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Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones (Full Screen Edition)

Star Wars - Episode II, Attack of the Clones (Full Screen Edition)

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Jedi Master Lucas
Review: OK, kids, first of all, forget all the junk you've ever heard from movie critics. Clear your mind from those reviews written by the same people who vote on the Oscars and have never given Star Wars more than a special effects award.
Attack of the Clones seriously ROCKS! The effects are wonderful. Personally, I thought the script was great. If you're a Star Wars fan, you'll get a lot of double-entendres that made the 12:01 AM crowd roll in the aisles. The love story is beautifully tragic--John Williams' theme gives me goosebumps every time I hear it.
This makes Phantom Menace a better movie and starts to tie the story together. The plot moves along quickly. No one should be bored at this movie unless they have no attention span whatsoever.
In my recent experience, the reviewers who pan the film as illogical or the love story as too regretful don't understand the Star Wars saga completely or haven't watched the movie carefully. It sounds biased, but in a sense, you really do have to love and know about SW to appreciate what Master Lucas has done with this one.
Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor stood out for me as far as acting. Anakin is just how he should be: dangerously violent, attractive and vulnerable. Obi-Wan, as the too-trusting mentor who can't see tragedy approaching adds another element of pathos to the story.
It's almost too dark for its PG rating, however. The MPAA is pushing the envelope here, especially since certain scenes eerily recall what happened on September 11, 2001.
Please don't listen to the sticks in the mud. This isn't Moulin Rouge, for which I am profoundly grateful, and so of course it's going to get burned critically. Be independent! See it yourself! 'Cause I, personally, can hardly wait the three years for Epi III.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: EP II
Review: I was wondering when Master Lucas was going to get back on track, and he did with AOTC. Wonderful movie, but a slow start and not up to par dialogue kept me from giving this movie 5 stars.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: wow! it is the best
Review: The new Star Wars has in 1 viewing become my favorite movie. George Lucas you got my vote for best director and screen writer to you and Jonathon Halas.
The effects of this movie are spectacular. The lightsaber battles are worth seeing again and again. I personally liked Phantom Menace, but this was even better than I imagined. I can't wait for Star Wars E3.
The scenes between Natalie and Hayden was very well done. The way he expressed his feelings for her was great. Then when she finally expresses her feelings for him, I was so blown away, I nearly cried. Just remember the love story is one that is forbidden for a Jedi. George Lucas' style is not mushy and overdone.
The worlds of Naboo and Kamino were my favorites.
George Lucas really captures the life before he was the bad guy in Anakin and what it must of been like for him to hold his emotions in. I think Hayden Christenson as Anakin Skywalker was the perfect choice. The chemistry between him and Natalie Portman was better than Tobey and Kirsten in Spiderman. I can see why George Lucas chose him over the well known stars that he beat out for the role.

I am counting the days until the DVD release.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Good...but not Star Wars Good....
Review: Sure...the movie was good. But how good? Does it match up to the life-and-death duel between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker? Does it match the heartpounding intensity of a Death Star trench run?

No.

Sure...the special effects are good. Indeed. They are good. But good special FX aren't enough to carry a movie. Amidala, Anakin, and Obi-Wan's lines sound dry and brittle. Star Wars Attack of the Clones is cool if it stands alone, or in comparison to the Phantom Menace. Compared to the classics, it fades away. It falls against such classic lines..."Now let's blow this thing and go home!" "So be it...Jedi..." "Your overconfidence is your weakness...Your faith in your friends is yours!" "I am NOT a commitee!"

See it. You'll enjoy it. But it won't be your favorite.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: A mixed effort (spoilers warning)
Review: I, like a lot of Star Wars fans, was waiting for this movie to blow me away after the relative disappointment of Episode One, and, frankly, I walked out of the theater feeling about as ambivalent about this one as I had with "Phantom Menace." The special effects and action sequences are great, of course, but the acting is weak, even by Star Wars standards. The romance between Anakin and Padme seems forced and unconvincing. Hayden Christiansen makes a good Anakin Skywalker, I think, but his performance lacks the passion he displayed in "Life as a House." Worse, his character comes off as really whiny, while Obi-Won comes across as kind of a jerk.

Other disappointments:

-The actress who played Anakin's mom in Episode One, and gave one of the better performances in that movie, is hardly present in this movie, and her death scene lacks drama.
-silly things like bad punning from C-3PO, the 50's style diner on Coruscant, Padme leaving her window open when she knows someone is trying to assasinate her, Obi-Won needing a kid to figure out what happened to the missing planet, Kid Boba Fett's evil laugh.
-Even sillier, the light-saber duel between Yoda and Count Dooku. It seems to be a crowd-pleaser, but it reminds me of the fight between Mini-Me and Austin Powers in "The Spy Who Shagged Me" more than anything.

