AMAZING FILM
Review: This is a fantastic picture! Academy award deserving acting and amazing special effects. The plot is one of the most creative, well written, intriguing, and exciting plots ever written!! If you have seen this movie, then you know how true this is. Definatley a fun movie to watch, especially if you are into those older b-movie type films.

Rating:
Summary: AMAZING FILM
Review: This is a fantastic picture! Academy award deserving acting and amazing special effects. The plot is one of the most creative, well written, intriguing, and exciting plots ever written!! If you have seen this movie, then you know how true this is. Definatley a fun movie to watch, especially if you are in to those older b-movie type films.

Rating:
Summary: Turtles From Space Visit Arizona
Review: This is a movie in the general genre of 'Star Wars', but with no budget, script, or talent. Fortunately, it falls into the sub-genre of sci-fi movies so bad that it's entertaining. I remember first seeing this movie with the MST3K treatment, and enjoyed the cheesiness immensely. When I came across it on Amazon, I had to see it again, and was not disappointed. The plot involves a lost laser cannon and pendant set left accidentally on earth by two stop-motion turtles without shells from space and found by Billy, a reclusive loner who is taunted by the always annoying Eddie Deezen in his big screen debut. There is a scrawny love interest, a retired colonel who is nuttier than a fruitcake (hilariously portrayed by Keenan Wynn), a sinister government guy in a black Cadillac, a screen chewing performance by Roddy McDowall as a doctor, and perhaps the most irritating sheriff's deputy in screen history who gets exactly what he deserves in a most entertaining manner. In other words, every dopey stereotype in sci-fi is present and accounted for. Also featured prominently are some of the worst special effects in modern motion picture history.

Altogether, this is a laughable effort, played very seriously by all involved, thus further adding to the entertainment value of the DVD. The script is awful, the characters very over the top (especially Billy and Roddy McDowall), and there are some scenes so bad that you may have to watch them several times to really get their full effect, notably the explosions (always shot from multiple angles), and the aliens speaking their own language. This is a true sci-fi classic, just like the box claims; just understand that it's a classic because it's so bad it's good!

Rating:
Summary: Movies like "Laserblast" make free speech a bad concept.
Review: This is one of the worst movies ever made. It seems that the creators of this mess try a back asswards attempt at social commentary during various points of the movie. The story meanders like a drunk frat boy on St. Patrick's Day, nothing is ever explained. The characters alternate between pathetic and disgusting. BE WARNED!

Rating:
Summary: saturday afternoon TV gem
Review: This is one of those weird movies you used to see on Saturday afternoon on the local TV stations before there was cable. Slow, 70's pacing complete with SoCal local, alienated teen (HA! pun intended!) a Lord of the Rings type space gun and yes, an excellent, mournful soundtrack.

Rating:
Summary: Not Really Much of a Blast
Review: Two extraterrestrials are in pursuit of another in the Arizona desert, and when they catch up to "him," they disintegrate all but the other's gun-like weapon. They seem uninterested in the weapon, however, and leave it behind.

Enter young Billy, stereotypical teenage pariah. In an effort to escape his troubles for awhile, Billy wanders into said desert and--you guessed it!--stumbles across the powerful weapon left behind by the murdered extraterrestrial. It isn't long, of course, before he learns how to successfully wield and fire this laser-like weapon. Then, bent on meting out his revenge to those who shun him, the misguided youngster takes the weapon back to town and proceeds to blast just about everything in sight. There is a price, however, for joining the intergalactic NRA: When Billy uses the weapon, it temporarily makes his skin greenish and his teeth pointy and sharp. And worse, these changes seem to be edging more and more towards permanency each time the weapon is used.

Meanwhile, back at the cosmic ranch, the aliens that own the weapon--probably kin to the murdered bloke--are aware of Billy's activities, and they are on their way to Earth to reclaim their property. Will Billy finally overcome the addictive allure of the laser weapon, or will he permanently mutate into his demonic, laser-wielding alter ego? Will the aliens get there in time to save Billy, or will they be forced to commit euthanasia and put Billy the Mutant out of his misery?

Of all of the pieces of cinematic flotsam that were churned up in the wake of the highly successful (and much, much better) STAR WARS (1977), 1978's LASERBLAST is truly among the worst. The film suffers from the lack of a coherent and comprehensible plot, and the bit of story that is there is thin, cliché, and amounts to little more than a cheap teen empowerment fantasy. Michael Rae's direction is erratic at best, non-existent at worst, and this only adds to the confusion of the lousy plot. Terry Bowen's cinematography makes everything look abysmally flat and washed-out, and most of the acting is as flat as the cinematography. The few exceptions to the latter are the performances of the beautiful Cheryl Smith, who plays Billy's girlfriend; venerable and longtime character actor Keenan Wynn, who has a minor role here as a military type; and master thespian (and genre regular) Roddy McDowall, who appears here in a bit part as a physician. Alas, the skills of these talented actors are wasted here, though, since their performances get lost within the muck and mire that is LASERBLAST.

