Mars Needs Women

Rating:
Summary: Like watching paint dry...
Review: ... except that I think that I'm being unfair to paint. There are movies like Plan 9 From Outer Space that are so bad they're good. There are movies that are so bad they're simply torture. But Mars Needs Women is a whole new kind of bad: it's a movie which is so incredibly boring that you'll need some heavy stimulants to stay awake through it all. This film is only for the hardest of the hard-core bad movie buffs, and the only reason to watch it is to say that you did. If you're in this category, my advice is to watch it for 20 minutes, do something else more interesting (you won't have any trouble finding something -- even staring off into space would do it) and then watch another 20 minutes etc. until you're done with it. I give it one extra star because I actually liked what little plot there was -- properly edited, it would have made a decent half-hour movie. I sleep now.

Rating:
Summary: The Movie Behind The Cliche
Review: A signal from space has been detected. It contains only three words: Mars Needs Women. A Martian ship is on the way to collect some women to help prevent the destruction of the Martian race.

First the Martians attempt to teleport some women but that is unsuccessful (we never find out what happened to them). Now they are arriving in person. While they wanted healthy and cooperative volunteers, the short press of time forces them to use hypnosis.

Teen idol Tommy Kirk is the Martian Leader. Plans are going well until Tommy runs into a woman scientist played by Yvonne Craig (Batgirl). It is them that he realizes that even though his race is dying, women are not enough. There must also be love. It is this love that causes the return of the other women as the Martians leave just ahead of the military.

This almost thoughtful film brings to mind This Island Earth where aliens use humans to save their civilization but stop for issues of conscience and morals. The title of this film leads one to expect something a little more sensationalistic than thoughtful, but they would be disappointed.

The film was shot with an obviously small budget, but the plot and acting are respectable. At one point you may even wonder why a certain loudspeaker did not get a mention in the credits as it is filmed almost like a central character for awhile.

Forget what you think you know about this film and take a chance to actually see it for yourself.

Rating:
Summary: The Movie Behind The Cliche
Review: A signal from space has been detected. It contains only three words: Mars Needs Women. A Martian ship is on the way to collect some women to help prevent the destruction of the Martian race.

First the Martians attempt to teleport some women but that is unsuccessful (we never find out what happened to them). Now they are arriving in person. While they wanted healthy and cooperative volunteers, the short press of time forces them to use hypnosis.

Teen idol Tommy Kirk is the Martian Leader. Plans are going well until Tommy runs into a woman scientist played by Yvonne Craig (Batgirl). It is them that he realizes that even though his race is dying, women are not enough. There must also be love. It is this love that causes the return of the other women as the Martians leave just ahead of the military.

This almost thoughtful film brings to mind This Island Earth where aliens use humans to save their civilization but stop for issues of conscience and morals. The title of this film leads one to expect something a little more sensationalistic than thoughtful, but they would be disappointed.

The film was shot with an obviously small budget, but the plot and acting are respectable. At one point you may even wonder why a certain loudspeaker did not get a mention in the credits as it is filmed almost like a central character for awhile.

Forget what you think you know about this film and take a chance to actually see it for yourself.

Rating:
Summary: ... but do we need this movie?
Review: I am a fan of SF B-movies but this is a rather dull one. I tried hard to keep my eyes open <yawn>. If, then it's only worth because of the X-15 and other airplanes stock footages and of (Batgirl) Yvonne Craig. At least the DVD is a bargain.

Rating:
Summary: So bad you can't even make fun of it.
Review: I have always been a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, so I have at times purposely watched bad films just for the fun of making fun! This bit of drivel however was actually physicaly draining! After you pick apart the duct tape and peeling spray paint on the martians "uniforms", and laugh at the incredibly fake spaceship, and after you realize that the actors couldn't even get jobs as extras in soap operas, you still have an hour of the film to go!!! I ended up watching most of this film on fast forward, just stopping when it appeared that some sort of plot point might of been developing.(no such luck in most cases)
If you have the choice, go grab an Ed Wood film. They are "Citizen Kane" compared to this!

Rating:
Summary: PATHETIC -- You Have Been Warned.
Review: I picked up "Mars Needs Women" recently but wish I would have checked the negative Amazon reviews before doing so, because this is a REALLY bad movie, and not in the good way.

Some movies are technically bad but fun nevertheless and highly entertaining. "Village of the Giants" is an excellent example of this (some would cite "Plan 9 from Outer Space" as another good example but I disagree; "Plan 9" is not so bad it's good, it's so bad it's BAD!). "Village of the Giants" possesses a wealth of great scenes highlighted by quite a few cute girls; it is therefore very worthwhile.