Many people are comparing this movie with "Empire Strikes Back," and it does remind me of that movie in the sense that it's a totally different experience from the last movie, and it's more a series of action sequences than a well-defined story. I think that I'll enjoy it more on subsequent viewings, having acknowledged my disappointments from the start. I think that other hard-core Star Wars fans who are crowing about this one now and are in denial about the weaknesses of the movie will start ripping it after they've seen it twenty-odd times, as they did with the previous movie.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Light Saber's and Clones
Review: This was a good episode 2. i think that Anakin Skywalker's growing arrogence was perfect and I think the actor who played him was even better. Although the only thing that I think might have been different is if there would have been a small explanation of why Jengo Fett was so popular, and also why Darth Tyrannus was important besides being a sabatuer.

i liked Christopher Lee and Natalie Portman...Ewan McGreggor is one of my favorite actors I just wish he was given more credit and was given some better roles...night watch was so not like him. This film is great and in comparrison to Episode 1...I think that i would definatly have to see this again to remind myself it is the back story of the last movies (the first that came out) and I think I want to read the books that were based on the movies. I like the series and enjoyed this film!

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Episode II - Attack of the Lucas Clone
Review: Let's start with my background, I'm an admitted Star Wars geek. I camped out overnight for tickets to see Episode I in my Maul facepaint, and I've lost track of the number of times I've seen the original trilogy. So watching Episode II I was as open-minded and enthusiastic to enjoy this movie as I could be, complete in my Vader outfit with lightsaber. I was sorrofully wrong.

Let's start with the basics: THE JEDI. In "Empire" Yoda tells us that the Force unites us, binds us, and what luminous beings we are. Well, in Episode II the Jedi seem to have forgotten this. They're police officers with lightsabers. Nothing more. The "religious" aspect is erased as if it never were.

The mythology is also gone. I guess Joseph Campbell's teachings were lost on Lucas when writing this. It's just a series of random event after random event. Anakin getting his arm stapled to a conveyer belt.. WHY?

But let's get to the juicy details, shall we?

DIALOGUE: Whoever said the dialogue in this movie sounds like Shakespeare should be slapped silly. It's HORRIBLE! Tacking on "m'lady" at the end of a horrible sentence maketh not Shakespeare! The fact that most lines are delivered with no emotion and gives you a recipe for corny atrocities and a lot of painful watching. The classic lines such as "Your thoughts betray you" and "Be mindful of your feelings" are delivered over and over and OVER again.

ROMANCE: This movie has romance? It's more like Al Gore and Michael Dukhakis reading bad poetry. NO emotion whatsoever. I'll grant Hayden that he tries so hard to make these horrible lines work. "I've been dying every day since you came here." *YAWN* "My heart is a black hole of torture with foul robots kicking me in the ..." Yea, George, great dialogue. Atrocious.

ANAKIN: I was hoping we would see his descent into madness with this film. Do we? NO. We see him whine. Again and again. "You're holding me back!" "I want my mommy!" "It's all your fault!" on and on and on.

PACING: Is this movie paced? I would have never known from watching it. The first hour or so is pure drama, and the last half is one nonstop torture session in how ridiculous things get. Episode I had pacing. The finale, for example. Excellently switching between the Maul fight and the space battle. Episode II just pours it on, and the result is so horrible.

Let's look at some really bad action sequences:

R2 with Jets. WHY? He doesn't have them in Episodes 4-6. Why did Lucas think it would be so cool to have them now?

The big fight. Is it just me, or do all the Jedi forget how to use the Force? and I'm supposed to believe that the dumb droids from Episode I can kill Jedi in a tight circle formation? No wonder Palpatine wants them dead. They stink!

The vehicles completely lack heart, and the big ship fighting sequence is so emotionally empty I was actually BORED. I went to this film pumped up in my Darth Vader garb, and I was actually BORED! and Lucas's attempt to keep my attention by having Natalie bare her tummy was a feeble mind trick that didn't make me forget the movie stunk.

YODA: He went from Ghandi-esque Guru to ... Matrix spinoff character. His big scene is so absurd I was laughing AT it, not with it. Episode V's Yoda is NOT the Yoda we see now.

Conclusion: Ewan, Ian, and Shaft do an admirable job trying to salvage this movie from George's insanity, but ultimately fail. Spiderman and Fellowship of the Ring are two films that blow this one away in terms of completeness... They prove a movie can have heart, action, romance, comedy, and special effects. Star Wars has 1 or 2 of these at most. And if you don't believe me, watch Spider-man right after you see Clones. You'll realize Episode II is a clone, alright. Just not of Star Wars.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: The worst Star Wars yet!
Review: This movie was horrible!

Is there more I could say? Yes. Does it deserve more? No, not really. A more thorough review would begin with...

