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Beowulf

Beowulf

List Price: $14.99
Your Price: $13.49
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A True "B" Movie
Review: Having read Beowulf as a high schooler, I wondered if anyone could do justice to the epic poem. Unfortunately, we will have to wait. I evaluating the dvd, I wish I could come up with something artist or journalistic to say about it in order to sound like a movie critic, but all I can think of is "the movie is terrible." Lambert's flat, unemotional performance leaves even the best of fans (I loved the Highlander) cold. The highlight of the film has is the fight exchanges, and even then, the feats fall flat. In a day when the Matrix and Jet Li (Romeo Must Die) have taken fight scenes to the next level, employing the latest and greatest computer aided and stunt techniques, Beowulf takes us back to the dark ages of cinematography. My recommendation: if you must see it, wait for it to come on television. It is truly a "B" Movie....

BAD!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: I Loved It!
Review: When I viewed this movie I fell in love with it. Christopher Lambert played a great role (I loved the leather!). I also thought the action sequences were great. I could definetly tell that the same people that made Mortal Kombat had done this film because of the techno music & I enjoyed that too:) All in all I really enjoyed this movie and would recommend to everyone.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Read The Book
Review: I have been a mythology fan for a couple of years now and have read a few modern translations of Beowulf. When I rented this I was so excited to see an ancient story with modern filmography. I was so disappointed to find a a totally different story with a few of the characters having the same names. They merely used the name to sell a piece of junk.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Stink! Stank! Stunk!
Review: Unbelievably stupid and inane. Chris Lambert has the acting ability of a limp dish rag. If you haven't seen a pseudo-martial arts film that spends most of its time having the actors sommersault backwards again and again and again and again to a soundtrack filled with WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!, then this film is for you. And the fact that this film is based on what is considered the first English language literary classic is sacrilegious. Everyone associated with this film should be subjected to that huge single-edged razor blade used to separate people shown in the beginning of the film. This goes down in my books as one of the biggest bombs of all time. And Chris Lambert is positively laughable as an actor. Bar this man from acting!! Trash this film or--better--use it to prep people in how NOT to make a film.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Anamorphic
Review: Lambert is great. A classic story with history referenced. But is it anamorphic?

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A mix of Mad Max, Highlander & Mortal Kombat....
Review: Put your brain on pause, and let Chrisphe Lambert's best film since the first Highlander, entertain you! Its a strange mix of old and new, and the actions scenes are very comic book in their execution. The only bad points of the film are Rhona Mitra's incredible lack of acting skills, she is the original 'Lara Croft'model, game fans, and the cartoon like CGI monster... Those points aside, if you like movies with big swords, over the top martial arts, big monsters and a pumping dance and heavy metal soundtrack, Anthrax and Rob Halford are just two of the acts included, this just might be the film for you.......

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Good B-Grade Tech-Fantasy Romp (ignoring the nudie bits!)
Review: Well I have to state right from the outset that I am biased. I love Christopher Lambert, especailly in these sword wilding smart cracking roles. This has to be the best fick he has done (in this vein) since the original Highlander, and it is rather reminiscent of that title. Following loosely on the Norse fable of the same name, Beowulf plunges the viewer straight into a fantasy world with a technological bent. There are chain swords and hedge trimmer weapons, a huge steampunk-esque outpost, and guys with armour reminicient of robocop. Anyone who has played roleplaying games the likes of Shadowrun or Castle Falukenstien will be right at home here. The soundtrack is awsome (heavy rock and techno bents) and the dialoge and acting are on par with the usual fair of todays mass produced movies. However this is definately a B-grade movie. Not that that is a bad thing. I happen to like decent B-grade fair. And this is quite decent. They spent quite a bit on the sets and props for this show, shame they didn't spend just a little more on the CGI. Now to the bad points. The female leads are reminicent of ex-porn stars, espically the blond playing Grnedel's mother. The women's cloths are designed to hide very little and show off a lot, which turns some scenes into covers for Heavy Metal Magazine! Despite this I give it quite a good rating 4/5, however this is as a B-grade movie. Good beer and pizza movie, ladies might not see it that way. (and now I'm off to buy the soundtrack!)

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: HOWLER
Review: This version of the epic poem is as many have already pointed out nothing like its source. However, I did like the spider creature that Grendel's mother evolved in, and some of the action scenes were outrageously over the top. This is the worst I've seen Christopher Lambert, who not a great actor, always had some presence (e.g., Resurrection). Gotz Otto as Roland is very good as is Oliver Cotton ar Rhothgar. Playmate Layla Roberts looks mighty nice as Grendel's Mom, so hence three stars for the fact that it kept me entertained. Rent, though...it's not worth buying.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: The directors wet dreams of Beowulf
Review: I have read most of shakespeare's works but this one I haven't yet. For this movie that can only be a pre. Anyone who even considers any link with the original writing will be appalled by this movie. But anyone with the intelligence to read Shakespeare would be able to see in advance that this one movie has indeed nothing to do with the literature and also would be able to open their mind enough.

