Abraxas:Guardian of the Universe

Rating:
Summary: Too bad Abraxas can't guard me from bad acting...
Review: Ya know, as a ringside color commentator, Jesse Ventura did a pretty good job of gettin' good & fired up, and delivered his thoughts with all of the over-the-top bravado and just plain meanness that he could muster. But as the title character of this sorry sci-fi action-thriller, 'The Body' hardly emotes at all. Not helping matters is the fact that he does his lines in the kinda monotone that made those InFone radio ads he cut a while back sound oh-so-uncompelling. Sheesh, Body-Man, howzabout putting a little inflection in your delivery here so we know you're still breathing, huh? Er, not that I'd say that to yer face or anything, heh...

Then there are the obvious lifts from-- er, I mean tributes to the New Gods comic book series, created by the late, great Jack 'King' Kirby. One glaring ripoff is the villainous Secundus' (played by Sven Thorsen, best known as the uber-mall-cop LaFours from 'Mallrats') search for the 'Anti-Life Equation' that will give him ultimate power and control... which are the exact same things the New God Darkseid seeks with his own pursuit of the same equation! Then there are the Answer Boxes both Abraxas and Secundus carry on their persons, which have some of the same powers and abilities that the Mother Boxes-- used by many of the good-guy New Gods-- possess. Hey, I think I hear Jack Kirby turning in his grave...

On a final note: my review is of the Digital Works release of 'Abraxas'. The picture quality of this platter is pretty sad-- there's pixelation in a few cuts from one scene to another, the pictuere clarity's about as bad as a well-worn rental tape, and the nighttime scenes are so dark you can hardly make out what's goin' on. Then there's the sound mix, which is also pretty freakin' cr@ppy. 'Course, seeing as how this was put out by the super-cheapie Passion Productions/Digital Works outfit, ya gotta expect such things. 'Course, seein' as how I laid down a mere two smackers for a brand new copy of this movie-- which is less than what I'd've paid to rent it from the local Hollywood Video, BTW-- I guess I shouldn't complain too much. In this instance I got what I paid for...

'Late