I tried not to get my hopes up for this one, but I was at least expecting a better movie than "Scorpion King." Boy was I wrong. Then all the reviewers said this was a lot better than Episode 1....boy were they wrong too. Episode 1 was far more exciting, fun, suspenseful, better paced, better acted, and even better animated. Now that last one might seem surprising. "Better animated? Are you crazy?" you might say. I will concede that the animation itself in Episode 2 is better than Episode 1, however it's alignment with the real actors, sets, and props is far worse than Episode 1. I don't know if Amidala or Yoda (or both) need their eyes checked, but they sure weren't looking at each other as they spoke together. And it seemed that half of the time, the Jedi in the arena scene were swinging their light sabers around defending and attacking against thin air. And the battle scenes at the end seemed ill paced, ill directed, and ill conceived.

Sure there are some good scenes. Anakin, the partly evil jedi, was the best part of the movie. The best sequence was Anakin finding his mother and going medieval, but this scene, which should have been a central part of the movie, was far too short and almost seemed like an after thought.

The light saber dueling at the end was also disappointedly short, and almost seemed like it was a spoof of itself. The factory scene was, by contrast, FAR too long and completely needless. Oh, but it is fitting that Jar Jar is used as a patsy to destroy the Republic. That was cool.

And I always assumed there were, like, a LOT of Jedi. This movie implies that there are about 20 active Jedi. In fact, you have to be a pretty lame Jedi to be active and NOT be a member of the Council. After this movie, I guess the "Great Jedi Purge" will only involve killing about 5-10 Jedi.

Overall, I was never felt "invested" in the story or any of the characters. I never felt excited, happy, or sad. I was only rarely and briefly entertained. And it is not the case that I had read spoilers before seeing it, because I knew about the same amount about Episode 1; and heck, I read the entire novel for Return of the Jedi before seeing that movie, and those movies still connected to me on an emotional level that this movie never reached. It is sad, but true, that the most exciting part of this movie was watching the end credits to see the name of an acquaintance as one of the programmers.

In my opinion, Lucas peaked as a director with Star Wars and has gone down hill since then. There is a reason he was the Producer of Indiana Jones movies and not the director. Same with Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. If he was smart, he would produce and write the story for Episode 3, and let screenplay writer and director jobs go to other individuals.

Was it the worst move ever? No. Not that bad. Is it the worst of the 5 star wars movies thus far? Definitely.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Really, Really Bad Dialogue Couched Amidst Inspired Visuals
Review: I'm neither a zealous fanatic nor a cynical critic, and I've seen "Attack of the Clones" twice now. I'll try to be as objective as possible here:

The dialogue really is atrocious at times, even bizarre. Jar Jar even speaks Spanish at one point, without explanation! Yes, the romantic dialogue between Anakin and the Queen is cringe-inducing, but Obi Wan is actually given some of the dorkiest lines of all. When Anakin jumps from a height of several thousand feet, Obi Wan says "I hate when he does that." While being chased and shot at, Obi Wan says, "This is why I hate flying." While chained up in the colosseum, staring down a ferocious group of killer monsters, Obi Wan gets the Incredibly-Obvious Award for saying "I've got a bad feeling about this." Why Lucas feels the need to insert these trite remarks is beyond me--they drag the entire movie down. And then of course there's C3PO, with his already infamous lines, "What a drag" and "I'm beside myself." Hmmm....

Yep, the visuals are fantastic. Every shot looks like it cost millions of dollars...and that's the main reason I went back to see this movie a second time. But by the second go-round the novelty of the visuals had worn off a little bit, and I was left bored and annoyed with the mostly-lifeless, endless romantic scenes and moronic dialogue. It's better than "Phantom Menace," and it's fun to watch (especially Yoda) but Lucas couldn't write good dialogue to save his life.

You know, I really don't think Haydn Christensen and Natalie Portman are such bad actors...even Lawrence Olivier couldn't have made those lines fly!!!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: The good, the bad and the ugly
Review: For a series of films that owe a bit to the western (especially the original movie), it seems appropriate to use the title of a classic western to run down the pluses and minuses of this work.

The good: Attack of the Clones is a vast improvement over Phantom Menace, with a better story, better villains and less cuteness. The special effects are spectacular as always, and the comic relief is where it belongs, with C3PO and R2-D2, not with the repulsive Jar-Jar Binks (who is fortunately limited to a few painful minutes). My favorite thing, however, is a trip to Tatooine which brings us back to the original movie and its settings.

The bad: The story itself is imperfect and not always well-paced. There are some moments, especially a chase scene early in the movie, which are not overly exciting and look more like commercials for games (at least they are better than the interminable pod racer scene in Phantom Menace).

The ugly: The romance between Amadala and Anakin is rather painful to watch, and I could never figure out what she sees in him (my guess is he is somehow using the Dark Side of the Force to subconsciously control her). Besides the age difference, she is a sophisticated politican and he is a pouty warrior with principles in direct conflict with hers. Besides the poor dialogue in these scenes, this romance is more than a little Oedipal, in that Amadala has filled the surrogate mother role in the past and as we know from the other movies, Anakin is destined to kill his two surrogate fathers (Obi-Wan and the Emperor).

Overall, this is an okay movie, probably three-and-a-half stars. For fans of the Star Wars movies, it is worthwhile watching, but as a standalone movie, it is a bit weak.


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