And if you do that there is a chance (especially if you are a not too stupid man with still too much testosterone in his blood) you may like it. The vision behind it is a erotic melting pot of weird gothic romance, unintentionally funny acrobatic fighting diverse (funny) acting archievements and a lot more. Basicly I think it was the director's wet dream version of Beowulf, and as that it is abolutely fantastic.

The modern technology in a basicly gothic setting has its appeal definately. The bodybag is totally rediculous, and so is the speaker. But the costumes are often very cool. Sell all your clicheed fake immitation Matrix outfits, this is the way to go. I am still looking for the top of the princess to give to my girlfriend. But seriously the costumes were one of the few things worth watching.

For the monsters the CGI department used some tricky ways to make what basicly looks bad have enough appeal, although I agree that the monsters are probably the least scary element of the movie. The mother in the end looked very awkward, expecting something like in Species this new body of the mother looks very unpractical to me, but in some way sexy, as is the most important element of this movie. The editing of the shots of here is terrible beyond believe, but there was probably not very much to begin with, anyway it is easy to see the whole new look of the mother was only done in CGI, and for the real action they only used images of the face with some make up, and a few props, truly B-movie style...

As an actor Christopher Lambert is theoreticly a good choice to portray the character in the story. However in reality his performance is not toitally the way we would expect. Moments of more than wooden acting intervened by moments where it looks like he couldn't manage to keep a straight face and stop having fun about where the hell he ended up as an actor are all over the movie.

The sexual fantasies about a Shakespeare play cannot be complete with a a certain amount of sexy women. The Princess as I mentioned gets all of the attention by her already mentioned outfit, but if you as a man find time to watch her face you may find moments of acting beyond what to expect from this movie. The monster's mother goes even way further, actually she is almost a parody of herself here.

So what we see here is a movie made with a vision, no mather what kind of vision or whose vision, a universe is created. Attempts to do something like that always receive recognition. I wish I could get a chance to turn one of men's literary masterpieces in an almost mindless [...] of style and vision with a slightly erotic flavour, it must have been great fun for the crew to work on this.

As a viewer, you first should really consider what this is, and hopefully this review helps on that. This kind of movie indeed deserves a few loyal followers (probably the people who also love Starship Troopers) and masses of people left hating. I myself will definately see this movie again some time, not that I love it. But it is inspriational in an artistic way and just entertaining to watch.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Poorly Done
Review: To call this version of Beowulf mediocre wouldn't be appropriate to the level of blandness that it brings to the screen. There's relatively little to like in this post-apocalyptic recasting of the ancient poem, itself a 10th Century Christianized retelling of an even older pagan myth.

Christopher Lambert stars (which should tell you most of what you need to know already) and does almost as a good job of acting as he did in the Highlander movies, which is to say not that well at all. To be fair, he isn't given much to work with here and neither is the rest of the cast (more on them later.) He pretty much broods around the screen with a perpetual scowl on. He's also very little like the Beowulf of legend. This version of Beowulf is an abomination (I don't want to say too much for fear of giving away the story) and is thankfully a virtual martial arts master as well. Ironically, for all of his talent he is unable to best Grendal nearly as easily as the original Beowulf who in one fight ripped the beast's arm off.

The cast is mostly a joke. It's clear that the director felt that recasting the tale in the future would give him more possibilities. After all, in the 10th century there were few women who liked to put their men to shame by kicking more butt then they could. And they also didn't care to dress with as little clothing as possible. As hard as it might be for our culture to realize, there was a time when modesty was a virtue. Also very rare among the 10th century Danes were black men who's sole purpose was comic relief. But fear not, this movie's got that angle covered. The king is well cast and is mostly sympathetic. But he ends up being part of the largest disaster to come along in this long, sad line of disasters.

Because see, what would Beowulf be without lots of sex? Oh wait, the original didn't have sex, you say? Eh, it should have. And this movie makes sure that you know that it's all about sex. Thankfully, we're spared most of the details but by the end (and again, I can't say too much without ruining the end) it's perfectly clear that no tale can stand up against our sex obsessed culture. Add to this a ridiculous interpretation of Grendal's mother and you're thankfully almost to the end of this garbage. As a note to those who are familiar with the poem, the movie does not cover the final third of Beowulf's story and barely manages to include a horribly mangled version of the middle third. Hollywood still seems obsessed with a "happy" ending and so that is what we get, albiet a shallow and absurd happy ending considering the rest of the movie.

If techno music, overly-choreographed fights re-using the same moves several times, shallow characters, mediocre effects, and flat acting are your idea of a good time...then go and pick this movie up. Otherwise, unless you're a hardcore science fiction fan, you'll want to stay away from it. For those of us addicted to sci-fi, it's probably worth seeing once just to say you have seen it. But after that, there isn't much there.



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