Two Lost Worlds

Rating:
Summary: TWO LOST WORLDS DVD
Review: Before making a career out of the TV show "Gunsmoke," James Arness appeared in a series of classic 1950s science fiction films, including THEM!, THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD, and INVADERS FROM MARS. TWO LOST WORLDS, an unfortunate mess, was not one of them.

TWO LOST WORLDS tries to be too many things at the same time; it has pirates, ranchers, melodramatic lovers, and intensely annoying "cute" characters like Salty, a dreadful walking stereotype who's supposed to provide comic relief. No one will complain again about Jar Jar Binks from STAR WARS EPISODE I after seeing this turkey. The DVD's packaging promises "Prehistoric Time's Most Awesome Spectacle" and shows two dinosaurs slugging it out. We do see lizards that are supposed to be dinosaurs about 45 minutes into the film. They may be onscreen for about 2 minutes tops. Not exactly truth in advertising.

Image Entertainment has been releasing DVDs of old curiosities to cult fans for a couple years now, and largely I've been glad of it. TWO LOST WORLDS, however, has nothing to offer to even film fans who believe in the old adage "this is so bad it's good". The movie is barely an hour long -- a scant 61 minutes -- and offers no special features outside of a list of other James Arness movies. Consider carefully whether you really want to spend the dough on this film.

Rating:
Summary: TWO LOST WORLDS DVD
Review: Before making a career out of the TV show "Gunsmoke," James Arness appeared in a series of classic 1950s science fiction films, including THEM!, THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD, and INVADERS FROM MARS. TWO LOST WORLDS, an unfortunate mess, was not one of them.

TWO LOST WORLDS tries to be too many things at the same time; it has pirates, ranchers, melodramatic lovers, and intensely annoying "cute" characters like Salty, a dreadful walking stereotype who's supposed to provide comic relief. No one will complain again about Jar Jar Binks from STAR WARS EPISODE I after seeing this turkey. The DVD's packaging promises "Prehistoric Time's Most Awesome Spectacle" and shows two dinosaurs slugging it out. We do see lizards that are supposed to be dinosaurs about 45 minutes into the film. They may be onscreen for about 2 minutes tops. Not exactly truth in advertising.

Image Entertainment has been releasing DVDs of old curiosities to cult fans for a couple years now, and largely I've been glad of it. TWO LOST WORLDS, however, has nothing to offer to even film fans who believe in the old adage "this is so bad it's good". The movie is barely an hour long -- a scant 61 minutes -- and offers no special features outside of a list of other James Arness movies. Consider carefully whether you really want to spend the dough on this film.

Rating:
Summary: Really Lost
Review: I purchased this movie based on it's title and because James Arness was in it. The title sounded good and I have seen James in a number of movies from the 50's (e.g., The Thing, and THEM) so how could I go wrong. Well - the movie starts out slow, drags in the middle, and the prehistoric creatures (a couple of big lizards) don't even show up until the end of the movie. It will be hard for me to watch this one twice.

Rating:
Summary: A Watchable Curiosity
Review: The story begins as an around the world trading voyage in the 1830's, leading into a series of battles with pirates interspersed with a love triangle, and ending on an uncharted island inhabited by stock footage from "One Million B.C." James Arness (listed as "Jim Aurness" in the opening credits) is the first mate on the trading ship. He is wounded in the first encounter with the pirates, and is dropped off at a settlement in Queensland, while his ship continues its swing through the Dutch East Indies. While recovering at the settlement, he becomes involved in the love triangle. At this point, the same pirates land and raid the settlement, in the process making off with Arness's love. Arness and men from the settlement chase after and overtake the pirates in a fast sloop. In the ensuing battle, both ships are set ablaze and abandoned. Arness, his love, his rival for her affections, plus a few others escape in a lifeboat. After a couple of days they land on an uncharted island said to be near 131E and 8S. While looking for water, they find themselves superimposed on battling giant lizards. Shortly thereafter, the volcano on the island explodes. Just when all seems lost, Arness's original ship returns to rescue the survivors. A narrator is used throughout the movie to speed events along. It is left to the viewer to decide what are the "Two Lost Worlds" referred to in the title. Better than it sounds.

Rating:
Summary: What the...? A spliced-up bit of ham, barely coherent
Review: Wow. Gathering together miles of stock footage, using leftover sets and costumes, and with a narrator whose dialogue HAD to be written by Ed Wood (c'mon, NO ONE else could write like that!), this is one of the most stupefying flicks I've ever come across. The "clipper ship" has the most Freudian bowsprit I've ever seen (certainly nothing like those actually USED), but don't worry - nothing stays on screen for more than a couple of minutes. The pace is downright frantic - clipper ship, pirates, battle, wild kangaroos, sheep, period-costume ball, another ship, another pirate battle, burning ships, lost island, "dinosaurs", volcano, back to the original clipper. All in about 60 minutes! Yikes!

This one may be of some interest to older Detroit-area viewers because the co-star is Bill Kennedy. Bill used to host a daily TV afternoon movie (back in those halcyon days before everything was syndicated to death), trading in on his days as a B-movie actor. He also gets the funniest scene in the movie, when, after having a large (styrofoam) volcanic boulder bounce off of him, he lays down, tells Arness to "take care of Elaine", then jerks his head to the left in the quickest "death scene" I've ever seen. Worth the price of the DVD just to see THAT!

The dinosaurs? Sheesh - must have been used from somewhere else, because they look VERY familiar (in a cheesy Irwin Allen way). But they're just stuck in with less than 15 minutes to go, and have NO bearing on the "plot". Without them, this would have been a "pure" costume-drama. With them, hmmmm, not much improvement.

Not really recommendable unless you want to try out your skills as an MST riffer. (This would have been a GREAT show, with enough extra time for a short!) A bit faster paced than "Lost Continent" (what isn't?), which was made the same year, but LOOKS 30 years older due to the 1830's setting and relentless costuming, and nowhere NEAR the rewatchability factor. Worth a look if you can get it cheap just to see Bill Kennedy and his howler of a death scene.