There are a few bright spots in the production values of this dull piece of celluloid. While not quite on a level with the work of master animator Ray Harryhausen, Dave Allen's stop-motion animation of the extraterrestrials is really pretty cool. Fortunately, Allen would go on to do FX work for better films like 1981's THE HOWLING and 1989's HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS, to name but a few. Also very cool is the alien spaceship in LASERBLAST. The model was designed and built by Greg Jein, who also worked the on the models for CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) and STAR WARS (1977) at about the same time. Jein has gone on to do miniature and FX work for both the theatrical and television incarnations of STAR TREK, as well as for other notable films and TV shows.

In spite of the few minor highlights in LASERBLAST, the film is best avoided by serious filmgoers who prefer flicks with quality writing, talented actors, and skilled filmmakers. The DVD from Full Moon does offer a few bonus features. One is a behind-the-scenes featurette; the other is a very enjoyable supplemental featurette with tons of campy trailers for even cheesier films. Indeed, this bonus material is much more entertaining than the feature film. But unless you're really interested in what happens on the set of an awful film, or unless you're a collector of kooky film trailers, these extras are hardly incentive to purchase the disc.

Rating:
Summary: Not Really Much of a Blast
Review: Two extraterrestrials are in pursuit of another in the Arizona desert, and when they catch up to "him," they disintegrate all but the other's gun-like weapon. They seem uninterested in the weapon, however, and leave it behind.

Enter young Billy, stereotypical teenage pariah. In an effort to escape his troubles for awhile, Billy wanders into said desert and--you guessed it!--stumbles across the powerful weapon left behind by the murdered extraterrestrial. It isn't long, of course, before he learns how to successfully wield and fire this laser-like weapon. Then, bent on meting out his revenge to those who shun him, the misguided youngster takes the weapon back to town and proceeds to blast just about everything in sight. There is a price, however, for joining the intergalactic NRA: When Billy uses the weapon, it temporarily makes his skin greenish and his teeth pointy and sharp. And worse, these changes seem to be edging more and more towards permanency each time the weapon is used.

Meanwhile, back at the cosmic ranch, the aliens that own the weapon--probably kin to the murdered bloke--are aware of Billy's activities, and they are on their way to Earth to reclaim their property. Will Billy finally overcome the addictive allure of the laser weapon, or will he permanently mutate into his demonic, laser-wielding alter ego? Will the aliens get there in time to save Billy, or will they be forced to commit euthanasia and put Billy the Mutant out of his misery?

Of all of the pieces of cinematic flotsam that were churned up in the wake of the highly successful (and much, much better) STAR WARS (1977), 1978's LASERBLAST is truly among the worst. The film suffers from the lack of a coherent and comprehensible plot, and the bit of story that is there is thin, cliché, and amounts to little more than a cheap teen empowerment fantasy. Michael Rae's direction is erratic at best, non-existent at worst, and this only adds to the confusion of the lousy plot. Terry Bowen's cinematography makes everything look abysmally flat and washed-out, and most of the acting is as flat as the cinematography. The few exceptions to the latter are the performances of the beautiful Cheryl Smith, who plays Billy's girlfriend; venerable and longtime character actor Keenan Wynn, who has a minor role here as a military type; and master thespian (and genre regular) Roddy McDowall, who appears here in a bit part as a physician. Alas, the skills of these talented actors are wasted here, though, since their performances get lost within the muck and mire that is LASERBLAST.

There are a few bright spots in the production values of this dull piece of celluloid. While not quite on a level with the work of master animator Ray Harryhausen, Dave Allen's stop-motion animation of the extraterrestrials is really pretty cool. Fortunately, Allen would go on to do FX work for better films like 1981's THE HOWLING and 1989's HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS, to name but a few. Also very cool is the alien spaceship in LASERBLAST. The model was designed and built by Greg Jein, who also worked the on the models for CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) and STAR WARS (1977) at about the same time. Jein has gone on to do miniature and FX work for both the theatrical and television incarnations of STAR TREK, as well as for other notable films and TV shows.

In spite of the few minor highlights in LASERBLAST, the film is best avoided by serious filmgoers who prefer flicks with quality writing, talented actors, and skilled filmmakers. The DVD from Full Moon does offer a few bonus features. One is a behind-the-scenes featurette; the other is a very enjoyable supplemental featurette with tons of campy trailers for even cheesier films. Indeed, this bonus material is much more entertaining than the feature film. But unless you're really interested in what happens on the set of an awful film, or unless you're a collector of kooky film trailers, these extras are hardly incentive to purchase the disc.