Rating: 
Summary: One star, but a must-see
Review: I wish this movie got as much Christmastime TV exposure as "It's a Wonderful Life" -- its awfulness deserves to be savored by fans of bad movies everywhere. I don't know where to begin. I'll begin and end at the beginning -- is there a worse movie theme song in the history of sound?And it's not only that the theme song is so bad -- I mean, yeah, it's REALLY bad -- but what kills me is that at the end of the movie, the reprise is accompanied by the lyrics on the screen along with a bouncing ball -- as if someone would actually want to sing it! No wonder Pia Zadora went on to make "The Lonely Lady" -- she knew she'd already scraped bottom years before.
Rating: 
Summary: Camp!
Review: I won't expound on the story since everyone else already has. It is pure CAMP! Don't expect more. (I bet you didn't know that Martians read and write in English too. They even label some equipment in their ship as "radar box"!) Either you liked it as a child or not. Keep in mind it was made back in 1964. (I bet most of the reviewers on this page weren't alive then.) I will just talk about the quality of the DVD. It is not great...just okay. It has all of the blemishes that you see on the film when broadcast on t.v.. Even the beginning song is missing a few frames at the start. Don't get me wrong. It's not as bad as "The Red Balloon" DVD (nothing is! not even "Meet The Feebles"). Just don't pay top dollar for it. Look for a bargin.
Rating:
Summary: Camp!
Review: I won't expound on the story since everyone else already has. It is pure CAMP! Don't expect more. (I bet you didn't know that Martians read and write in English too. They even label some equipment in their ship as "radar box"!) Either you liked it as a child or not. Keep in mind it was made back in 1964. (I bet most of the reviewers on this page weren't alive then.) I will just talk about the quality of the DVD. It is not great...just okay. It has all of the blemishes that you see on the film when broadcast on t.v.. Even the beginning song is missing a few frames at the start. Don't get me wrong. It's not as bad as "The Red Balloon" DVD (nothing is! not even "Meet The Feebles"). Just don't pay top dollar for it. Look for a bargin.
Rating: 
Summary: "Something is happening to the children of Mars."
Review: If Ed Wood would have ever made a Christmas movie, this would have been it. There are a lot of bad Christmas movies out there. There are also a lot of cheesy Christmas movies. Heck, there's a few bad, cheesy Christmas movies. But, this has got to be the best (or worst, however you want to look at it) of bad, cheesy Christmas movies. The plot runs something like this. The children of Mars are all depressed and the leader of the planet thinks it has something to do with all the "Earth programs" the young fries are watching on the "video". "Something is happening to the children of Mars.", he says. He and the Martian Council seek this 800 year old Martian who lives in the woods for advice. He tells them it's because the Martian kids are no longer able to be children; they have no games, toys, and can no longer laugh. They are seeing how happy the Earth children are because of Santa Claus and Christmas and it makes it worse. So, the Martians decide to go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus. That's right, kidnap Santa Claus. Of course, they have to steal a couple of Earth kids who give them directions, too. But that's beside the point (or is it?). Anyway, the sets on the film look like something constructed by an elementary school class and the makeup is horrible (they must have used the worst possible green makeup around). The script is horrible and the dialogue is filled with bad jokes (what's round, plump, green, and you roast in a fire? Answer: a Martianmellow) and even a few sexist remarks. But it gets even better than that. When the U.S. Air Strategic Command responds to the initial sighting of the Martian ship (that looks like a reconstructed eggbeater), some of the planes taking off are PASSENGER JETS! Later on when the kidnapped kids run away from the Martian ship and try to find Santa's workshop, a man in a polar bear suit chases them. Actually, it's more like a man in white tights with a polar bear head and claws. The movie was the only major achievement for many of it's actors, but it does include a young Pia Zadora as a Martian child and it has the catchy 60's Christmas song "Hooray for Santy Claus". So, basically this movie has just about everything you could expect out of a bad, cheesy, Christmas movie and a few things you can't (like the polar bear).
Rating:
Summary: One of the Worst Films of All Time: A Career Killer!
Review: If you have ever wondered whether there are any truly awful Christmas-themed films, there are. In all likelihood, the worst Christmas-themed film of all time (and one of the worst films of any genre of all time) is the 1964 flop "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". Picture (if you dare) the unhappy and non-playful children of Mars, with one of them, named Girmar, played by the not-particularly-talented actress Pia Zadora. Her brother, Bomar, was played by Chris Month, whose only other acting role was an appearance in a single episode of a long-forgotten 1964 TV show. Their father, Kimar (Leonard Hicks, 1918-1971, whose only other acting role in the 1964 film "Guns of the Trees" is uncredited), decides, after consulting with an 800-year old Martian in a cave, that the best way to help the sad and non-playful children of Mars is to kidnap Santa Claus (John Call, 1915-1973) from Earth's North Pole and bring him to Mars so that he can make toys for Martian children. Kidnapped along with Santa Claus are two annoying Earthling children: Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti). Can you think of any two names more precious than Billy & Betty? (Gag!) One Martian, Voldar (Vincent Beck, 1924-1984, one of the few 'stars' of this flop that actually had an acting career), is opposed to Santa Claus; but Kimar overrules him. However, the completely annoying (am I being redundant?) Martian named Dropo (Bill McCutcheon, 1924-2002, who played Owen Jenkins in the wonderful 1989 "Steel Magnolias" and also had a real acting career) becomes Santa Claus' best Martian assistant.
