Teenage Monster

Rating:
Summary: One Bad Movie.
Review: Drift down to the bottom of the cheesy sci-fi/horror movie barrel and look around. Among the chuckle-headed efforts of Ed Wood and several of the lesser Godzilla flicks, you will find this movie. Burned as child by radiation from a meteor that crashed in the Old West, a deformed teenaged recluse displays behavior problems. His long-suffering mother uses her wealth to keep his existence a secret. This unfortunate youth (played by a middle-aged man) resembles the Wolf Man. As a low budget anomaly, the legendary Jack Pierce did the makeup. Despite the hirsute look, the kid behaves more as Frankenstein's monster, committing acts of violence through his sad wish to fit in and make friends. He even wears Frankenstein style boots. The teenage monster neither speaks audibly nor growls. Instead he mouths tiresome gibberish mixed with the occasional intelligible word. A conniving woman, hired as a companion, leads the youth down the path to murder, and things finally get lively. The monster in this movie is more annoying that frightening. A Western horror flick sounds quirky enough to be appealing. Many films can be enjoyed because they are so poorly done. Others are just a waste of time. Consider this as one of the latter. The DVD edition is moderately priced. The audio is marginal. With this dialogue, that isn't really bad news. Beware. ;-)

Rating:
Summary: Faint praise. Very faint praise.
Review: Teenage Monster is not a good movie. I bought it as an Anne Gwynne fan, hoping for a few campy midnight-movie chills. However, this movie is dull, and almost sad in its ineptitude. Where other movies can triumph despite limitations, this one's script is too poor, and not ambitious enough to be entertaining.

The liner notes explain many of the movie's problems; there were reasons why some talented people cranked out a movie this cruddy. One of its few virtues is good acting by Gwynne (even though she hatedhatedhated the film) as the Monster's mother and Gloria Castillo as the manipulative vixen who brings about the Monster's ultimate demise.

The Monster is unscary, played by a 50-year old man in boots to make him seem taller. And nearly all of his dialogue was re-dubbed as grunts and hoots to make him seem more like a bestial killer than a thinking being. This would be okay, except for the fact that sometimes he CAN talk reasonably well, just because the script needs him to convey a point. I could buy the dubious idea that the women close to him understood his gibberish, but the inconsistency grated on me.

Added to these glaring inconsistencies are the movie's stagnant direction and lack of creepy atmospherics. The sum total is kind of a bore.

A side note- It is called Meteor Monster almost everywhere on the web, but goes by its alternate title of Teenage Monster on the cover. This is somehow strangely fitting, as many of the people involved with this movie probably hope it stays hidden.

The DVD transfer is excellent. Trailers include Teenagers From Space, Robot Monster, Carnival of Souls, Giant From the Unknown, and Cosmic Man. They are the best part of the disc.

Rating:
Summary: I just want to pet the cows, Mama....
Review: This is one of the funniest movies that I have ever seen but then again, I have a warped sense of humor. The monster's name is Charles and when I first watched the movie, I couldn't understand a word he said. Several viewings later (it's addictive, ok?) I begin to understand clearly what Charles was saying.

One night, after he slaughtered an entire herd of cows, his mother asked him what he had to say for himself. Charles answers, "Sorry." It was the single, funniest word that I've ever heard in a movie. Totally ridiculous.

While this movie isn't for everyone, if you have a warped sense of humor, it just may be the at-home movie ticket for you.