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Planet of the Apes

Planet of the Apes

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Just Plain Awful
Review: I was looking forward to seeing Planet of the Apes because I have fond memories of watching the original over and over on the Disney channel as a little kid. Well, I don't think I'll ever be able to watch anything related to this franchise without becoming physically ill again. The only thing good about this entire 2 hour film is the makeup.

The plot of Planet of the Apes is really nothing more than a statement of racism using Apes and humans all wrapped up in incredibly predictable packaging and a horrible ending. The explanation of the origin of the Planet of the Apes provides nothing of the impact of the original film's ending. Most people will see it a mile away anyway. None of the characters provide anything memorable, nor do the actor's performances (Charlton Heston's cameo aside). But then again, no matter how good an actor is, he or she could not have saved this film.

The cinematics are nothing special, which is surprising for a Tim Burton film. I really expected something more exotic than what is seen in the movie. What we do get is some very generic settings; nothing memorable here.

Do yourself a favor and avoid this one like the plague. I still feel sick from seeing it.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Hard hitting
Review: The movie really made you feel the pain whenever someone got hit. The monkeys also had a low gravity thing going on whenever they jumped, but its all good. The ending was really bad, its kind of like the fast and the furious ending, its pretty much the start of the sequel. The apes looked great and the sorty was good....

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Ape Lincoln - you'll get it later
Review: Visually stunning, that's the only compliment I can give it. The plot is Hollywood cliche at its worst. Some one liners to make the previews look great and characters always in conflict with one another just for the sake of having it; and with bad dialogue you can bet on bad performances. The only redeeming thing about the script is the spin on the classic line "Get your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!" It's the only thing that can be laughed with and not at.

The ending is straight out of Pierre Boulle's novel, except here it comes off as if it was only included to try and match the gut-wrenching ending of the original movie (And I do mean MATCH, not top). But instead of gut-wrenching, it leaves you feeling quite empty and wondering just how it fits together with the previous two hours. Whereas the original ending wrapped the entire movie up in one shot, this ending just opens up a whole new box of questions. (Particularly, and without spoiling it, pay close attention to how the enscrition at the end refers to something in the past that has happened in the future)

But on the positive side, the make-up effects were spectacular and the cinemetography was very pleasing (though some of the computer generated effects where aweful, ie the elongation of Michael Clarke Duncan's mouth on one or two occasions). So if you like no-brainer movies and just want to stare at something pretty for two-hours, this is a good movie for you.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: AWESOME MOVIE!
Review: I saw this movie on opening day and I enjoyed it. When this movie comes out on DVD I am going to get it the first day. Planet of the Apes is a must-see that everyone will enjoy. You wouldn't be disappointed. It has a lot of action that will keep you from the edge of your seat! Go see it in theaters before it hits on video/DVD because when you see it in theaters it will feel like the apes are coming after you. Watch out for the ending it might scare you. Go see this movie you will enjoy it. It's the best movie I have ever seen since the original!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A Big Letdown...
Review: I was waiting for this to come out, I'm a big fan of the original. Just saw it today and I can't tell you how let down I am. The special effects were great and the ape makeup was excellent. Other than that, this was one of the weakest movies I've ever seen. I don't want to write a book on this, wait for it to come out on video and save yourself some money. You won't be missing much.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: 33 Years Since The Original
Review: I think the opinions on this movie will be divided into 2 groups, those that are familiar with the original, and those who will experience the vision of Pierre Boulle's novel brought to the screen for the first time. Unfortunately I fall into the first category.

The opening titles will look familiar, as they are essentially the same as Burton's first Batman flick. The first space station you see is the Trade Federation Ship from Star Wars Episode one, with one noticeable change. And then it really gets bad.

Check out the Apes from 33 years ago and then honestly appraise these characters. Helena Bonham Carter wears the same amount of makeup as a Cosmo Cover girl. She described her hair as looking like that of Janet Jackson, fine for Janet but moronic for her character. With the technology available they should not have had to re-dub much of the dialogue because the actors could not speak their lines, as the dental appliances interfered with their ability to speak. Charlton Heston refused to wear the dentures, so he is the only simian with Human teeth! The movie should have been kept as a fall opening so that there was time to finish the film instead of piecing it together until less than 2 weeks before the opening.

Had this been a remake of the original, and not some sort of dementia riddled, "re-imagining", the movie would have worked, because the original did. Yes Tim Burton can bring his slick Gothic look to a film, but that does not make up for no story, actors that have pointless dialogue, and an ending that is so absurd the audience was laughing. This was after members of the same audience were supplying their own Simian grunts and growls to spare themselves the awkward silences, when the actors were given nothing to say.

This movie will make a ton of money this opening weekend, and then like all other movies it will either succeed or fade by word of mouth.

In the end it didn't matter who played the evil general. Tim Roth was hidden behind the makeup so that anyone could have been there. At least half of his, "dialogue", was just screeching and yelling anyway. It was like the original Darth Vader character; there was a no-name walking around in a suit with a great voice dubbed in courtesy of James Earl Jones.

The only way to make this worse would be to make a sequel. The first half of any subsequent film will have to sort out the stupidity of the first film's ending.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The Best Ape Movie Yet!!
Review: When I walked into the movie theater, I thought this movie was going to be one of the [worst] movie's of all time. But It turned out this movie is different then the original movie which makes it very good. They Are probably going to make a sequel because at the end there is a twist, I won't tell you just see it yourself. ... Mark Wahlberg gives not a stunning, but a good enough performance to make this movie a huge hit. The Make-Up is great, the performances, especially Tim Roth's and Micheal Clarke Duncan. ... So when it comes out, BUY IT!!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Serviceable summer action movie, all style but no substance.
Review: This movie is what has become the typical Tim Burton fare: visually stunning but hollow at the core (to wit, "Sleepy Hollow"). It is actually fairly enjoyable as summer action fare but is ultimately betrayed by a very contrived ending. Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Roth are the only bright acting spots here as they more than make up for Mark Walhberg's utter lack of charisma. Well worth seing on the big screen though.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Big Disappointment
Review: Another blockbuster disappointment--ughh!

If you saw the original, you saw it all. This movie offers nothing new. Not even the latest cinematic effects (which seem to be the latest craze among movie-goers), or the *new* and *different* ending, saves this piece. All the characters remain undeveloped and two dimensional. The plot is obvious. The action scenes, poor. The acting, adequate--but nothing more.

I rate this movie a C. If you feel like you have to catch this one, don't expect to leave with much. You buy a ticket. You watch a mediocre flick. You leave. Go home, and start thinking about the next one.

The End.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Awesome Apes
Review: I was not at all enthusiastic about seeing this film. I couldn't see why "they" would want to re-do an already great film But, friends talked me into going with them and I'm so glad they did. I was totally blown away by the effects, the ape costumes and the story. I've read some reviews by "professional" reviewers---I think they get paid to write negative stuff about movies. I found this to be immensely entertaining, definitely thought-provoking and a movie I just might have to own when it hits video. I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of Mark Wahlberg, but he was good in this--he was quite believable as a "leader", but the biggest praise HAS to be for the actors who let themselves be covered up by the incredible ape costumes and make-up that Rick Baker designed. He has proven, once again, that he is the Master of Make-up. He so totally hid an unnamed star in fur, that only the star's unmistakable voice (and a wonderful choice of words)gave hint to who was under the make-up. You have to see the movie for yourself to get the answer to Who Is It? !! It's a great movie, the time flies by and you'll enjoy yourself. Take it from one who was prepared to hate it. I loved it!!! And by the way, so did my friends.


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