Now, if this flop of a film's plot hasn't been bad enough, just wait: it gets worse! You also get to hear the delightful (correction: insidious!) song "Hooray for Santa Claus" (written by Roy Alfred & Milton Delugg), not just once, but twice during this film's miserable 81 minutes. Further, to give you an idea of just how 'well-written' this film's script is, my favorite quote comes from the TV interviewer (Don Blair) when he says, "Wow-wee-wow!" Of course, what can you expect from a film whose estimated budget was $200,000? Who, then, you may ask, was the 'creative genius' behind "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"? It was none-other-than Paul L. Jacobson, who both produced it and wrote its ridiculous story. Not surprisingly, Paul L. Jacobson was never involved in any other film or TV show at all! In other words, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is his legacy to mankind. Rather than name those other 'actors' who also appeared in this film, I will spare them the obvious embarrassment that they would probably prefer to forget.
With absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, I wholeheartedly rate "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" with a well-deserved & lowest-ranking 1 out of 5 stars. Please, I beg of you, don't subject any child or adult to this 1964 celluloid disaster. (As a side note, Victor Stiles & Donna Conforti never acted in anything ever again either!)
Rating:
Summary: Wow! It Actually Did its Job!
Review: If you want a nice family movie to put on for your kids so they will leave you alone, put this on. You will not hear a peep out of them while its on, ok maybe some snoring. I received this movie as a child like 12-15 years ago and it worked for me too. I seriously don't even remember what happens at the end of the movie because I don't think I have ever gotten past the first half hour. This film will definitely do its job of putting your kids to sleep, hey it is almost guaranteed to work for you too. This movie will definitely put sleeping pills off the market, it works like a charm.
Rating:
Summary: Low-budget Santa keeps Martian hams at bay!
Review: Incredibly cheap "Christmas" picture offers an obnoxious Al Nasoor (Jamie Farr, pre-Klinger), a cardboard robot named Garg, stun-gunned midgets, and Pia Zadora, age eight. This holiday turkey is unintentionally entertaining, and features the yuletide favorite "Hooray for Santy Claus" -- twice! Plot line: Martian kids watch too much Earth T.V. and are turned into emotionless zombies (No kidding!) The Martians shanghai Saint Nick and two kids from New Jersey. The kids want to back to earth (but not to New Jersey) and Santa needs to get home, too. Things seem to go downhill for the aliens after Jamie Farr slobbers like a hammy doberman, but Droppo saves the day! See it, sez Garg!
Rating:
Summary: S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s, Hooray for "Santy" Claus
Review: It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa. Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.
Rating: 
Summary: Too bad not to be a classic...
Review: It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa. Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.
Rating:
Summary: S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s, Hooray for "Santy" Claus
Review: It's the kookiest Christmas ever when Santa Claus is kidnapped by Martians in this "you have to see it to believe it" Christmas "classic." Maybe you've seen this movie hilariously skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but you have to watch it on its own to truly appreciate it. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is just so bad that I can't help but love it, and that explains why I am giving this deservedly one-star movie four stars. The Martian get-ups are more ridiculous than Marvin the Martian's normal attire, the sets redefine the very definition of cheap, the acting is over-the-top and generally horrible, and Santa is - well, he's just a little bit weird, if you ask me. Every time the guy starts in with his distinctive laughing (usually for no apparent reason), I am reminded of the fact that Satan is spelled with the same letters as Santa. Things aren't going so well on Mars. It's bad enough that the Martians are all colored a ridiculous shade of green, dress like rejected superheroes, and wear ridiculous antenna-spouting helmets on their heads at all times, but now the children of Mars are all acting depressed and withdrawn; all they want to do is sit and watch Earth TV. Kimar (Leonard Hicks), the leader of Mars, seeks the advice of the planet's 800-year old wise man and is told that he must bring Santa Claus to Mars so that the children can actually have fun and be children for a little while. Voldar (Vincent Beck) opposes the plan every step of the way, arguing that Kimar's plan will soon result in a whole planet full of lily-livered, mush-brained nincompoops. Kimar wins out and sets off for Earth in the most pathetic spaceship of all time to catch Santa and bring him back to Mars - along with two Earthling children. Well, Santa starts up a new workshop on Mars, hoping he'll be allowed to return home in time for Christmas, but Voldar is as tenacious as he is ridiculous-looking and is determined to kill Santa and stomp out all signs of Christmas spirit on the red planet. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians features a young Pia Zadora as a little Martian girl, but perhaps the movie's most unforgettable feature is the swinging theme song, Hooray for Santa Claus. If you watch the movie, you'll have this silly song in your head for days. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) gives a memorable performance as Mars' resident screw-up with a heart of gold, but my thoughts always remain with John Call and his disturbingly weird portrayal of Santa Claus. I can pretty much guarantee that this movie will make you laugh with its unashamed ineptness, and bad movie lovers are ineligible for their very first merit badge until they have watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and lived to tell about it.
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