"Mars Needs Women" would seem to be a movie of the same caliber for a few reasons: 1.) The name itself, 2.) the backcover description: "WARNING: Sex-Starved Spacemen on the Prowl for Bodacious Babes!" (which, of course, gives the impression that the flick will be full of bodacious babes), 3.) the casting of Tommy Kirk, who also stars in "Village of the Giants," and particularly 4.) the casting of Yvonne Craig.

The fact that Yvonne stars in "Mars" was the clincher for me to pick it up. Unfortunately Yvonne doesn't really appear until 45 minutes into the picture (!) and you don't ONCE see her dressed in those alluring, skimpy, tight costumes that she wears in "Batman" as Batgirl or in Star Trek's "Whom Gods Destroy."

Is the film worth picking up to catch a few nice glimpses of some other notable 60's babes? Unfortunately no. A few scenes depict a Martian ogling a cute stripper, but these scenes are certainly not worth buying the movie for (or investing your time).

As for the production, sets and directing, you'd see better filmmaking by simply watching an episode of "I Dream of Jeanie." Not to mention that the dialogue is atrocious and the storytelling dreadfully boring -- filled with numerous scenes of stock footage. In fact, in the first half hour you would think that the paging speaker at the Airbase is a starring cast member.

I admit that I laughed out loud a few times because of how godawful this stinker is, so it may be worthwhile for this alone; other than that AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!

Rating:
Summary: Please, baby, go all the way
Review: I think "tepid" is the best word for this movie. It's something
you might want to watch while recuperating from a cold or the flu. It's absolutely brainless. It just loafs around, wanders
here and there, really doesn't go anywhere...except for some
pretty hot babes, it's just a real yawner. Awful dialogue,
awful acting, awful special effects. I'll bet the poster's better than the movie.

Rating:
Summary: It Stinks
Review: It stinks, and there isn't much more that you can say about this film, which reminds me of a badly filmed skin-flick with all the sex scenes deleted. We're talking grade Z actors, script, production values, and direction--and the sell-by date on the package expired a couple of decades ago.

The story, such as it: the Martians (who look suspicious like men with a Spandex fetish) have run out of women, so they nip next door in a spaceship that looks like an over-decorated pie pan to borrow a few. Now, it happens that the ones they want lack brains, beauty, and God knows they lack acting talent, so you'd think Earth would be glad to see them go. But no, Earth gets offended; the Martians decide to take 'em anyway; hostilities ensue. Whoop-De-Doo.

Now, there are bad movies that are fun to watch. But MARS WANTS WOMEN is not one of them: it won't take you ten minutes to realize that you would have been better off using your dollar bills for toilet paper than spending them on this flick. If you don't believe me, then at least rent the darn thing before you buy it--but either way, don't say you weren't warned.

Rating:
Summary: It Stinks
Review: It stinks, and there isn't much more that you can say about this film, which reminds me of a badly filmed skin-flick with all the sex scenes deleted. We're talking grade Z actors, script, production values, and direction--and the sell-by date on the package expired a couple of decades ago.

The story, such as it: the Martians (who look suspicious like men with a Spandex fetish) have run out of women, so they nip next door in a spaceship that looks like an over-decorated pie pan to borrow a few. Now, it happens that the ones they want lack brains, beauty, and God knows they lack acting talent, so you'd think Earth would be glad to see them go. But no, Earth gets offended; the Martians decide to take 'em anyway; hostilities ensue. Whoop-De-Doo.

Now, there are bad movies that are fun to watch. But MARS WANTS WOMEN is not one of them: it won't take you ten minutes to realize that you would have been better off using your dollar bills for toilet paper than spending them on this flick. If you don't believe me, then at least rent the darn thing before you buy it--but either way, don't say you weren't warned.

Rating:
Summary: INVEST IN FEDCO
Review: MARS NEEDS WOMEN needs no introduction (so much so that it dosen't even have a preview on the disc - I'm not sure if this is an oversight or it never had one to begin with) - the title alone tells you all you need to know, and just what you will find underneath the cover. But don't let that put you off, because MARS NEEDS WOMEN is a classic... even if only for all the wrong reasons. Ernest, but DRAGNET stiff, dialogue deleivered by Tommy Kirk and company make this feature a delight to watch as everyone puts all they've got into making it come across like a high school play gone wrong. Wet suits used as space suits, with duct tape filling in for command stripes, and a model space ship that is so horribly obvious that the opening edits in the credit sequence seem to be going out of their way to hide it - or remove it all together. It's a pleasing and entertaining mess that strives for science fiction, yet comes up with a jumbled collection of erotic dancing, IBM salesmen looking aliens, stock footage, of which every second is shown (they paid for it, you're going to see all of it), and the timeless tale of true love conquering all (efficiently - in under 24 hours). For the collector, MARS NEEDS WOMEN is a must, for the casual viewer, you will find gem of a film that is not to be missed and can be watched over and over again.